Abusive Private Messages

[FrauMoose]

Is it common to receive these?

I have just received one, and reported it. Am awaiting developments - but feeling slightly shaken. I think the person who sent it may not be terribly well....

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

On here?

I had one once from an U person who didn't think she was BU.

HQ will sort it.

[eurochick]

I've had it once on here. From someone I was on a long-running thread with, and towards whom me and many others had shown support. We all got the same treatment from that poster. Lovely it was.

[FrauMoose]

Thanks

[RebeccaMumsnet]

Hi FrauMoose,

Thanks for reporting, we have dealt with this now. Hope you got the email we sent?

[FrauMoose]

I did, Rebecca. Very much appreciate it being sorted. Have a good evening.

[TheAccidentalExhibitionist]

Sorry that happened to you I had a somewhat creepy message from someone who wasn't well once on here and it totally creeped me out. It's upsetting isn't it?

[SauvignonBlanche]

How horrible!

[ScooseIsLoose]

I have never had one I wouldn't like to be the person who dared try that with me hope you ate OK op

[FrauMoose]

Well I can be quite robust in my arguing style. But hadn't expected someone would want to message me to say I was horrid.

However it's impossible to know what's going on in other people's lives, and by and large I find Mumsnet discussions interesting/enjoyable/eye-opening. (Delete as appropriate.)

[Pan]

I've received a few abusive ones over time. Does HQ actually see them or are they really 'private'. Anyone know?

[RebeccaMumsnet]

@Pan

I've received a few abusive ones over time. Does HQ actually see them or are they really 'private'. Anyone know?

We do not look at them unless they are reported, much like posts Pan - unless we have reason to believe there is an issue with that specific poster that needs a good look into.
But simply put, no we don't look generally.

[Pan]

oh thanks Rebecca. Just wondered if one had to cut n' paste or just point to it. Hope obv it doesn't happen again. Cheers.

[PedlarsSpanner]

Frau I am sorry, it really shakes one doesn't it

[HereIsMee]

I'm not sure what you recieved, sorry it's upsetting. It's awful to be on the recieving end of someone else's vile behaviour. However I tend to cringe when people make references to MH problems or suggest that such things are due to people being "unwell". It just seems to reinforce a stigma and also makes you appear to be excusing someone's behaviour that might well just be malicious. You shouldn't need to be apologetic about it.

[waltermittymissus]

Ugh that's horrible! Hope you're ok!

[FrauMoose]

I suppose that for some people there may be a simple malicious pleasure in sending hostile messages to strangers via a forum.

However I'd prefer to think that they are in such distress about some problem which has formed the subject of a thread, that they honestly believe someone who has expressed an opposing point of view is a vile horrid bully, who deserves to be told so via a message.

If I go for the latter option, that makes it easier for me to process the event. I would imagine that even if the former is true, the life experience of that person can't be terribly good. Otherwise they'd have better things to do with their time.

And I'm okay. Happy with the response of Mumsnet HQ - and the supportive concern showed by you lot.

[CuntyBunty]

Name and shame the fuckers. That would make them think twice about doing it. Cowardly.

I hope MN have banned your er, "corespondent" Frau and that you are feeling calm now.

[SlightlyTerrified]

I reported a horrible pm once, I was posting on relationships and basically had an 'offer' from someone. I wish I had named and shamed on the thread as he didn't actually give advice on the thread at all but I wasn't sure if that was allowed really. MN dealt with very quickly but I wasn't sure if the poster was banned or just banned from sending pms.

I did search for the poster at the time and they clearly lied about lots of things and generally looked dodgy.

[ChippingInWadesIn]

Frau It's always a bit of a shock when something like that happens isn't it. I haven't had any really horrible PM's on MN, only one questioning the support I was giving on a Relationships thread (not her thread) & basically telling me I was wrong in quite a nasty forceful way, but didn't have the gumption to post it on the thread - I calmly explained why I had said, what I had said... surprise, surprise...no reply.

The poster is either bad or sad - or just a tad barking, try not to let it upset you anymore.

[AnyFucker]

Sorry this happened to you, OP

I have had a couple of nasty private messages and it feels very different to something that was posted onthread. I was "informed" once that there was a blog especially about me and my terrible marriage-wrecking ways. Strangely, no link was ever provided.

In all the upfront and often plain-speaking disagreements I have had on here, I have never once taken it to pm and doing so shows a weakness of character that is all about them, and nothing about you x