B/feeding older baby and (bad) sleep habits

[Bubblesmum]

Hi Ladies, Really at my wits end and looking for some advice please ! My son whose now 14 mo has always woken overnight - on a good night its once and can be any time from 11pm onwards. On a bad night its 2 or 3 times... Before Christmas he was usually only waking once around 3 or 4 and I would then change him / and feed him and he would go back to sleep. We took a trip to relatives at Chrimstas and he didn't sleep at all well in the travel cot plus he was in the same room as me so got used to me being nearby. Back home again, he hasn't settled back into his old sleeping at all and is now up at least twice and I'm lucky if he goes back asleep after feeeding - more often he's standing up roaring crying the minute I try to leave him. He's very stubborn and will roar the place down. We left him to cry it out a couple of nights after he'd been fed / changed etc... and no reason for him not to be asleep, and he cried for about an hour. But he still woke up again a few hours later.

I am wondering if my breast feeding him is contributing to his restless nights. The strange thing is that he can go down wide awake for his midday nap and will cry maybe for a few minutes and then sleeps for about 2 hours. Same thing at night, he is rarely asleep going into the cot and may give a protest cry or not at all so I know he can go to sleep on his own.

Also he normally wakes around 11pm and whimpers a bit and then goes back to sleep but on his second wake up - around 2am he will just cry and cry until I go to him.

Any advice, what should I do ? I really don't think its hunger but rather comfort of the boob he wants. Even by day he only wants Mammy at the moment so I don't think sending DH in is an option.

He drinks cows milk during the day so he only gets breast milk going to bed at night, overnight and first thing in the morning.

Thanks for ANY help or advice.
I work full time so the constant sleep deprivation is very hard.

[kasdie]

have u tried feeding ds out of a bottle at night with breast milk so u can see if it is comfort for the boob or hungry

[Bubblesmum]

Hi Kasdie, no I haven't tried the bottle recently. He never really liked the bottle (though did have them at nursery by day but would only drink a couple of ounces at a time). He's been on a cup since about 9mo and drinks great from that so I don't really want to bring back the bottle into the mix. One time some months back when I was sick DH tried him with a bottle of B-milk during te night - well he screamed the place down and batted it away - so I'd say its safe to say its not hunger but comfort he wants alright. He's a good eater by day too.

Not sure where to go from here. I didn't want to wean him fully for a few more months (doing it gradually).

Any other tips would be great. Thanks !!

[popsycalindisguise]

Nop advice but would like to welcome you to the club
almost 11 month old breast fed constant waker here too

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time Bubblesmum. I think at this age many babies are still learning how to sleep for longer periods without waking up. Some learn this very quickly....others take longer...some a lot longer! Meanwhile I think helping him to get back to sleep as you are doing is making the best of a tricky situation. You are there for him when he needs you - he will not understand what is going on when you have tried to leave him to cry.

I think while you are in this bad patch you must make getting to bed early a priority and just try and survive it until things improve. They will improve, I bet you. I am sorry I don't have the magic answer

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Just one more thought occurred to me, has he recently learnt to walk or other large milestone? Because IME a really big developmental leap can mess with their sleep for weeks. Hope you had a better night last night, anyway!

[beejay]

My dd woke up once or twice almost every night till she was nearly two as she got used to feeding to get herself to sleep. Looking back on it I don't know how I put up with it as was also working FT.
SOunds like you will have to teach him to get back to sleep on his own... which will probably mean not bfing at night. Good luck!

[jetlagdZebra]

Cow's milk is just a drink, mama milk is what he instinctively wants. The 3am feed was last to go for me, too, and NOTHING else would placate ds for a long time.
I no longer feed ds (now 19m) inthe night but he still wakes up & shouts the place down for me -- and dh. DS wants us both & together to sleep with him.
I could also put him down to sleep by himself at 14m for naps or to start the night, but not now, he goes hysterical if we try.

[Bubblesmum]

Thanks for all the replies. The reason I change him is because his nappy is full and the nights I decide not to change him say at 2 or 3am, he then wakes up around 5 with wet PJs and then that involves a full change of clothes which usually results in him waking up for the day! Its a vicious circle as all the night feeding is contributing to the v. wet nappies !!

I do agree that getting an early bedtime for myself is the key to survival and this is what I try to do mostly.

He has been walking a while - early walker at 11mo so its not anything developmental like that but he is a bit more clingy to me lately (separataion anxiety perhaps?) the only other thing I think is that he was teething quite badly last week and usually that does result in more wake ups.

I think I know ultimately I will have to stop the night bfeeds to get him out of this habit - what I'm afraid of is that if I stop feeding him at night, and his sleep doesnt improve, then I will have lost my magic 'get back to sleep' solution and then where will I be ? LOL. Thanks for the support ladies. Any other suggestions very welcome.

[blueshoes]

Bubbles, teething was a real sleep spoiler for my dd. She would not only wake up more frequently, she wanted to sleep latched on and would wake up if the boob fell out. This could be as often as 3 times an hour.

I too had your fears about losing my sleep wand and struggled on for a few more months until I really lost it at night. I decided to wean dd at 17 months ie I refused to offer her the boob if she started chomping down and she (for once) did not insist - perhaps due to teething as well. She quickly went from waking 3-4 times an hour to sleeping through. I would be the last person to believe it but it happened!

Then again, my situation before weaning was dd was not sleeping more than 1 to 1-5 hour stretches, sometimes waking multiple times an hour. I got into bed with her at 7 am and got out at 6 am, then had to go to work. I was a prisoner.

I don't know if weaning your ds would have the same effect. It was the stories of other mums for whom weaning did not cure the night wakings that scared me from doing it earlier. I would say that if you can cope fairly ok, to just continue and see if it is just a temporary thing like teething.

[Bubblesmum]

Thanks Blueshoes, I think you've hit the nail on the head... thats exactly like what he was doing (though luckily not quite as often as your baby - what a tough time for you!). Delighted to report that he only woke up ONCE last night, around 2am had a quick feed and then slept until 7am when he woke up happy and chatting to himself. So I'm VERY pleased about that. That would be brillant if he could keep that up. He did get one new tooth last week but the amount of wakeups and distress over just the one ? Hate to think what the molars coming out will be like.

I plan to feed him until the Spring (just to give him an extra boost during the winter months) and then wean him fully. We'll see how reality plays out - secretly dreading it

Great to hear a success story like yours. How did you manage to wean her off the night feeds - did you just do it cold turkey ?

Thanks!!

[blueshoes]

You know what they say about weaning: don't offer, don't refuse. It just sort of happened spontaneously during a teething episode. When dd indicated she wanted to nurse during the day, I did not refuse. But within seconds, she started biting because of teething, so I pulled away. For some reason, dd did not object (very unusual for dd - perhaps a combination of the uncomfortable sensation in her mouth and memory of my freaking out at night). Soon she started asking for it less and less, even at night, until she more or less "self-weaned" within 2-3 weeks. I don't know if it is true self-weaning or a nursing strike. But I was ready to give up nursing by that point for my sanity - dd was 17 months.

Hope weaning goes smoothly for you

[drosophila]

Very similiar position here. DD is 12mo and is bfed day and night. I have had enough really and for the last three nights the magic potion was not on offer. DP has had to deal with the night wakes and is doing a kind of CC thing. Not sure if you could call it that as baby is still in our room. It has been working but she has been awake for about 1hr at a time as opposed to the 5 mins when being bfed.

I am stupidly tired during the day and something had to give. Not sure if it we will manage it cos it's might hard in the wee hours to listen to all that crying.