TDWP and recent goings-on

(497 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 30-Jan-14 13:55:31

Hello

We thought it would be useful to explain our understanding of what occurred last week between Zombie, Footsteps/TDWP, Rhubarb etc to try to clear up any misunderstandings.

When the situation started to develop last week, we absolutely did not know that Footsteps was TDWP. We unearthed something to suggest that she was near midnight on the night that everything was kicking off. At that point, one MNer was waiting in a public place to meet up with her, and we had been told by Zombie and by Nom that the police were aware of the rendezvous details and were standing by to help if anything went wrong.

We could see from some PMs flying around that posters were saying that the crime reference number checked out, and that the refuge had confirmed they had a space for her, so at this point we thought the best course was to keep channels of communication open. So we didn't ban Footsteps again at that point, despite having realised who she was. We did re-ban her once things had settled down and we had been told she was in a safe place. Given past history, TDWP is not a poster we would consider allowing back to Mumsnet permanently.

At various points throughout the evening we were in phone or text contact with Zombie and with Rhubarb, mostly trying to establish (as far as we could) what was going on and whether people were behaving safely. FWIW, we thought at the time - and still do - that it was a hugely risky thing to do, and not something we would advise or encourage. We would never recommend that any MNer goes into a situation like this, particularly not on her own. As most of you will know, we remind posters regularly that not everyone on the internet is who and what they say they are. We're pulling together some content on internet safety for adults and hope to publish that soon.

We asked Rhubarb at the time (before we had conclusive evidence about Footsteps's identity) whether she thought the person Zombie was meeting was a previously banned poster, and she said that she had no reason to think it was.

Pretty much everything else took place off-board and via channels that we have no access to - so beyond this account we aren't able to say with certainty what has gone on.

AllThatGlistens Thu 30-Jan-14 14:00:23

What a bloody mess.. really hope it highlights the whole internet safety issue now!

PedlarsSpanner Thu 30-Jan-14 14:04:32

I really feel for you all at MN HQ, what a blimming old mess

Thank you for the clarification

SnakeyMcBadass Thu 30-Jan-14 14:06:35

Thanks for posting your side, MNHQ. What a fuckaroo, eh?

MmeLindor Thu 30-Jan-14 14:08:55

Thanks for posting, Rowan. I've started a thread in Site Stuff about internet safety - it would be good if a cohesive plan came about because of all this mess.

piratecat Thu 30-Jan-14 14:13:28

so why are people disbelieving Rhubarb, if she didn't know it was tdwp. Why would Rhubarb bother lying. HQ have said that it wasn't until later that they suspected it was her.

piratecat Thu 30-Jan-14 14:15:06

also, i 'think' Rhubarb was saying that the thread from 2008 that was linked to, that she didn't know that was tdwp either, that op's identity was something different.

hope i'm making sense.

greenhill Thu 30-Jan-14 14:15:58

Thanks for posting this, MNHQ, hopefully all the speculation and accusations of complicity will stop now.

Rooners Thu 30-Jan-14 14:17:02

Oh. So it was TDWP. Makes sense.

Thanks for explaining Rowan. Sorry you were put in that position.

Is this a thread about a more recent thread? I thought it was all over and done with last week.

(fwiw have been in touch with Rhubarb and she is VERY upset about it all and has left for a while.)

Rooners Thu 30-Jan-14 14:19:05

Also I want to say (again) that I think Rhubarb is one of the most honest people I have ever encountered on here or IRL (though have not met her IRL) and that's over 7 years of talking.

I don't consider her motivations were anything but genuine and admirable. Or Zombie's.

I was only concerned that the poster (footsteps) might cause further collateral damage and it seems she did.

CatAmongThePigeons Thu 30-Jan-14 14:20:02

Thanks Rowan, sorry you have had to say it though.

Rooners there's two threads about last weeks events IIRC.

CatAmongThePigeons Thu 30-Jan-14 14:20:44

Two threads I've seen today I mean.

Rooners Thu 30-Jan-14 14:22:03

Oh thankyou, have now found both and can see Rhubarb is doing her own talking - have not read yet, will do in a mo.

Mintyy Thu 30-Jan-14 14:24:45

What a huge pain in the arse for you all Rowan.

CatAssTrophy Thu 30-Jan-14 14:29:24

Why do people keep mentioning something about a man with an axe/hammer? I assume that didn't actually happen?

I read elsewhere that TDWP was actually lovely and her situation was very real. Zombie picked her up, took her somewhere where the refuge people then met with them before taking TDWP to the refuge.

I just don't understand why zombie - who lives miles and miles away - was the one to go and get TDWP? Why couldn't the refuge people have arranged transport?

How do women in her situation normally get to a refuge? The whole situating was terrifying. It has made me lose faith in the police and refuge system actually.

Thanks MNHQ.

Buuuuut ..... Despite being a PBP troll , was TDWP in danger and need to go to a refuge?

confused

Cat

Footsteps /TDWP said that her DP had previously threatened her with a hammer but she didn't want to go through with giving evidence so it was dropped. The whole point is that nobody could really be sure about what happened in the past.

Very few of people (not me) actually know what happened. What was said to the police and the refuge?

My main concern is that someone took a risk to help another person without anyone really knowing the full facts. Luckily it worked out safely in this case but that is no guarantee for the next time.

The fact that the poster turned out to be a PBP makes it all the more worrying.

THERhubarb Thu 30-Jan-14 14:38:43

If someone could point Maryz in the direction of this thread I'd be most grateful. I have sent Maryz quite a heartfelt PM that she says she will not read and someone suggested she get MNHQ to read for her, I presume that's in case it is inflammatory? It's not, it's a heartfelt and emotional PM.

I understand this is not about me and I don't want anyone to think that I have such a huge ego to think it is. However I have been called a liar, I have had serious accusations about putting another poster in danger levelled at me, I have had my intentions questioned and have seen my reputation torn to shreds today. That feels personal.

My risk assessments might be different to most, but that does not mean that I would ever put another poster in danger.
What I said was true. All of it.

Thank you Rooners and all the lovely people who have PM'ed me, you have made more difference than you think.

I am deeply upset, of course I am. One accusation led to many many others and it seemed some people couldn't wait to personally tear me apart. The more I posted, the more I was targeted and I can see now that it was wrong to post. I wanted to defend my reputation, to deny the accusations. Once someone states that you knew a poster was a troll and deliberately sent another poster out to meet that troll and therefore put her in danger all because of the thrill of it or because of some glory hunt, well that kind of mud sticks. People read that and believe it. Then other gossip starts and things which were said are attributed to me when they weren't.

Criticism I can take, personal attacks I cannot.

No-one knew she was TDWP and I cannot even recall what that poster did to get a banning. But for what it's worth, that poster is now getting on with life so troll or not, her situation I still believe was genuine at the time and I hope she receives the help she badly needs.

As for the rest. I think Mumsnet can do without me for a while. I feel very badly battered and although I know it's just words on a screen and it shouldn't matter, it does when it's something you've been part of for years and years.

PedlarsSpanner Thu 30-Jan-14 14:38:52

CatAss wrt to TDWP it became apparent that she had addiction issues partic otc codeine hence her exh had residence of the children. She failed to include this info and so appeared to be battling against hideous exh/gullible courts etc. It all unravelled with a name change fail.

monicalewinski Thu 30-Jan-14 14:40:37

Was "nom" real then, or a sock puppet of foots/TDWP?

Was foots/TDWP really in danger (ie was the situation actually real), or just a figment of her imagination?

I understand that Rhubarb and Zombie were deceived and sucked in to the drama, but was the situation posted about completely baseless?

(Loads of questions, sorry, but I followed the whole thing and it spiralled so quickly and seemed so thoroughly unbelievable in the end).

TaraLott Thu 30-Jan-14 14:43:12

Sometimes you think it would be fun to be an HQer get all the good goss ,other times, well, maybe not.

Mintyy Thu 30-Jan-14 14:45:20

Exactly Tara

DrankSangriaInThePark Thu 30-Jan-14 14:46:12

Thank you Rowan.

Perhaps if it happens again you might consider telling people straightaway if it's a PBP/DWP (because she isn't going to go away, let's face it- she must be loving all of this). As you were sure, by midnight, it was her, it might have saved people genuinely worrying about Zombie and what was potentially going on given the crap that was being spouted at the time.

Rooners Thu 30-Jan-14 14:46:44

Rhubarb, I've been sort of where you are and I know how much it matters and how much it hurts. I left for weeks when I was in a situation where people thought I was someone who had a long thread running which I hadn't even seen. It was stated on the thread that it was me. I only found the thread after I'd deregged, after some ofthe people posted odd replies to another thread I did start and I felt like they must hate me for some reason - I didn't understand but it left me in tears and very very hurt.

I just wanted someone to say something in my defence but no one did. When I finally opened the thread by the other person, I twigged what had gone on and had to re-join and start a thread explaining that it wasn;t me. It was awful - lots of people said 'Oh stop protesting, it makes you look guilty' - I couldn't win and MNHQ refused to verify anything on the thread (I think they may have changed that policy recently - they seem a lot more transparent now)

Mud does stick
I bet there are still people here who think I was the dolally person who was dating a caretaker grin actually I was the dolally one who got sexually harrassed by and reported one, a year or two earlier.

I hope you don't stay away. Not for longer than it takes to dry your tears anyway. I got over it with some bloody lovely PMs from the ones who had thought I was someone else - basically they believed me. It mattered SO much.

You are valued hugely here. Goddamn it, you're famous grin

Stick around or it will be even more crap.

nomdemachin Thu 30-Jan-14 14:47:32

Monica I am real.

I am quite happy for MNHQ to comment as far as they can on my 'realness', check my IP etc if that helps put this all to bed

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