Am I being unfair...GCSE results

(127 Posts)
Abloodybigholeintheground Thu 25-Aug-16 11:12:10

Real first world problem here..... hmm

My son has just got his GCSE results. He has been privately educated and the past year has been a complete battle-us/his teachers vs my son! He is a bright kid-not super genius but more than capable of achieving top grades. He is also bright enough to have worked out what he needed to do through the year to get by-keep out of trouble (mostly) but do no more.
He didn't work particularly for his exams-he did a bit but was kidding himself most of the time.
We set a bench mark for continuing at private school for sixth form-all grade B's or above. Although he isn't overly bothered about school per say he does have a good crowd of mates and loves the sports available to him which are not offered at the other sixth forms.
So-he did OK but got one C.
I think we should stick to our guns and pull him out-his stinking teenage attitude also weighs heavy in favour of this in my mind!
OH is going to bottle it-I am sure. He went to private school-in fact this school-and has a habit of not sticking to deals.
Should I stick to my guns and insist he leaves private education? He knew about this all along and didn't seem bothered (until last week when As came out and started to be nervous). It is only one grade-but what lesson does it teach him that he didn't achieve what was required but got to stay anyway?
Or am I being a miserable cow.... confused

Just to add-all B's were more than achievable for him. He was told he could achieve A*/A in all bar one subject-ironically he got an A in that one!!

curlywillow Thu 25-Aug-16 11:15:53

One C?

You're being harsh and unfair. Pulling him out of his school is likely to be incredibly disruptive. The brightest children in the world can have a blip on one exam.

LostQueen Thu 25-Aug-16 11:17:59

I see your POV but I think it comes down to wether you think he has proved that he will pull his weight when it comes to 6th Form.

Darcychu Thu 25-Aug-16 11:20:48

I Would never forgive my parents for doing that, one C isnt the end of the world, GCSE's are hard! so i think he did a good job.

plus if move him then you could cause more damage, what if he doesnt like wherever he goes and then gets crap A Level results.

i did, i had to move schools as we moved area and i got so depressed because i didnt make one single good friend where as i had loads in the other school, and seeing them all talking to eachother about meeting up and doing this and that got into my bed and i started bunking of school with another student who was bad news.

i never did finish my A Levels.

BertrandRussell Thu 25-Aug-16 11:21:41

The "state school as a punishment" thing stinks rather, to be honest........

Darcychu Thu 25-Aug-16 11:22:02

into my head* :D

curlywillow Thu 25-Aug-16 11:23:26

I think the OP is thinking less "state school as a punishment" and more "I'm not wasting another £30k if he can't be bothered to put in the effort"

GeneralBobbit Thu 25-Aug-16 11:25:10

Yes it's too harsh. But you've done it now so you at least have to use it for leverage.

"You get to stay if you commit to your A levels by studying every night from 6-7 without TV/Internet"

But you have to make it look like you're letting him stay there reluctantly.

PeggyMitchell123 Thu 25-Aug-16 11:25:22

He got one C and the rest Bs and above?

You are being unfair and harsh. One C is not the end of the world and is still a pass. I got really high grades A*/As and then got one C. No one every cares about one C when the rest are high. Some subjects you are better at than others.

ItsJustPaint Thu 25-Aug-16 11:28:41

what were the other grades ?
If mostly a* or a then I would capitulate and let him stay.

What was his actual mark ? If it was close to a b then again I would probably let it go.

PurpleDaisies Thu 25-Aug-16 11:30:34

It's fine to be disappointed at his results if you don't think he applied himself as he should have done.

Why would you jeopardise his A level chances (and possibly uni/job prospects) to make a point? I really don't like the "you must achieve for us to keep funding you" as motivation. It should have been based on how much work he actually did, not the grades he got.

What does he think about possibly moving schools? It might not necessarily be a bad thing if there's a good sixth form or college nearby.

Autumnsky Thu 25-Aug-16 11:32:07

Well, I am not certain about this. I think it is an important choice to go to which A level college, I wouldn't base it on what grade he has got for his GCSE. If he only got 1 C, and you take him out, would it send out signals that you have given up on him?

The core problem is your DS doesn't work hard, is there any other ways to push him to work hard? Sometimes, you may need to let him learn to take responsibilities. Like house work , part-time jobs. Life is not going to be all joys, most people have to work hard to get it.He need to learn this, and know money doesn't drop from sky, and parents work really hard to get it.

Kannet Thu 25-Aug-16 11:35:37

I would maybe make him sweat it for a few days

KingscoteStaff Thu 25-Aug-16 11:35:51

Does he have A or A* in his A level choices?

Blueemeraldagain Thu 25-Aug-16 11:37:27

It's tough to know without knowing him really. Getting a C grade at GCSE is fairly unusual at most private schools (in my experience anyway. The private school I went to had 90% A/A* at GCSE in 2014) so if this is a huge wake up call for him then maybe he should stay. If not...

noblegiraffe Thu 25-Aug-16 11:37:48

I'd say to him "you didn't make the grades you agreed to continue at your sixth form, what do you propose?"

He could be desperate to stay in which case he then needs to argue for this. Get a part time job? Agreed work schedule? Sell something and give you the money towards the fees? I've no idea what he'll come up with but it would be a good indication of how committed he is to wanting to stay. You won't be forking out fees for something he hasn't bought into.

If he's not committed, then he needs to give you a plan of action for college.

Don't just tell him whether you'll fund him or not.

Abloodybigholeintheground Thu 25-Aug-16 11:44:45

Curlywillow has it spot on-

I'm not wasting another £30K if he can't be bothered to put in the effort

We don't know the actual mark-he can't be bothered to go in and find out and has just got results offline!

Many of his friends are off to different colleges either to do A-levels or other courses so it won't be a complete upheaval-lots of schools don't have sixth forms.

When you know what a year we have had with him and also his abilities setting a bench mark at all Bs isn't harsh!

But is using it as leverage as General says means we've not stuck to it so doesn't that make him think he can do whatever as he gets away with it? confused And then there is no guarantee he will work for A-levels?!

Other results were A*, 5A, 3B. Wasn't a blip-he seriously couldn't be arsed to work. He's very mathematical/science and finds these easy. Other subjects needed a bit of effort and he couldn't be bothered.

It's a lot of money to waste if he is just going to enjoy life! I'm not of the attitude that if you're going to do well then you'll do it anywhere so why spend. OH will fall on the side that he needs pushing as he's lazy so would be better in private.

imwithspud Thu 25-Aug-16 11:45:37

Seems a bit drastic to move schools over one C grade and could potentially set him back further in the long run.

PurpleDaisies Thu 25-Aug-16 11:47:00

I think nobel is spot on - you have to acknowledge it would be a concession to let him stay on despite the c and he has to come up with something to "give you" in return.

Do you think he would actually do any better at another school?

PurpleDaisies Thu 25-Aug-16 11:47:39

What are the alternatives for A level actually like where you are?

Joinourclub Thu 25-Aug-16 11:53:25

Those grades sound pretty good for a lazy boy. I'd be inclined to forgive him that one C grade and let him stay at his school. Has he got the grades he needs to continue the subjects he wishes at A level? Does he want to stay on at his school? By the way, he will get pushed at state school. Grades are important to the teacher and schools so they can't afford to let him fail.

Stopyourhavering Thu 25-Aug-16 11:54:13

Why would you potential jeopardise his chances further by removing him from this school?
do you honestly think he would stand a better chance at another school/college if he already has this mentality
Private schools seem to offer so much more support to students when it comes to their UCAS forms imo
Was the C even in a subject he was contemplating as A level....if not then I think you are being harsh...16yr old boys are notoriously immature and by next year he may have settled down if he's doing subjects he wants to

AuntieStella Thu 25-Aug-16 11:56:19

What does he actually want to do? Because moving a teen against their will is likely to be totally counterproductive.

And have you/he actually looked at other Sixth Forms and found a short list of ones that will suit him as well or better than staying at the current school?

ChinUpChestOut Thu 25-Aug-16 11:57:16

My DS is also at private school, and his results this morning were 1A*, 3As, 1B, 2Cs, 2Ds. He's a bright boy, and could have got more if he'd tried harder, for sure. But we're talking about a teenage boy with a ridiculous amount of hormones running about and some boys just take longer to mature.

If your DS really did bugger all this year and STILL got those grades, by all means seethe inwardly, but outwardly, remember to congratulate him. He'll remember this day for a very long time - don't let it be one where you begrudge him this success, such as it is. And seriously, don't move him for one C. The last thing he needs is an unwanted (by him) move at this stage - these grades may be the making of him.

kittykittykitty5 Thu 25-Aug-16 11:59:46

Please don't forget there has been a huge movement in the grade boundaries this year. He could have worked just as hard last year, given the same exam answers and got much higher grades.

The thing is as well is that A Levels are a huge step up from GCSE, are you sure he is going to cope with it? It is not just the work, but there is a huge movement to independent study, are you sure he is capable of working in that way?

So, put it this way, if he wants to do a vocational course such as BTEC then I would suggest moving to a college. Or if he wants to give A levels I would leave him there.

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