Y12 DS being Bullied.....

[BaconAndAvocado]

DS started at a new school,for 6th form and up until now, everything has been going well.

He came home tonight very upset and angry about a boy, who he thought had been a new friend, that has been picking on him and humiliating him in front of,other boys.

DS says he can't focus on his work tonight and feels like he wants to "knock him out".

DS has mild AS, not sure if that's relevant here or not.

Apparently tomorrow,there's going to be a lesson where the children are to,work on their own without the teacher and I'm worried something will happen.

Should I phone the school and inform them? I really don't know,what to do as these are 17 year olds.

Tia

[BaconAndAvocado]

Bump

[Leeds2]

I would phone the school and put them in the picture.

Does your son know why the other boy is picking on him?

I hope tomorrow goes well. It is a horrible position for your DS to be in.

[bagofsnakes]

Get in touch with your son's personal tutor straight away - has the school given your his/her email address? I'm a 6th form tutor and I would deal with this straight away, sure they will too.

[BaconAndAvocado]

No, he has no,idea why he is picking in him.

In fact, DS and this boy have spent a lot,of time together since September and DS definitely considered him a friend.

I feel so,upset for DS.

Thanks for advice Leeds I am definitely going to phone the school tomorrow morning though I'm not sure who I would ask to speak to? Would it be Student Support?

[BaconAndAvocado]

Sorry bag just missed your post.

I'm not sure what they're called at DS's school. It's a grammar and he was at a comp until Year 11 so,it's all a bit new.

How should I put things on the phone? I want to stay calm but make sure that they know how angry DS is and how it's affecting his work.

I'm also worrying about him lashing out at this boy, though that may put an end to the bullying.

This boy has been bullying DS when the teachers aren't there so I don't know how they will stop it.

It's Parents Evening in a couple of weeks and I'd really like to say something to this boy's parents!

[noblegiraffe]

As he is 17 and you need to be encouraging independence, is there a chance that your DS could approach his tutor about it himself? Via email in the first instance if he would be more comfortable with that?

[SignoraLiviaBurlando]

Encourage your DS to speak to tutor, but also definitely you also should contact tutor so he knows your DS will contact him/her.
Really important that you and the tutor are on the same page.
Your DS is new in the school, new to 'independent learning' and he does need support. This can be nipped (discreetly) in the bud - teenagers trying out new found independence - need gentle guidance from adults.

[BaconAndAvocado]

noble I know where you're coming from. DH maintains that he is now "a man" (is he?) and thinks he should be handling it himself. Not sure if I agree with this.

I really hope,it can be nipped in the bud. DS has been very happy at his new school up until now and working hard.

[SignoraLiviaBurlando]

Bacon - yes, understand your DH view, but also please keep a parental contact with the tutor. Teenagers need their parents more than they will ever admit. (Speaking as a teacher, and also parent, of teenagers...)

[LizzieVereker]

I'm a sixth form tutor, and would very much want to know if this was happening to one of my tutees, so that I could help. It can be very difficult for new students to find their feet amongst others who have had five years to form friendships.

I think trying to persuade your DS to approach his tutor himself, in the first instance, is a good idea, but if he really can't face it, an email from you would probably be the quickest way to get through to the tutor. Do the school have staff emails on their website?

I'm sure you won't, but please don't tackle the other boy's parents - that truly never ends well. Hope your DS is feeling a bit better now.

[SignoraLiviaBurlando]

please don't tackle the other boy's parents - that truly never ends well.
as Lizzie said. Please keep good contact with tutor - really, really are the experts...)

[BaconAndAvocado]

Yes, you're absolutely right re tackling his parents, I just feel so,angry and helpless but hopefully, after tomorrow's phonecall, things will improve.

I don't think DS would be up to talking to/contacting his tutor.

Thanks you all for advice and support. I'm so glad I've got MN at times like this

[BaconAndAvocado]

Thanks woodsman I hope you're right.

DS is really worried that the boy will realise DS has "told his Mum" etc but I'd like to think it will all be dealt with very discreetly.

[BaconAndAvocado]

I spoke to the Deputy of 6th form this morning. He has since open to both DS and the other boy. Apparently the other boy was shocked that he had caused upset.
DS has just got in and was a bit angry that I phoned the school but I told him it was all dealt with discreetly.

Hopefully all will b ok now.

[MillyMollyMama]

Teenagers are funny in that they tell you things and when you try and help they get huffy! I think, also, that the other boy probably thought he was teasing and did not expect his comments to be taken to heart. It is good they sorted it out. Sometimes teasing comes with friendship. It is not bullying as such and young men usually understand the developing relationships. This is possibly where your son's mild AS does not quite let him understand how this works.

[BaconAndAvocado]

I think you're right milly

DS now thinks he may have overreacted!

All,part of life's rich tapestry, eh?