Would you suggest to school another child may have ASD?

(25 Posts)
Blewitt Wed 16-Mar-16 20:23:14

My DD is having nightmare with another child in her class since starting secondary school. A friend who is a secondary teacher said she would be on her radar for ASD. Should I suggest this to the school or not? Not sure if it's totally out of line or not.

greatbigwho Wed 16-Mar-16 20:26:53

No. You know very little about the situation and the school will have a much clearer view of this child. I'm sure if there's something to be concerned about, he'll be looking in to it.

Floggingmolly Wed 16-Mar-16 20:28:26

No!

Wolfiefan Wed 16-Mar-16 20:29:21

So a friend who has presumably never met this child has offered an opinion?
No. Don't mention it. Focus on your child and ensure school do all they can to keep her happy and safe.

Blewitt Wed 16-Mar-16 20:42:45

Thanks! This has dragged on and DD is far from happy. I think it's highly likely the child has ASD hence my asking. Getting desperate but shall say nothing and hope something improves.

Wolfiefan Wed 16-Mar-16 20:43:32

Don't say nothing. Go in and say your child is unhappy and they need to help change that.

SanityClause Wed 16-Mar-16 20:54:55

I agree with Wolfie. If your DD is having problems at school you should let them know. This will mean the school will be able to support both your DD and the other girl.

However, it would not be at all appropriate to discuss the other girl, except in as far as her actions affect your DD.

Blewitt Wed 16-Mar-16 21:03:13

The school know about DD, they just don't seem to be able to make the situation better. I meant say nothing about the ASD. We have had endless contact with them to no avail. We may end up moving her because of this.

Shesinfashion Wed 16-Mar-16 21:18:46

The school need to deal with your daughters unhappiness. Don't bring this child into it. It's a separate issue.

bloodyteenagers Wed 16-Mar-16 21:22:15

So this teacher, have they ever met this other child?
Do they have any medical training?
Or is their diagnosis based on what they have heard from you?

Thornrose Wed 16-Mar-16 21:35:40

Do you really think that if ASD is on your friend's radar and she doesn't even know the child that the school might just have a clue?

Stay out of the other child's business, deal with the school based on your own dc's issues.

God, the thought of "my friend who happens to be a teacher" attempting to diagnose another person's child by hearsay makes me so angry.

insan1tyscartching Wed 16-Mar-16 21:51:05

No it's none of your business as to the whether the other child has difficulties. The child may or may not have ASD, they may even have a diagnosis the school may be giving support but they aren't going to share any of that with you.
Concentrate solely on getting your child the support they need,don't muddy the waters by bringing the other child and their difficulties into it.

Wolfiefan Wed 16-Mar-16 21:53:51

What do they put in place to help her?
Record everything. Refer to county if they don't deal with any issues.
Is this child unkind? Violent? Distracting?
Obviously don't give out details!

Blewitt Wed 16-Mar-16 21:59:55

Thanks to those that haven't flamed me. Advice Much appreciated and taken on board. I think I will leave discussion now as can't give more details. Shall stick to fighting DDs corner and hope for the best.

zzzzz Wed 16-Mar-16 22:04:26

I don't understand what you think you will gain by suggesting a diagnosis for this child confused

How do you know he doesn't have a diagnosis already confused?
How would any diagnosis effect YOUR child?

Meloncoley2 Thu 17-Mar-16 00:15:52

I am going to go against the grain here. Teachers at secondary level are rarely the best people to identify possible ASD. It will not harm your DC if you raise the concern, and may help the other child immensely if this behaviour has not been flagged.

HarrietSchulenberg Thu 17-Mar-16 00:23:11

I disagree with Meloncoley and will say that secondary teachers frequently do flag up possible ASD issues. It is highly likely that this has already happened.

MeMySonAndl Thu 17-Mar-16 00:34:47

Leave it, if there were any concerns about the child, the school would have been far more informed to request a diagnose than your friend who only knows about this child from what your DD tells to you.

Meloncoley2 Thu 17-Mar-16 00:37:26

sorry Harriet I expect that there are many teachers that do, but the majority of teachers in this day and age will have enough on their plate, and won't be aware unless it is brought to their attention. I am guessing that OP's daughter is struggling in school with this. How will her Science teacher, or even her form teacher be aware of this unless her parent draws someone's attention to it?

insan1tyscartching Thu 17-Mar-16 06:39:39

Melancoley it's not OP's daughter who OP's friend has decided should be flagged forASD (following second or possibly third hand reports from OP) it's a child in OP's daughter's class and as such it's none of her business.

zzzzz Thu 17-Mar-16 06:41:27

This is MADNESS. What is the relevance of the other child's possible diagnosis to the OP? confused You might just as well say "shall I suggest to the teacher that the other child might be spotty?

phequer Thu 17-Mar-16 06:45:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarmaladeAndEggs Fri 18-Mar-16 11:48:05

Why does it have to be ASD? There are a whole range of problems that would cause bad behavior, from a bad home environment, to boredom at school, to bullying.

I've also found that a lot of teachers are hugely ignorant of how ASD can present since they actually have very little training in it while they qualify, so I wouldn't take any teacher's advice on this unless they've had substantial SEN training.

I've heard from lots of people that bad behavior is caused by ASD or ADHD, but I have 2 on the spectrum who are better behaved than a lot of their NT peers, and who are more likely to be the victim than the aggressor because they just don't understand the intentions of the kids around them.

As others have said, make it about your DD, not this other child. Let the school suggest diagnosis if they think it's needed.

insan1tyscartching Fri 18-Mar-16 16:11:23

Marmalade I feel just like you my ds and dd have autism and both are far better behaved than the average teen and neither would ever be intentionally unkind or hit anyone. It drives me mad that at the first mention of difficult behaviour the "go to" response is always to ponder ASD.

ohtobeanonymous Tue 22-Mar-16 15:30:11

Hear Hear Marmalade and insan1ty!!

My DD1 is on the spectrum and is a stickler for the rules! Sadly, always the victim of any bullying rather than the perpetrator due to having NO IDEA about 'normal' peer social relations. The most gentle soul I've ever come across, her anger only flares when she is completely overwhelmed - she has a tighter reign on her temper than I do on my own. She has started to hit herself/bang her own head with her fist rather than attack another child, which breaks my heart. She is the one who lies awake at night stressing over other's comments about her when they obviously don't give her a second thought. She is the one who lies awake at night agonising that there is something 'wrong' with her, when other children are the ones who've been unkind or deliberately cruel.

Not to say that all with ASD are he same (just like neurotypical folk, really!) but who's to say the child of concern does not already have a long and detailed history of diagnosis/explanation which is known to the school and NONE OF OP's BUSINESS or has absolutely no social/behavioural/emotional problems whatsoever. What matters is how the school deals with the behaviour towards OP's DD, which is the only thing that should definitely be reported.

Hope OP is still reading.

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