Straw poll- would you make a child try for grammar school if they didn't want to bug had siblings there?

[LePetitMarseillais]

Dd is adamant she wants to go to the comp instead.

Going round and round in circles deciding what to do.

[LePetitMarseillais]

But

[pumpkinspicelatte]

I personally wouldn't, if they were not going to be happy. But then I'm quite a slack parent!

[3bunnies]

Can she sit the test but still go to the comp? If so I would suggest that as a compromise she sits the test and does her best but can still choose to go to the comp if she wants to. She might change her mind if she passes. Sitting the test just means that she has a wider choice of schools.

[Ingles2]

Nope.. Ds1 is at a grammar.. Ds2 didn't sit the test as he was adamant he wanted the comp.. He's now yr 9, and doing really well... And is happy!

[KylieAteMyHamster]

No, I definitely wouldn't make my child do it.

[LePetitMarseillais]

Thought of that but unless she starts going to a tutor now it won't be much point sitting iykwim.

Yes I know tutoring shouldn't be involved but everybody does.

Making a decision this far in advance is a nightmare.

Said child is bright but a tad lazy.Have to say also the polar opposite to the grammar school girls if I'm honest.But wondering if the grammar would keep her nose to the grindstone.

[MrsCurrent]

No way. I went to grammar, hated it. DS is adamant it's not for him even though other family are there so I'm happy with that. DS2 might go for it though, they're very different boys and I've promised them they can have a say in their school choice.

[Blu]

What are YOUR reasons for wanting her to do the Grammar entry?

What are her reasons for wanting to go to the comp?

To be at a different school from her sibling?

Because she does not feel confident and is afraid of failing?

Because she doesn't want the pressure?

Because she has seen and heard things she likes about the comp?

Has she been to see both schools in the Yr 5open days?

Mostly my answer veers towards 'no' but I would take all the reasons into account.

[tess73]

is she saying she doesn't want to go because she is secretly scared of not passing?

[LePetitMarseillais]

No doesn't care enough to worry about passing.

She felt it was stuffy and hot.Tbh we weren't keen,boys school v different.She's not swotty,driven,sporty or musical.

It's not for her is it.

To use it as a way of keeping her nose to the grindstone is probably wrong.

[LePetitMarseillais]

Sorry not swotty etc.

[LePetitMarseillais]

She liked the comp because they have a pig.

[kezzarick]

I am in similar dilemma, son did test and has score enough for grammar but he doesn't want to go. Local comp ok but not outstanding. I don't want him to miss out on opportunities or regret not going in the future.....

[flicktuck]

part of a parent's job is making decisions which the child doesn't have the maturity or experience to make themselves, and I don't think a 10 yr old does.
Choosing a school because it has a pig I think illustrates this nicely.

[LePetitMarseillais]

Flick obviously having a pig isn't what I'm basing my choice on however the pig issue clearly illustrates how little dd is contributing towards the decision which doesn't help me as I am completely unsure either way- and going round in circles.

[Blu]

I think a school having a pig is an EXCELLENT reason for wanting to go there!

We picked DS's primary on the basis that every year they get a tray of eggs and keep them warm and let them hatch in the classroom.

More schools should have pigs.

[Hakluyt]

Is it a proper comprehensive school she will go to if she doesn't go to the grammar? What are the %ages of different abilities there?

[MassaAttack]

I know it's just a turn of phrase, but I don't want children to have their nose to the grindstone.

They should piss about, and be nagged here and there until they pass enough exams to do whatever it is they want to do.

[tess73]

it really depends on what the alternative is. if the choice is a great grammar or bad comp, then you have to make the choice. If she is not really "grammar school material" and will take a lot of coaching and the comp is pretty good then go with the comp.
You can't let a 10 year old decide these things.

[Patienceisapparentlyavirtue]

What tess73 said. Her feelings are of course very important but in the end it's up to you to make the decision, because at10 she simply doesn't have all the information or understanding available to really grasp the long term implications.

[HattieFranks]

If her reasons really are because it was hot and the other school had a pig then yes I would make her take the test. Friends and I were talking the other day about what we would have picked our schools on, mine was because I loved the big double height art room. Hardly the basis for choosing a school on. Dd looked at two schools and discarded one because at one school they had been doing creative writing (which she loves) and the other was doing a lesson on Shakespeare (which she didn't fancy the sound of). Once we explained they would do both things at both schools she changed her mind.

I don't think at 10yrs old they have the maturity or the forward thinking to choose a school. They can offer opinions but that's it. I have heard children not wanting to go to grammar because they think they will have more homework etc - this tends to be based on hearsay or older siblings but with no real direct comparison. I really think 3bunnies has the right answer (2nd post).

[LePetitMarseillais]

Comp is classed as "Good".

Got to go to work,will mull over responses today.