son disruptive at school - very worried

[sprout2]

My son is 13 (year 8) - he is constantly disruptive in class - calling out other children's names - constantly talking and generally attention seeking. We went to his parents evening recently and I felt so ashamed about the comments we received from the teachers.
His results have demonstrated that he has some capabilities and they have said he can produce good work, but this is rare and more often than not disinterested and bringing issues from the playground into the classroom.
He was diagnosed with dyslexia a year ago and has had intermittent hearing loss since he was a baby (glue ear). The school are aware of all of this and have put some interventions in place. I am concerned he is on the verge of permanent exclusion.
I really hope someone can provide some advice, the past couple of years have been a living hell - constantly stressed about him and the school. He has always had terrible social skills and we have tried to develop his social skills by taking him to different activities. But now, I am just at a loss and feel so much despair as to where this is going to end.

[troutsprout]

Have the school noticed his social difficulties? What else are they doing?
What does he say about his behaviour at school? Is it the same at home? Is he aware of / does he care how he comes across?
I would ask for more help from the school. Is he on report? This may help him remain focussed and break his day down into more manageable chunks of behaviour

[Wolfiefan]

You might be better with this put in SEN.
Has he been excluded temporarily? Have school decided to get him assessed?

[namechangeparents]

The schools are the professionals. What interventions are they suggesting? What advice do they have? What do they want to do to help him?

It's not up to you to do their job for them. They are paid to teach which involves dealing with challenging behaviour. I assume he's not violent - if not, I don't think there's any chance of him being excluded permanently. Just being a "pain" isn't enough, especially if he has SEN.

And don't feel ashamed. Despite the regular comments on MN and elsewhere it is not down to your parenting. Our kids are their own people!

[troutsprout]

You are however, an expert in your son .. Be confident about that . You are likely to know what could work well for him. There is much you can do in partnership with the school to get a good outcome for your boy.
Good luck!

[CodyKing]

What does your son say about his behaviour? Is he given time out or detention? Are you informed when these happen? What happens at home when he does this is you know?
Does he understand that he is upsetting kids and their learning even if he doesn't want to learn? Can a teacher video his behaviour and show him he's not cool

[sprout2]

Thank you so much for these very supportive posts. I really appreciate them. I am trying to work in partnership with the school, but sometimes it feels like one step forward then two steps back. My doctor referred my son to CAMHS and they were not much help batting it back to the school who hit on getting him a classroom hearing assessment. I think going back on report could be useful, I will speak to them about this. I definitely feel there is more the school could do to help. Thank you all.

[TeenAndTween]

My DD has dyspraxia and is easily distracted (but wants to do well).
She learned to position herself in the classroom in the place of least distraction. Often towards the front on an edge. She used to ask to move places if where she was put on the seating plan didn't suit.

Would that help at all?

[pieceofpurplesky]

What has your son said about why he misbehaves? What is he doing when he 'beings things in from the classroom' / is this arguing/aggressive behaviour?

Yes teachers can do many things to help - one if which is refer to CAMHS who obviously don't feel your son has a specific behaviour based SEND as they sent him back.
You need to identify the problem - some pupils with dyslexia/hearing issues play up on purpose so that they do not get singled out for special help.
I suggest you arrange a meeting of year head, pastoral lead and SENCO and discuss the best Way forward

[noblegiraffe]

Your DS is old enough to be taking responsibility for his behaviour. What is his take on why he is constantly calling out/being disruptive? Does he say he is bored/doesn't understand/wants attention/wants to fit in? Are there any lessons he does behave in, and if so, why, and can that be applied to other lessons?
Seating plans/changing groups can help if he is simply in classes with his mates.
What sanctions are being applied? Do they help? If he doesn't care about detentions can you back up the school at home by confiscating his X-box (or whatever)?
Has he had any fixed term exclusions? It is highly unlikely that he would be on the verge of permanent exclusion if he hasn't had any fixed term exclusions. Have the school said they are thinking of expelling him?

[teta]

Can you do anything to fix the hearing issues?
If this was a problem from a young age this can lead to isolation from other children and maybe missing out on some important social skills.
The Dyslexia may make him feel useless and a bit hopeless .Is there anything he's good at?Can you do things that will raise his self-esteem?

[sprout2]

Thanks for all the really helpful advice. I have a lot of food for thought. I definitely feel in a better frame of mind since I received all of this amazing advice
thank you