Year 9 ds very down and anxious about academic ability and future

[mrsjavierbardem]

ds is in an old fashioned all boys' state school which is like a grammar school in its approach.

He did not do brilliantly in his year 8 summer exams. He feels he has gone down a few sets and is now in classes with slightly more messers-about and he is struggling in many subjects.

The kids talk competitively about their levels all the time, this demoralises ds enormously.

The teachers appear to be enacting some policy of 'Terrify Children About The Imminent GCSEs' he has even been shouted at by some teachers when he's struggling to understand in Maths.

I have written to the very good form tutor for a chat and to some of the worst screamers polite letters asking of their advice about what we can do as a family to support ds during this slump in his confidence.

But what do you do when your child says they are too stupid to cope? Too thick to be at this school? Too overwhelmed?

The teachers do say he is able. The problem is ds has always performed directly to the level of an individual teacher's expectation & encouragement. If a teacher is shouty and mean to ds or even worse, appears to dislike ds, de's performance just keels over. I know he needs to learn to be a self starter but he has always been like this, he's never been super confident.

I just feel year 9 was way too young for my ds to choose his GCSEs.

I think I should have sent him to the more rounded, mixed secondary that isn't run by a bunch of Crazed Macho Nazi Shouters (with a few exceptions!) but what can you do?

Any empathy/ advice would be extremely gratefully received.

And I don't mean to disrespect teachers, I always support the school to ds.
It's just I don't see why you can't run a strict school while employing a modicum of emotional intelligence.

[mrsjavierbardem]

Oh I agree, it was a real mistake and I went against my instincts because dh thought this school would push ds.
But it would be surely much too late to move him and potentially could make him go off the rails.
At least he has settled socially and has a group of mates, he feels easier in his skin there now. It's just so competitive academically, and I'm sure it's because of years of assessment by Ofsted and Gov etc but the teachers seem obsessed with levels to an extent that many don't seem to realise how much performance is related very simply to the quality of the teacher's connection with the child and the confidence the teacher inspires in a child. That to me is more key than levels because it produces the best result.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

DS1 is at a similar type of school and hated Y9. His performance dropped, he lost his enthusiasm and confidence. He seems much happier now he is in Y10.

If your concerns continue, I think it would be reasonable to ask to meet with the Head of Year or whoever is in charge of pastoral care. DS1 became so unhappy in Y9 that it affected his mental health, which has taken months to address.

[mrsjavierbardem]

Thanks, I had a discreet word with one teacher and form tutor and both have spoken to ds and he has had some support where he was a bit stuck but more importantly he has been hugely boosted by their confidence in his abilities.
I am pleased, he is so much happier.