Year 7 - Only Child and melting down as struggling to make new friends at school, anyone else???

[yohoohoo]

So as many, DS started Year 7 in Sept moved to a huge secondary. He's a very confident and mature child and an only. Doest adjust to change that well but Juniors did a good 6-7 visits to new secondary, he is familiar with it also. Knew we'd have a few problems and expected them but not now!

First week on the Wedn of him starting he had a melt down, crying, but couldn't tell me why only that he hadn't made friends. Reassured him that it was only his 3rd day and it would come in time. Also think he was just overwhelmed by it all ie new school, teachers, friends, getting to class on time, tired, Summer just finished so all quite normal. Since then he has been fine, had a great parents and tutor review day.

This week had to go into the school and speak to the tutor as a local boy who lives on the same street has picked on him during the Summer when all the kids have been out - so we just told him to ignore him and not to go out when he was about. The boy blows hot and cold and tends to pick on DS as he;s the youngest on the road plus allthe other kids have siblings to stick up for them. Anyway said boy said hello sarcastically to DS the other day and he ignored him the boy then swore very nastily at DS, same thing happened at home time. Went in spoke to tutor as the boy has now taken it into school. Tutor has investigated and boy has been spoken to etc... hopefully the end.

Last night DS had a huge meltdown crying uncontrollably, shaking, again saying he hates school, doesn't have any friends, no one likes him said some other boys were picking on him in class. After a while he calmed down but by this time is was 10.15pm, managed to get him off to sleep in my bed with me. This morning he looked very tired but ok. Told him last night it was all normal, Im here to help and support him and we will get through this together. Told him it will all be ok and next week half term we will just chill, have arranged a day out with one of the kids he has met so will see if we can build a friendship there.

Is anyone else going through this? My friend told me it can take a few months for DC to settle it wont be overnight for some. Feel very sad :(

[AChickenCalledKorma]

DD2 also started year 7 in Sept. She is like a roller coaster - up one minute and down the next. Some days she seems very happy and settled, other days she hates it, is totally overwhelmed and begging never to go back. She is very definitely tired and in need of a half term break - there's such a huge amount to get used to.

Having a day out with one of the other kids sounds like a very constructive way of helping to establish a friendship and it will give you a good idea how they relate to each other. I would keep an eye on the issue of other boys picking on him. Boys are great ones for "banter" which can easily turn into bullying, especially if the recipient is not really up for it. Don't hesitate to involve his form tutor if things are escalating. It sounds like his tutor is on the case, which is good.

[oklumberjack]

My dd is also confident and rather mature for her age. We chose a school that wasn't our feeder secondary and hardly anyone from her primary went (in fact the only other pupil who went is probably the only girl dd finds really annoying).

She has been up and down. Great academic reports and comments. She threw herself into lunchtime clubs and after school. Netball, drama and bug club (?). She has made friends with children in other tutor groups but says she has 'no-one' in her tutor group. Unfortunately in Y7 they do the majority of their lessons in their tutor. She kept asking me "when will I find proper friends?" Or "why can't I be popular?".

It made me so anxious that I contacted her form tutor. She was great and really reassuring saying that dd seemed happy in school. She reiterated that it would take more time for 'true' friendships. I'm to keep her informed as to how dd us feeling. I'm quite confused by it all. Not sure if dd has been over-egging how lonely she is?

OP, I'm sure your ds will be fine eventually. Meeting up with a new friend is great (I wish my dd was doing this). Maybe the other boy wants to be friends with your ds in a weird kind of way but doesn't know how to get an 'in' with him so ends up teasing him? I'm sure the tutor will have seen it all before and will be on it.

Sending you all my solidarity Op. It's hard when your dc isn't settling well when all around you other children seem to be doing amazingly (according to my FB page anyway!).