advice and support needed - 2.7 yr old dd in hysterics at bedtime

[panchagarmendia]

well that says it already basically! after we've gone through with our bed-time routine like trying to wind her down, brushing teeth and sing her good-night songs in bed she starts to cry and scream as soon as she realises I'm about to leave her room. sometimes I haven't even reached the stairs yet when I hear her climbing out of bed already. last night put her to bed for the first time at around 8, she finally fell asleep at ten to 10 after having been put to bed like 20 times, always coming downstairs packed with all the toys she takes to bed. I put her back to bed each time without much talking, tucked her in and left the room again - controlled crying, yes, I'm trying!!! when she finally fell asleep she was completely and totally exhausted. problem is she does it at night as well - last night at about 3.30 and as soon as she wakes up and realises she's alone in her room starts to scream at the top of her lungs. cc is quite difficult too because ds (7 months) is sleeping next door and I don't want him to wake up from her screaming so I go in to her almost immediately. I'm really shattered and frustrated and desperate, what am I doing wrong?

[jstbcs]

why not just stay with her til she is asleep?

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Yes I would stay with her and reassure her until she gets over this stage. What is she frightened of, have you talked it through with her?

[panchagarmendia]

hi there, yes I've asked her why she won't stay in bed and she said because she can't see mama and papa. I'm just thinking that if she doesn't get it now she never will and that I have to stay with her always. I think that somehow and sometime she will have to learn that she can fall asleep alone and it's nothing wrong with being alone in her room. I'm wondering if this is too strict, although she has been doing it alright for some time, but after coming back from our christmas holiday (staying with the grandparents) it's the worst ever. At the beginning I let her come downstairs so she can see for herself that we're there and she's not alone and I keep telling her that, too, she says she knows but as soon as she's back in bed it starts all over again. Actually have been thinking of putting up a photograph of us beside her bed! Seriously!

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

She is not going to be doing this when she is 14 so I think she will get it at some point! Personally I think if you reassure a child and help them through their fears then they will pass much more quickly than if you refuse to accommodate their needs. Lots of adults don't like the dark or sleeping alone so it is natural that some children will be afraid too.

I think a photo is a nice idea, and perhaps a nightlight with a friendly face or in a pretty shape. You could also make a book of photos or drawings showing all the things you do together in the day, then the last page shows her asleep in bed with you peeping in at the door or standing next to the bed to check on her. If she still wants you to stay with her while she goes to sleep I would do it until her fears pass.

[panchagarmendia]

well I sure hope she won't be doing it when she is 14
nightlight we already have and the book is a great idea! thanks a lot! will see how it goes tonight and hope for the best.