DS struggling with year 10

[Viewofthehills]

Awake since 4 this morning as I confiscated his i pad after midnight and it bleeped notifications at me!

Really worried about him; He had a virus a month ago, still coughing, run down, very tired, tearful. Depressed?

He has failed his first piece of English controlled assessment and had to re-do; he is absolutely crushed, despondent, says he can't do it. I have got a tutor and this started really well, but since the fail has been much less productive. He seems to have total writers block- scared of putting it on paper in case it is wrong. He reads, has a broad vocabulary and can spell.
I also feel he is letting his other subjects slip, even those he has previously loved.

Would it be reasonable to remove his i pad for the next two weeks? (Because he uses it way too much and too late at night) Write him an exam timetable? Make him revise downstairs where I can see him?
I've previously steered away from micromanagement; wanting him to learn to work for his own sake; but at the moment it doesn't seem to have worked.
He is a bright boy who should be looking at getting good grades, but it feels like it is all unravelling. He will be taking three GCSE's, including English next summer.

I want him to feel I am on his side and that we will help him get through this stage, but am a bit at a loss as the best way to help.

Any advice welcome!

[LIZS]

why are they making them take such crucial ones early ? Can you meet HOY and tell them he isn't coping well, won't achieve good results and could he wait until Year 11. In the end you cannot do it for him but maybe withdraw ipad as that is proving a distraction and lack of sleep won't help him recover .

[CastlesInTheSand]

What about asking him to write a study timetable?

And removing the iPad for certain hours - ie when he should be sleeping and when he should be studying. But let him have it at other times.

And ask him would he like to study with you / near you or by himself.

But also make him see doing well in his GCSE is a very manageable goal for him. X went badly, but Y and Z went well. If he does A, b and C he should be back on track. And A, B and C are very achievable because...

[VanillaHoney]

DD1 was spending far too much time on her Iphone. So told her phone had to go in to a box in the kitchen, made her work downstairs and would return phone to her at 7.30 provided she had done enough schoolwork. Only had to do this for a few weeks, although she was miffed at first, she saw sense and got herself in to good study habits.

[wishihadacat]

Good suggestion making own schedule. Remind him - success is nice, but failing is what we learn from and getting those failing indicators early in year 10 is exactly the very best time for them so there's plenty of time to start working on them and iron them out.

Help him put together his comeback plan like Rocky in the film. Small, achievable goals for improvement based on what the problems were in the CA and an understanding that rest/sleep is as important as doing - if no proper sleep time, how do you expect your brain to be able to train?

If he doesn't already - signing up for some fun physical exercise that has a progression path of skills would help him understand about training and progressing mentally, help kick the depression into touch also and also help him to be physically tired enough to want to sleep at night. Karate is a good one, but there are many others.

[Viewofthehills]

LIZS- I agree with you, but that bit isn't negotiable. They all do English in yr10, even those doing foundation.
The exercise bit is a good point-most of his exercise tends to be summer orientated. That is fairly easy to resolve- he can go back to swimming, which he enjoys.
Thank you all for replying. It fits with what I've been thinking since I posted. I think I have a bit of an action plan now!

[noblegiraffe]

Do not allow him his iPad in his room at night. It's affecting his sleep and his health. If it was bleeping notifications at you after midnight, imagine what it's like trying to sleep with that going on every night.

Sit down with him and tell him you're worried about him. Try to come up with a joint plan of action. However, no electronics after 10pm (or whatever) should be non-negotiable.

If you think his other subjects might be sliding, have you got a parents evening coming up where you can ask his teachers?

[lljkk]

Ah well, could be worse. Mine is threatening to not go to school tomorrow because I won't buy him Battlefield 4 (age 18 rated game). SIGH. At least yours actually cares about his results.

If you take the iPad off him for say 10pm-6am, I would combine that with a carrot, maybe some other privilege or support or treat.

[Viewofthehills]

Noble giraffe- we have had that discussion this morning. He says he goes to sleep watching videos and was trying to convince me they're educational! Ironic since I've always resisted TV in bedrooms. I'm trying to think of other ways for him to to relax so that he sleeps. Offer to buy him a relaxation CD not well received! Anyway the I pad will be handed over after he has done his work for the night and reclaimed before bed.
I curse computers and games sometimes- at least I only had books to distract myself with when I was doing exams.

[Ferguson]

Surely, at Yr10 he is old enough to know WHAT he should be doing, and I would have thought if you treat him like a baby, by taking his 'toys' away that is only going to cause resentment and even less cooperation.

I mostly worked in primary, but did have a few years in secondary as TA and voluntary helper. It is very difficult to fathom the minds of teenagers, and most of this advanced 'tech' has come in since I retired. For many kids, the 'tech' is REPLACING the real world, and they can no longer relate to people, activities, creativity, sports, or anything else in the real world.

What has he been like over the past few years, with regards to work, effort, self esteem, relationships etc? Does he have siblings, a Dad, or other male role model?

Does he like ANYTHING other than screen-based escape from the world? What does he hope to do eventually; unless he is SEN, he should be able to limit screen-time of his own accord, to try to achieve any goals he may have. When he is adult, and successful, he can do as much i-pad stuff as he wants.

[doormouse04]

Really ferguson, do you have teenagers. I dont know any that seem able to limit screen time in whatever form they favour. I have to monitor and guide my 13 and 16 year old. It is not easy.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

I have a son in Y10 who has struggled with anxiety & depression and has missed many lessons due to frequent CAMHS appointments. He has been well for about five weeks now, and is trying to catch up the lost ground.

These things have worked for him:

Studying downstairs so that his bedroom is just for relaxation.

Wi-fi goes off at 9pm.

Due to his ill health, he has given up all extra activities apart from the ones he truly loves.

Every half term, he makes a list of the topics he has done and choses the four or five that he understands the least, then does some work on those.

He has also had a lot of help and support from school: counselling; resilience coaching; 1:1 once a week with a TA for one subject; small group once a week for another; all subject teachers on board; we are in regular contact with Head of Year.

[bigTillyMint]

TheFirst, resilience coaching sounds brilliant - just what my DD needs. I wonder what it involves?

[Bunbaker]

This thread has struck a chord with me. It sounds like DD (year 10) would benefit from resilience coaching. She has been referred to CAMHS for depression and anxiety, but we are waiting for an appointment.

Sorry to hijack the thread OP.

I think it is bonkers to enter less able students for a core subject a year early. DD's school only enters some of the A* certs for maths early. English is taken in year 11.

[bigTillyMint]

Bunbaker, I hope her appointment comes through soon.

My DD had a load of counselling for anxiety (mainly due to bullying) through Y10 and it recently finished. Her CAMHS worker was great, but she is now very stressed about the CA's and ISA's that all seem to be coming at once, plus looming mocks.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

The resilience coaching was provided by Jepeca who came into school and worked with him weekly for about six weeks.

[Bunbaker]

Thank you Tilly. She is dealing with being dumped by a number of friends and her boyfriend right now. She is staring to make some new friends, but it is a slow process.

[bigTillyMint]

TheFirst, that website looks really interesting - I am going to contact them to find out more, thanks!

Bunbaker, your DD sounds like she is doing really well - managing to try to make new friends whilst being dumped by others. That does actually show some resilience - not sure DD could manage that.

Viewofthehills, how is your DS getting on?