I had a very pleasant email from him earlier.
SIOB!
How dare you employ new staff without parading them in feont of the proles?
Standards are aslipping.
Actually, who's with me to firm a Yuman Barricade to protect him from HullyGully? 
<<offers arns>>
BeerTricksPott3r
Thu 29-Nov-12 19:38:42
No, the email started " Look, Chaos.........."
Aw, that would be LukeMumsnet. He's very new. Be kind and welcoming.
A new one? Best we sedate Hully with gin spiked Tisane now.
That's two new ones.
Jane has started posting as well.
Helen. Mumsnet kind and welcoming?
Or
Actual proper kind and welcoming?
we will ge gentle. do you purposely employ people with different names to your own?
i have often wondered what would happen to another helen, olivia etc?
HoneyDragon
Helen. Mumsnet kind and welcoming?
Or
Actual proper kind and welcoming?
Actual and Proper <hard look>
There is more than one Helen, MrsB.
She's called TheOtherHelenMumsnet.
Probably best if he come on to introduce himself so we can be nice and welcoming.
Just a quick few paragraphs with life history etc... a couple of photos... should be fine.
Is that the all seeing hard stare that knows all and will catch us if we do?
Or the don't you buggers even think about it hard stare, before you leave him to it?
Is he growing a 'stache?
Speaking of which, do we get to see the final products tomorrow? Answering the burning question: did Patrick grow any hair?
'Cos it's Friday tomorrow and moons still rather full......
I'm not sure we can protect him from that.
Oooh, yeah, put Luke on Friday night during a full moon!!
Trial by fire.
::nods::
You going to run the book Tee?
I'll say he'll get past midnight.
Unless Hullys about tomorrow, he'll be out the door by tea time
Place your bets...
::marks spreadsheet::
SecretNutellaFix
Thu 29-Nov-12 20:37:33
Honey, will you and MaryZ need to be tied to a pole tomorrow?
and flogged,
not seen the otherhelen thanks for the info.
That's a bit Xenophobic Nutty?
What about a Swede or a Hungarian?
Oi!
Less of the flogging.
Nutty's bad enough she's known to carry a pointy stick!
SecretNutellaFix
Thu 29-Nov-12 20:43:41
Arf.
Was thinking stainless steel or silver plated.
I am sure I can conduct myself appropriately Nutty. It's not necessary to tether me.
Erm, LukeMumsnet, come back!
They're not usually like this, honest
<clears throat>
SecretNutellaFix
Thu 29-Nov-12 20:50:14
<sprays polish on Honey's halo>
You tell him Helen!
<<<<<< removes wolf costume >>>>>>. Full moon practice session over for tonight....
He is the Mystery Engine.
SecretNutellaFix
Thu 29-Nov-12 20:51:27
So, what do I do with the chain I've got in my kitchen drawer then Honey?
Well, if you have to ask, Nutella....
SecretNutellaFix
Thu 29-Nov-12 20:57:36
Ah, you want to borrow it then Tee?
FunnysInLaJardin
Thu 29-Nov-12 21:06:15
whaaaaaaa? a man MN? The world has gone kerayzeee
But people......
What we should be asking is WHY WAS HE EMAILING CHAOS?
What? She's getting to update the spreadsheet?
<<raises eyebrow in a knowimg and comely fashion>>
Has Luke received his introduction to Google training yet?
<head tilt>
Skips off to find the brain bleach in anticipation.
Spam. They always put newbies on spam report duty.
IvanaNap
Thu 29-Nov-12 21:48:44
Pavlov the secret in the hills...
I do apologise. It's on the brain, what with it being DS' 3rd birthday yesterday . I am thankful it is not him, as that character is fucking annoying.
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 09:48:53
Well helllllllllllllo
fresh meat
nom nom
BookieMonster
Fri 30-Nov-12 10:26:05
Did Luke's Welcome To Mumsnet pack come with pepper spray and a taser?
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 10:27:47
I'm still so bruised after Little Daz's cruel deception that Luke will have to try very hard to win my tender heart.
Booze helps, Luke. I like a nice red.
BookieMonster
Fri 30-Nov-12 10:31:01
I can't believe MNHQ would launch a poor, wee boy out on the board with no way to defend himself. That's bad parenting right there.
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 10:33:32
When Pattikins started he came out to play for a bit but Pinot frightened him off and he went to hide in the loo with that cruel Daz.
OhComeAllYeZombies
Fri 30-Nov-12 10:38:44
Does Luke like Zombies?
Zombie will be happy to take him under her wing until he's settled in.
<<Wing? Wing? Where the heck did the wing come from??>>
BookieMonster
Did Luke's Welcome To Mumsnet pack come with pepper spray and a taser?
No, but he did ask if he needed to bring a flak jacket <worried>
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 11:24:58
Tell him to slip into something more comfortable and pop out to say hello.
Zombie, I forgot to tell you; an arm fell off in your sleep so I replaced it with a wing. I think it suits.
Is Luke going to brave the boards soon?
Fiderer
Fri 30-Nov-12 11:34:42
My mum would get out the Holy Water for him. I could run the tap and hope for the best?
SillyBeardyDudeyman
Fri 30-Nov-12 11:37:01
Luke, dude. Be cool. Ice cool...
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 11:37:49
Do you like boiled eggs at all, Luke?
SillyBeardyDudeyman
Fri 30-Nov-12 11:46:12
I heard that he has to work for MNHQ because he got caught drunkenly removing the tops of parking meters...
YankTeeDoodleDanTee
Does he have Cool Hands?
Ice Cold. Especially on the ban button...
Anyway <changes subject> why isn't there a nice welcoming thread about NewKateMumsnet?
She's very lovely and may well be sulking because Luke's getting all the attention
weegiemum
Fri 30-Nov-12 11:52:07
I keep getting kind of suggestive texts from a guy called Luke who seems to think I'm called Amy (I'm not).
Hope he's not lukemumsnet, or I'll be complaining!
SillyBeardyDudeyman
Fri 30-Nov-12 11:53:36
Hello NewKate! Are you here for community service too?
YouScroogeYouLose
Fri 30-Nov-12 11:57:12
Hmmm neither of them are daring to show themselves....
Too much gin during their initiations?
They waste the gin on newcomers?!
YouScroogeYouLose
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:00:25
I think they made to bring their own.
unless they have been locked up for stealing it which is why they have not appeared
SillyBeardyDudeyman
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:01:34
Can we tease them out of hiding by tying a gin miniature onto some string and pulling it along the floor?
<fetches string>
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:01:37
<perks up> Is Kate a goer?
YouScroogeYouLose
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:01:57
< offers gin > come out come out wherever you are......
BookieMonster
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:03:00
Let's get the miniatures and find out, Hully!
I didn't know of NewKate! Hello NewKate!
Excuse our ignoring you. It's because Luke is a boy and we aren't used to boys!!!
::awaits comments regarding Beardy et al::
TheDoctrineOfSnatch
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:03:57
You have two new employees and they're both too scared to come out of the cupboard?
A likely story...
<sings the K I S S I N G song>
BookieMonster
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:07:20
Have we had a MNHQ wedding yet, a la Scott and Charlene?
SillyBeardyDudeyman
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:07:37
Tee I'm not a boy, I'm a ruggedly manly man. With a beard and everything!
Gin and kissing?! Cor this is getting better by the minute
NewKateMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:17:38
oh really...all this fuss...I'm so shy oh they've noticed me yay yay yay
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:19:01
Hi Kate!
Do you go at all?
YouScroogeYouLose
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:19:03
Shy? What's that when it's at home?
NewKateMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:19:26
(I'm really hoping you won't notice I didn't start that last post with a capital letter and will flame me forever more)
Ahum.
Are yow accusing me of doing the Sexism, AitchEmEn?
I haven't started a threda fir NewKate as she and I haven't crissed paths yet, let alone se;t me an email praising my witticisms.
Okay?
Okay?
Okay?
<<goes highpitched>>
NewKateMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:20:34
HullyEastergully
Hi Kate!
Do you go at all?
What do you mean Hully? [polite innocent face]
Oh, Hullo NewKate, I like your shoes. Tasteful and practical, usually so hard to pull orf. Kudos.
Do you wanna know who to watch out for? Come up and I'll show yuo my spreadshit.
<<come hithery>>
SillyBeardyDudeyman
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:25:19
Come into my parlour said the Chaos spider to the NewKate fly...
SuePurblyFeltYourPresents
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:27:37
You get emails from MNHQ praising your funnies, Chaos? SIOB indeed. They've never fecking emailed me.
NewKateMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:28:12
ChaosTrulyReigns
Oh, Hullo NewKate, I like your shoes. Tasteful and practical, usually so hard to pull orf. Kudos.
Do you wanna know who to watch out for? Come up and I'll show yuo my spreadshit.
<<come hithery>>
[over-enthusiastic wave] Hi Chaos! I am currently wearing DMs which are in fact very hard to pull off!
[tumbleweed]
DMs?
At the office?
<<clitches pearls>>
NewKateMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:36:51
HullyEastergully
you know
<nudge nudge>
Nope, not a clue! Has it got anything to do with the wine cellar?
TheDoctrineOfSnatch
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:40:10
Valpollicella
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:41:20
<hides convesrse under the desk from Chaos>
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:51:05
I remember when there were only Justine, Carrie & Rachel plus Tech.
[sigh]
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:55:20
They sure are spawning.
Someone there is a goer and no mistake.
<pops up>
Hello Luke and NewKate.
<pops back down>
<pops up again>
What does SIOB mean? Thanks.
<goes back into hiding>
SoupDragon
I remember when there were only Justine, Carrie & Rachel plus Tech.
[sigh]
Yes, me too. They have moved on to Higher Things now...
weegiemum
Fri 30-Nov-12 12:58:16
Luke hasn't posted!
Is he nervous, perchance?
<don't blame him emoticon>
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 13:00:18
Is Luke hiding in the loo with Dazzer and Pattikins and the rest?
It must be getting really crowded in there. All sweaty and Lynx-smelling.
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 13:01:24
Helen, they haven't "moved onto higher things" they are necking champagne in Tech's shed.
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 13:02:28
They are actually In Barbados with Michael Winner. They were spotted.
OhComeAllYeZombies
Fri 30-Nov-12 13:35:52
Hello, NewKate!
<<waves enthusiasticly>>
<<picks up wing and sticks it back on>>
Do you like Zombies?
Hey we got hats!
We did not get pilgrim hats, though. 
Do you have a cool hand, Luke?
TuftyFinch
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:03:24
I had an email from Carl.
TuftyFinch
I had an email from Carl.
There is no CarlMumsnet <looks around suspiciously>
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:18:22
Oh so did I!
Were you hacked do you think??
It was quite a strange email on reflection.
HullyEastergully
Oh so did I!
Were you hacked do you think??
It was quite a strange email on reflection.
What about?
<feels like i'm walking into a trap>
OhFentonDUDE
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:30:57
Ooh intriguing, I hardly ever get emails form HQ, - apart from when I've been bad and that hasn't happened for ages ever.
Hello NewKate and Luke, I'm the NICE one 
<---- see.
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:31:53
it was about a survey.
Did you not have a work experience person or anything?
OhFentonDUDE
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:33:39
Oh dear, did you complete the survey Hully?
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:34:41
No it was about one, asking if I'd take part. I emailed back querying it and heard nothing else.
Is it just me that is picturing LukeMumsnet as Luke Marsden from Big Brother?
TuftyFinch
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:39:35
It was a bit strange yes but I put that down to the disease of the Ash tress? Did you?
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:41:02
No, it was pre Ash. Mine said a few "carefully-selected" MNers had been chosen for the survey.
TuftyFinch
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:42:22
Oh that one! Yes, I did the survey and got sent a lovely jumper with flying dicks on it. Tres chic.
Hi NewKate
I see MNHQ has not implemented my only hire people who have new and different names policy.
OhFentonDUDE
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:43:54
FLying Dicks? wtf kind of survey was that?
Pinot
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:47:29
<screeches in>
I was alerted to the fresh meat lovely new MN Homme by the delectable Hully
I promise in advance to not scare LukeMN away, like I did with dear PattikinsMN.
<shows ankle>
and bosom
Pinot
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:49:35
I Luke the Luke of his buns
@ myself
Do I have to separate you two?
::sits on Pinot::
Pinot
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:53:24
<festive snuggles with Tee>
HullyEastergully
it was about a survey.
Did you not have a work experience person or anything?
Seriously, Hully - was it an email from this Carl person or a PM? <worried>
JenFrankincenseAndMyrrh
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:58:16
I wonder why Luke hasn't posted yet? Poor thing seems to have been frightened away already
TuftyFinch
Fri 30-Nov-12 14:58:37
Ducks not dicks. That would be oddness.
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 15:06:59
Duck dicks are very odd.
Welcome to Mumsnet, NewKate and Luke. Come to the Puddle sometime and you can have a go in our hot tub.
Oh, and if either of you is any good at songwriting you could help OliviaMN with the song she owes us.
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 15:13:41
An email, I think.
It said it was about about female body perception. Apparently there was a voucher for Victoria's Secrets (or whatever) for taking part. That was what I queried, I said I'd rather have a book token.
Pinot
Fri 30-Nov-12 15:22:23
I recall a CarlMumsnet email, but I've searched my email history and nothing is showing. I don't recall the female body bit, but I may not have read the email. Anyway, nothing in the last 28 days (limit of email history).
HullyEastergully
An email, I think.
It said it was about about female body perception. Apparently there was a voucher for Victoria's Secrets (or whatever) for taking part. That was what I queried, I said I'd rather have a book token.
OK, I'm hoping it was a PM (kinda) because we definitely haven't sent out any invites to a survey about female body perception recently.
Sounds like someone spamming to us. 
If you still have the mail, could you please send it to us at contactus at mumsnet dot com and we will do some yelling
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 15:23:57
No it was much longer ago than that, Pinot
Pinot
I recall a CarlMumsnet email, but I've searched my email history and nothing is showing. I don't recall the female body bit, but I may not have read the email. Anyway, nothing in the last 28 days (limit of email history).
Could you look at your PMs, too, Pinot? Would appreciate it...
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 15:25:55
Oh all right it was a lie
seeing as you're getting all cross and serious
which is a shame as I'd hardly got going at all
I hadn't even done the "describe your breasts" bit
<sad and disappointed>
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 15:26:59
I don't think tufty was lying tho.
HullyEastergully
Oh all right it was a lie
seeing as you're getting all cross and serious
which is a shame as I'd hardly got going at all
I hadn't even done the "describe your breasts" bit
<sad and disappointed>
Was looking forward to some yelling...
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 15:52:05
Ooh. Hello <sits up>
I am nice and have never ever been told off by MN.
I keep trying
Why is there no staff gallery?
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 15:57:22
You could yell at Hully for being norty. <helpful>
Duck dicks is turning into MN Godwin's Law.
And yes, where is our song, Olivia?!?!
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 16:07:56
<waves to Tee> To be fair, it doesn't have to be Olivia. We'll settle for any member of HQ. As long as it's before - was it 19 December, Tee?
I think so, yes, Empress.
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 16:15:20
Thanks, Tee. OK, there you go then, MNHQ. The Puddle awaits!
I want a staff gallary - with photos of ya all
TuftyFinch
Fri 30-Nov-12 16:46:37
I wasn't lying. I'm wearing my duck (dick) jumper. It's loverly.
Yep 19th, I've gone off our boys name aswell so HQ could very well tip the balance in favour of Jesus
HullyEastergully
Fri 30-Nov-12 16:49:37
Did yelling ever do any good?
Did it? <head tilt>
ShakiestDude
Fri 30-Nov-12 17:05:12
Yes, the puddle is waiting.
Now you have new staff, it should be a compulsory part of their training to give us a song in the puddle.
C'mon Luke and Kate, the puddle is this way --------------->
<leads Luke and Kate of to the puddle>
Don't be scared, we are all lovely there unlike this norty lot, especially that Hully one
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 17:37:13
Luke and NewKate will like the Puddle. It's luffly and comfy and has the best coffee machine on MN. Not to mention the real fire.
They can sing to us in comfort and then they will be responsible for the new Baby Jesus.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 17:44:45
I tried to type out a sweary ranty post to Hully to see if you'd delete me but I couldn't bring myself to do it 
I really am too much of a goody two shoes
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 18:07:43
Blank posts normally do it, EduCated.
I once had to spend a whole week in disguise after starting a blank post thread.
AmazingBouncingFerretDude
Fri 30-Nov-12 18:18:20
I'm not sure who Luke is but I know his Father...
<Badda boom tish>
TeeHollyandTeeIvy
Fri 30-Nov-12 18:22:18
That was really funny Ferret!
TeeHollyandTeeIvy
Fri 30-Nov-12 18:39:33
Hi Olivia!
Wow even mentioning blank posts brings them running!
SecretNutellaFix
Fri 30-Nov-12 18:46:47
Hi Olivia.
<polishes halo>
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 19:14:53
See, I'm so much of a goody two shoes I didn't even understand how to do a blank post properly
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 19:16:02
How do you do them? I might get whiny.
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 19:18:52
Never mind blank posts, Olivia <stern>.
When do we get our song?
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 19:39:03
Nutty
That Halo doesn't cover your horns you know. I can still see 'em.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 19:42:44
<actually a little bit scared>
SecretNutellaFix
Fri 30-Nov-12 19:44:37
<spray paints them silver>
No idea whats going on but I have 
and am in a bloody good mood!!!!
Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.
<sings>
Anything you can do, I can do better......
<offers gin to HQ as a apology>
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 19:58:22
We're welcoming LukeMN and NewKateMN and trying to get HQ to sing us their song.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:00:07
<snurk>
Stripy can't do it, Stripy can't do it!
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:00:07
We know you're a luffly singer, Bonks, but this is for Baby Jesus. Remember?
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:01:19
Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:01:54
That was nortier than I meant it to be 
StripyShoes
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:02:20
Damn. I thought since I habe never done a blank post, now would be the time to do it. But that version seems to habe been fixed.
Not that anyone knows who o am anyway!!
<goes back into hiding and considers nc>
StripyShoes
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:03:53
Edu, I actually think it is because my phone won't hold the tick on the convert option. Stupid phone!
ShakiestDude
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:04:52
How do you do the big blank ones, I can only do little one <feels inadequate>
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:07:31
Shakiest Not telling, so nerrrrr.
Please, this is my pathetic attempt at being naughty so MN will delete one of my posts
Edu You just need to call someone a cunting troll and tell them that you know they enjoy wanking badgers under bridges!
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:11:32
Do I have to mean it? <wibble>
sittinginthesun
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:14:42
Edu - it's okay, Olivia is busy elsewhere. She won't have seen that.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:17:54
Sitting But that's the whole point
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:19:02
No, that's the point, we want Olivia's attention over here.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:25:34
Santa What about a wank sock puppet who fingers ferrets? [win]
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:36:17
Bonkey, congratulations on all the FB likes for your gorgeous jewellery.
I know what'll get Olivia's attention.
MIIIIIIIITMOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<waves gin in one hand and West Wing DVD in other, waits hopefully>
Ahem <fakes OliviaMN's voice>
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:41:37
<hard stare>
Only Olivia 'ahem's.
EduCated
<hard stare>
Only Olivia 'ahem's.
Oi, are you <hard staring> at me?
I'll see you outside <ups ante>
AmazingBouncingFerretDude
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:43:20
Erm excuse me. I do not get pingued by wank sock puppets. <stern face>
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:43:56
Helen, we're ready. Are you going to sing for Baby Jesus?
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:43:56
Bring it <funny hand gesture of shoulder thing>
JenFrankincenseAndMyrrh
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:44:09
Picture of that West Wing chap that Olivia likes
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:44:31
Sorry ABF
I do like ferrets, remember.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:45:12
Damnit, Jen. I knew that would happen.
OliviaMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:45:58
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
<waves gin in one hand and West Wing DVD in other, waits hopefully>
<Takes bait>
<takes note of blank post posters>
EduCated you got your wish. You've now been deleted.
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:48:03
Olivia, the time is running out....
ShakiestDude
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:49:28
Spoil sport EduCated <sticks tongue out>
Why don't you call me an atrocious cunt, then I can report you for a personal attack, that will get you deleted!
Bonkey congrats on the 1000 likes, well done <clinks glasses>
Ta Shaky
<pulls big box of into thread>
ShakiestDude
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:50:43
Come on olivia
<taps foot>
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:50:50
Shaky, don't worry about cunts right now. OliviaMN is about to sing for Baby Jesus. I hope State's around.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:52:31
Have I blotted my copybook now?
I was a perfectly well behaved tell tale poster before that Empress corrupted me
ShakiestDude
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:52:59
Oh, oh, brilliant.
<runs back to the puddle>
ZebraInHiding
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:52:59
Excellent! I have been here around three years, never had a post deleted it nuffink. Now, finally, I have at least made a mnhq list !!
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:54:05
<chants> Sing for Baby Jesus
You know, Livs, Bono would do it.
Why's everyone outside staring at each other?
<<bimbles into nice warm thread>>
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:55:35
Sorry, Bonkey.
<offers homemade gingerbread>
Olivia, are you still here?
ZebraInHiding
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:55:43
*or
I May need to keep this name. This could be ni norty name. What else is on the list of things to do?
All I did was a blank post a big one
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:57:15
We're waiting for Olivia to sing, Honey.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:58:06
Honey Cos Helen threatened to beat me up by the bike shed And all her mates.
ZebraInHiding
Fri 30-Nov-12 20:58:59
So if I do a big blank post, can I get deleted and start ticking off my list today? I could do an advent style attack and complete a list item each day!
<Waddles in>
They won't do it, ill bet my pregnancy chocolate supply on it.
<Flops into armchair>
Poor sod would be better off as Jesus aswell, some of dps name suggestions <shakes head>
Awww state
Conrad was my dh's name of choice! no offence to nyone called that or have dc's with that name
He lost!
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:01:28
Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.
ZebraInHiding
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:02:15
Then my Xmas present to mnhq could be a test from having to monitor my doings during December!
<starts planning>
YouBrokeMySmoulder
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:03:23
Wtf is going on in here. Is a supply teacher in charge?
ZebraInHiding
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:04:13
*rest.
Excellent, Edu. So, shall we start an advent list?
I think I fell in a hole.
<< rubs arse >>
YouBrokeMySmoulder
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:04:29
I dont care WHO did it. You're ALL in trouble.
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:05:23
It's Friday night. Olivia is busy.
Throws this into thread .
I fort my phone had gon funny.
<waits for Edu to get a spanking>
OliviaMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:06:01
I am not sure there is an OFFICIAL HQ song.
ZebraInHiding
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:07:57
Is that Luke or NewKate, santa?
<innocent>
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:08:29
No spanking please, even if it is Friday night <prude>
OliviaMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:08:36
SoupDragon
It's Friday night. Olivia is busy.
Busy making a very long list of trouble makers to send to Santa
<stern>
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:09:47
The this is your time to shine, Olivia. Doooooo it, State will call her baby Jesus, we'll be happy and you can be smugly smug about penning what will surely be Christmas number 1...
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:10:01
[innocent]
But Friday night always brings out the naughty ones meaning you are busy with, er, not commenting on procedure. Or something.
Well Helen should know better. But you lot must stop winding her up! <<stern>>
<taps whip against booted leg>
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:11:28
We don't want an official HQ song (although I'd like to hear it if there was one and I'm sure Tee would let you use Troll Block Tango).
The deal was that if any of HQ wrote and performed an original song before State's baby was born, she'd name him/her Jesus. The baby is coming on Dec 19 and State's DP is going to need time to get used to the idea.
ShakiestDude
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:11:50
<sneaks back in, embarrassed>
I thought she was going to sing in the puddle
That's what my face looks like when I run
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:12:42
I think I've just realised that SoupDragon and HoneyDragon aren't the same poster...
ZebraInHiding
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:13:14
olivia do you like advent calendars?
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:14:19
I am the Official Mumsnet Dragon.
TeeElfOnTeeShelf
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:15:12
Olivia has hired me especially to keep an eye on all of you for Santa...
::glares down from shelf::
EduCated. I think you've just mortally offended SoupDragon too
Excellent Xpost
<<watches Edu flee for the hills>>
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:16:31
I just don't think I've ever seen you both in the same place at the same time. Like Michael and Janet Jackson.
Michael and Janet did a song and video together.
TEE My elf is arriving tonight if sants isn't too pissed and forgets , love the name! Much more festive!
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:19:01
Did they? DM has always insisted that they've never been seen together
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:19:13
If you think I'm making a song and video with any other dragons you are sorely mistaken.
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:19:39
That was the idea Shaky, but I don't think it matters too much where she sings as long as she does it.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:20:10
You could sing with Olivia instead?
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:20:31
Besides, being in a video together proves nothing. There was only one Oompa Loompa in the Johnny Depp Charlie Nd the chocolate factory film.
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:21:12
Is Olivia not s dragon then?
<<lives life on the edge>>
ZebraInHiding
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:23:17
[shocked]
No! Although come to think of it, they all did look quite similar...
I think I need a lie down.
There's a car near me with the license plate DR4G0N I always think of soupy when I see it!
TheDoctrineOfSnatch
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:35:35
Frothy! House!
<this is Dragon Bingo, right?>
Don't forget LRD
I think HQ should give you a special grey box Soupy. To show your officialdom.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:48:20
You did bring us the bat, therefore you must be most official.
Hope I've got my MN folklore right
SoupDragon
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:49:50
I do have a hovery name thing that declares my credentials.
I didn't actually bring the bat to MN, it was part of a google game to find images of people's posting names. Cod may have found it originally.
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:53:25
It came because of you. This is enough.
May now have to Google my name...
Omg the mumsnet bat, not seen that for aaages!
Apple juice anyone? Its copella? <Offers round with biscuits>
What, I'm 37wks pregnant, I need snacks.
Well my usual name comes up with the pics on my proofile
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:55:58
Thanks State.
<whispers>You don't think Olivia's got cold feet?
EduCated
Fri 30-Nov-12 21:56:05
Unsurprisingly, perhaps, mine has lots of pictures of blackboards and mortar boards
I do not want to know what you typed into google to get that.
My nickname
Santa kissed Bonkey Mollocks....execpt I swapped the B&M round for better results
Valpollicella
Fri 30-Nov-12 23:00:57
Official MNHQ Songs:
I Hate You So much Right Now - Kelis (trolls)
Hotel California - Eagles (newbies)
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds - Beatles (for the Chaotics)
SoupDragon
Sat 01-Dec-12 08:44:50
the Whole of the Moon - The Waterboys (for those days)
DingDongKethryverilyonHigh
Sat 01-Dec-12 10:31:14
Luke still hasnt been to say hello, very rude!
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sat 01-Dec-12 10:45:31
Surely he's not shy? We're luffly really.
EduCated
Sat 01-Dec-12 12:34:56
Yes. Luffly except that Hully
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 21:15:08
Not fair,
I can't believe we didn't get a song
<sulks>
DingDongKethryverilyonHigh
Luke still hasnt been to say hello, very rude!
He's hiding in the toilets not around at the moment, DingDong
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Not fair,
I can't believe we didn't get a song
<sulks>
Oh please don't sulk. Trust us, it's better than we don't sing. Ever. <pitchy doesn't do it>
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 22:03:02
HelenMumsnet
I think we would like to be the judge of that. It's not X factor, although you could probably do better than them.
Purrrrrleeeeease! Mwah!
<passes gin>
<thinks about stopping sulking>
Helen.
How can he not be around?
There are many routes to Mumnset, some of them even in portable pocket size packages..
I think you are covering.
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 22:12:56
I think we scared him Chaos
Valpollicella
Sat 01-Dec-12 22:13:44
Chaos, maybe he is an office dude who actually got lucky with a 9-5 shift
Not like Olivia who puts in for her extraneous time at the weekend with gin payments
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 22:17:29
Good thinking Val it would be a bit mean of HQ to leave him, stranded, at the weekend, especially with a full moon. Poor Luke
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sat 01-Dec-12 22:56:36
But Helen, this song could change a child's entire life.
If BabyState isn't named Jesus (or BeeJesus for a girl) they might NEVER get to have a cabbage van. And that would be Really Tragic.
I can't sing either but I still directed the Musical.
I think we scared Luke too. Poor Luke.
<leaves welcome card and bottle of gin for poor scared Luke, and same for NewKate who at least came to say hello>
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 23:31:43
Aw poor Luke and Kate
HelenMumsnet I'm still sulking, we won't give up you know
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 23:33:51
I'm not still PMSL at Hully winding helen up with emails from carlMN honest
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sat 01-Dec-12 23:36:09
She's OLittleTownOfBethleHelenMumsnet now (which to be fair is a great Xmas name).
HQ is so full now, SOMEONE there must be able to sing.
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 23:45:58
Oolong nice name change HelenMumsNet
I have been thinking of sons for the nativity play so far, I have (titles only)
- Little Bonkey
- Once in Royal Puddle City
- O Come all Ye Humpers
-Away in a Puddle
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 23:49:40
That was supposed to say " ooh, nice name change" duh
EduCated
Sat 01-Dec-12 23:51:17
Do newbies have a list of tasks which they have to complete user supervision before they can be left by themselves?
P+C parking bunfight
General bunfight
Sock puppetry
Mitmoo
Chaos' carp phone malfunction
Hully
Hully on a full moon
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sat 01-Dec-12 23:56:52
Shaky
Must have Tee Holly and Tee Ivy and Dreamy Dreaming Of A White Christmas.
See Amid The Winter Snowtunes
We Three Empresses
Shaky Night
God Rest Ye Merry Gentle State
Ding Dong Merrily on Mumsnet
Yes, EduCated, and then they get a membership card.
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sat 01-Dec-12 23:58:44
Brilliant Empress I'm just warming up, I'm working on it
LittleTownofBethleHelenMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Sun 02-Dec-12 00:00:13
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Shaky
Must have Tee Holly and Tee Ivy and Dreamy Dreaming Of A White Christmas.
See Amid The Winter Snowtunes
We Three Empresses
Shaky Night
God Rest Ye Merry Gentle State
Ding Dong Merrily on Mumsnet
Yes, EduCated, and then they get a membership card.
You see. You don't need us...
LittleTownofBethleHelenMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Sun 02-Dec-12 00:02:06
EduCated
Do newbies have a list of tasks which they have to complete user supervision before they can be left by themselves?
P+C parking bunfight
General bunfight
Sock puppetry
Mitmoo
Chaos' carp phone malfunction
Hully
Hully on a full moon
Kinda. LukeMumsnet done level 1 Chaos. But we don't let anyone move onto level 3 Mitmoo without several weeks of close monitoring and gin top-ups
My babys going to be stuck with the onion van, and it will be all HQs fault.
Smashing xmas name Helen btw.
I really need to make some effort and do mine, but I've been saying that about the christmas tree and two garlands that are lit now, yet undecorated, dp could do it, but it would be wrong. <Pregnant and awkward>
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sun 02-Dec-12 00:08:54
YES WE DO need you. We Puddlehumpers do all the entertaining round here.
We're only asking for HQ to give us ONE little song. One original verse would be fine. And then State will be the new madonna and the world will be saved. Surely the collective brilliance of HQ can do that?
EduCated
Sun 02-Dec-12 00:14:35
Helen said Mitmooooooo!
And don't think of it as a song so much as a poem set to music. Seriously, you have the opportunity to name a child Jesus. Why would you not be pouncing on that? Just think of the publicity
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sun 02-Dec-12 00:19:42
Exactly BethleHelen. MNHQ, responsible for the new Messiah.
State was crying about it in the Puddle. She was. She thinks HQ don't care.
EduCated, do come and visit us sometime. We live in the Cakes and Baking section. We'll give you cake (and you can be in our Nativity if you like).
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sun 02-Dec-12 00:30:57
But BethleHelenMNHQ
We doooo need you, please don't make us beg, it would be undignified and not in the spirit of the site
Puuuurrrrrlllleeeaaaaasssse!!!
<passes more gin and chocolate advent calendar>
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sun 02-Dec-12 00:50:37
I don't know, Shaky. I think they've got cold feet.
confuddledDOTcom
Sun 02-Dec-12 01:10:42
This thread reminds me of the girls from my girls school getting excited because they'd seen "A boy. In our school!" You'd think by Y9 they'd be used to there being a mixed 6th form and had actually managed to see boys before.
TeeElfOnTeeShelf
Sun 02-Dec-12 14:23:05
Oh we're used to boys, con, just as responders to emails and posters on the boards with a 'Tech' after their name.
Which, if you think about it, is a bit of a reverse sexism thing.
And, of course, there's ColetteTech. Who is my favourite Tech just because of her name.
Empress but I've changed my name from TeeHollyAndTeeIvy and I like this one better. I think Oh Christmas Tee, as a homage to last year's Christmas name, would be a better fit.
And BethleHelen would so win the name change comp if she was allowed to enter!
TeeElfOnTeeShelf
Sun 02-Dec-12 14:23:48
Grr. Just not as responders...
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune
Sun 02-Dec-12 14:27:43
Anyway, we like to meet alllllllllllll the new MNHQers
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sun 02-Dec-12 22:21:54
<shakes head and tuts loudly>
I thought better of you HQ, I really did. I am sooooo disappointed in you
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sun 02-Dec-12 22:26:10
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sun 02-Dec-12 22:32:31
I have reported my last 2 posts. Bet they won't respond < challenge>
EduCated
Sun 02-Dec-12 22:34:59
We need to tempt them in. Here goes...
MITMOO
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sun 02-Dec-12 22:41:51
MITMOO!
MITMOO!
MITMOO!
HQ please give us a song and I will shut the fuck up, I promise.
LittleTownofBethleHelenMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Sun 02-Dec-12 22:46:43
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
HQ you have not just let yourself down but you have let the ENTIRE site down, are you happy now?
We only wanted as song.
Is that really too much to ask?
It is Christmas after all.
Tsk, it's Sunday Night, I'm tone deaf and I'm here on my own.
You SO don't want this to happen.
Shit that hurts my eyes!
If they don't sing, do I have call it Judas instead?
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sun 02-Dec-12 23:16:25
<bursts in>
There's hope!!!!!!
I've been reporting too. Olivia just emailed me to say she has her thinking cap on.
THE PUDDLE LUFFFFFFFFS OLIVIA.
SledYuleCated
Sun 02-Dec-12 23:30:33
<pops back in>
Here to cheer on HQ!!
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Sun 02-Dec-12 23:43:05
Bonkey & Shaky, we must kidnap EduCated and make her a Puddlehumper. She'd fit in nicely.
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Sun 02-Dec-12 23:58:03
<grabs EduCated and drags to the puddle>
High fives everyone!!!
Olivia always was my favourite.
ShakySingsMerryXmasEveryone
Mon 03-Dec-12 00:05:29
I have just reported myself again. I'm dead I tell ya!
If you don't hear from me again it's because I have been banned by MNHQ for harassment
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Mon 03-Dec-12 02:22:43
I wouldn't worry, Shaky. If MNHQ were going to ban people for harrassment, they'd have banned me when I set the zombies on them.
SledYuleCated
Mon 03-Dec-12 07:43:22
If you're going to kidnap me can you link me to where I'm to be gel hostage? <lazy>
EmpressOfTheNorthPole
Mon 03-Dec-12 08:19:00
<wraps Sled in warm fluffy fleece, throws over shoulder and runs to Puddle
Don't think of it as being held hostage. Think of it as being an honoured guest. We'll give you breakfast and everything.
IceTheChristmasKateMumsnet
(MNHQ)
Fri 07-Dec-12 12:47:54
<wanders in, looks around>
I haven't been trained for this...
<wanders out again>
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune
Fri 07-Dec-12 14:03:49
What have you been trained for...?
I'd like to see the training that goes on
TheSecretSantaDNCOP
Fri 07-Dec-12 14:14:37
GodMumsnet!
I need to ask your omnipotence a question if I may so humbly petition you?
Does peter Andre really love his kids?
SledYuleCated
Fri 07-Dec-12 15:57:32
Bloody hell, GodMumsnet? <faints>
TheSecretSantaDNCOP
Fri 07-Dec-12 15:59:15
Yep. Omnipresent and omnipotent, but doesn't answer questions.
<humph>
TheDoctrineOfSnatch
Fri 07-Dec-12 16:00:12
Of course not, Secret. He REALLY REALLY loves them.
<borrows God's Deputy badge>
confuddledDOTcom
Sat 08-Dec-12 08:59:01
And people were complaining they didn't know Luke worked for MumsNet!
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune
Sat 08-Dec-12 10:39:09
I love the name TheSecretSantaDNCOP!
TheSecretSantaDNCOP
Sat 08-Dec-12 10:41:43
Cheers Trills
It's nice to get some validation from someone
<stares daggers at MNHQ>
TeeElfOnTeeShelf
Sat 08-Dec-12 10:43:29
I told you the other day I loved your name!!
HAURMPH
TheSecretSantaDNCOP
Sat 08-Dec-12 10:44:52
You did Tee and I luffs you and your creepy name too
He Tees you when you're sleeping...
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune
Sat 08-Dec-12 11:13:51
Tee I think your name is clever but I also think Elves on Shelves are creepy bastarding things.
TheSecretSantaDNCOP
Sat 08-Dec-12 11:17:11
Yeah. If my mum had put one in my room it would've tasted the business end of a cricket bat!
TeeElfOnTeeShelf
Sat 08-Dec-12 16:22:11
gasp I just got an email from Luke.
::swoons::
SledYuleCated
Sat 08-Dec-12 17:01:02
WHAT?! Why? S'not faaaaaair, I want one 
TeeElfOnTeeShelf
Sat 08-Dec-12 17:03:59
He's never posted on the thread, has he? Do you think we scare him?
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune
Sat 08-Dec-12 17:10:40
Maybe he is too new to have board privileges.
confuddledDOTcom
Sat 08-Dec-12 23:50:42
Give him chance, it's only been 9 days since he ran away, Helen is probably still trying to coax him out of the cupboard he's hiding in.
