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How much responsibility should you give a 15-year old? The Observer wants to know our thoughts please...

38 replies

JustineMumsnet · 14/03/2008 18:37

Following the horrendous Scarlet Keeling murder story and the subsequent report that the police are investigating her mother for negligence, The Observer would lke to know how much responsibility we think a teenager should be given. Personally I'm of the view that it depends on the 15 year old but seeing as I don't actually have a teenager I'd be grateful to know what do you all think please wise Mumsnetters?

If any parent of teenagers would like to have their own voxbox in the Obs (150 words on this issue) then they are looking for someone. Either call Amelia Hill on 07967 366938 or mail her at [email protected] (You can just send her your 150 words if you'd prefer)

OP posts:

Report

Blandmum · 14/03/2008 18:39

ohh, is this a nice thing to do? Given the circumstances?

littlelapin · 14/03/2008 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

donnie · 14/03/2008 18:42

agree with MB. This is nasty and invasive, given the circs.

peanutbear · 14/03/2008 18:43

lapin I was just about to post that myself

JustineMumsnet · 14/03/2008 18:44

Hmm I'm not sure I agree that it's invasive - I think we can be really supportive of the mother?

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Blandmum · 14/03/2008 18:48

has the potential to get judgemental, I think. And while some people may well be supportive , others may put the boot in

the 'maddy' thing all over again

donnie · 14/03/2008 18:48

well watch out is all I can say. I feel very very sorry for Scarlett's mother and shocked at the manner of her daughter's death, but you may well get a response akin to the 'Maddie' ( puke) threads where the mother gets flamed and verbally executed, Gerry and Kate style.

donnie · 14/03/2008 18:48

xpost MB.

JustineMumsnet · 14/03/2008 18:50

Yes I do see your point MB but the press are going to do this either way - it is and will be covered everywhere. At least if they ask us what we think we have some control as opposed to just lifting the odd, non-representative quote from the boards?

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Homebird8 · 14/03/2008 18:53

There are other people/organisations in history who were going to 'do something anyway'. If individuals had not gone along with it then history might have been different.

A child has died.

This country doesn't even look for 'looked after' children who disappear at this age. Who are we to comment about an individual mother when we as a country are so careless.

StripeyMama · 14/03/2008 18:55

Have you read the threads on here where the mother has been called irresponsible/negligent/blah?

JustineMumsnet · 14/03/2008 18:59

Isn't that the very reason why we should comment though StripeyMama - the newspapers will just lift those quotes which is exactly what happened with Madeleine McCann...

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Homebird8 · 14/03/2008 18:59

No, and I don't intend to. I am sad for the loss of a child's life. It is not for me to comment on the situation when I know little of it. That mother has lost her child and nothing we can say will make that any better or any worse for her. It is not our business. Let's look to things that are, and try to do some good rather than have an intellectual exercise over incomplete information.

JustineMumsnet · 14/03/2008 19:01

They're not asking you to comment on this case though - they're asking for how much responsibility you/ we think a 15 year old should have.

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StripeyMama · 14/03/2008 19:02

Thread here

Reprehensible, nutty, neglectful,more concerned with her own fun than her child...

Hope to god the Observer don't just pick quotes from the boards. Poor woman will be going through enough without that sort of judgement from other mothers being printed.

StripeyMama · 14/03/2008 19:04

Fair enough, I see what you mean. I'm certainly not placed to comment as I don't have a teenager.

OT but out of interest - are the meeja allowed to just quote stuff off MN? Do they not need the poster's permission or owt?

littlelapin · 14/03/2008 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustineMumsnet · 14/03/2008 19:05

Well I think that is exactly the problem StripeyMama and exactly what happened in the Madeleine McCann case except that was the Guardian who lifted only negative comments about the McCanns.

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JustineMumsnet · 14/03/2008 19:07

Yes they are - there is a some kind of ruling (I forget what it's called now) which means you can lift extracts but they are supposed to be a fair representation. We wrote to the Readers Editor at the Guardian complaining about their selective lifting of quotes last time and didn't even get a reply!

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littlelapin · 14/03/2008 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Homebird8 · 14/03/2008 19:13

Even if we all said we'd have done just the same then there's nothing to stop the media printing that we're all in the wrong. If they really want to know what 15 year olds are allowed to do then perhaps they should talk to them! Some are mothers after all. What would they let their babies do if they were 15?

StripeyMama · 14/03/2008 19:13

Ooh I didn't know that. Surely it must be anonymous though?

WRT to the question though, there are 15 year olds who I'd happily leave in charge of dd overnight, and 15 year olds who I'd supervise when using a butter knife. It really does depend.

Bumblelion · 14/03/2008 19:20

My DD is 15 and very sensible, responsible, etc. but there are still some things I would not let her do. Stay out after dark (even at 15), I need to know where she is at all times, I will pick her up from friends' houses. At the moment she is downstairs with her two girlfriends and 3 'boy' friends, watching telly, enjoying themselves, having a pizza take-out, etc. I would much rather she be indoors with her friends so I know where she is and who she is with.

I have popped out at night when my other 2 have been in bed (aged 11 and 6) if I ran out of, say, milk/bread but I am only out of the house for 10 minutes or so (if that).

Although she is very responsible, I would not want to give her the responsibility of looking after her siblings if I was out of the house for a longer time.

Regarding the Scarlett scenario, for me a mother's worst nightmare. I am not being negative towards Scarlett's mum in any way but I would not leave my daughter, especially in another country.

RustyBear · 14/03/2008 19:34

Well, if my DD was answering this (which she might yet, she lurks & occasionally posts on here) she'd probably say I kept her in a ball & chain until she was 16.

It was my attitude to sleeping over that annoyed her - I insisted on it being arranged in advance, & my knowing full details, while she wanted to be able to ring up & say 'Can I stay at Georgie's tonight.

When she turned 16 I relaxed a bit (particularly after a friend pointed out that at 16 she'd been living on her own & working in London for nearly a year) & allowed 'ad-hoc' stays with people I knew, and now she's 18 I just insist I know if she's coming back or not & whether she'll be eating here, which is basic good manners if you're living in someone's house.

Piffle · 14/03/2008 19:50

hen is it needed by? I have a 14 yr old son and would trust him with total care of his siblings aged 5yrs and 12 mths, but obviously I dont leave him with them. I can see wider points and would welcome the chance to opine upon different strokes for different parents. I might ring her tomorrow.

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