Children learn more from peers than parents - do you agree?

[JustineMumsnet]

The Daily Tel have asked us to comment on their story today that children learn more from their peers than from their parents. The result of this being that children brought up in a stable family environment will still go off the rails if they fall in with a bad crowd.

I guess my thoughts are that it's probably true once they get to a certain age but most of the groundwork is done by then anyway. What do you think?

[FiveFingeredFiend]

As paretns it is our duty to instill manners and morals. peers at a certain age will always have an influence, but when they come through the other side, if they remember they have a wonderful mum or dad or both who instilled values, morals, manners and their very own handbook to life, then they will revert.

Being a parent is powerful. It is THE most powerful position to be in. Phychiatrists, councillors and the rest dine heartily off this kind of messed up relationship


Therefore i would argue that peers can have undue influence when the child hits their teens. but you will have had 13, 14 or if your lucky 15 years to parent the said child.

and thats a long time.

[Taylormama]

i think they can learn differently from peers but parenting is the ultimate influence for better or worse

[ScottishThistle]

Any child no matter what their upbringing can go off the rails if they fall in with the wrong crowd!

An ex friend of mine who came from a perfect family scenario is a perfect example, she did badly in school exams/ had a normal crap job & now has 3 children by different Fathers & 2 ex husbands.

Her Mother once had the cheek to come to our house & give my Mother a mouthful, apparently her daughters behaviour was down to me because I came from a single parent family!

[Tigana]

Not convinced by the argument as set out in the article. Comapring a 'disciplined' home, an "orderly, well run" and a "messy" home is pretty meaningless. Too much 'discipline' could lead to a child veering more strongly away from what they are 'told' to do.

Messy and orderly...wtf? I thought this was about behaviours, not about housekeeping?

Isn't it about the sense of self-respect and respect for others that parents instill in their children, not whether they can find matching socks???

And off the rails is a relative term anyway, surely. To a strict family staying out an hour alte could be off the rails, to a relaxed one, panic might not start for 3 or 4 hours...

[Tigana]

and comparing twins....? Nature vs Nurture? So because twins aren't identical in personality, parents must have less influence than peers...so ruling out nature all together then?

[PrettyCandles]

I think the difference is that parents often try to teach their children by telling them, whereas they see their peers actually doing, and doing something is a far greater learning tool than hearing about it. If parents want to influence their children strongly then they must model the behaviour they want learned or copied, just as the peers do. It's no good saying "Don't bloody swear!".

[suedonim]

As a mum of older children I think that to use as an example 6yo twins is pretty daft. At 6yo they've barely arrived in this world - there's a long way to go before they're 'fully formed' and she can't possible know how they'll be when they're 16yo.

I think there are no guarantees in life and any child can go off the rails (what defines 'going off the rails', anyway??) but I reckon for the most part, if parents have done the spade work, the child will subconsciously have their parents' values deep down. My boys in particular were no angels in their teens and in ds2's case mixed with people I'd rather he hadn't. But now they're adults they've left that behind them and lead very respectable lives! So, no, in general terms, I don't agree.