High Needs Baby Support Group (thread IV)

(961 Posts)

Yoohooo! Over here!


The last thread was filling up so I've started us a sparkling new one.

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

jan2013 Wed 21-Nov-12 18:46:40

Tis that sounds stressful you are just right covering your tracks.

can i ask did your dd come out with a rash with her tonsilitis?

TisILeclerc Wed 21-Nov-12 19:04:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jan2013 Wed 21-Nov-12 19:41:36

yes her temp has been high at times. she has had the rash on and off a week or so now, i mentioned it to the doc and she said it could be related, but she didn't see it. having hard time getting meds into her though. poor wee munchkin
she has an antibiotic that she takes once a day 2.5mg ... it looks like milk. im not sure what it is

Still no sleep here. DS has been awake and alternating between playing and screaming since eleven o'clock. Never mind the computerised doll that secondary schools use, I should start hiring out DS. One night with him is enough to put anyone off the idea of having babies! hmm

jan2013 Thu 22-Nov-12 14:56:55

oh Jouful thats so hard... funny how one minute they are playing and the next they are screaming! i hope you are ok today after a night like that

TisILeclerc Thu 22-Nov-12 16:07:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DS finally allowed himself (and therefore me) some sleep but not until after 0400! Unsurprisingly he's been tired all day. hmm

Well done DD2! What a fab thing, she must be so proud of herself. How's she coping with everything atm?

jan how are things today?

Climbingpenguin Fri 23-Nov-12 22:25:28

<chucks self straight in rather rudely>

please tell me you have 13 month old still nowhere near self settling?

<ignores the 2.8 yr old not sleeping through> to be fair she has nights where she does, just haven't given me one this month and we're averaging 3 wakings atm.

I have a very nearly 11mo who wakes at least every 2 hours and who needs to be rocked or fed to sleep. DD didn't sleep through the night until she was 2.1 and didn't self-settle until she was 2.7...

Does that make you feel better or worse? grin

Climbingpenguin Fri 23-Nov-12 23:09:10

DD fed every two hours until older than this, but she was binary when it came to sleep. She either was or she wasn't and more importantly you could easily put her down!! I even worked full time from 4 months (and part time before that). It was fine, even though on paper it sounded bad and perhaps worse than DS.

I let him lay next to me tonight and just took the screaming for 45 mins. I didn't have the patience for rocking and was a bit afraid of being a bit too violent with it.

Climbingpenguin Fri 23-Nov-12 23:13:40

with your other not self settling, did you have a technique that worked?

I think that's what I struggle with, it's a lottery each week what works, whether he sleep without too much human contact and what period of waking he will do.

<reminds self they will get there, someday>

DD fed to sleep until she was about 21 months - she'd dropped all her naps by then and it was the easiest way to get her to sleep. When that stopped working we would have to sit with her and hold her hand until she went to sleep.

I don't know about you but I'm finding it easier to cope with this time - having had a HN baby before meant I'm dealing with it better. When DD was a baby we just didn't understand why she wouldn't sleep, and we tried almost every sleep training technique there is. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a HN baby until I found these support threads when DS was a couple of months old.

As you say, they will sleep eventually and this time I'm a lot more relaxed about the whole thing!

Climbingpenguin Sat 24-Nov-12 08:47:52

envy feeding to sleep stopped working two months back

Oh. Um... brew?

DS is finally asleep - he only had one nap today as he refused to settle for DH this afternoon while I was at the hospital for my MRI. He's going to be very tired tomorrow!

I'm sat here with a mug of hot chocolate and marshmallows. smile However, the only marshmallows I had were snowman ones, so I now have a mug of hot chocolate topped with melting, contorted little snowman corpses. confused grin

I hope everyone else is having a good weekend?

jan2013 Sun 25-Nov-12 08:20:38

thats so good youre able to deal with it better puddle....ithink in some ways u can get used to them being like this... but its the lack of sleep i cant cope with. just had another hard night and it affects everything, even what im able to do during the day

Natmu Sun 25-Nov-12 19:47:49

Hi, hope you don't mind a newbie. I've been reading up on HN babies and I think I have one too. Ds1 was the perfect baby who quickly found his routine but I am absolutely flabbergasted and tearing my hair out with ds2. He's 12 weeks and everyday I'm expecting it to get better and it just doesn't! I'm reading some of your posts and feeling like crying. I cannot do this for another 2 years or more. I know there's no easy answers but I guess this is a good place for usually cold tea and sympathy.

Hi Natmu, have a fresh brew (and buy yourself a thermal mug, they're a godsend!). Not all HN babies take as long as mine to learn how to sleep.

Tell us about DS2. smile

jan2013 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:38:17

hi Natmu and welcome....theres lots of tea and tlc here. you never know whats around the corner with ds don't think years just take one day at a time smile i understand how relentless it can feel sometimes though. i hope we all manage to get a bit of sleep by ourselves tonight before the torture begins!

Softlysoftly Sun 25-Nov-12 23:26:04

Hi Natmu <<passes chocolate hobnobs>>. I have a 6 month old HN DD2 and although nights are still traumatic and naps, awake daytime is excellent she will sit and play happily where age used to be perma attached.

Joyful when's your MRI?

Climbing have you tried gradual withdrawal? Worked for DD1.

Well nights are a disaster again, she started to settle and has regressed back to every 45m -2hrs if that. She hates the cot again.

Yet on my birthday night she flipped on her belly and slept for hours! I know if I lay her on her front we will get sleep but I also know that's a big nono sad

Natmu Mon 26-Nov-12 00:32:00

Thanks for such a warm welcome especially choc hobnobs smile

Ds2 started to give me a taste of his true character on day 2 in the hospital after his birth. I literally had to feed him all night swapping from one boob to the other as every time I tried to put him down he would scream. He still is so much louder than other babies. He really damages ear drums when he wants to let you know he's not happy.
We have good days and bad. Sometimes he won't let me put him down at all (like today) and other days with some persuasion he takes naps and happily plays with toys, sometimes even on his own.

He just seems very intense. When he's smiling and happy he is utterly joyful but there is always the opposite extreme to match it. The same as for you all sleep is the biggest problem. Daytime naps are usually maximum of 30 minutes if I'm lucky and he usually won't allow himself to be put down for those. At night he conks out around 8 and will sleep fairly well until 11ish then after that he wakes more and more frequently throughout the night sleeping for about an hour at a time or sometimes less.

I've spent the past 12 weeks sleeping on the sofa with him in the pram next to me so that at least everyone else (DH and ds1) can get some sleep but 2 nights ago I cracked and we have installed the cot next to our bed with one side off and the mattress at the same height so I can try and get a better sleep. After first night DH has now stormed off to the sofa bed in the loft as he can't sleep despite ear plugs. Tbh feeling a bit resentful of him (DH that is) at the moment. Sorry to waffle on. You all seem so lovely on this thread. It's such a relief to find you! Best wishes to everyone for a good night.

Natmu Mon 26-Nov-12 07:28:34

By the way. Could I ask what your opinions are on co-sleeping? I avoided it at all costs with ds1 as I thought if he came into our bed we'd never get him out again. With ds2 I feel like sometimes it's the only way to settle him but then I have moment of self doubt and wonder if I'm just getting soft in my old age.

Co-sleeping is a lifesaver! I partially co-slept with DD from 6 months to about 15 months - at some point during the night I would get fed up with getting up to her and would just bring her into bed.

With DS I wanted to co-sleep from the start but it wasn't until about 5 months that he was able to sleep lying down (he had loads of mucous due to CMPI). Now he sleeps in the cot during the evening and comes into bed with me the first time he wakes after I go to bed. We both get a much better night's sleep that way.

It seems to be a classic HN thing, sleeping relatively well during the evening but waking more and more frequently as the night goes on. I have no idea why!

TisILeclerc Mon 26-Nov-12 10:11:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jan2013 Mon 26-Nov-12 11:45:40

Tis that is lovely you having 3 dream babies before having ds. if you had of had him first.....!

i look at a lot of people i know who have just had babies and seem to be doing everything. they seem like dream babies...i wudn't wish a high need baby on anyone, but at the same time these people don't understand why i can't do everything and why im so knackered and not coping at different times. to them its a breeze.... why do we compare ourselves? i think i need more confidence as a mum that under these circumstances, i am doing ok, and under these circumstances, others might struggle too.

like someone just said, my dd sleeps not too bad from about 10 to about 1, then its hap hazard from there (she comes to my bed then) what im going to try to do is go to bed at the same time as her so at least ill have a few hours sleep behind me. i used to do this but haven't been lately as things have got in the way.

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