High Needs Baby Support Group (thread IV)

(961 Posts)

Yoohooo! Over here!


The last thread was filling up so I've started us a sparkling new one.

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

No nursery, so this is the first proper separation for us. Which is why I'm a bit wobbly about it, although I'm trying very hard not to let on in front of DD. She's so excited about it and I'm excited for her but I'll miss her terribly. And it's only for 3 hours a day! hmm

Have you made an offer on your lovely house then? Or are you waiting until you have a buyer?

Sounds like good planning btw! smile My sister's planned her first couple of weeks of term but she's primary. And really needs to learn how to say no - she's head of maths, music and head of year (a SATS year at that). She nearly crumbled under the load last year. confused

Raspberrysorbet Thu 30-Aug-12 22:28:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

<waves back>

<passes Raspberry some Kendal mint cake, brew and matchsticks>

Raspberrysorbet Fri 31-Aug-12 07:50:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I could take him to the zoo with us if you like? I'm considering feeding DD to a tiger and leaving DS with the monkeys so I'll have an opening for the role of pesky child... wink

DS was up every hour during the evening until I caved around midnight and brought him into bed. He still woke fairly frequently after that but I didn't have to wake properly, just shove a nipple in his mouth and go back to sleep. This happens pretty much every night!

How old is your DS Raspberry? Is he your first or do you have other children?

LittleWaveyLines Fri 31-Aug-12 09:35:19

9pm til 3.30am

That's not my baby - she sleeps too much! grin

However after 3.30 she was incredibly unsettled so not sure I got more sleep last night - but it's progress!

tickleme63 Fri 31-Aug-12 09:39:55

<waves at Raspberry> Cake is always an acceptable food, no matter the meal or ungodly time of day!

Hope you enjoy the zoo Joyful smile I know what you mean about being worried about being away from DC. I hate when I'm on office days. Some days it hits me that yes, he will be going to school one day and will be away from us for six or seven hours at a time - yikes! Bet we'll be glad of it by that point grin

Truth Hope you get a buyer really soon! I can't wait to move. One day, tickle... one day...

DH is taking DS swimming this morning, I think. It's so tricky for him to go to groups and that with DS as his naps clash with nearly every single one of them, apart from one on Wednesdays... sort of leaves DH at a bit of a loss some days as to what to do. Any suggestions for activities for a 13-month-old?

Good night with DS again - bed at 7.15, fed at 11.45pm, up again at 2.30am - DH went in and it had got so cold in his room! Poor little mite was chilly (and is teething a bit again) so DH layered him up, gave him a dose of Calpol and he was out like a light until 7.30am. Poor thing, I feel so crap that he was all cold sad

tickleme63 Fri 31-Aug-12 09:40:34

LWL Gasp! Good stuff lady! Well done BabyWavey grin

Raspberrysorbet Fri 31-Aug-12 10:03:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whoop whoop. Go BabyWavey grin

Don't worry too much about the high needs tag Raspberry. You're welcome to share the Kendal Mint Cake and matchsticks regardless of what your baby is like - especially as he sounds so sweet trying to latch onto your ankle smile

Awww, Joyful, I'm sorry it's stressing you out. As I said, I was terrified before DS started nursery, but he loves it and I quickly came to trust his key worker (still get a bit stressy when someone else meets us in the morning, but they all seem lovely to be honest). I've ended up putting him in for extra sessions over the summer to allow myself a rest. Hopefully you'll find the same [gentle smile and head stroke] We haven't offered on Dream House. We're waiting to see what happens here first. I'm getting impatient already though. I can just picture our furniture there and DS playing in the garden.

Night Two in the Night Weaning house was as unsuccessful as night one. Sigh. DH just doesn't wake up. If I try to wake him up he reacts so badly to it that it's easier just to go to DS myself, and if I go, well, we all know what he wants from me! To be fair, DH did get up at 5am with BabyTruth and does a good line in 'you should have woken me'. BabyTruth has also been ridiculously sweet this morning so he is forgiven for waking me so often last night, although I did lie awake for about an hour in the early hours stressing about how exhausted I will be when I go back to work next week. Oh the irony.

You "can't wait to move" Tickle? Well, I know this great house... wink

Hm, activities for a 13mo? Sounds like a good idea for a thread. I'd certainly have benefited from some tips over the hols. Here's some that work for me: take a ball to a park (lesson learnt when I didn't take a ball and he just tried to steal everyone else's); library for a flick through the books (DS does a very cute attempt at 'reading'); soft play (where I confess to pretending DS is only 11mo so we get in for £1); washing up (seriously, DS loves washing up, we just put a chair in front of the sink so he can reach & keep all knives out of the way); going on a bus or train; feeding the ducks. Um, er. That's it. I'm out. Sorry.

Raspberrysorbet Fri 31-Aug-12 11:05:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yeah, it's the sugary stuff. It's minging grin but very good for boosting energy.

Loving the pasta idea!

JemJar Fri 31-Aug-12 13:25:51

Hi, hope you don't mind if I pull up a chair?

My PFB 19 week old lad is asleep in a sling, I am perched on the edge of a chair as he wakes if I sit back, patting his bum and I have the white noise machine blaring.
He is 4 weeks into the 4 month sleep regression and it is getting worse not better. I got 4 hours sleep total last night and only because hubby slept on the sofa and took him from 5:30-7:30.

Every nap is a wrestle unless I walk around slinging him but am too knackered to do it 3 x per day. He is even worse if he goes more than 2/2.5 hours without a sleep. Plus now he will only sleep for me.

He can be a smiley giggling gorgeous poppet in the day but is also very needy and wants to be held a lot.

My NCT friends babies are all a dream in comparison and any trip to the park or anywhere is them all chatting with babies sleeping/chilling and me rocking/swinging/walking and feeling like the crapiest mum to not have a content baby. I have not gone to the last 3 meets as it is more stressful than enjoyable.

Away with family this weekend, in a bloody caravan, dreading the 'no where to hide' bit of the night wakings and constant 'you need to wean him, give him a formula bottle before bed, stop co sleeping, let him cry it out he has to learn, you are spoiling him and making a rod for your own back' etc.....

Feel so tearful and short tempered. He is awake now and screaming and crying again

tickleme63 Fri 31-Aug-12 13:54:21

Got to get back to work shortly but just wanted to send quick <hugs> to you Jemjar. Ignore, ignore, ignore those telling you to let him cry/you are spoiling him. You honestly can't spoil him, and (I believe) letting him cry it out will only make him 'learn' that no one actually cares or is listening.

Honestly, it is nothing about you, or your mothering, that has made your little one this way. It's just how they are, for a while at least, Doesn't make it any less frustrating/hard/depressing/earth-shatteringly tiring. But I don't believe in the rods for backs thing after my high-needs PFB - whatever works, works.

It honestly won't last forever. My DS was the same. Wouldn't be put down, held/fed to sleep. But he steadily improved and now at 13 months, he's sooo much better. Still has night feeds - I'd be terrified of weaning, as the boob is the one thing guaranteed to get him back off to sleep! grin

Back later - big breaths, this too shall pass smile

Raspberrysorbet Fri 31-Aug-12 14:08:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Recycling babies - is that an option? shock Why did no-one tell me?

We had a lovely day at the zoo but we're all very tired now and my back is blindingly painful - something to do with having an 8mo in the sling for most of the day (on top of all the usual issues of DDD of course). It was worth it though, and DS even sat in a stroller for a little while! DD was very taken with the giraffe but the funniest bit of the day was when we were looking at meerkats:

DD: Look, a mummy and 3 babies!
Me: How do you know that's the mummy meerkat?
DD: Because she's telling all the other ones "Do that, do that, do that!".
Me: confused

Jem you sound so stressed! It really honestly is nothing to do with your mothering, some babies are just HN. There's no reason. There are a couple of posters on here who have 4 children each - the first 3 were sleepy contented babies and then the fourth was HN. Some babies are just born that way.

I get so stabby when I hear the phrase 'rod for your own back'. I heard it so often when DD (also a HN baby) was small and I used to get so worried about it. Now she's 3 and she doesn't feed to sleep, doesn't need to be cuddled to sleep, doesn't like slings or buggies and is the most fiercely independent child I have ever met.

Do what you need to do so that you and your baby get reasonable amounts of sleep. If it stops working a bit further down the line or you need to make changes, do it then. Worry about it then. For now just do what works. smile

Oh dear, that was a bit epic! Sorry. blush

Lychees Fri 31-Aug-12 21:38:04

Hi ladies, can I join in, please? I could use with the support some days. I have a naturally conceived DS aged 4 1/2 who was high needs and is now a very bright, energetic, chatty little boy who is generally well behaved. However, we struggled to conceive a sibling for him and had ICSI which resulted in my beautiful DD who is now nine weeks old.

I honestly thought that lightning couldn't possibly strike twice. And that our struggles with secondary infertility would mean that we would have this perfect and chilled-out baby. I thought I'd be "given a break", "cut some slack" by higher powers. How wrong was I?!?

DD is a crier ... she wouldn't go down in her crib in hospital from day one and went from perfectly ok to screaming in five seconds flat. She's still the same now although I get some respite at night because that's generally when she's sleeps well .... ish. But she has wind problems [we're trying everything but as nothing seems to improve it significantly, we are just hoping that she grows out of it soon] so all day long, she cries unless of course, she's in my arms asleep or feeding [although sometimes she cries then, too].

I've tried two different slings ... she hates them; bought a cradle swing, hates that. Have DS's bouncer; hates that. Hates going in the car seat [in the car or on the pushchair]. We have a white noise machine which makes no difference whatsoever. I've talked to my GP, DD went from nothing to screaming the place down in seconds, he rushed me out of there saying that she's fine and she'd grow out of it. And I know, it's a matter of time but I feel a bit alone as everyone I know has easy babies and being around them makes me feel worse. I don't have family close by either, so mostly I sit at home holding her and when DS isn't in nursery, he sits with us playing on his own and has to fend for himself to some extent. Occasionally, I've been out with both of them [somewhere noisy when no one will really pay much attention to the crying baby] but our trip is always cut short by an inconsolable crying spell and me rushing us all back home.

DH is great ... when he's here but he's a contractor so works full-time rarely taking a day off. Right now DD is very tired but as usual, unable to fall into a deep sleep so DH is comforting her.

Oh Lychees you poor love! I too thought that lightning couldn't strike twice. confused

This may sound like a random question but what are your baby's poos like? Your GP sounds rubbish, could you go back and see a different one?

Lychees Fri 31-Aug-12 22:18:35

Hi Joyful, she doesn't poo for days on end but I don't think she's constipated as they are soft poos. She cries excessively all the time; building up to poo day, on poo day, after poo day so I don't think poo is a specific issue.

I do wonder if she has silent reflux as she has hiccups a lot, arches her back and fusses whilst feeding. When I mentioned this to my Dr though, he said that she's putting on weight fine so doesn't think she has this [as he ushered me out of the door with her screaming in her carseat]. I think I should persist and go back to my GP and hope I get to see a different Dr. Unfortunately, if I want to see a particular one, I have to make an appointment at least three weeks in advance so it's kind of potluck with who I get.

Yes, my GP surgery's like that. sad I asked about the poo because I was wondering about reflux, wind, possible letdown issues if you're breastfeeding etc. If the poo's an unusual colour or foamy it can be an indicator of certain conditions (I'm sure you already know that though!).

How's your DS coping with his new sister?

Raspberrysorbet Sat 01-Sep-12 20:27:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh he sounds adorable! DS gets the giggles when DD tells him he has chubby little cheeks, for some reason that's the funniest thing in the world!

Have you started him on solids recently? It could be wind or an uncomfortable tummy as he starts digesting food. Or it could be the start of separation anxiety - if he's waking in the dark and can't see you it may be upsetting you. You'd think he'd be able to feel/hear/smell you though.

Sorry, that wasn't as helpful as I thought! Have a brew and we'll wait for someone else to come along. grin

Upsetting him, obviously. blush

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