So can we ban 'begging' threads, or even threads started by other people to have a whip round for posters?

(370 Posts)

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threesocksmorgan Wed 21-Nov-12 11:24:54

seeing this is a site for adults why not let people make up their own minds?
I think it would be a shame to stop kind hearted people helping others.
yes sometimes people will be scammed, but that is rare, but as long as you never give what you can't afford, you are ok.
a lot of people want to help Expat and her family, what is wrong with that.
I think it would be better to concentrate on stopping people being allowed to send nasty pm's.

TigerFeet Wed 21-Nov-12 11:25:38

I think a blanket ban is a really really bad idea.

I think it's got to be borne in mind that no-one should ever give more than they can afford to spare (so no <wail> but I sent that hairy handed trucker my gas bill money) and accept that it will be spent by the recipient as they see fit.

I've donated money to various causes on here and was pleased to do so. I'd be sorry to think that someone I know, even only because I spend too long lurking on here and recognise their username, was in dire financial straits due to shitty bad luck and even a couple of quid from me would help. If a hundred posters donate £2 that they won't miss to someone who really needs it, that person then has £200 to spend on petrol, ready meals because hosptial food is rank, naice ham & fruit shoots or whatever they need to get them through. If someone receives enough - there are a LOT of generous people on here - that they're able to buy non-essential items that just make life a little more bearable, then that's just extraordinary and wonderful and how life should be.

HecatePropylaea Wed 21-Nov-12 11:26:09

I've found it now, pinot, thanks. Awful. Giraffes must feel like shit.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 21-Nov-12 11:26:43

I know Pinot but I am really cross. I was the first person TK suggest giving money to giraffe - she didn't ask for it - but I have read through the year of her help for expat - if she had posted she needed a break I'd have wanted to help.

Mumsnet helps so many in black times - sometimes it is heart warming when you think the world is black, to read how Ine person has supported another.

And this attitude - where we constantly seem to be protected from the consequences of our own actions - it drives me insane.

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TigerFeet Wed 21-Nov-12 11:29:01

I just think that the site is too big and too anymous nowadays (and probably too jaded) for anyone to just ask for stuff without people getting snippy about it.

AFAIK no-one connected to Aillidh in RL asked for anything. It all came from people hearing about her terrible illness and wanting to help, putting themselves forward voluntarily. Those who were unable to offer practical help donated money. And I'm glad for it.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 21-Nov-12 11:30:27

I've been here forever - this comes up with monotonous regularity over the years.

When I was in crisis - 2 mumsnetters came long distances to visit me and help me - I had met them once before - I have never been so touched - they restored my faith in humanity.

Leave u's try to help others in whatever small ways we can - it's eases our own pain sometimes.

mumnosbest Wed 21-Nov-12 11:31:28

No don't ban them. So long as you don't give more than you can afford materially or emotionally then wheres the problem. You read a post that touches you and want to help anyway you can. Sure you can't be certain that its always genuine but its your choice. Having given myself i know how good it feels that you may actually have helped someone in need. Nobody is forced to do this.

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SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 21-Nov-12 11:33:27

No. I dont think they should be banned. You know why?...
Because if I chose to donate money to anyone who starts a thread here, and believe me I dont have much cash so I am very careful, then I do it in the clear and obvious knowledge that the person I donate it to can do EXACTLY what they want with it! Gifts shouldnt come with conditions. The people who have attacked Giraffes should be ashamed of themself. But sadly probably won't. and probably didnt donate in the first place

Mibby Wed 21-Nov-12 11:35:14

I can see where youre coming from but I dont agree with you

And what about the "i have x does anyone want it/ does anyone have x im in need" type threads? There no way you could vet or moderate or validate all the posters/ donaters/ offerers on those but to ban them all would be very sad and take something away from MN somehow

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 21-Nov-12 11:36:26

But thebastard that's still Mumsnet deciding for us.

We are grown women on a self moderating forum.

threesocksmorgan Wed 21-Nov-12 11:38:01

op I can see your point, and it is hard if you see someone "taking the piss" I have seen this in the past, where imo the poster has used mn as their own charity.
but banning threads would stop people who really need help getting it, that can't be good.
(disclaimer I am talking about something I saw a couple of years ago)

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Themumsnot Wed 21-Nov-12 11:40:08

What Chipping said. Every single word of it.

I think the snippy nasty posts/pms are made out of jealousy quite often. Lots of people are struggling with money and must just see the threads and think 'its not fair, why help them and not me?' And become bitter and suspicious. The people complaining ought to really think - would they really want to swap places with giraffes/expat etc for the sake of a few ££. I very much doubt it. No one is forced to donate anything ever. It's easy to close a thread or hide it, as adults we are able to make our own choices and it wouldn't be right to have that choice taken away from us.

I hope whomever has been so vile sending nasty pms feels very guilty this morning.

TheDreadedFoosa Wed 21-Nov-12 11:46:53

But you are talking about Ailidh, im sorry but you just ARE.

Because you are talking about a wholesale ban, that would have included a ban on the money raised for Ailidh and family ( and your suggestion that it could have been made an official MN thing is poorly thought out imo, hoiw on earth could Mnhq pick and choose between MNers in need?)

I agree with everything Chipping said.

And also i think its pretty ironic you say 'begging' (ugh) threads ALWAYS go wrong...surely thats because some over-thinker/boson hoiker starTs a thread rather like this one? hmm

qo Wed 21-Nov-12 11:47:39

I really REALLY needed to let off some steam once, and it was because of a desperate lack of money - it had worn me right down, I was upset and frustrated so I posted about it, just to get it off my chest really.

That was reported as a begging thread (which I can assure you it was NOT)

How do you tell the difference though?

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ArtexMonkey Wed 21-Nov-12 11:50:16

I totally see your point, and i think sometimes people can whip themselves up into a bit of a frenzy.

And i don't like seeing innocuous remarks like bitsofme's reinterpreted as 'the nastiest thing ever ever ever'

I am so glad that people who need it get help and support. And i think there are chancers, but i think people get wise to them, and it's no skin off my nose if some gullibull wants to contribute to MrsChanceyTakeThePiss's annual christmas disaster.

On the whole i think mnhq themselves get the balance about right; i have recently seen a repeat offender get what i presume was a rap on the knuckles after one too many threads 'venting' about money.

It's the mass hysteria i cannot abide, but i suppose they can't really legislate for that beyond talk guidelines.

HullyEastergully Wed 21-Nov-12 11:51:51

baby and bathwater

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qo Wed 21-Nov-12 11:54:43

My whingy thread? hmm ok.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Wed 21-Nov-12 11:55:25

And I'm getting quite sick and cross at people equating Giraffe's needing money for a flight to see a child she once nannied for with any appeal for Expat/Ailidh. The one has absolutely fuck all to do with the other.

That is bollocks I gave money to giraffes to see the child she nannied precisely because of what she had already done for expat and ailidh. There is a clear connection in my mind - you can form whatever opinion you like - but don't presume to understand the decision making processes of other posters.

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