Make her study or face the consequences?

(27 Posts)
DorothyL Sat 16-May-15 22:51:46

Dd, year 7, has end of year exams coming up. Cue endless moaning when I ask her to revise, though she will eventually do it. So should I a) not nag/remind her to revise, to potentially learn from the consequences, or b) keep working on it so that she'll hopefully do well and not be upset about bad results?

DorothyL Sat 16-May-15 22:53:30

Just to add, her moods and attitude are incredibly hard to deal with it at the moment, which in a way makes me want to choose a)

Singleandproud Sat 16-May-15 23:00:32

Maybe work with her to write a revision plan and SMART targets. Sometimes when we have a lot to do its hard to see the wood for the trees. If you had a plan on a big piece of paper that said: Monday - Geography earthquakes/volcanos 1 hr etc then it will help both of you by being specific, you can test her on the knowledge for 10mins after and know that she has revised.

AuntieStella Sat 16-May-15 23:00:45

Anything riding in these exams? (maybe decisions about sets/streams?)

If not, then I think you may need to leave her to it.

There's the risk that if she does badly, she might write herself off. But there is only so much you can do to support her (and provide external prods) and real success comes from internal motivation.

I feel that I've wrapped that up in a lot of jargon. But one of my DS really coasted in year 7 and 8 (and i felt like banging his head against a brick wall). But got his ass in gear all by himself in year 9.

AChickenCalledKorma Sat 16-May-15 23:02:23

Does anything ride on the results? If not, I would go for (a) and see what happens. Trickier if they are going to be used for setting or similar next year.

DorothyL Sat 16-May-15 23:06:24

No they won't affect next year. I've tried discussing a revision plan with her but she just rolls her eyes and gets really cross.

noblegiraffe Sat 16-May-15 23:09:37

If you go in full steam with revision timetables and nagging about revising this year then she will be fully fed up of it by the time exams of real importance come around. If nothing is riding on it, then leave her to it, then discuss how it went afterwards. She will learn what works for her.

imwithspud Sat 16-May-15 23:11:19

Since there's nothing really riding on these exams, I would go with (a) and let her deal with the consequences if she doesn't do well. It might give her a glimpse of what could happen in the future if she attempts to coast through her exams that could have an effect on her entire life.

Charis1 Sun 17-May-15 00:02:44

She is a young child, you are her parent. The more involvement you have in her education, the better the eventual outcomes will be. Sit down and work with her. Get her into the habit of regular home study and revision, and demonstrate to her in practical terms how highly you value her education. Don't make it optional!

DorothyL Sun 17-May-15 06:59:04

Charis, her education is very important to me, but I am wondering about the fact that ultimately she is the one who has to do the work. Would it teach her a lessin in circumstances which are without too serious consequences?

icklekid Sun 17-May-15 07:01:19

Could backfire if shes bright enough to do well without any revision and think she never has to try?

Theas18 Sun 17-May-15 07:12:09

Sit her down. Tell her you are leaving it in her hands. If she wants you to help her organise things that's great, you'd be happy to help. If she really wants no help then you'll back off an leave it to her.

Then do what she decides.

Year 7 isn't a year where slipping up is really a problem so letter her get on with it is a good choice. If she can fly without working much that's fine- she'll gradually get the feeling for how much she needs to do to hit the targets she wants

happygardening Sun 17-May-15 08:40:48

DS1 was clearly doing insufficient work for his AS's. I did discuss it with him all to no avail, some of his results were mediocre he was very disappointed, his first comment "I realise now I didn't do enough work". This year he's done so much more, fingers crossed it will pay off.
I also think some children need to see a point to all these exams, visiting universities etc made a huge difference to his attitude to work he has something he wants to aim for. What incentive do year 7 children have to make any effort to do well? We as parents see sets etc as important but I don't think they always do.
Years ago I listened to a very old fashioned teacher who strongly believed that children make a whole variety of mistakes in terms of their education and also their personal lives and pay the price for it and "that's how they learn" the problem is that teachers and parents don't seem very tolerant of mistakes.

Charis1 Sun 17-May-15 08:51:08

Charis, her education is very important to me, but I am wondering about the fact that ultimately she is the one who has to do the work. Would it teach her a lessin in circumstances which are without too serious consequences?

I'm sure her education is very important to you, or you wouldn't be hear asking.

my answer to your question though, is in my experience, at this age, you need to demonstrate that to her with your own time and input, both to help her get high grades, to get her into good habits, and to make her see how serious your commitment is.

slightlyconfused85 Sun 17-May-15 08:51:44

I wouldn't nag at that age. The exams won't count for much in the long run and if she doesn't do well there will be a clear reason why.

If you start nagging now you'll have 5 years ahead of you. If she learns a bit of self responsibility now she is more likely to be sensible about revision I the future.

AChickenCalledKorma Sun 17-May-15 16:00:05

Part of her education is learning to be self-motivating and willing to study because it's the right thing to do, not because her mum is nagging.

So while I agree with Charis that she's still of an age where she needs you to show your interest, in this case, that might involve making sure she has heard your sincere concern about the fact that not very much studying is going on ... and then backing off and, if necessary, helping her learn from that experience if it all goes pear-shaped.

and keeping your fingers crossed that she doesn't ace the exams without doing any work at all grin

CamelHump Sun 17-May-15 16:09:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theas18 Sun 17-May-15 18:21:14

Like everything they've got to learn to fly solo eventually and the earlier you start the baby steps ( within reason ) they more time they have to get where they need to be. You can't micromanage a child from 5-18 re study thrn expect them to go to uni and be able to juggle all the demands on their time themselves straight away.

In the same way you wouldn't send them to walk to school alone at 11 if you've always held their hand incase they trip walking ( let alone cross the road alone ).

I taught intelligent 1st year medical students when my dd1 was quite young. It really shaped my parenting. They honestly found getting to us on a direct local train terrifying - I couldn't ( and still can't ) work out how they were let loose in the world - even if you live really rurally if your kid is going to a city university surely you'd let them find out how public transport works before dumping thrm at uni ?

Needmoresleep Sun 17-May-15 18:55:44

I disagree with Chris. We came across several parents who were strongly 'committed ' to their children's education but who then wondered why, as the children became older, they still relied heavily on parents to organise their work and seemed to lack motivation or organisation.

It a good time to take a step or two back. Explain it is up to your daughter. If she wants help with writing up a timetable, testing, or buying stationary (revision always seems to entail buying stationary) you are available. Discuss the family programme. What time does she need for study. Is there anything (ideally involving exercise) that she would like to do in her downtime? Put an exam timetable on the wall and discuss what she would like for supper after a particularly difficult day. You are interested, you are supportive but the learning is up to her.

TeenAndTween Sun 17-May-15 19:01:51

Does she know how to revise?
Does she want to revise?
What have the school said about revision for these exams?

If she doesn't know how to revise you will need to discuss possible methods with her. Talk about how now is the time to try methods to see what works and what doesn't.

Kuppenbender Sun 17-May-15 19:29:22

Your child needs to learn to revise. This is one of those life skills that you (and the school) really need to teach her. Of course at her age preparing work and sitting down with her as she does it would be far too much, but checking up on what revision schedule she has planned and whether she's sticking to it is perfectly reasonable, and not remotely the same as spoonfeeding her.

Would a driving instructor allow their student to gently collide with a parked vehicle so they learn the consequences of driving too close? Would you stand back and let a toddler wet themselves so they learn to use the toilet in good time? Sink or swim is a very harsh method of teaching and should really only be used as a last resort.

lljkk Sun 17-May-15 21:57:56

I don't understand having the energy to drive this kind of thing. I am 100% supportive of any child who wants to revise or learn to revise better but no way I can crack the whip to MAKE them revise, not for all my DC for 20+ yrs solid (all their school yrs). Just No. They will have to swim or sink.

Desire to prepare is on the ingredient list for being successful, almost as hardwired as having certain talents or brains.

There are fantastic paths thru life that don't involve great exam results.

Kuppenbender Mon 18-May-15 07:40:47

Exam results aren't really the only issue here. I'm just suggesting that you consider how you teach anyone to do anything. Preparing for exams, interviews, the weekly shop.... these are all life skills that help people through life. For some they come naturally, but for others they need to be taught.

DorothyL Mon 18-May-15 07:43:06

I totally agree, but the issue is dd's resistance to being taught revision skills, which makes me wonder about letting her get on with it so that in future she might be more receptive!

basildonbond Mon 18-May-15 08:24:58

Hmm I'm in two minds about this..,

Ds1 and ds2 are both very bright in different areas bit also v lazy - neither did any revision for their exams in Y7 or 8 and both aced them, thus reinforcing the idea in their mind that revision was pointless

Ds2 is just getting the results for his Y10 exams now and so far they're decidedly mediocre - Bs when his targets are all As and A*s - I'm hoping he's learned his lesson but judging by his big brother who's pretty much winged it all the way through school I wonder hmm

y7 dd has exams the week after half term and despite being encouraged by school to do so has been equally resistant - aargh! I'm going to get her some different coloured index cards today in the hope that will inspire her

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