Mumsnet campaign for Better Miscarriage Care: the next steps. Can you help?

(151 Posts)
RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 06-Oct-11 11:31:05


As most of you will hopefully have seen from this thread, on Monday, October 10 we're going to be kicking off the Mumsnet miscarriage campaign. With your sterling insight and input, we've put together a five-point code of care (see below), and from now on the focus is going to be on getting it into the inboxes of ministers, MPs, local health authorities and trusts, and anyone else who can help to implement it.

From Monday you'll be seeing a lot of activity about this across Mumsnet and other social networks, and we're going to need as much help as you can give us in making a noise about it. We'll use this thread to keep you updated about what we're doing - and we'd hugely appreciate it if you could use it to keep us updated with what you're doing (campaign-related, that is; we don't need to know about Tuesday's swimming lesson wink). Do also please use it for ideas on what we (and other MNers) can do to keep the bandwagon rolling.

Thanks thanks

The Mumsnet Miscarriage Code of Care

1. Supportive staff
GPs, Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit (EPAU) and A&E staff should be trained in communication and listening skills (including things NOT to say to women who are miscarrying), and the psychological effects of miscarriage. Follow-up appointments and/or counselling for those who feel they need it should be routinely offered after miscarriage.

2. Access to scanning
Access to scanning facilities in the case of suspected miscarriage should be easier in cases where scanning is clinically indicated. This could mean Early Pregnancy Assessment Units (EPAUs) opening seven days a week and/or portable ultrasound and trained medical staff being available in A&E and gynaecological units. When women have miscarried at home and have experienced severe symptoms, they should be offered a scan to check that there are no ongoing complications. Where medical staff do not believe that a scan is clinically indicated, or that it would be unlikely to produce reliable results, this decision should be communicated to the patient with tact and understanding, and with a full explanation of the reasons.

3. Safe and appropriate places for treatment
Women undergoing miscarriage or suspected miscarriage should be separated from women having routine antenatal and postnatal care, or women terminating an unwanted pregnancy. Waiting times in confirmed as well as threatened pregnancy loss, but, in particular, for women who need surgery, should be kept to a minimum and not be spent in antenatal or labour ward settings.

4. Good information and effective treatment
Everyone who has a miscarriage confirmed should have the the available options explained to them. What each option involves, the amount of pain and discomfort that might be experienced, and the likely timescales for each should be explained clearly, sympathetically and honestly either by trained medical professionals or in a leaflet. Women miscarrying at home should be offered appropriate prescription pain relief. In the case of miscarriage occurring in hospital, HCPs should discuss with the parents what they wish to happen to the remains of the baby (i.e. it should not be disposed of routinely without prior consultation). Consideration should be given to renaming the surgical procedure Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception (ERPC), as many parents find this confusing and upsetting.

5. Joined-up care
Community midwife teams and GPs should be informed immediately when miscarriage has occurred, and subsequent bookings and scans cancelled, to avoid women who have miscarried being chased by HCPs for 'missing' pregnancy appointments. HCPs should be mindful of a woman's previous miscarriage/s when assessing her needs during subsequent pregnancies, acknowledging any extra anxieties and dealing with them empathetically.

Although this code is based mostly on the experience of Mumsnetters who have miscarried in-utero pregnancies pre-24 weeks, we think many of its points apply equally to women experiencing stillbirths and ectopic pregnancies.

Good luck.

Thankfully when I had my miscarriage, it was handled well, swiftly and sympathetically. (With the exception of the truly dreadful name for the op I needed to have - the ERPC)

BedHog Thu 06-Oct-11 14:50:49


Are you planning on promoting the code just within healthcare and political circles, or will you be using your contacts to raise public awareness through the media, in particular 'lifestyle' or Daybreak/This Morning type programmes, womens magazines, radio (Jeremy Vine?) etc?

Marking my place.

Have you thought about starting a downing street petition? If you get 100,00 signatures then it could lead to a debate in the house of commons

LynnCSchreiber Thu 06-Oct-11 20:06:16

I have kicked off the Blogger Network with a post to test our link-ability and raise interest amongst other bloggers.

We will all blog about our experiences of miscarriage, and are offering any MNetter who wishes to publish a guest post the opportunity to do so on one of the MN blogs.

On Monday we shall link up our blogs and post a link here.

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 06-Oct-11 20:55:35

Hi BedHog yes we're starting the slightly painful process of elbowing our way onto as many programmes and into as many newspapers as possible.

Very warm response so far, but I can never be confident about how this will turn out on the day (and how many people will ditch us in favour of Jodie Marsh's new body or similar). Have a slightly strange obsession with Jeremy Vine (he was a favourite for me during my maternity leave (please don't judge)) so is definitely on the list. We'll try and let you know all we're doing.

Thunderboltkid we did think about a downing street petition but we're going to try first with an Early Day Motion - a rather archaic bit of parliamentary procedure that allows MPs to pledge support. We thought this was a good idea, as we can all try and make sure our MP signs up, and then make sure they're working locally to support the code. As the NHS gets more devolved, think having someone sticking up for the code locally will be key.

Finally MmeLindor thanks for getting all the bloggers up and running!

Keep your eyes peeled on Monday!

bamboozled Thu 06-Oct-11 20:59:00

Really good - precise and to the point. I hope it gets the attention it deserves and makes a real difference. You are also spot on in that it is not just miscarriages, but ectopics and stilbirths that deserve a much better standard of care so the points are also relevant. Perhaps you get The Ectopic Preg Trust to post a link to the code of care on their website, I'm sure they have message boards? Presumably the more voices that stand behind this the better?

BedHog Fri 07-Oct-11 08:57:59

Would it be worth trying to get a sleb 'figurehead' to help with the campaign?

I know of several high profile women have sadly lost babies at various stages of pregnancy in the last few years - from the top of my head, Amanda Holden and Lily Allen have had stillbirths, Kelly Brook a late miscarriage, Sarah Beeney and Nadia Sawalah (multiple) miscarriages. There must be many more and one of them might feel the issue is significant enough to help. (Although I appreciate many of them will have had private healthcare)

That sounds great. I especially like the mention about care in future pregnancies. I personally think that any woman who has suffered a mc should be entitled to a 'bonus' scan around the point at which she lost the previous baby. I haven't managed to get pregnant again yet but when I do I can't stand the thought of having to wait until 12 weeks for a scan (particularly as my mc was a mmc) so I'll pay for one earlier but not everyone has that option.

Thank you for this.

katie In all honesty, EDMs are pointless and waste of money; the only purpose they serve is to make lobby companies money. I work in Parliament and we receive countless emails everyday asking us to sign EDMs. Most MPs won't, either on principle, or because they are a Government Minister and can't - it doesn't mean they don't support the issue.

Also, if you have some sort of 'standard' letter being sent to MPs, their staff will just send standard letters back that are drafted by a research service - so most of the time the MP won't even see the campaign text.

I honestly think the petition is the way to go - no idea how many members you have on mumsnet - but pretty sure you must be able to get 100k signatures pretty quickly. You could get people to contact their MPs asking them to make some sort of 'pledge' online to show their supprt - then you know what MPs you are missing or who aren't supporting and people that live in their constituencies can bombard them with messages - or turn up at their advice centres.

PLEASE don't do the EDM route. It is such a waste and this is a brilliant campaign that stands a real chance of success.

MonsterBookOfHorrors Fri 07-Oct-11 19:38:08

I agree to the bonus scan. That would of helped me when pg with dd.

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 07-Oct-11 19:52:29

Hi ThunderboltKid, agree with lots of what you say re EDMs but we thought it was quite an easy way of seeing who's signed up and who hasn't. Agree we need to keep that online too, to cover off ministers etc. I'm hoping that come next Fri, MNetters can have a quick glance at a page here, see if their MP has signed up or not, and if not fire off a quick email to get them on board, shamed by their neighbouring MP if they already have signed up.

I haven't looked in detail at the 100k thing, but at the time we started talking of this, it had just launched, and everyone was doing it, so we didn't want to get lumped in with the 'bring back hanging' brigade etc, and I wasn't sure it was going to work at all. We'll see how we go on Monday, and keep our options open.

Bedhog we did consider celeb, but then thought, actually MN isn't really that celeby, so we'd keep it about Mumsnetter's experiences. Rest assured though, we'll be tweeting everyone and anyone vaguely resembling a celeb come Monday though, and please do the same.

Frances11 Sat 08-Oct-11 10:07:47

Is there a place to post a link to blog posts about Miscarriage, so we can take comfort from easch others stories?

LynnCSchreiber Sat 08-Oct-11 23:57:48

There is a thread on the blogger network where we are collecting blog posts. I will be putting a link thing on my blog (and you can put the link thing onto your blog). We want to link everyone up.

LynnCSchreiber Sat 08-Oct-11 23:58:48

Here is the post on Bloggers Network

iMemoo Sun 09-Oct-11 15:26:28

I say this every time it comes up so sorry if I am repeating myself but why can't this be called 'pregnancy loss code of care' rather than just 'miscarriage code of care'? That way it will include people who have ectopic pregnancies too. I feel those of us who have had an EP always get over looked. An EP is just as devastating as a miscarriage.

MonsterBookOfHorrors Sun 09-Oct-11 15:29:24

Good Point iMemoo!

justaboutstillhere Sun 09-Oct-11 17:52:04

so glad to see this.

XboxWidow30 Sun 09-Oct-11 18:48:45

Good to see this. I am currently going through a suspected miscarriage. It happened on thurs and I have had to wait until tomorrow (monday) to have a scan at the EPAU. I am in limbo, confused, upset and not had much help or support from professionals since it happened. I am now wondering what tomorrow is going to be like.

MonsterBookOfHorrors Sun 09-Oct-11 18:50:35

Xbox so sorry to hear what you are going through. Similar to mine in 2009 and such a lonely, sad feeling. Thinking of you.

catmaclennan Sun 09-Oct-11 23:19:00

To everyone who thinks this is a great idea - this is already happening through the Miscarriage Association, this work does not need to be re-done you need to support the MA and not do something seperately - working together is the way forward - find what you are doing is a waste of time, money and resources. I urge you to use and organisation at the forefront of miscarriage care. I do not work for them - I am among the hundreds of people who use their services.

catmaclennan Sun 09-Oct-11 23:21:45

Imemoo the ectopic pregnancy trust will have information and support for those who have experienced ectopic pregnancies

MonsterBookOfHorrors Sun 09-Oct-11 23:35:16

Cat I had never head of the miscarriage association untill you have just posted it.
My ignorance I suppose, but if the hospital had told me about the MA I would have felt I had support? This is a reason as to why I find this campaign most important. I was given no support or advice.
It is great that hundreds of people are using their support, but for many others we havent had that unfortunately.
If mumsnet can change that, then I will be happy to help.

catmaclennan Mon 10-Oct-11 00:05:47

I realise that not everyone has heard of them and that is why I believe it is important for forums like mumsnet to signpost people in their direction where they can get the most up-to-date information rather that re-do what is already being done. It would also be helpful to the MA to know which hospital and/or GP service you used so they know where the gaps are. As a person who has worked with many charities over the years I believe you gain more as a collective than as an individual and that is why I urge to work closely with SANDS, Ectopic Trust, Miscarriage Association and Ante-natal results and choices please see to see what is being achieved by working together

TanteRose Mon 10-Oct-11 05:58:31

article in the Guardian this morning

I actually left a comment asking that they change the photo (of three full term pregnant women hmm)

maybe MNHQ could also mention to the Graun that its maybe not the best photo they could have chosen

TinaOnHerBroomstick Mon 10-Oct-11 07:27:14

What an insensitive picture! sad angry

That picture (which hasn't been used in the actual paper) demonstrates perfectly what this campaign is trying to prove. That the rest of the world simply has no idea what it is like for women who are having/have had a miscarriage.

To prop the story with pictures of heavily pregnant women is just beyond belief.

LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 08:28:45

I don't see this as an alternative to the campaigns run by charities, but as extra. The Miscarriage Association are supporting this campaign here

Mumsnet is a large forum, and so we have the ability to get the word out there.

I also think that charities such as the Miscarriage Association are more suited to helping those who are going through miscarriage at this particular moment. When I had my miscarriage, there is no way I would have been strong enough to campaign for better care.

I will add the links to the charities that you have posted to my blog.

BedHog Mon 10-Oct-11 08:31:01

I think it would be a good idea for Mumsnet to liaise with the Miscarriage Association to see what has been done already, rather than be advised to give up this important campaign because the MA is doing something along the same lines. After all, Mumsnet is more famous, and therefore has more media 'clout' to get the message out there which can only be a good thing.

FWIW, I knew about the MA because that was the leaflet given to me at the scan where they found my MMC. The way it came across though was not so much a support network, but an association you could subscribe to and then receive a magazine about miscarriage every quarter. I didn't want to pay to be reminded about the horrors I'd been through every few months, so decided not to join.

Agree about ectopics being included - I should imagine they are more devastating actually as they are physically more risky and the embryo is essentially healthy, just in the wrong place. I found comfort from the fact that my embryo wasn't genetically viable, if that makes sense.

LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 08:31:09

Massive mistake by the Guardian with that picture.

The Mumsnet Blogger Network is supporting this campaign, my blog is here with links to the other blogs such as

Pint Sized Rants


LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 08:37:29

From what I can see of the MA website, there is no campaigning on there. There is fabulous information but nothing about changing things. Or am I missing it?

I don't see why this is a competition. I have had a comment on twitter already this morning about this, from someone asking why I am undermining work done by other charities.

Why does it undermine them if we raise awareness?

RiffRaffeta Mon 10-Oct-11 08:58:18

Fantastic wizard for writing to local MPs. Took me less than 5 minutes, well done MNHQ. I have said to my MP I will speak locally if itys helpful.

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Oct-11 09:04:41

Hi All

Thanks for all the comments - great the campaign is finally up and running. Thanks to everyone who's blogged, posted and filled in the survey to make the campaign a reality. Not always easy, but all the contributions have helped us get some great press today, the first step hopefully to actual change.

We're really pleased to have so much support from lots of different organisations involved in this field, including the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust, Tommy's and the Miscarriage Association - there is so much need for all of us, and as our survey results showed, much more that we can all do together.

So and I know it's early, but, I've just emailed my MP, tweeted and added to my Facebook (how have I missed those handy little buttons on our page for so long).

Please do the same - really need to make some noise now!

LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 09:23:25

Oh, the email doodah is great. Have added to blog.

Crumblemum Mon 10-Oct-11 09:53:57

I'm just about to email my MP - thankfully never had a miscarriage, but had some scares which were tough enough - and know what my sister went through. Hope everyone gets involved.

ParadoxicalGirly Mon 10-Oct-11 10:35:00

As a sufferer of multiple miscarriages, I would be more inclined to support this campaign if there were input from a professional organisation, ie the Miscarriage Association.

Tashanurse Mon 10-Oct-11 10:45:59

I just read the article in The Guardian about your campaign and wanted to express my 100% support!
I am not a mum (yet). I am a qualified nurse, I started my career in a gynaecology ward as a Health Care Assistant and taught myself how to treat women who are miscarrying (no training was provided at all despite the fact that I had the majority of the contact with these women). I don't think I did a bad job but I did see examples of what your survey has found to. Additionally I know a large number of friends who have been through this distressing and life changing event. Throughout my training I passionately advocated the very 5 points that you have identified. Particularly, training for staff communication, being treated seperately to where women are with new babies (and in some cases undergoing terminations), detailed information of choices and what to expect and follow up support when needed.
Currently I regularly work in A and E and try on an individual level to give women the care they deserve and need but know the need for a nationwide standard and improvements. I am now going to write to my MP and the other actions you suggest but please say if there is anything more i can do!!!!

MonsterBookOfHorrors Mon 10-Oct-11 10:51:38

MP has an email in her inbox smile

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Oct-11 10:59:23

Just to let you know Carriemumsnet will be talking about the campaign on the Jeremy Vine show today (12-2, Radio 2) and Lisa a Mumsnetter, featured in the Independent, will be on ITV news (1.30pm).

TanteRose Mon 10-Oct-11 11:05:21

the Graun changed the photo smile

LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 11:10:41

I was going to post a comment in reply to the comment on the Indie article, but on second thoughts why bother to reply to that deeply misogynistic bastard. Eugh.

TinaOnHerBroomstick Mon 10-Oct-11 11:24:56

What obnoxious comments underneath the Independent article! I can't reply to it because I don't really know where to begin. I cannot believe that anyone actually thinks like that in the 21st century sad

LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 11:25:52

I was half way through a ranty reply before I thought that it was not worth it.

TinaOnHerBroomstick Mon 10-Oct-11 11:30:10

Quite apart from the emotional need for a scan, my mc was missed. My baby died 3 weeks before I knew a thing about it. I could have developed a life threatening infection before I starting miscarrying. A scan is often the only way to diagnose a miscarriage! Or maybe us women should all just put up, shut up and die. angry

LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 12:10:33

Absolutely, Tina. And the nonsense about women wanting separate wards - when I had my second m/c I was in a surgical ward, so with women who were having hysterectomies and other non-pregnancy related ops.

We are not asking for miscarriage only wards, just separate from the labour wards.

lottiegb Mon 10-Oct-11 13:16:08

The code seems a good idea but a couple of things strike me about the way it is being publicised in articles I've read. I haven't seen your press release, so don't know how much this is about papers choosing their own line, though that can be pre-empted and countered to a degree by your emphasis and examples.

Some differentiation between the physical, psychological and 'sensitivity' effects of poorly handled miscarriage might be helpful, with separate examples. Secondly, awareness that this campaign is being launched in a climate of public sector funding cuts is essential if it to be taken seriously, so acknowledgement that some changes are cheaper and might be expected more quickly than others, with emphasis that some (e.g. better communication) are low or no cost and may even improve NHS efficiency.

Lots of people will instinctively understand that miscarriage can have serious psychological effects but a proportion of people will find that hard to grasp, so it needs to be explained in a way that quantifies it a bit, makes it comparable to other experience and widely relevant (e.g. mentioning the male experience and family context).

Almost everyone will understand a story that says medical care for a physical problem is not adequate (e.g. lack of scans for complications, lack of pain relief). I'd see those aspects as good hooks on which to catch readers, then reeling them in gently with the other elements.

The sensitivity aspect needs to be handled carefully as it can work two ways. On one hand it is potentially the easiest and cheapest to tackle and the idea of NHS staff sometimes being insensitive will chime with many people and with wider discussions. On the other hand it can come across as a bit precious and demanding of special, potentially expensive, treatment (e.g. creating separate waiting areas), at a time when services are being cut.

The separate treatment areas part of the code strikes me as the least realistic as, while separation from heavily pregnant patients might be possible, out-patients (perhaps including some undergoing miscarriages) cannot be prevented from having young childen with them. Especially if their partner is with them, this may be their only child-care option and simply follows from the fact that hospitals are public places.

I read the Indie article and horrible comments (the worst now removed). There is a sub-set of message-board users who habitually post hateful comments about women, they always will but are easily ignored.

What disappointed me about the article though, was that, for the reasonable reader, there wasn't a great deal of real substance to grasp, demonstrating why the issue is real and worthy of action. There is a lot of emphasis on 'distress', quite a subjective concept, not well defined. There is nothing to explain why waiting for a scan or for treatment matters medically. Miscarriage may not be discussed widely or considered in a joined-up way but does this actually lead to treatment being worse than for anything else? I do think that for most readers, as least as a starting point, more objective and quantitative evidence and less emphasis on emotion will be more convincing.

LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 13:25:59

I agree Lottie.

I am concerned that the emphasis is on the separate wards, and not on the other issues.

Some women have had experienced terribly insensitive HCPs, not been given scans when they should be, having to wait for days until they are seen or until they are offered a ERPC.

lottiegb Mon 10-Oct-11 13:53:41

Looking at the code, I realise I'm not entirely clear what is being asked for regarding separate treatment areas. It says women undergoing miscarriage '...should be separated from women having routine antenatal and postnatal care, or women terminating an unwanted pregnancy'.

That goes further than not being treated on labour wards.

The Indie article quoted Lisa Francesca Nand (presumably from a case study prepared by Mumsnet) saying 'If you miscarry in a weekend, as I did, you can't get a scan and when you do, you often sit there with people with children, which is insensitive.' I don't doubt the unpleasantness of the experience but this is widening the issue considerably.

My own experience was of sitting for five hours in the waiting area of the obstetric ward of a large hospital after initial examination, waiting for a scan (no-one visibly heavily pregnant, some with partners and children, all subdued), then being sent to the scan area when they were ready for me and back to obs for discussion of results. I've been back since for a routine 12-week scan, with 20-weeks approaching fast, so there were clearly pregnant women there. I didn't spend time with them, so found this experience 'acceptable' (good thing I took a book though!) but it doesn't meet the code. Would a separate scanning facility be required, or a separate waiting area, or was my experience made acceptable by good management?

getfittomorrow Mon 10-Oct-11 14:18:49

The treatment of women with fertility problems alongside pregnant women and those who have / are waiting to find out if they have miscarried is an equally important and closely related issue.

I have experienced both fertility problems and, later, miscarriage. Treatment of women with fertility problems alongside pregnant women is also extremely traumatic and unnecessary.

Bournemouth Hospital - very poor for this
Bath RUH - completely separate units and sensitive care - very good

Please add this to your campaign, mumsnet, as it is part of the same problem.

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Oct-11 14:33:01

Hi lottiegb Thanks for all your comments. Really good to get, and helpful to hear your experience. We're really aware that the NHS is far from flush with cash at the moment and spent a long time looking at the points in the code and talking to experts about what they could mean.

Many of the points in the code are covered by existing guidelines, for example, the Dept of Health 'Health Building Note' states that women undergoing miscarriage or suspected miscarriage should be separated from women having routine AN and PN care, and women terminating an unwanted pregnancy.

We're really not calling for new wards for miscarrying mums, but for hospitals to put sensitivity and thought into how women are treated. Around scanning, this does mean it's better when early pregnancy units are away from routine scanning (as many hospitals do) and when patients are treated on wards, that hospitals consider using surgery or obstetric wards rather than post natal wards.

But as you (and CarrieMumsnet on Jermey Vine said) often if there is an explanation and preparation about where you're likely to be scanned this can help a great deal.

You're right, it's one of the areas the media are focussing on - it's not one we've pushed, above the others (our press release led with the pain relief) but we're obviously trying to get as much publicity as possible for the campaign.

Hope that helps x

Boo61 Mon 10-Oct-11 14:34:39

I suffered a stillbirth in 1984 at 36 weeks.I was told on Saturday 15th dec, that my baby had died,very bluntly, was left on my own & each time a nurse/midwife came in they said nothing. I ended up staying on the delivery suite listening to babies until I eventually gave birth to Lucy on Wednesday 19th. I was then shipped off home to be told to have a nice pleasant Christmas with the little girl I had! Lucy was buried the day after boxing day, I have 1 photo & nothing but bad memories of how I was treated in that awful hospital. Much later myself & family moved north & again a stillbirth only this time it was my eldest daughter who went through this horrendous time. How times had changed! I could not praise enough how much the staff at the RVI Newcastle helped the whole family. We had a fantastic midwife who made the point of staying as much as she could. The stillbirth happened again at 36 weeks & was extremely difficult to cope with. My daughter benefited from the knowledge that I REALLY did understand what she was going through. She had to wait at home while still pregnant knowing Harry had died for a couple of days, then we were given a huge lovely room away from babies but still on delivery. How times change, it is common sense that if a mother loses her baby by miscarriage,stillbirth, however, you should show a lot of love & kindness & THINK how she is really feeling! Even after I had to go to ante-natal appt to receive post-mortem results as this was the only time I could be seen. To sit for 1 1/2 hours with pregnant women & babies was stabbing me with a knife in my heart! My daughter however saw her fabulous consultant in an office well away from ante-natal area. It is common sense & simple measures that could help through this life- changing time. The pain stays forever but eases it never goes away!

RiffRaffeta Mon 10-Oct-11 14:37:12

Oh Boo


KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Oct-11 14:38:57

And big thanks to Andrew Gwynne MP and Catherine McKinnell MP who've tweeted their support.

Just trying to track down if our EDM in Parliament has been tabled yet, but in the mean time you can find out if your MP is on twitter here and tweet them to get them to show their support for our campaign for Better Miscarriage Care.

Do post and let us know their response

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Oct-11 14:40:58

Many apologies and Louise Mensch MP

Mwahahahahahahahouseface Mon 10-Oct-11 14:48:46

When we lost our triplets, all boys at 16+5 weeks, we had no support at all from the hospital. The radiographer told us "There are no heartbeats in any of them, you'll need an operation to take them out" sad

Can you imagine hearing those words when just 8 short days earlier, they were all fine with 'good strong heartbeats, all a good size' etc.....

So I had the ERPC, a God awful experience, and was then put onto the maternity ward. Albeit in my own room, but I could still hear the newborns crying and being soothed by their mothers.

I could see them, all snuggled and safe, being fed, held, loved.

Heartbreaking does not come close.

To make matters worse, a few weeks after we lost the boys, still looking heavily pregnant and feeling it, I got a routine appointment through for my next Midwife appointment at the same hospital.

Clerical errors like that are unforgivable in my book. Absolutely no excuse for that to happen. I was so upset. 'Sorry' can not make up for that sort of thing, not at all.

I just hope that this campaign with stop the shocking treatment that some women and families experience, because it's not just the women who are carrying the baby that miscarriage touches.

I believe that more support should be offered to partners and other children too. Or at least to the woman who has experienced a loss/es, maybe she should be given the tools to help them tell siblings and grandparents what has happened and why?

We all know that young children struggle to understand things, never mind us, and more often that not, all we'll get is 'why'? sad

deeliciousdee Mon 10-Oct-11 15:34:47

Hi everyone, I heard the talk on radio 2 today and straight away I logged on and signed up to mumsnet as I fully agree and support the discussion of miscarriages. I am 28 and have been pregnant 4 times but sadly miscarried each time as I've never got past 6weeks in pregnancy. My first miscarriage was in 2004 and was my worst one. Although it was straight forward, it was very painful and I went straight to hospital only to be told that my water sample they had taken had come back saying that I was not pregnant and was discharged but I knew what had happened and the day after I went to see my gp who examined me and sent me straight back to the hospital after confirming a miscarriage to have a internal to make sure it had all come away. My second was then in 2006 and again was a bad experience as the midwife who had told me that again my pregnancy was going to result in a miscarriage told me I had 2 options. The first being, miscarry naturally or stay in hospital for a d&c, I chose to miscarry naturally as I don't like hospitals and didn't want to stay in. After telling the midwife my decision to go home and await to miscarry she told me to go home and have a few glasses of wine as that would sort me out, that right there was unprofessional and very disturbing to hear after the news I had just been told. I went a week waiting but my mum told me it would be for the best if I took the d&c and with that I went back for the op which was again a very unpleasant experience especially as it was my first ever operation and understandably very scary. The bedside manner was disgusting as i got left in a chair next to my bed for almost 12 hours crying to the point my mum had to leave work and be at my side as I wanted to discharge myself because it felt like nobody cared. My third and fourth was last year and again wasn't pleasant as when I went to hospital t seek help, I got placed in a waiting room with people that were sat waiting for treatment for things like sprained ankles and toothache! I've found it hard dealing with my losses but the worst part I experienced was all those times id been placed in waiting rooms with people who either had sprained ankles and toothache and especially the epau waiting room that seemed to be swarmed with excited couples with big glowing expressions on their faces because for the many women out there such as me, I found that the hardest and most daunting part of it all especially to the point where it gets too much, you get shipped of into a grieving room in front of those people! How undignified is that after all the heartache and anger and upset. PLEASE give all us unfortunate women, and even young girls some respect and let us keep just a little bit of dignity when it comes to sad times like these and treat us the way we should be treated!

Whizzz Mon 10-Oct-11 16:56:15

Well I haven't been on MN for a very long while, but have just seen the campaign & wanted to add my support.
I miscarried at around 7 weeks a good few years back & was treated with very little understanding at my local hospital. I discharged myself as I found it heartbreaking to be expected to stay overnight on a ward full of expectant & new mums.
Best of luck MN & I really hope that this can change things for the better.

Mwahahahahahahahouseface Mon 10-Oct-11 17:18:16

Deelicious sad xx

Secondtimelucky Mon 10-Oct-11 17:46:41

I've emailed my MP. Not that I hold out much hope. The only people he answers are developers wanting help with planning (allegedly, IMO, etc, etc).

I was 'lucky' in that my miscarriage was early, and I got pregnant again very fast. So I look at my daughter and know she wouldn't be here but for that. But my treatment by the hospital was unforgivable. So much so that I made an official complaint and organised my antenatal care and (home)birth to try and avoid setting foot in there ever again.

I was not told what was happening in the EPU. I waited for hours and bumped into a friend there for a 12 week scan (the EPU is separate, though includes fertility treatment, etc, but you walk through it to the normal scanning rooms hmm). When I was finally scanned, they said they would scan me and then talk to me in another room about the results. But the radiographer scanned me, and then, when she had finished, left the screen turned into the room and walked out, so I could clearly see for myself that there was nothing there sad. When I did see the midwife/nurse, she told me that there was "no evidence of a pregnancy", as if I'd been making it up that I was 8 weeks pregnant. I yelled that I wanted to go home and stormed out in floods of tears.

God awful experience. Still, it convinced DH on the idea of homebirth grin. He too was adamant he didn't want to be at the hospital again.

deeliciousdee Mon 10-Oct-11 18:27:43

Mwahahahahahahahouseface, thank u for the sad and the xx, im sorry to read that u have lost triplets. These stories are very sad to read and it breaks my heart to read them as i know exactly how it feels to have to go through it. I saw a consultant at the begining of this year and basically got discharged after being told that my miscarriages are my fault as im a smoker! I know what i believe and i know its not my fault as ive never got past 6wks and to be honest its put me off wanting to try again cos as u will understand urself, its hard to stay n think positive even after u have lost 1, let alone 4. thinking of u n thank u again. please feel free to stay in touch as its nice to be able to talk to people who understands. xxxx

lollopybear Mon 10-Oct-11 18:36:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LTLTLT Mon 10-Oct-11 18:51:22

Am in full support of the campaign. Really hope it makes a difference.

CristinadellaPizza Mon 10-Oct-11 18:54:58

I want to thank everyone who has shared their stories so far and those who are still to come.

I am crying here because so much of what you write resonates with me and the pain shines through every single one of them.

Thank you MN for this campaign. I will get campaigning this evening. I really, really want this to be a success. We need it to be.

Emmac50 Mon 10-Oct-11 19:36:23

I think it's absolutely amazing how such a common thing that happens can be treated so badly.

We had a miscarriage last month and The whole process up to leaving after the erpc was carried out so professional. Unfortunately when I went to doctors they weren't so and basically told me I wasting their time. I wanted answers to my questions plus discuss contraception. I thought that was the job of the gp oh well. Not once throughout the process was I offered counselling just that I had to talk to my husband. Which I was doing of course but it would have been good to get it dealt with properly.

I'm really glad you are doing this and it's such a shame that there's so many of us in the same situation. I hope things change and I certainly hope none of us are in this situation again


bamboozled Mon 10-Oct-11 20:38:13

What a fantastic amount of press this has received -sensible reporting and great quotes to back up your points from very senior health care professionals- you have really got it right - Well done Mumsnet! Are you all grinning at MNHQ?

Mwahahahahahahahouseface Mon 10-Oct-11 20:38:51

sad so very hard to read these stories but every one is another layer of hope that those in control of what we as women have to endure, will sit up and listen and build the wall of strength for better treatment and conditions.

BTW - I'm usually mouseface, this is my Hallowe'en name. smile

Dee - what you were told is unforgivable. No consultant worth their salt should ever tell his/her patient that smoking is the sole cause of miscarrying a baby, never mind four. You should have been offered investigations and tests at that point, not being told that. Yes, we all know that smoking is bad for you and baby but to throw it in your face like that is so unprofessional.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. xx

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Oct-11 21:36:52

Thanks bamboozled - we are shattered cautiously pleased smile - long way to go yet though!

Thanks so much for all the input, and for sharing your stories on here. I had a read of some of the bloggers' posts earlier on and it was all a bit gobsmacking.


LynnCSchreiber Mon 10-Oct-11 21:41:56

If anyone is unsure about this campaign, then you only have to read some of the posts on this thread to realise that it is a good thing.

So sorry for the losses of the MNetters who have posted here today.

justaboutstillhere Mon 10-Oct-11 21:46:28

It's such an important campaign. So glad it is happening.

I find myself unable to write about my experiences, to my astonishment! Will try, but just to say - thank you for what you are doing.

buffybo Mon 10-Oct-11 21:56:06

I went through hell in April this year while having a Misscarriage, I even complained to the PALS at the hospital and they gave no help just saying that everything was done as it should have been done.
With this in mind when I have my next child I will be attending a differant hospital (further away)

DrSophie Mon 10-Oct-11 22:56:42

As a doctor myself, having worked in the field of obstetrics and gynaecology, I would like to offer my support to your campaign. I think it paramount that women who are unfortunate enough to miscarry, receive prompt, appropriate and sensitive care. I was however disappointed to hear your representative on the Jeremy Vine show on Radio 2 today, voice her opinion on where this care should be carried out. It is neither appropriate nor safe for this care to be administered on a general medical ward as she suggested. It is not ideal for these woman to be admitted to a post natal ward with mums and babies, but this ensures the correct level of care can be provided by specialist doctors and nurses, and in the case of emergency, care can be delivered at the earliest opportunity. This could not be provided on a general medical ward by staff not trained in such areas.

LynnCSchreiber Tue 11-Oct-11 07:33:05

That is interesting, but I don't quite understand why that should be the case. As far as I know, there are some hospitals in UK who do not treat women with miscarriages on maternity wards - certainly when I had my miscarriages in Germany/Switzerland I was on a regular surgical ward.

What is so specialist about miscarriage care that a surgical ward team would not be able to do?

Not being arsey, just trying to understand your statement.

DrSophie Tue 11-Oct-11 08:23:20

I absolutely agree, care on a general surgical ward my well be appropriate and this is something that should be considered. It's interesting to hear that this is what happens in other European countries. A general medical ward however, where patients are suffering from heart attacks, pneumonia etc is not safe though, as staff in this field are not trained in these areas. Perhaps this is a misunderstanding, in which case, ignore my rant, but I felt it should be addressed! Again, I thoroughly support this campaign.

LynnCSchreiber Tue 11-Oct-11 08:40:53

Ah, I see. I was not making the distinction between a surgical and a medical ward - perhaps these are terms that some members of the public are not aware of the difference?

Yes, I can see that a medical ward would be the wrong place. Thanks for clarifying.

BonnieWeeJeannieMcCall Tue 11-Oct-11 09:00:10

Aaargh! Just wrote a long post and it disappeared when I hit "post."

No time to re-write.

Briefly, Aberdeen Maternity Hospital has a wonderful ward called the Rubislaw ward for miscarriage/ stillbirth. The staff are excellent. I was there in 1998, 1999 and 2002, and was very grateful that there was such a ward. (It's a ward of separate rooms, one of which even has an extra bed so that DH could stay)

At that time (don't know current practice) potentially distressing scans were scheduled for the beginning / end of the day, to minimise contact in the waiting room with happy pregnant women.

Mwahahahahahahahouseface Tue 11-Oct-11 11:44:17

Bonnie - If only all hospitals could adopt that policy. I'm sure that money would be the reason for it not being possible in most cases, oh and lack of appropriately trained staff and of course 'room' for this facility to be built/housed.

Fifis25StottieCakes Tue 11-Oct-11 13:13:26

I miscarried my 1st in 2000 at 8 weeks then had dd1 and 2 in 2001 and 2004. I had another miscarriage at 17 weeks in 2006. I had dd3 in 2008 and my 3rd miscarriage in 2009 at 3 weeks.

I wasnt offered any aftercare after any of the miscarriages and i think the 1st one affected me the most.

Nobabyyet Tue 11-Oct-11 14:37:39

Feeling very sorry for all of you ladies just now, but inspired by this campaign, and the strength of your stories standing together. I hope that the campaign succeeds and your voices are finally heard enough to make a difference for the future, because what is currently happening seems just appalling.

At the risk of being lynched, I would just like to say that it isn't easy being in hospital for a termination, or following one going wrong (as in my case), and being among those who have just lost their babies, or those who are healthily pregnant either. And I expect the still-pregnant Mums feel guilty too kind of. The loss of a much wanted baby has to be the most agonising experience, and my sympathies are without question. My point is that all women are put in together without choice. And all deserve respect regardless of why they are there. And for judgement to be suspended.

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 11-Oct-11 14:57:06

Hi Again

Thanks so much for all your posts and support. Really great to know this campaign means so much to you all - really hope we can do a good job! Things still moving along well, Carrie was on women's hour today (at the beginning of the show if you want to listen again), and you can see more of the coverage here

And lots and lots of bloggers are writing so movingly in support of the campaign here

The Health Minister Anne Milton as said about the campaign:

"Miscarriage is devastating for women and their partners, so it is essential that they get the best care to deal with the physical and emotional effects.

''We welcome the Mumsnet Miscarriage Care campaign and Code of Care in raising awareness of this issue. Every woman who has a miscarriage should be given high quality care to meet their individual needs and help them through the trauma."

Which is great - but we know there is much more to do. JustineMumsnet has said this in response

"It's great that the Mumsnet campaign for Better Miscarriage Care is raising awareness of the issue, but our survey results showed many women are left without adequate care, support and treatment and for this to change Andrew Lansley and the Dept of Health need to show leadership to local hospitals and health care workers to ensure they do everything they can to support parents who are going through the tragedy of miscarriage."

So we'll keep pushing for more support from the Dept of Health nationally.

A parliamentary EDM has been tabled by Valerie Vaz MP, Louise Mensch MP and Lorely Burt MP, so gold stars (and big thanks) to all of them! MPs will be able to sign from tomorrow, so do keep emailing your MP, and we'll publish a link of who's signed (and who hasn't), and that will give us a really good list of people to help bring changes locally.

Phew, think that's everything, but any questions or ideas, do just shout!

And thanks again xxxx

Mwahahahahahahahouseface Tue 11-Oct-11 15:18:29

I've e-mailed my MP with the link to the campaign page.

Such heart wrenching stories on here, I really hope that this is just the start of much needed changes in the way that most hospital and HCPs treat and manage miscarriage.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Tue 11-Oct-11 16:11:56

I have emailed my MP with a link to the campaign page also. i truly hope things can change from this.

topsmart Tue 11-Oct-11 16:55:23

Thank you for this mumsnet.
I've had four miscarriages. The care I received for the first was atrocious. Luckily since then I've found much nicer hospitals with more sympathetic and well-trained staff. I've emailed my MP and promoted your campaign on facebook. I do hope the NHS take notice.

LittleWhiteWereWolf Tue 11-Oct-11 18:49:29

I was treated before and after my ERPC on a gyno ward which was the best option I think.

welliesandpyjamas Tue 11-Oct-11 19:37:13

Just had my first miscarriage and my treatment at my local EPU was excellent. I was treated gently and with sympathy and that, I feel, has to be the very foundation of whatever a miscarrying woman has to go through. For the medical staff to be kind, sympathetic, and rushing of decisions or information provision.

Having a unit which is separate from the labour unit, no matter how small, is a very intelligent idea, especially given how common miscarriages seem to be.

barbiegirl5 Tue 11-Oct-11 22:24:17


I've been alerted to this via twitter this and want to add my support. Although I would not like to tread on the toes of the excellent work of the MA - a charity that really needs support. I've just started writing a blog about my experiences in 2008 with 2 missed misscarriages. The EPAC staff were fab but elsewhere in the hospital was horrendous, I complained afterwards but didn't have the emotional strength to follow it up further. I wish I had.

I now have two beautiful daughters but not a day goes by that I don't think about the mmcs and the impact it has had on my life (and my behaviour as a mother) since. Next year I will be running the London Marathon in aid of the Miscarriage Association which is the reason I've started the blog. I was given a leaflet at the hospital about the MA following the first MC and I am stunned to learn that this is not always the case. That is why we need to support them - so they can get their information out there. And make a difference.

Is this campaign being endorsed by the MA? I agree with pp, you should work together.

LynnCSchreiber Tue 11-Oct-11 22:35:21

Not sure about the MA, but I think that raising awareness of the issue is a good thing, and getting the message out there is more important than worrying about stepping on toes. I am sure that the MA will appreciate all the publicity that they can get.

If you would like to link up the MN blogger network, you can do so through my blog here.

We already have 19 stories on the blogger network, some from MN bloggers, some from bloggers who are not on the network.

I really think that we have to forget about affiliations and just join in publicising the issues at stake here.

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 12-Oct-11 12:16:02

Hi There

You can now see if your MP has signed up to the Early Day Motion in support of the campaign here. Not sure it's 'live' might be updated daily, but keep your eyes peeled.

If you get a response from your MP directly - please do post it here so we can see who's supporting the campaign.

Barbiegirl thanks so much for your post and blog, hope you're able to link up with MmeLindor. Yes, pleased to say we've been talking lots to MA, they've given lots of input to the code, and you can read their quote about the campaign here. We're definitely aiming to compliment their work and improve what we can for woman miscarrying

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 12-Oct-11 12:29:32

Ooh and here is a rather lovely page of all the bloggers talking about the campaign

RiffRaffeta Wed 12-Oct-11 13:10:52

My MP has replied:

Thank you for this. I am sorry to hear of your own experience with the NHS
in this area.

I have regular meetings with the local NHS and senior management at both
Darent Valley and Pembury Hospitals. I shall certainly raise the
Miscarriage Code of Care with them.

Kind regards,
Michael Fallon MP

KatieMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 12-Oct-11 13:51:55

Thanks for letting us know RiffRaffeta. Gold star to Michael Fallon. WIll be good to hear the NHS's responses.

RiffRaffeta Wed 12-Oct-11 13:55:43

I'll ask him to keep me updated.

theressomethingaboutmarie Wed 12-Oct-11 14:27:18

I was just reading MmeLindors blog and thinking about the excellent care I recieved when I miscarried earlier this year when I remembered about a pretty shoddy member of staff at the hospital. I was going to the hospital with DH to get a scan at the EPAU. I was pretty certain that I was miscarrying and naturally extremely upset about it. I walked into the reception area of the Royal Surrey EPAU unit and had the misfortune to encounter the least sympathetic, utterly uncompetent moron. I was very upset and could barely get my words out. It took me a few moments to calm myself enough to speak and during that time, she looked at me like I was something on her shoe. She kept saying, "Yes?" and looking at me with complete contempt; it was pretty fecking clear why I was there for goodness sake!!! I can't believe that I have now just remembered this and I'm ENRAGED!

Poeteats4gals Thu 13-Oct-11 00:39:03

This is so valuable. I was so alone and bereft after my miscarriage. What a good idea. Good luck ! So many Mums will benefit .

grumpyoldbookworm Thu 13-Oct-11 08:18:19

My friend had a miscarriage away from home and when she asked the nurse (Manchester hospital) for advice about recovery etc she was given a leaflet written for people who have had abortions! Unforgivable! It would help if nurses had a little basic compassion and I hope this campaign will increase awareness. Big hugs to everyone posting on here with their own experiences.

LynnCSchreiber Thu 13-Oct-11 10:16:29

That is terrible, how awful for your friend.

I have posted the last two guest blog posts, from Sarah

and ending on a positive note Kirsty praises the NHS

If you have had a positive experience, would you add a short comment to that final post - feel free to name the hospital.

It would be good to do a positive list of hospitals where they get it right.

Emmac50 Thu 13-Oct-11 19:43:37

Crawley and east surrey hospital in Redhill were really good with really professional doctors and nurses. it was a shame east surrey was dirty but other than that... My doctors weren't and it's a shame that there's no follow up visit to the doctors or midwife after either

This is a fab idea. I had a MC in 2008 at 6 ish weeks.

GP was fab and arranged EPU appointment when I started bleeding heavily. Although separate from the maternity ward the EPU was just outside the labour and postnatal ward so all the labouring mums, mums with babies and happy visitors were coming past.

EPU nurses/ midwives. radiographers - fab.
Made to come for scans and bloods every other day for up to a fortnight. Once I was made to wait for a Dr in the waiting room of the maternity ward from 7AM til 5PM and had not eaten or drunk anything as I'd been told I might need to be sedated.
After 2 weeks of this and 2nd day in the waiting room I inisited on seeing a Dr (turned out that it would be unsympathetic Bit*h of dr who deliver DD1 and told me I had a psychological barrier to pushing and ended up with a 4th degree tear! who I would still like to murder but that another story).
All this time I was bleeding heavily and was pragmatic in realising that there was no future for that baby. I had even offered to sign a letter for a termination to get it on with.

In the end the Dr asked me if I wanted a laporoscopy so I told her that she was the qualified one and I just wanted this to be over and I had a methetrexate injection. The whole final process took seconds and I had to stay for 20 minutes in a side room on my own. No counselling, no support, was made to feel like a nuisance.Left on my own to sort it out.

My GP however, what a fabulous man!. Gave me a 2 week sick note because he acknowledged that my hormones would be all over the place and the community midwive offered support too. Hospitals are shocking!

emsy5000 Thu 13-Oct-11 22:31:11

I have a friend who recently went threw a misscarage this is a great campain well done!!

have you put together a similar plan for the friends and family of the woman who is going threw this. we all want to be supportive but just sometimes it is not easy to know what to do.

princesschick Thu 13-Oct-11 23:08:26

Thank you mumsnet for raising the awareness of what is sadly an experience so many of us go though at some point.

Having gone through two miscarriages, I've had really mixed experiences with health care professionals. With my first miscarriage a female A&E doctor told us that we shouldn't feel that we were being punished by God for not being married (I'm not religious and thought this line wholly inappropriate); to being sat with heavily pregnant mothers and being asked to participate in a 'healthy pregnancy' study whilst waiting for a scan; and being told by my female GP that women don't need to take time off work for a miscarriage because it's just part of life and something one needs to get on with. These experiences were not only distressing at an already painful time but led to a real sense of shame and confusion at a time when I just wanted information about what had happened, how to look after myself and how to try again. It took me a long time to come to terms with the loss as a result of the advice I received. Thankfully, I have an incredibly supportive and patient family and partner (now husband) who helped greatly. We sought help from the miscarriage association (really, really fantastic) and did our own research to understand what had happened. With the second miscarriage we were lucky to receive excellent care from a team of really supportive, understanding and kind nurses and gynaecologists from our hospital's EPU who made dealing with my second miscarriage so much easier and less painful.

And this is the key - those who were tactless were not from the EPU, were of a much older generation who maybe hadn't had training for some time. I hope this doesn't sound demeaning and I'm sure that there are lots of wonderfully caring older GPs and A&E doctors out there, I've just been unlucky. But I think it just highlights the inconsistencies within the NHS at present.

Mumsnet, all the very best with your efforts. I sincerely hope that your campaign translates into caring support and treatment for all who suffer pregnancy loss. It means an awful lot to me, on a personal note, that this is being raised and addressed.

princesschick Thu 13-Oct-11 23:49:46

BTW - the excellent EPU team I refer to is at the Royal Sussex County Hospital in Brighton. Only the receptionist had to be dealt with by DH when we had to return for blood tests to check my hormone levels. We turned up, both clearly distraught and tired, explained who I was, why I was there and she helpfully explained that we had arrived at the EPU and that we would need to go elsewhere for blood tests despite telling her I was miscarrying. Luckily the consultant was stood behind her, overheard and remembered us and helped DH sort out whilst I waited quietly in the waiting area unable to deal with the 'attitude'.

welliesandpyjamas Fri 14-Oct-11 08:48:12

EPU in Cardiff, in the Heath and in Llandough, are marvellous. Kind and sympathetic.

welliesandpyjamas Fri 14-Oct-11 08:51:36

Sorry if it's been mentioned already, but I think it would be very constructive for anyone in any sort of medical training, and also those preparing to work in customer facing administrative roles in hospitals/clinics, to read or hear about both positive and negative experiences of miscarriage and remember them when they do come in to contact with women in these situations. Not all staff will have personal experience to help make them sympathetic.

NessaRose Fri 14-Oct-11 20:27:18

I started miscarrying on saturday. I am STILL waiting for my scan, the hospital have booked it for monday 8 days since it started. In sheer despation I called my GP and asked her to see if she could get it brought forward for me, she said at 2pm that the hospital would not see me this late on a friday! I asked her to think about my mental state and she refused to call them. She did however make me a appointment to see her on monday morning. I will not be seeing her again.

imoanruby Fri 14-Oct-11 20:53:17

I think this is a fantastic idea, i miscarried very recently at seven weeks. I spoke to NHS Direct as i was at home. A doctor called me back and ran through what was happening with me and then he asked me "what are calling us for, what do you want to know" ?! I explained that i was distressed and didn't know what to do and i was told there was nothing i could do - no point going to the hospital and he couldn't have been less interested if he tried. He made me feel like a stupid pathetic woman for even bothering them it was awful.

Rollon2012 Fri 14-Oct-11 22:36:22

This is really good, I hope good changes and permeneant changes are made.

I have just e-mailed my MP. Let's see ...

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza Sat 15-Oct-11 16:28:52

I've had a reply from my MP saying she is 'shocked at the appalling care that you have described in your email concerning the support that is given to women concerning miscarriage treatment. It is clear that there should be sufficient training to heighten the abilities of staff to cope with the prospect of miscarriage and the mental and physical trials that are associated with thsi devastating loss. Thank you for bringing this issue to my attention. I will send on the Secretary of State's response in due course.'

So that's good smile

Abbiesmummy07 Sat 15-Oct-11 22:35:43

I would be in favour of a petition. I have had 3 MC and one ectopic all of which were not handled very well. First one the consultant actually took a phone call mid conversation 'telling me it was 'dead' and I would have to have an evacuation'....then coming back to me from his call to his daughter about his evening plans and then rambled something about the Iraq elections!! I was in shock.

My ectopic was not diagnosed in one hospital I went to. The EPU was the only one open in a one hour drive radius on a bank holiday and then had to go through A&E to get a scan. They told me it was a pregnancy of unknown location and def wasn't ectopic! I then went about just waiting to miscarry until I had really bad pain. I then had a follow up at a nearer hospital (where I had my daughter previously) and had 3 scans (in the EPU, surrounded by post natal and other pregnant ladies) before confirming ectopic. I decided to be 'managed expectantly' but wasn't told anything other than to dial 999 if I had significant blood loss / pain and had to return to the EPU every 48 hours for blood tests, until my HCG was considered safe. This went on for nearly 2 months....all at the same time having to go to the EPU seeing babies / pregnant people etc. I know I can't avoid babies and pregnant women, but this really does make you have to be the toughest / bravest person you could ever imagine having to be.

I would like to lobby for better treatment for women who suffer and have suffered. I would also like to add something - it's about the classification of Ectopic pregnancy and the '3 consecutive misscariage' rule before testing.

I would like to be tested why I keep having miscarriages, however as I had my daughter between mc1 and 2 / 3 + ectopic they wont test me. They do not class ectopic as a miscarriage, so it doesn't count as the ' consecutive 3' to the NHS. To me I still don't have a baby, so it was a loss to me! I do get one thing that you have put in your pledge, if I do get pregnant again - I don't have to be referred to the EPU and will be as soon as I confirm my pregnancy.

Sorry if this was long and not totally on topic, however I feel the points you have in your charter is a breath of fresh air and makes me feel that we haven't been forgotton.

McKTastic Sat 15-Oct-11 23:35:11

Article on BBC news website yesterday (sorry am clueless at how to link from my phone but if you google BBC, Miscarriage & October 2011 it'll come up) More about actual diagnosis - if you plan to look it up it's not a particularly pleasant read as it discusses misdiagnosis. Towards the end of the article it states :-

"The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence is currently developing guidelines for the care of women who experience pain and bleeding in early pregnancy. There is already guidance available from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.

This will include the role of ultrasound in determining the viability of a pregnancy and will draw on this research. New guidelines are due in November 2012."

I thought I'd post here to share with MNHQ as there might be opportunity to overlap with what you're hoping to achieve - am not sure how these things work/if it's possible or indeed appropriate to link in with NICE - if not please ignore!

Good luck with the campaign. We MMC'd twins ** last year.

Mama5isalive Sun 16-Oct-11 00:32:59

felt quite sick after recent story of women being told baby has died and having ops to remove healthy living babies!
i had the op and they only scanned me once although i asked for other scans!
trying not to think that it could of happened to me! because that will/would drive me mad!
scary thought these thing, happen in this day and age!!!!!

Poeteats4gals Sun 16-Oct-11 03:54:27

So pleased. This will raise much needed awareness around this loss filled subject .It is nine years since my missed miss(Jo Jo) that affected our relationship alot drove us apart and men find it hard to express the loss as we have the hormones to help us cry etc..Big worthwhile common subject...Feel the feelings to heal and move on is my experience. Best of love and luck.

Havingkittens Sun 16-Oct-11 12:48:58

I would like to second the suggestion of this being "Better care of thos suffering pregnancy loss".

Like Nobabyyet, as well as 4 miscarriages, I have also been through two terminations of very much wanted pregnancies due to chromosomal abnormalities. One of which was incomplete so I had to go back for further surgery. All of these experiences were heart wrenching and horrific to go through and the terminations were equally, if not more traumatic. In fact one of my experiences was one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever been through and I will never forget it. My local hospital, at that time, had decided to save their budget in the department by contracting out the treatment to Marie Stopes Clinic so I was treated as someone terminating an unwanted pregnancy with the same cold clinical approach. I was treated in a very degrading way, handled roughly by the anesthetist, told by the nurse I wouldn't be given the surgery if I didn't stop crying and then told by the surgeon "Oh well, you can try again in 3 months".

At the time I felt that there was a certain amount of counseling and after care offered for those who had had miscarriages, albeit not enough in a lot of hospitals, but really nothing for other causes of pregnancy loss. I know it is a contentious subject but it is not uncommon for women to make the decision to terminate a pregnancy when told the baby may have a seriously compromised quality of life (especially when it's no longer a baby) or even a condition incompatible with life. The lack of attention given to this type of circumstance makes people like me feel like "a dirty little secret" in a way. Something that is not addressed or treated with the same attention and care as you would expect for a miscarriage. I think this, and also ectopic and molar pregnancies should be covered by this code of practice too. I mentioned this in the original thread but I don't think anyone commented on it. I guess because for some people this is a bit of a taboo subject sad

welliesandpyjamas Sun 16-Oct-11 13:10:24

I too was only scanned once. (Friday should have been my 12 week scan sad ) At the time I did feel reassured that the doctor at the EPU was very experienced and she did spend a lot of time looking, measuring etc but what bad timing for that BBC report to inform me that two scans are standard practice.

definatelymoocowbiscuits Sun 16-Oct-11 21:48:53

Xbox, Just to say I am thinking of you and praying for you. Goodluck. x

LynnCSchreiber Sun 16-Oct-11 22:27:21

I was only scanned once when I had my first miscarriage, but had such a bad feeling about it that I insisted on a second scan when I had my second. I do think that the risk is very low that they made mistakes. I do know that I felt very differently when I was pregnant with my two successful pregnancies - had morning sickness right from the start which I never had with the pregnancies that ended in mc.

If you haven't seen this yet, we have had an amazing 34 bloggers share their stories about miscarriage to highlight this campaign.

And here is the link to the Early Day Motion so that you can check if your MP has signed

mistlethrush Mon 17-Oct-11 13:06:37

I've just written to my MP as he's not on the list.

annabananamum Mon 17-Oct-11 14:13:55

Thank you so much Mumsnet for highlighting this. I lost my son in June at 24 weeks. the care I received when giving birth to him was very sensitive. However following his birth I had an infection and was admitted back into the labour ward and then into the Maternity ward. This was horrendous and I can't really find the words to describe it other than it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. We then had an appointment with the consultant and had to go to the antenatal clinic and wait surrounded by leaflets and posters promoting breastfeeding and obviously pregnant women. The final (hopefully) indignity was when I went to see my GP and she asked how my baby was ( She had previously phoned to see how we were coping).
I have written to my hospital to complain and with recommendations as to how they can deal with miscarriage and stillbirth more sensitively.
And now have e mailed my MP so hopefully he will sign up to the code.
Thanks again MN it is such an important issue

KateMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 17-Oct-11 15:49:51

Hello all

Thanks so much - again - for your support and for sharing your experiences, and to MmeLindor and all the lovely bloggers who've written about miscarriage. Nessa, and anyone who is going through it right now, we're thinking of you here at MNHQ.

Please do email your MP if you haven't already done so (you can check here to see if they've signed the EDM). And do let us know on this thread if you get a direct response from him or her, so we can keep our list of supportive types up to date.

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza, would you mind letting us know who your MP is so that we can pop her on our list - do feel free to PM if you'd prefer?

BecauseImAWerewolefIt Mon 17-Oct-11 20:17:35

How long do you reckon one has to wait to hear anything back from one's MP?

Secondtimelucky Mon 17-Oct-11 20:21:00

KateMumsnet - do you want to be sent details of MPs who have been contacted but not replied too. On past form my MP doesn't stand much chance of getting on the response list!

BecauseImAWerewolefIt Tue 18-Oct-11 17:00:07

Right - I've had a reply from my MP, Stephen Hammond, and I need some advice re what to ask him next. His letter goes:

"Dear Ms BecauseImAWerewolefIt

Thank you for your e-mail of Saturday in regard to the Mumsnet campaign for better care for women who have experienced miscarriage, and the related Early Day Motion. I am very sorry to learn that you suffered a miscarriage some years ago.

I have located the EDM to which you refer - EDM 2230. Sadly, as I am a Parliamentary Private Secretary, I am unable to sign any policy EDMs and am therefore unable to add my name to this EDM. However, please rest assured that I have taken on board the content and will certainly bear in mind your comments in future discussions on this matter.

With best wishes

Yours sincerely"

So a polite and reasonably warm reply - is there anything else I can ask him to do?

BecauseImAWerewolefIt Tue 18-Oct-11 17:00:37

Obviously I didn't disclose my MN name to my MP.

CombineArvester Wed 19-Oct-11 13:35:38

My MP Tracey Crouch (who you may know from the parliamentary football team!) has written a lovely letter saying at the end she "will be pleased to sign EDM 2230". Yey.

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 19-Oct-11 19:04:49

Hello hello

Secondtimelucky - I think we're going to try the carrot rather than the stick for now (ie we're unlikely to compile a list of people who haven't replied, although it would be interesting to hear of people who've said a flat 'no'!)

BIWI: do you think you could try to wheedle something a bit stronger out of him? Maybe a commitment that he will raise it in meetings/correspondence with appropriate agencies? Suggest that a nice story about him supporting the campaign might go down rather well in the local paper ('the BIWI Bugle and Gazette', as I like to think of it)?

CombineArvester - Yay! and thanks for letting us know.


Secondtimelucky Wed 19-Oct-11 19:07:30

I assumed that was the case- my MP goes with 'if I ignore it, it will go away!"

I've sent an email to my MP. I'm not sure if I made much sense, but I gave it a go.

I miscarried on Monday and posted about my some of my experiences here. It was one of the posters who responded who mentioned the campaign to me. I was discharged late yesterday, so decided to read up on it.

One thing that I didn't mention in my thread was that when someone finally did tell me I had miscarried (a day after I had had the tests - results were ready after 30 minutes), she just mentioned it in passing. It had been so long that she just assumed I already knew. I had pretty much figured out for myself that I had miscarried, but it was another blow to be 'officially' told in such a casual way.

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 20-Oct-11 17:08:14

We're very sorry to hear that, browneyesblue. Hope you are doing OK. And thanks for taking the time to write to your MP.

We've had a flurry of EDM signers in the last couple of days, as well as a few more MPs indicating support in other ways (including Diane Abbott asking a question in the House about it); you can see the current roll of honour here. Do please keep the pressure up!


CeeMac Fri 21-Oct-11 12:29:13

I also think it important that part of the professional network be the provision of counselling for those that want it. I suffered a miscarriage in the early part of last year and although my family were very supportive I would have welcomed the chance to speak with a professional if the opportunity was there.

CeeMac Fri 21-Oct-11 13:21:59

RowanMumsnet perhaps you could add this to the list ????

I have just received a letter from my MP Dawn Primarolo who has stated "Thank you very much for your email in connection with your concerns about support for women who have experienced miscarriage... I certainly share your concerns, and absolutely support Mumsnet's campaign. I can confirm that I have written to raise this matter with the Secretary of State for Health. I will let you know when I receive a response but please do not hesitate to contact me in the meantime should the need arise." grin

However, I am now not sure whether I mentioned her need to sign the Early Day Motion confused. Mumsnet How can I get her to do this? What is the link or what does she have to do to sign it? I am happy to write to her again. Can you add her to the list of MPs in support of the campaign please.


ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Wed 26-Oct-11 16:25:07

I have received a letter from my MP John Hayes. He has written:

"There is a Parliamentary convention that Government Ministers do not sign campaign pledges. However, I have written to the local NHS Trust and the PCT enclosing a copy of your email, requesting their urgent comments on the matter. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. I shall be sure to forward copies of their replies that I receive directly to you. If I can be of any service in the meantime do not hesitate to contact me"

So that is a very positive start and I hope my local trusts that he has contacted take it seriously.

Like downtoearth I too forgot to ask about the EDM. So I will need to ask him to sign that. So MNHQ how do I let him know about that and how does he go about doing it?

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Wed 26-Oct-11 16:28:43

Also, I don't 'tweet' and have no idea how it works. If I was to ask my MP to perhaps release a statement on Twitter does he need to know anything? Does he need to do it on a certain place? Does he need a # thing? blush

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Wed 26-Oct-11 16:52:19

Right, I have had a read of all the info on the code of care pages and have re-used the Write to Them widget to contact him again. Have thanked him for his support, thanked him for contacting the relevant people and said I looked forward to reading their responses in the near future. I have also asked him to publicly comment, perhaos on Twitter if he tweets, and provided him with the # thing. I also said that there is an EDM that we would like the MPs to sign and asked him to that when he gets his next opportunity.

Really hope he can do that smile Have met him personally a few times and his children go to same school as my brother and they are a lovely family and I really hope he gives this his full support.

<wonders if Mrs MP is a MNer grin >

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 26-Oct-11 17:17:20


CeeMac - we're sorry to hear about your experience. We do include the counselling point under point 1 of the code ('Follow-up appointments and/or counselling for those who feel they need it should be routinely offered after miscarriage'), but thanks for the suggestion!

down2earthwithabump - that's great, thank you. We've added Dawn Primarolo to the roll of honour, but if you'd like to prompt her to sign the EDM as well, the link is here. Do please let us know if you hear anything more from her.

ALovelyBunchofCoconuts - another marvellous response, thanks for letting us know. The link to the EDM is above if you want to prompt him to sign it as well. Again, please let us know if you hear any more from him about how the local healthcare authorities respond.

The Twitter hashtag is #miscarriagecare - so if you're asking someone to send out a supportive tweet, please ask them to include that in the body of the message somewhere. If they can squeeze it in, it would also be great if they could mention @MumsnetTowers in the tweet as well, as we're more likely to pick up on it that way.


Fiona365 Mon 07-Nov-11 16:15:36

I wrote a nice letter to Mr Cameron (he's my MP) about this.
And then I got a reply. A letter, no less. However, it's disappointing waffle:
"Thank you blah blah."
"The Department of Health has made provision of safe, quality maternity services a priority in the draft NHS Outcomes Framework. I want to assure you that the Government if doing everything possible to stamp out instances of sub-standard care in materinity services. The number of midwives is at historically high levels, a record number of midwives are being trained, and new stanards of care are being development for antenatal services.
I am confident that these measures will help to ensure that women have access to high quality care and the support to meet their individual needs to help them through the trauma of miscarriage."
So no support for the code of care.
It sounds like lots of MPs are being supportive, shame the PM isn't.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Mon 14-Nov-11 09:55:22

I have had a reply from my MP regarding the EDM. He says he isn't allowed to sign it confused so therefore hasn't.

He has also forwarded a letter to me from my NHS Trust which really effed me off if I'm honest. I don't think they are really seeing the changes that need to be made.

They just waffle on about how and when EPAU becomes available (Yes 9-5) and if at weekends ladies who are mc-ing can go to A&E (yes and wait til the next day for a scan) They go on to say how the standards of care are already in place but sorry to hear about my rough time. Not offering to look into anything or improve anything.

I don't think they are seeing the bigger picture at all. They say that when a mc is diagnosed you see a MW, get given a leaflet, arrange aftercare with GP but mention nothing about the MW or GP being totally dismissive having no compassion whatsoever. It isn't necessarily the procedure that needs changing but the people that carry it out.

But anyway, the letter was a waste of time and they aren't really doing anything. Not impressed.

Hope everyoone else is having better luck than me.

How's it all going your end MNHQ?

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 21-Nov-11 12:14:34


Thanks fiona - it's disappointing, but good to know where we stand!

And thanks also ALovelyBunchofCoconuts: again, not great news, but interesting. If you're happy to do so, we'd love to see the letter - you can email us on, or put it up in full here if you like?

Stella Creasy, the Walthamstow MP, has passed on to us the following response from Anne Milton, Minister for Public Health and responsible for maternity policy:

'Micarriage is a devastating event for women and their partners and I know how important it is that people consistently get good care. It is important that throughout, they receive care based on current evidence, in appropriate locations, which supports both their physical health needs and emotional wellbeing.

To assist healthcare professionals, in 2008 the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists published Standards for Maternity Care and for Gynaecology. Local clinical leadership is fundamental to the implementation of these standards, including the design and management of a collaborative miscarriage care pathway focused on quality outcomes to meet the emotional and support needs of a woman and her family as well as ensuring physical safety.

The Department has commissioned the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence to produce a clinical guideline for the NHS on the assessment and initial management, both physical and emotional, of pain and bleeding in the first trimester of pregnancy. I am pleased that Mumsnet is a registered stakeholder in this work, which is due to be published in November 2012.

There are places where practice is excellent, but we know that it needs to be consistently excellent across the country.

The Mumsnet Miscarriage Care campaign and the Code of Care will help to maintain awareness of this important issue and re-emphasise the value women place on the delivery of high-quality services that are responsive to their individual needs.'


We think this is fine so far as it goes - we fully support the RCOG and NICE guidelines (in fact most of the points made in the Code of Care are already in published guidelines) - but we think that this issue needs national political leadership as well as local leadership, and we're going to be trying to bring pressure to bear to help this come about.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Mon 21-Nov-11 14:43:47

Ok Rowan, when I get enough spare time, I'll sit and type it out for you smile But it's quite lengthy so may take an age grin

KateMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 24-Nov-11 11:43:24

Thanks again for all your work so far - we've had some great coverage and loads of support. Now the difficult bit - actually changing things - begins.

You probably remember that our Miscarriage Code of Care stresses the importance of communicating sensitively with miscarrying parents. In particular, many of you found the term "evacuation of retained products of conception", used to describe the surgical management of miscarriage, very upsetting.

Following on from our campaign, the Department of Health have agreed to consider alternative terms suggested by MNers. We do understand that this might be distressing but, if you can, please do post your thoughts here - it could be an important first step to real progress.

The DH are interested in all suggestions, though bear in mind that the language needs to be very precise and clear; parents have to formally consent to this procedure, so it's crucial that the phrase isn't open to misinterpretation.

As an example, in some of their literature the RCOG use the term 'pregnancy tissue'. Is this preferable, do you think, or is there a better term?

And if you don't want to suggest an alternative, please do check if your MP has signed up. It would be really powerful if we could get a 100 signatures before Christmas.


ChristinedePizanne Thu 24-Nov-11 11:52:30

I've had a letter from my MP forwarding her reply from the Under-Sec for Health. I will scan it in shall I and send it on?

piprabbit Thu 24-Nov-11 14:27:23

For a start, could they not use removal instead of evacuation. AFAIK they are synonyms and I personally don't find removal quite such a repulsive word.

I slightly prefer pregnancy tissue to retained products of conception as it carries with it the implication that the situation is being recognised formally as being an actual pregnancy, not just a sort of medical blip.

PaperView Thu 24-Nov-11 16:28:36

I prefer the term pregnancy tissue. It IS (was) a pregnancy and will always be seen as such by the affected women. And it counts as a previous pregnancy to the midwives if you are lucky enough to conceive again.

Thirstysomething Thu 24-Nov-11 19:10:12

I have been wanting to do something about no 3 since losing a baby at 24 weeks three years ago.
Nearly every day for two weeks until it was all sorted (complicated) I had to sit in ante-natal clinic waiting rooms, or in the waiting rooms of labour wards at hospitals -- even the foetal medicine unit waiting room was in the ordinary labour ward waiting room, so as I was shaking with sobs after being told my daughter had no chance of a normal life, or even surviving, I was surrounded by fathers waving balloons and grandparents triumphantly ringing everyone on their mobile phones, while newborns were proudly displayed to the world. It made it so so so much worse. Occasionally a sympathetic nurse would let me sit in an empty consulting room, but often there was no room available. This is making me cry again now and I am generally very strong about the experience. Every newborn cry was like having my heart gouged out.
After she died, by a quirk of fate I had to go through that cold labour in the same room that I had given birth to my elder (healthy) daughter in. Again among perfect babies being born. And midwives/anaesthetists etc kept coming in who didn't know the situation who kept saying unbelievably crass things. Not their fault -- the whole situation was obviously nobodies fault, but that is why I would support this campaign in any way I can.
Mothers who are miscarrying, having medical terminations, or hearing bad news about babies who are not going to be born healthy should have the right to be treated somewhere with a private waiting room - even if that room is only a few feet square (as long as it has a soundproof door!). Forget this weeks news of a 'right' to a caesarian!
I am very very lucky and have a second healthy daughter, born a year later, and am now 37 weeks pregnant. Haven't had a lot of time to do any campaigning, but it has always been something I would have loved to have done, so please rope me in if I can help in any way, probably after Christmas now though I am afraid.
PS: ARC were a bit of a lifeline, I think they used to be SANDS. Their leaflets were a big help both to me and to the grandparents, the newsletters helped me realise that I wasn't alone and the helpline was very useful once when I felt I had overused my wonderful support network, but just needed to talk.

I have received two letters from my MP. <<Northampton>>
Have been struggling to remember writing it on this thread.
I am happy to fax them to mnhq or send them to you if you like? My mp also says if there is anything else she can do to help let her know, but I dont know what to say.

KateMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 24-Nov-11 21:01:29

Hello again

MonsterBookOfTysons and ChristineDePizan - yes please, it would be brill if you could scan and email to campaigns @ mumsnet dot com.

Thanks very much for your thoughts so far on the re-naming of ERPC issue. A little late in the day blush we've realised that this really ought to have its own thread, so we've started one over here - do join us there?

NoMC Sun 22-Jan-12 18:16:44

I just had my 2nd mc, and NHS said there is nothing they can do for me. Tests will only been given after 3rd mc, frankly, I don't think I can go through the 3rd one. NHS is hopeless...

ReallyRachel Sun 12-Feb-12 19:59:06

I miscarried at 13wks and I think the worst moment was when I went to see my doctor because I was bleeding and he wrote "Threatened Abortion" on my notes!!! I wanted to scream at him because it sounded like I didn't want the baby, when I did. I was then admitted at about 10pm that night, the day before my scheduled ultrasound, and had to wait until 2pm the following day for my ultrasound at the hospital, even though I had an appointment that day for 11am at home. I wasn't given much information and after being discharged to decide if I wanted it surgically removed or to let nature take it's course, the following day I started haemorrhaging badly and ended up being airlifted to hospital as it was 60miles away. Whilst I was there I passed out and when I came to I had all this staff rushing around me and then in agony I sat up and pushed out what remained of my baby. Luckily my mum caught it in a bedpan and rushed to find a doctor but found a consultant and rushed me up to theatre after taking one look at it. Afterwards I had NO information on my baby, I don't know when I lost it and all I know is a comment from the ultrasound tech saying it looked like I had an empty sac and then the hospital phoned to say I needed some strong antibiotics but they didn't say why or if it was connected to the baby and when I asked they kinda covered up their answer. I think I lost the baby at 7wks as I think I saw something on my notes when I was at the drs once, but I don't know for sure and I'm left with a feeling of guilt afterwards. I was lucky enough to conceive my daughter 2wks after my miscarriage but in hindsight I wished I'd given myself time to grief first but instead all I could think about was getting pregnant again. I've blogged about it at

Glosswitch Mon 18-Jun-12 22:40:56

I've just been pointed in this direction after I wrote a post about my own miscarriage (linking it to a US proposal to enforce "funeral arrangements" for miscarriage remains, which really disturbs me, as I think it's so important to be able to deal with it in your own way). I find it very helpful to read the stories, and feel so, so sorry for what other people have been through. If I am completely honest, 5 yrs ago (when my miscarriage happened) I would have been scanning a board such as this for mysterious "evidence" that I wouldn't miscarry again. At the same time, no matter how many stories I read, I still managed to feel like I was the only person in the world to whom this had happened. However common miscarriage is, treatment and wider cultural responses could be made so much better.
I told people I was pregnant before the magic 12 weeks. However much that was against "the rules", it was those people - who'd known that for me, the pregnancy was real - who helped me the most. For others, it was never a pregnancy, just a miscarriage. Part of me feels this silence is just to save others from embarrassment. I really hope people here are getting the personal support they need.

Yaiyai Tue 14-Aug-12 02:18:10

Hi everyone I know this is a fairly old thread but I thought it was worth posting. I have a beautiful 9 month old baby but prior to having him I had 5 miscarriages and like most of your experiences they were not pleasant and could have been made a little less painful had the right care been in place. I am now a nurse and care for women who suffer miscarriages up to 20 weeks. I can empathise with my patients and do my upmost to help them through this horrid time. My reason for posting on here is well... I want to improve our care by offering more to our families. Just because a baby is born at 20 weeks or less does not mean it hurts less. What I would like to know is what the hospitals offered you in terms or memory's of your baby and support. I for example would have liked the blanket my little one was wrapped in but wasn't offered, I also would have liked some nice pictures and not just clinical looking ones. I know this is not appropriate for all loses but I would like to know what you all think and I am considering approaching my manager with a plan of action to improve care. Thanks in advance x

BabydollsMum Fri 19-Oct-12 12:25:08

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I wasn't strong enough to fight at the time.

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