The thread where we are proud of our average but extremely hard working DCs

(63 Posts)
BrigitBigKnickers Sun 20-May-12 11:15:14

How about celebrating the hardworking average/ less able child? The child who has to work ten times harder than a bright child who just remembers what they have been taught/ has to do very little revision to achieve A*s.

DD1 is in the middle of GCSEs at the moment and has been working like a trojan for the past 18 months to pull her grades up. She got Ds and Es in her mocks in November and is now averaging Cs and Bs in her exam practices.

She has problems with concentration and suffers bad headaches and fatigue (a diagnosed medical problem causes this) and has to work so much harder than her younger sister for information to be retained. It's not that her teachers are bad (she is at a fab school who are amazingly encouraging and supportive) it's she doesn't take it in easily.

We have been really supporting her through her revision to the extent that we have learnt and retaught her some of the material, and this really seems to be paying dividends.

She came downstairs on Friday night and presented DH and I with card and a beautiful engraved frame she had ordered from the internet saying how much she appreciated our support.

So proud <sniff>

BrigitBigKnickers Sun 20-May-12 11:24:52

No one?

ByTheSea Sun 20-May-12 11:27:41

That is really lovely! You have every reason to be very proud of her!!!

cory Sun 20-May-12 11:49:09

She sounds a star- you must be very proud of her! grin

<goes off to create envy thread for those of us who have average but bone idle children>

rogermooreseyebrow Sun 20-May-12 12:28:10

That is really great. With a hard working and caring attitude like that I'm sure she will go far. She will be just what employers are looking for!

Kez100 Sun 20-May-12 12:44:08

Yes, my DD is in this camp.

A lot has been posted already on the thread I was running on borderline GCSEers, so I won't repeat, but these children will, I firmly believe, find their ability to be organised and work hard a really great attribute for their future.

Coops79 Sun 20-May-12 12:52:03

Hello - can I just say that as a teacher these are the kids that I REALLY enjoy. I've got a few in my tutor group who aren't naturally academic but who have had it drummed into them (by some fab parents) that hard work is worth while for its own sake. These are the ones who are able to get a bad mark but crucially listen to feedback and advice in order to do better the next time.

You are definitely the sort of parent I like to see at parents' evening. smile

sassytheFIRST Sun 20-May-12 12:56:44

Agree with Coops. Teaching the very bright is fun is some ways, to be sure; but I am always infinitely prouder of students who by dint of commitment and sheer hard work get a string of B and C grades than those who breeze through a string of As.

Your dd sounds lovely BTW. You are rightly very proud of her.

Lovetats Sun 20-May-12 12:58:55

Good for her - she sounds fabulous! I hope she gets the grades she deserves with all of her hard work.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sun 20-May-12 13:02:29

I don't have children, but I have a lovely nephew who has dyspraxia and dyslexia and is studying for his GCSE's.

He works really hard at his studies (with help from my lovely Sis) and I am hugely proud of him. He's a lovely young man.

BrigitBigKnickers Sun 20-May-12 13:55:18

[coops79] She is utterly adored by all her teachers. One the other day told her she was the most dedicated pupil she had ever taught smile She is one of the only pupils still e-mailing the teachers to ask for extra revision classes. On her first day of study leave last week she was back there in school at 8.30 in her uniform for some extra lessons whils all her peers were enjoying a lie in.

Her most recent report was mainly 1s for effort (and at her school they are very hard to come by)

Keeping everything crossed for the Bs she needs to stay at the school where she is.

myalias Sun 20-May-12 14:12:13

BBKnick's what a lovely daughter you have smile My ds has SEN and is currently doing his GCSE's . . . he has struggled for the past 5 years and getting him to revise is a battle. He wants to be a landscape gardener and he works so hard helping neighbours and elderly grandparent's with their gardens. I have had some lovely comments about his manners and his hard work ethic. I have worried constantly about his future and I am beginning to let go and think more positively about what he can achieve.
My younger ds has just finished SATS this week and he has worked very hard, all we can do is relax and look forward to his next stage.
Good luck to your daughter.

Maryz Sun 20-May-12 14:19:41

Yes, great idea.

My dd is in this camp - she was never particularly bright at primary school, had to work hard for everything, struggled a lot at maths (not like my two boys who found it all easy).

She has worked very hard, and persisted, and is doing very well at school. She will certainly be in the top 20% academically and will get good enough results for university should she choose to go.

She also does lots of voluntary work, and wants to teach children with SN so volunteers to work with them during the summer holidays.

She is a really nice kid even if prone to normal 15 year old grumpiness with at home

basildonbond Sun 20-May-12 14:48:23

can I post on behalf of my niece? she is in y7 and not an academic highflier but works so hard. She puts enormous amounts of effort into every bit of homework and was extremely conscientious about revising for her Y7 exams - she thoroughly deserves every decent mark she gets. However the sad thing is she'll never get as good marks as ds2 who's in the same school and breezes through academic stuff without ever breaking into a sweat and did zero revision angry

On the other hand she beats ds hands down when it comes to emotional intelligence - she's very mature, thoughtful and kind and I suspect she's going to find adult life a lot easier even though she probably won't get as good results on paper.

robotcornysilk Sun 20-May-12 14:52:23

great thread
a good work ethic is the most important thing IMO
<I need the bone idle thread that cory mentioned for ds1 though.>

Coops79 Sun 20-May-12 17:34:44

Brigitbigknickers well if they don't want her, I'll have her! Best of luck to her in her exams. smile

BrigitBigKnickers Sun 20-May-12 17:43:46

Thanks-she has just completed a Chemistry iGCSE (soooo bloody hard!) past paper and got a B!- Hope she can perform similarly tomorrow morning <fingers crossed emoticon!>

Moominmammacat Sun 20-May-12 18:40:19

Ah, that is so lovely ... one day GCSEs will be forgotten and who she is/what you have made her will be more important.

BrigitBigKnickers Sun 20-May-12 21:16:46

Moominmamacat- thanks for that comment. X

BranchingOut Sun 20-May-12 21:35:29

She sounds wonderful.

I do tire of some of the 'G&T' posts on MN!

BrigitBigKnickers Sun 20-May-12 21:53:31

So true-not everyone is G and T academically! [Grin]

BrigitBigKnickers Sun 20-May-12 21:54:18

Some are G anbd T in other ways!

Maryz Mon 21-May-12 08:35:08

Oh, yes, as basildonbond said above, most of these kids are chock full of emotional intelligence, which will really stand to them as adults.

After all, how many of us really use our brains to their full extent -whether we are geniuses or not, whereas we use emotional intelligence and social skills every day.

boschy Mon 21-May-12 09:11:16

My DD1 is one of these kids - she really struggles and has to work so hard to just get what comes easily to others. she is also dyslexic, but contrary to popular myth not all dyslexics are Einstein...

we had Y10 parents evening last week, and without exception every teacher commented on her fabulous work ethic and that she is a lovely girl and making progress.

I think she will struggle to get Cs in English and Maths (more so maths) but she so deserves to!

and I too get fed up hearing about how exceptionally bright all MN kids are - they cant all be, surely?!

Mrsrobertduvall Mon 21-May-12 10:36:14

I have a dd15 with severe ocd and anxiety, who was like a rabbit caught in headlights with a GcSE last week. She ran away after school sad

She works so hard, is a pleasure to teach and will probably get a few C's.
Maybe a B for English and Drama.
Ds is a different kettle of fish...Mr Brainy...which is hard for her.

boschy Mon 21-May-12 10:56:06

your poor dd mrs I hope she's feeling a bit more relaxed now? Mine came home really stressy after her english mock last week, floods of tears, but I think it is sorted now and her teacher has been really brilliant with her.

I really feel for our 'average' kids - the media is full of all the ones that get 15 A* but at the same time says exams are easier than ever - it can only make the ones who struggle feel even worse in my view. and fwiw, looking through the GCSE maths revision, there is no way on god's earth I would get even a D I think!

My DD1 did her GCSEs two years ago at a very academic school. They were good results for her and really reflected the hard work she put into her revision. However, compared to some of her peers they were pretty average (and some of them let her know it angry ).

She stayed on for A levels and the work ethic she developed for GCSEs seems to be paying off. She is able to concentrate on 3 subjects that she LOVES and is on track to be off to Uni in the Autumn. Her UCAS reference from school brought tears to my eyes - it was a real ego boost to read that other people saw the same qualities in my beautiful girl. It must have been good as she had 5 offers to choose from. grin

boschy Mon 21-May-12 11:26:35

good for her woollybacks! that's brilliant.

does anyone else get quite frightened by the emphasis that everyone seems to put on academic achievement? I sometimes wonder what my 15 yo DD1 will be able to do with her life, but then I have to pull myself together and remember her emotional intelligence and social skills and tell myself she will be OK.

and yes to whoever mentioned the brainier younger sibling - DD2 is much more of a natural than DD1; interestingly though, she works away quietly behind the scenes, never makes a big thing about working (although is on target for her grades and gets mostly 1 for effort) - I used to think she was bone idle, but it appears that she IS working. I think it may be that she sees how hard DD1 has to work and doesnt want to rub her nose in it. which is a considerable leap in her emotional intelligence from just a couple of years ago actually.

also really lovely to hear from teachers on this thread that they 'like' the average ones just as much if not more than the academic superstars - thank you.

BrigitBigKnickers Mon 21-May-12 23:15:57

Boschy that is exactly what DD2 is like too- when she was younger she would quite often answer questions her older sister couldn't fathom- now she doesn't tend to jump in so quickly and keeps her successes to herself- she might tell me about the 7a she got in English (year 8) but she would never say it in front of her sister (who she adores- I have a very strange pair of teenage sisters who actually like each other!)

So true what posters are saying about emotional intelligence- DD1 has this in bucket loads.

And from the teachers who say how much they love the hardworking averagers- As a special needs teacher myself I know exactly where you are coming from. One of my lovely little pupils (scraping level 2cs in most thing aged 11) achieved a 4c on her science SATs last week. She works her little socks off- so proud of her. grin

boschy Tue 22-May-12 09:40:08

brigit mine actually like each other too - doesnt stop them fighting like cats at times though!

DD1 sat an english mock the week before last (the one she came home in floods from) and was 2 marks off a C. she did another paper at home (timed) and was 1 mark off a B! so proud of her for that.

I heard on the news this morning that the govt are to look at maths teaching again as apparently it is not being taught right and therefore we are not going to get a future generation of engineers. oh, and maths GCSE is too easy. Hollow laughter from me at this point... I wish they would stop saying stuff like this.

Fascinating that the thread is dominated by DDs, I don't have any of them, so can't comment. I have a wonderful, hardworking DS3 who is exactly as described in the OP. Throughout secondary school he was criticised for what he didn't do (despite having a statement - I think he tried so hard they thought it must be a fake!). He couldn't wait to leave & is now loving college, where he scraped onto a level 3 vocational qualification. Ironically, most of his friends, who are still at school & doing AS levels, want to leave & go to college in September.

BrigitBigKnickers Thu 24-May-12 08:28:18

Wel done to your DSCheapskatemum

We moved our DD from her first secondary school as they were totally useless with regard to her condition- it was like they didn't quite believe it even though we had the paediatricians report.

They always said the staff all kneww about it but then her school reports were full of the fact she didn't concentrate- well duh? that's one of the symptoms you morons!

Her new school have fallen over backwards to accomodate and support her with this- including organising 1-1 tuition, getting her extra time and rest breaks for her exams.

racingheart Sat 26-May-12 19:32:33

What a lovely thread. I read somewhere that average children who work hard do far bette rin life over all (better jobs, more income etc) than those for whom it comes naturally.

boschy Mon 11-Jun-12 14:39:30

DD had english lang the week before half-term - said it was 'quite easy'. maths today (1st of 3) and she is totally not confident. plus she forgot her calculator, so I had to do a mercy dash up to school this am...

school is being fab tho, and this year's ones are treated very much as 'serious practice', no pressure just the opportunity to have a go and dont worry just do your best.

good luck to all the other average hard-workers who are doing GCSEs in Y10 or Y11 this summer!

ohmygosh123 Mon 11-Jun-12 19:12:38

Kids who have to work for things do way better in the long term as they learn a work ethic. Bright kids who just 'get it', often give up as soon as they encounter something that they can't do straight away as they think of their success in terms of being bright, and not in terms of hard work / persistence.

Yay for the tortoises who may well go on to do better than the hares!

guineapiglet Wed 13-Jun-12 09:22:49

So glad to have found this thread, get rather intimated by all those parents eagerly awaiting A*s - I shall just be glad if my daughter SURVIVES the next few exams and manages to get the grades she has worked so hard for. She was diagnosed with Post Viral Fatigue at the end of year 9 and was very poorly for about 3 months. We discussed the possibility of a reduced timetable, but to her absolute credit she has kept going despite several 'blips' and teh onset of extreme panic attacks which have been expertly managed through CAMHS. All this has been very draining for the whole family as each day is a battle for her in different ways. The end is in sight now, and for some to get A*S it means others have to get lower grades, and they have worked just as hard, even harder. Personally I feel that Mr GOve's new GCSES, a return to exams only should have a component related to effort, attitude, consistency and determination - these qualities way outweigh the ability to remember information... and are probably qualities employers would value more. Good luck to all our children :O

WymM Wed 13-Jun-12 09:48:00

My son goes to Wymondham High. He is a hard worker but has had his confidence crushed because he has been passed over in favour of the G and T kids several times. The teachers say he is a lovely lad to be around and never gets into any trouble, but this does not stop him feeling like a failure.

nummus Wed 13-Jun-12 09:53:46

I have one! Has some processing problems and OCD and is at a private school. Is working so very hard and all teachers comment on her fab work ethic. She is improving all the time and we are both starting to raise our expectations of what she might be capable of in the future smile

BrigitBigKnickers Wed 13-Jun-12 18:50:20

We are on the home straight- History on Friday then one more Maths paper and the hell is over.

It's her 16th birthday tomorrow but she is still going in for a 2 hour last minute revision session for History. She did have some Olly murs tickets for her and her friends for Saturday but then he went and changed the date so now she has to have her 16th Birthday celebration in September instead. angry

We will have a takeaway tomorrow night and some small pressies but History is first thing Friday so no late bedtimes. We are waiting to celebrate her birthday next Tuesday evening when she has finished for good.

That's when we will give her a joint birthday and well done for working so hard present (i-pad 2!) grin I can't wait!

wigglybeezer Thu 14-Jun-12 18:43:15

I would be proud of mine if hr was average and hard -working, unfortunately he is average and lazy.

boschy Fri 15-Jun-12 14:09:32

just wondering re those of us on this thread... are we all in state ed? I've been reading some of the private ed threads recently and been quite terrified really.
I dont think my "average but hardworking" DD1 would have been any better off in a private school - and in fact, if I'd been paying I'm pretty sure I'd have been much more anxious!

BrigitBigKnickers Fri 15-Jun-12 14:54:30

I think it depends on the state school.

My DD is at an independent school- I absolutely know she wouldn't have had the same level of support from our local state school- huge faceless comp- loads of her friends go there and the only ones who seem to like it are the uber clever kids- the average just seem to be allowed to drift and the behaviour is awful.

Considering the catchment of the state school, the results are really rather lame.

Not saying that is state schools on the whole- just the situation here.

boschy Fri 15-Jun-12 15:04:54

that's interesting brigit. mine are at an officially 'good' (under latest more stringent ofsted regs) school which is effectively a sec mod - as we are in a grammar school area. I love the school, am in fact a parent governor.

we couldnt afford private, and the nearest one is an hour away anyway, so it was out of the question on all counts. DH and I were both privately educated though, so it is something I do think about quite a lot.

boschy Thu 21-Jun-12 11:57:22

oh dear, according to the 'scrapping GCSEs' thread a child must be really thick not to be able to get a C in maths.

well, that's me and mine done for then. I really HATE that kind of thinking.

guineapiglet Wed 27-Jun-12 11:48:09

My daughter has just returned from final exam - she has survived! What a grinding two years it has been, I feel very tearful - the last two months have lasted an age, and we really weren't sure if she would make it in for all of them ( after a PVF illness), but she has, she has done herself proud, dealing with a complex illness, and all the stresses and strains of modular GCSEs - well done to everyone who has kept going and tried their best. We realise her results might not be all round A*s (!!) but they will be testament to someone who has persevered in the face of is not really about results, it is about strength of character, learning to dig deep within yourself - these are qualities Mr Gove would do well to consider in his dilusional brave new world.
Well done one and all grin

boschy Wed 27-Jun-12 13:18:46

hurrah guineapiglet thank god it's over! I hope she can have a lovely summer relaxing before she starts on something she wants to do in September. Does she have a plan?

boschy Sat 21-Jul-12 08:01:00

oh dear. got DD1's grades yesterday, and she is currently on an F for humanities (predicted a C) and an E for maths (predicted a D). Really concerned about the humanities because she's always been bumping along on a D/C, so the F is a bit of a shock. Maths I am not so surprised about, I know it's a struggle.

I just sometimes get very down because I know how hard she works, that education is a struggle for her (dyslexic); it's so unfair!

BrigitBigKnickers Thu 23-Aug-12 21:14:27

Ok- can't quite believe I am posting this but my wonderful DD got.. <Drum roll> eight (yes 8) A grades <faints> a B and a C! I am dumb struck- it just goes to show what hard workcan achieve!! Also shows how crap the level 4 predictions are ( she got mainly high level 4s in her KS 2 Sats) double A in English, double A in iGCSE science and A in maths. soooooooooo proud!!!!!!

Harleyband Thu 23-Aug-12 21:25:39

Fabulous news you must be very very proud!

Ladyemem Thu 23-Aug-12 21:36:16

my daughter also worked hard to get her grades and got 4 b's 5 c's and 1 d. So proud.
My ds3 is more sporty that acedemic but as long as he puts the work in and does his best i would be proud

boschy Tue 23-Oct-12 12:31:52

how are everyone else's wonderfully average DC doing?
DD1 is sitting IGCSE English today - 2 hour paper; apparently it's an alternative to AQA and she says it is easier... this is after getting an AQA D in the summer, she'll do AQA again next June as well.

Startailoforangeandgold Tue 23-Oct-12 22:54:05

I'm proud of dyslexic DD1 for getting a "C" in her English controlled assessment.

Ease <insert deity of choice> don't let the examiners fuck about with the grade boundaries again.

Startailoforangeandgold Tue 23-Oct-12 22:55:15

Please not ease, cracked iPod screen, very hard to proofblush

boschy Wed 24-Oct-12 08:31:40

good on her for her C, very well done.

dyslexia's a bugger innit? they have to work SO hard just to do what others can do at the drop of a hat. And I do get annoyed when people say "oh but Einstein was dyslexic" - doesn't make much difference day to day, and it is quite possible to be dyslexic and NOT be Einstein. <ends rant, swigs coffee>

Leonas Tue 20-Nov-12 19:36:46

Well done to all the hard-working but not high achieving kids!
I am a teacher and I have a good but not great class - some of them are so hard working and try so hard and I honestly believe that means more. I try very hard to make sure I praise them for their dedication as they might not be recognised in academic terms. Our prize giving gives awards for endeavour as well as academic achievement I think it is a great idea as some will work incredibly hard and never get the best grade in the year smile

boschy Wed 06-Feb-13 13:44:57

my average DD1 got her C in English (IGCSE) yippee! and was away on a residential trip last week - the teacher running it told me that she was "amazing, so mature and confident". VV proud mummy moment grin

ddsmellysocks Wed 06-Feb-13 14:01:18

It makes me so happy to see a thread like this. I would say my children don't try as hard as they could because they are so very very shy, unfortunately for them it seems to be a family thing - lack confidence in their own ability so often give up which for them is very difficult to try to overcome. I do try when possible to remind them that the teachers really appreciate it if they can give themselves a big push and put in that extra effort or manage to ask a question instead of thinking the teacher will just think them foolish. You should see how happy they are when they come home saying they did manage to put up their hand today and the teacher responded in a positive manner.

Thank you OP for starting this and thank you to those teachers who understand and encourage.

boschy Fri 08-Mar-13 14:43:22

update from me: yesterday DD1 found out she got a D in the maths GCSE retake she sat in Jan - and only 6 marks off the magic C!! we are all ecstatic, and it has given her so much more confidence that maybe she can do it, get it out of the way, and not have to resit in 6th form. School are being fabulous, organising lots of extra maths, and making sure they get 1-1 or 1-2/3 type sessions on a regular basis (v helpful for DD1 especially as it is usually with teachers other than her regular one, with whom she doesnt click). We all have absolutely everything crossed that she can crack it.

guineapiglet Fri 08-Mar-13 20:02:54

boschy my daughter went through that last year, it was all very borderline, but she finally cracked it in the end and got a respectable C pass in the end, so fingers crossed for you. She did go to lots of extra maths and had the most wonderful, caring teacher, huge respect to him for being so concerned about her.

She got enough to get through to 6th form college and has just got AS results - bit of a mixed bag - but she did really well in one subject and others can be retaken and hopefully improved on. She has been receovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for the past year, which keeps coming back, so it is a miracle to me that she is doing her best and keeping going, when this time last year we weren't sure if she would even have the strength to do her exams - if exams also contained a mark for grit, determination and overcoming significant problems, she would be an A* girl, - sadly for us all, it is a grimly competitive system out there, just keep all these kids who try so hard feeling supported and loved - we love them whatever they do!! smile

Kenlee Fri 08-Mar-13 23:39:18

Well as an employer may I say that we have stopped just looking at grades as a requirement to work. Obviously you have to be of a certain standard. We tend now to see the individual and retain them if they have a good work ethic and good EQ. Just being able to pass exams will not get you very far in the real world you need to be able to think too.

olivevoir58 Sat 09-Mar-13 09:08:19

Similar here with the maths - D - when she was an -F - on her mocks! This was just a module though, not a whole GCSE. She's working hard and I'm quietly hopeful (being a maths teacher myself). Even better though was the C+ in the exam bit of additional applied science meaning she is sitting on an overall B when her controlled coursework B is cashed in in the summer. But the creme de la creme for my adopted (aged 8) from the care system DD who is EBD statemented (but still in excellent mainstream comp) is her B in her geog module. If she stays on she is desperate to do geog A level. Her (frazzled) geog HOD told her she was 'incapable' of doing A level. He's probably right but more likely not wanting a difficult (but not disruptive to other students) 'average' student sullying his A* cherry picked 6th form group. So she needs 2 more Bs on the summer units and she's in and boy is she determined to prove him wrong!

So all in all a fab set of results for DD and one proud mummy!

boschy Tue 26-Mar-13 23:49:20

ah it's lovely to read good news!

how is everyone's wonderfully average DC planning to spend Easter hols before GCSEs?

I am making nervous noises about revision, and being told that is unnecessary and she needs a rest (prob true). I guess I just have to leave it in her hands... given course work stuff, she seems likely to get an A for science and media (I dont think that's average?!) but the rest will be a pretty mixed bag - she reckons on a D in humanities and PE, and god love us for the maths result.

boschy Thu 04-Apr-13 13:58:02

oh god, I just looked at the 'how much revision is your Y11 doing' thread. big mistake. they are all briliant and working 97 hours a day. mine is upstairs reading a book in bed...

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