Grammar schools. Can't choose

(20 Posts)
fruitstick Sat 22-Oct-16 09:49:10

I realise this is a first world problem but I don't feel like I can talk to friends about it.

We are in a grammar area and DS passed his 11+ with a good score for not massive amounts of effort. He wasn't really that bothered.

He now has to choose between the boys grammar school or a co-ed school which has both a selective and non-selective intake (so the final take up is more like a comp).

We are really torn.

I worry about a single sex school as he gets on well with girls - but all his friends are going to the girls grammar.

His boy friends are spread out all over the place.

How do we choose?

The boys school will definitely push him and challenge him more which all of his teachers have said he needs and he wouldn't struggle academically.

The other school is more lively but, because he's quite lazy, he could easily just coast along.

He's also torn.

How do we choose?

TheColonelAdoresPuffins Sat 22-Oct-16 10:47:57

Tricky one as it sounds like the boys' school would suit him academically and the co-ed would be a better fit socially. I have a dd who is friends with both boys and girls at school so i get that.
Which school does he prefer and would the co-ed definitely not push him? If you think he'd definitely coast there then you'd need to go with the boys' school i guess.

DoItTooJulia Sat 22-Oct-16 10:49:04

Which school did he like best?

normage Sat 22-Oct-16 11:04:40

You need to make the decision for your son. I would pick the one where he would get the best education, which sounds like the grammar school and make sure he had ample opportunities to socialise in his spare time. I know every situation is different, but my dd went to grammar school and is now at medical school. She is quite clear that for her, single sex education helped her to stay focused on her studies. On the other hand, my second dd hated grammar school and moved to a co-ed high school that she loves. You know your ds best, so will know which will suit him best.

JoJoSM2 Sat 22-Oct-16 11:18:31

I'd go for the grammar school for better education. I'd also keep in touch with current girlfriends and encourage co-ed activities outside school.

fruitstick Sat 22-Oct-16 11:53:51

Thanks that's really useful.

How many mixed outside school activities are there? DS only seems to have boy ones!

SweepTheHalls Sat 22-Oct-16 11:58:15

Boys grammar without hesitation.

jellycat1 Sat 22-Oct-16 12:10:56

Boys grammar.

JoJoSM2 Sat 22-Oct-16 12:12:04

I'm not sure what specific activities might be available or what he's into but e.g. tennis or some other sport - even if boys and girls don't compete with each other, they will still hang out and interact. Or some music - choir or something? In addition, you could opt for coed holiday clubs/camps etc. At the end of the day, I don't think he needs to be every lesson with girls... I also think that he might feel more challenged and put more work in as grammar schools are just a very swotty environment and he's bound to get sucked in. You probably won't get that in other schools (I have worked in grammar schools and comprehensives and find the vibe very different).

fruitstick Sat 22-Oct-16 17:11:47

Thank you. That seems almost unanimous. We're going to talk about it again over the weekend and see what he thinks.

user1477164389 Sat 22-Oct-16 20:35:08

Any ideas about Wilson school? Do they give places to children who are outside the catchment area , my son passed? This year no scores were given, I am not sure what to do whether to put Wilson which is outside my catchment area or my locals school in common application? Very confused.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins Sat 22-Oct-16 21:02:52

From wilsons website
Does it matter where we live?
For practical reasons your son shouldn’t have a journey of more than an hour in order that he can fully participate in the wider life of the school. Where there is a tie in the scores from the entrance examinations, places are offered to boys who live in the London Borough of Sutton before those who live outside the Borough.

user1477164389 Sat 22-Oct-16 21:32:00

Thanks for the reply.

fruitstick Sun 23-Oct-16 16:33:42

He's decided on the boys' grammar.

Fingers crossed he's happy once he gets there.

crazygring Sun 23-Oct-16 19:55:25

I would definitely go for the grammar. I know a boy that usually played with girls in primary school, but he went to boys' grammar school and has met like minded boys there.

BellsaRinging Sun 23-Oct-16 20:06:57

I think we had the same decision as you last year (ie the same schools by the sounds of it). Ds is now at the grammar and loves it socially-just had a disco with the girls' school and sees girls from primary on the bus and at ds2's school events etc. Not sure what other extra curricular stuff they do with the girls as yet but they all seem to know each other through primary school, sisters etc.
Won't mention ds struggling with the discipline and homework as that's mainly through sheer laziness!

JoJoSM2 Sun 23-Oct-16 21:08:19

Good decision smile Good luck!

layercake9 Tue 25-Oct-16 10:49:51

Good decision. My ds chose a boys gs over a mixed gs and we think he's made the right choice. The school's infrastructure, facilities, games, vibe and curriculum programme are more tailor-made for boys who all share similar interests. I think it's good for him to be surrounded by boys in the classroom (helps with concentration and focus perhaps...) and enjoy a good game of rugby with other boys etc, whilst still maintaining friendship with female friends outside of school. Going to an all boys will not stop him from interacting with girls altogether. My dss know many girls from the neighboring grammar girls school and talk to them during commute the school or at the joint school disco.

Badbadbunny Tue 25-Oct-16 11:35:34

Sounds the right decision. My son is at a boy's school and loves it. He sees girls on the buses, the joint school discos and plays, and other out of school activities. He tells me that the boys are more engaged with learning at school and aren't showing off to impress the girls. We have neighbours with girls at the girls' school and they're happy there too without the pressure of boys in their learning environment.

fruitstick Wed 26-Oct-16 08:47:33

I can't tell you how much better this makes me feel. It's impossible to know which is the right decision. Thank you.

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