Hi Justine,
Rest assured that in no way was I asking that people do not express their opinions in the usual way. We all do. Parent of children with a SN do need to be able to rant or cry from time to time. I do.
As you might know from the discussion that took place, there was a poem posted for comment that caused considerable problems and shock, not just for me but for a large number of others. Some people liked its contents, which of course is their right. It was also copyright and quite possibly breached one of the disability laws because it was written for a US market 30 years ago. The OP asked mumsnet to remove it, and you did, which was good.
But it did reveal a problem about how I can have a better chance of knowing where really things are being posted. As you know, I have a variant form of visual ASD that means that hugely generalised negative long things can 'crash my brain' for several hours and leave me too exhausted to do my everyday things for hours or a few days afterwards.
People can't always know what the triggers are, no. They're not psychic, but the big ones are the very long totally negative generalised articles (not the parents having a rant) that don't set out to give the slightest bit of good news or hope. Because we're naive and literal, with almost no 'people-bit' in our brains, it can become totally overwhelming and very panic-inducing to read a massively negative thing about our disability that (for an example) portrays the way we are as embarrassing and an infection worse than death. (!)
Trying to think how to explain why really long totally negative generalised things crash my brain...? A bit like if someone stuck a totally negative virus in the Mumsnet computer server and crashed your entire network. If it kept happening, you'd be tearing your hair out and want a way to stop it from crashing everything. Same sort of principle. Most people can rationalise their way past it. This disability means I have absolutely no chance of that once it reaches a certain level of relentless negativity.
So, I need to be able to duck fast enough so I don't read the stuff if possible. Doesn't mean it can't be posted if mumsnet are happy with it - I just need to find a way to not look at it, if I can, because my brain won't handle it and there's nothing I can do to override it crashing. In the job I do, I have a support team that can help spot the hazards, but here I'm 'on my own'. I'd still like to enjoy mumsnet though.
Normally the thread title is a good enough clue, but not always. People on there are lovely and usually very very good at thinking things through. It's a great board. I really like everyone on it. But are we helping everyone (including me) to avoid the biggest potential mistakes?
No system is perfect, and there can never be total safety in any open debate board, but I'd suggested that we could get round at least some of the hazards, (and help others too), if Mumsnet could put in a line of comment at the top of the SN board to remind people to perhaps post within the knowledge that people with those disabilities are also on the board. You'd be able to come up with the right phrasing, I'm sure. Otherwise the mums with children with SN may not realise that some of the other similar mums there also have those same SN. It might be mightily embarrassing for them to say, for example,
"I HATE anything to do with (whatever disability it is) I think it's DIGUSTING and I feel SICK even looking at it"
...and then realise that there's three people with it who are posting on there , all now doing this: . They might want a chance to rephrase it. They might not. It's up to them. But it would at least give them a kindly suggestion.
So... I think a quick bit of wording at the top of the board to remind them that it's a very mixed readership would give people at least a chance to rephrase things in a way that allows them their rant BUT doesn't cause panic for the person reading the comments, before they hit the "post message" button. They may not wish to, but it's a start.
And it would give people like me, whose brains are hardwired into the 'fear centre' (and who therefore have no choice about our level of panic whatsoever in unexpected negative circumstances), a better chance to join in without having huge problems.
It's free, it's easy, it makes sense to me.
If people could also be encouraged (not forced, encouraged) to think about putting the word WARNING at the top of a new thread if they had good reason to suspect it was a particularly controversial one, then again it would be a start. They might forget, or not wish to, yes. But most people do want to help save other mums with disabilities from undue hurt and pressure in their lives, but don't best know how to. It's not a perfect system. That's ok. People might want to post something rude about us anyway. Fair enough. People might post something rude later on in a thread that doesn't have a warning. I understand that. But it's a start. It might just save some of the unexpected problems for me and others.
I'd love it if I and anyone else with my variant of ASD could be even a small amount more sure of where the hazards are likely to be.
And I think many people, including me, could do with the reminder that we may need to get a decent cuppa and have a small think before pressing 'post'. Heck, I have a comms disability - I can be undiplomatic too
Please would you consider it? It doesn't mean you'd have to monitor it more than before,and it wouldn't cost money - just spend a couple of minutes programming in a reminder to people to think before pressing the button? It really wouldnt stop people expressing their angst at their lives with their children etc - the idea is just to give me a chance to not read the most problematic things if possible.
The idea of the new private boards sounds interesting. Good luck with it.
Please can you let me know if these ideas have any sort of merit for Mumsnet?
Many thanks