Mumsnet Talk

I've been out and see that the thread that was in Chat has been pulled, before I went out there had been some (I think) useful discussion on what is and isn't appropriate to do in these circumstances.

I can see that there is text at the top of the MH board which links to really useful helplines, but what should/shouldn't individual MNetters do when a worrying thread is posted? Does MN have a policy on it?

For example, lastnight a few posters wanted to get MNetters to link the thread on FB in the hope that someone that could help would see it, which myself and a few others said wouldn't be a good idea, and as far as I know that didn't really happen. If we had some MN guidance then it would be easier for individual posters to see what is the best course of action - even if the policy is just to report to MNHQ, be supportive and link Samaritans.

I agree - the best course of action is to report to mumsnet who can check posting history at least.

I don't think that internet hysteria will help someone vulnerable. If someone is determined to commit suicide, a few strangers on the net staying up all night and worrying won't stop them.

And if the thread produces a humungous outpouring of sympathy and support, won't that be, in itself, an incentive to repeat the threat?

I have huge sympathy having suffered depression and having first-hand experience of mh issues and suicide but I'm not sure communal over-reaction on mumsnet helps anyone.

Yes, thats how I feel but judging by last nights thread others feel differently and were trying to get in contact with the OP or her friends/family. There was talk of Facebook links, checking BT phone books for her area, trying to contact her DH beacuse he had posted on her once and all sorts. I think we need guidance from MN on what is and isn't appropriate for MNetters to actually do.

MN is an internet forum I think we have to be very careful before we try to step over the line into someone's real life, especially when you don't know what repercussions that might have.

Thanks Olivia, some clear guidance from MNHQ would be great, it can then be quoted on similar threads in the future and will hopefully stop the threads going too far.

Thanks Helen, can that guidance be published anywhere on the site to be referred to next time we have one of these types of threads? You know, so 'tis official like?

It's interesting how many people jumped on the bandwagon last night, but have completely ignored this thread .

Do some people like the excitement?

I am not blaming the op of the concerned thread by the way - she was obviously worried and tried to do something, but the random bumping is a bit bizarre imo.

Maryz I think most people just don't come to the Site Stuff board so won't have seen it?
Unless it gets popular and gets on the active convos I think it will be a quiet thread.

I dislike this head girl crap, you have an advisory from mnhq, it's not "the rules", I can imagine you linking to this thread in future situations. People will do what they feel is right at the time, judging by the situation and the history of the poster. You are not the boss, mnhq can delete as they see fit, it is their website, but you don't get to tell people how to behave.

Living You appear to like telling people that they are not the boss, on the Memoo thread you asked Wannabe who died and made her authority.

I don't think anyone is trying to be boss, in fact you sound the bossiest on this thread. I think that a policy for these types of thread is a good idea, I've seen a fair few of them now and they always turn into a debacle. Knowing how they are best handled and how much MN can/can't do is a good idea. If you disagree, well, who gives a shit.

I saw the thread yesterday after it was established that contact had been made so didn't post. But I would be interested to know what would be the correct thing to do. Personally I would report to MN, then try to look at posting history to see if from that, anyone appeared to know the op well enough to have contact details perhaps, and pm that member.

Maryz, I was one of those bumping the thread in chat the other night. I did it so that anyone who did know the OP personally and happened to see it, might be able to contact her, or might at least be allerted to the fact that there was a problem.

I did not feel I was 'jumping on the bandwaggon'. Far from it, I wanted to go to bed actually, but couldn't bear the thoughtthat the thread might slip down the Active list and get lost amongst everything else.

It was not 'excitement' that led me to bump it. I was feeling no excitement, just sadness that a child might be about to lose her mummy, and dismay at the fact that I could do nothing about it. That is the problem with an 'online community'-when reality bites, there really is no 'community', since none of us have any links in real life.

The bumping was NOT random. Maybe if yopu'd thought about it, you'd see why we were doing it...or maybe you could have just asked at the time?

In addition, I have not 'ignored' this thread.
The reasons that I have only just seen this thread are that a- I wasn't on MN much last night and b- I have site stuff hidden so I wouldn't have seen it anyway.

The only reason I did get to see it is because for some reason I was logged out, so came on as an unknown user this morning, and saw the thread about eating more fish. I then logged in so I could join in with the fish thing, and saw this at the same time.

Maybe others have not had the same set of circumstances as me.

I agree that a policy needs to be in place. I know the OP from the thread in question and got v upset on her behalf at the speculation that it was just attention seeking and she was probably laughing at the chaos she caused (and the likening to CVQ was, imho, pretty disgusting) however, I dont think MN is the place for that sort of cry for help. A blanket policy would be a good starting point.

Lissie, I didn't know it had turned like that. It must have happened after I went to bed. The nexit time I looked, the chat thread had been pulled.

In that case, I can understand why you felt annoyed, Maryz-since it degenerated into that sort of thing.

It is a strange thing that some people seem to feel cheated if they hear about an impending disaster and it then doesn't 'pan out'. I wonder if they actually have real lives sometimes, and any capacity to see outcomes and consequences.

Personally, I was just very relieved that the OP had not dissappeared off the thread for a more serious reason.

I have seen a few of these type of 'emergency' threads, and there is usually a reasonable explanation and a good outcome. I think MNHQ's policy that people offer support and signpost to outside agencies is all we can do really.

I didn't see that thread til the next morning but I would have probably bumped it to keep it active tbh.

I'd rather lots of people bumped than it being ignored. I know a lot of anxious people were kept awake worrying but I would rather live in a world where anxious people were worrying rather than one where people didn't care.

I think a policy on how threads like that should be handled in future is a great idea as not everyone has dealt with a suicidal person and so wouldn't know what to do.

As for people "jumping on the bandwagon" and then ignoring this thread I only saw this as it was in active convos. I would say 99% of the jumping on bandwagon people only see threads if they are in active convos.

I also have huge sympathy for Memoo and have "talked" to her over the years. She is currently a very unhappy person who does need help. But she knows she needs help, and is seeking it in real life, and I don't think that a thread encouraging a "call-out" for her real friends and family on Facebook in the middle of the night would be the kind of thing that would help her, or anyone like her.

I did not mean to imply that Memoo was looking for attention., but if someone was, it would be a way to do it, and wouldn't help them in real life.

The reason I would like a suggested policy is not because I think I am some kind of head girl or that I want to tell others what to do. It's because threads like last nights upset an awful lot of people.

Who knows whether a thread like that might push someone who was considering suicide themselves over the edge, for example. By their very nature, suicide threads will be noticed by people who are very vulnerable mentally.

I agree with you Maryz about the fb thing, as someone pointed out yesterday a lot of us keep MN private from friends & family in RL and linking these things could be cutting off a source of support.

There were just a couple of posters from what I saw who were being highly insensitive, but that was two too many.

maryz, yep.

Sorry, amstillsexy, I cross-posted. The threads always degenerate in the end. If the person is ok, then lots of people say "I told you so, it was attention-seeking" and it goes nasty.

Sometimes the person doesn't come back at all, and lots of vulnerable people are left hanging for weeks, imagining the worst. Now it might be that the original op has committed suicide, in which case there is nothing all the other posters can do. But I suspect in a lot of cases the threads are "cry wolf" types, and either the poster is ok and too embarrassed to admit what they have done, so they name-change and come back quietly, or that there was no intention of suicide in the first place.

But all those sympathetic and vulnerable people, especially the many who depend on the mh boards for support, are left hanging, which can be really, really damaging for them .

Threads like this have more victims than just the op. In my opinion.

And sometimes, an ambulance is called, the person is taken to hospital and is able to make a full recovery.

But all those sympathetic and vulnerable people, especially the many who depend on the mh boards for support, are left hanging, which can be really, really damaging for them

I totally agree with this. but, then I also think that if one person's life is saved by internet sprites meddling, then thats a good thing. which is why a blanket policy needs to be in place.

Has that ever happened from a mumsnet thread Soupdragon?

I'm just wondering, because I've seen a fair few of these threads over the years and I have never seen it. Not saying it hasn't happened, but I'm just wondering has it ever?

Yes.

I think report to mn hq and post number for the samaritans. And I think after one person has done that there's really no need for 200 others to pile in and do the same. I think mn hq should delete suicide threads as a matter of course with an email to the op advising to seek professional help.

Thursday night's thread was insane. And yes, I do think there is a huge element of people wanting to be seen to be doing something. Not just on suicide threads, but I've seen it elsewhere with the lengths people want to be seen to be going to in order to "help" someone. The reality is that bumping a thread about a thread over and over and over isn't going to have any impact apart from to upset those people who will be genuinely worried about the op, and to build a sense of hysteria that will continue to grow as long as there is no news.

Lissie, the reason why people said that it was attention seeking is because A, the original op has done this before, and B, she posted an op saying good bye, and then it was reported that she was absolutely fine and had gone to bed. I'm sorry but you can't blame people for being a bit about that. Because the reality is that people do post on internet forums for attention. regularly.

And that is IMO another reason why these threads should just be stopped at source and deleted asap, and posters discouraged from posting on them. Because while one person may genuinely feel that down, there are probably a hundred more trolls who will see the response generated by one such thread and use that to gain attention.