Tonbridge or Charterhouse?

[violetsareblue11]

Hi all! I'm new to Mumsnet and this is my first ever thread and it's about a topic that my family and I have been thinking about for a fair few weeks. I apologise in advance for the length of this piece of writing! I have two DS's and one DD. DS1 has finished his first year at Eton College and adores it! DS2 is ten, and it's getting to the time where we've looked around some senior schools in the past year and DS2 is headed for pre-assessments this school year! DS2 decided after looking around Eton that it wasn't the school for him- her said it seemed too stuffy for him, and he couldn't abide the tailcoats. DH and I were slightly saddened by this as it would have been lovely for both boys to have sort of shared a school experience and of course it would have been easier having both sons at the same school for several reasons, but there was no use in pushing DS2 to go to a school he didn't want to go to, it'd just make him unhappy! I'll sum up DS2 briefly: he's super sporty and also very academic- and so we had to search for a school that could give him stimulation in all areas. We then looked around Winchester (which DS2 didn't like and he said "because it doesn't seem like a school where sports play big part"). We went on to look around Tonbridge and Charterhouse- both of which appealed to DS2 and he came away from the tours buzzing and I have to say DH and I were also impressed with both schools! So we applied for both schools, and DS2 will be sitting the pre-assessments during Year 6. He would then go on to go for scholarships at these schools providing he was offered a place as there's no way we could scrape through with paying half of DS1's fees for Eton (he's on a bursary) as well as DS2's for a school such as Charterhouse or Tonbridge and of course for DD's prep school and then whatever senior school she goes onto. I might also add that the headmaster at DS2's prep thinks we should go in for another school such as Radley and try to get onto the Wardens List (of which I think the chances of that are very slim!)not a back up, and also has said to us he thinks Charterhouse is too macho for DS2 and Tonbridge won't stimulate him enough, so even though I know DS2 loves both schools- the head' swords still linger in my mind somewhat! So to sum up, the objective of this thread- all I want to know before DS2 slogs through the pre-assessments for these schools is: does anyone here have any experience of Tonbridge or Charterhouse at all- and I want all experiences, warts and all- although preferably not the horrid horror stories I see spurting out about the likes of Eton sometimes! I hope I haven't sounded pushy in this thread, I just want DS2 to be happy but at the same time not to put himself in a school where he won't be stimulated or will struggle with his image! I'd love some experiences from any of you with either schools! Thanks!

[happygardening]

I looked at Tonbridge (many years ago) for my very bright fairly sporty (but not a team sports player) DS. I really liked the head who'd come from SPS and I thought he'd created a modern forward thinking boarding school that didn't appear stuffy. If we'd lived closer and could have managed weekly boarding then I would have added it to our short list, but as the head admitted basically there were no full boarders I didn't. It does have a very sporty reputation and many of the bright top sports men at my DS's prep used to go there The sporting facilities are pretty impressive. The CE pass mark then I think was something odd like 64% we're going back the best part of 7 years I was thin then and less grey then. Its certainly very selective if not super selective. They also I believe offer bursaries.
Charterhouse does have a very macho reputation don't know how valid this is but that is the general view it again is weekly boarding and would be considered again marginally less academic than Win Coll Eton et al.

[grovel]

Tonbridge is a whole lot less pretentious than Charterhouse.

[happygardening]

Yes I felt that when I went round, there are about 40% day boys which is a shame.

[summerends]

Does n't sound as though he would have much problem getting onto the Warden's list for Radley with his credentials and an enthusiastic reference from the headmaster.
If sports are his priority and he likes winning at them he should certainly consider it. There is a new warden starting (who I suspect will be unpretentious and may try to diversify the intake). Although there is a wider ability range they certainly have the capacity to stretch and have excellent teachers.

[summerends]

Just to add that I'm a bit puzzled why your DS2's head teacher should think he would n't be stretched at Tonbridge but would be at Radley. Plus Radley is also rather macho.

[violetsareblue11]

summerends as I don't know Radley too well, so don't know why DS2's head teacher said that but I know that the head thinks DS2 would do better at a school where there's more sport on offer for him and where there's more "structure". I'm not sure myself, we may take a look around Radley and whilst DS2 seems to like the look of it's website (and a few boys in his year are going to go there) we're all unsure. Do you have any experience of Radley?

[FamiliesShareGerms]

Tonbridge v strong at sports, I know a young lad there who is absolutely lovely and he is very happy there.

Charterhouse now has girls in sixth form, so maybe the macho element might tone down..? Mostly weekly boarders there

[almapudden]

Charterhouse is not very academic. Tonbridge more so. Tonbridge also very sporty. Have you looked at Harrow?

[happygardening]

Rugby at a Radley is very big, it's exceedingly traditional, the last bastion of the upper classes, pastoral care is known to be a bit what I call "man up", definitely not touchy feely, the boys I've met are always very polite and likeable.
I'm not sure Charterhouse is less academic than Harrow or a Radley I think their trying to up the academic anti considerably. In factvjustblooked atvtheir website 70%+ got A's at A level pre U 95% got A's and B's that pretty impressive.

[violetsareblue11]

almapudden we looked around Harrow with DS1 who didn't like it and as he had already seen Eton was sold on the matter. DS2 isn't Harrow material according to his headmaster as to be honest I've heard how Harrow searches for the "whole package" and DS2 lacks in leadership qualities and isn't dramatic or musical in any way- I don't see that he would have a substantial chance at getting in and would hate to show him around and get him excited if there was a chance he wouldn't make it. Harrow does sound good though! happygardening thanks for all the brilliant advice, we are still seriously considering Charterhouse and you've made me like the sound of Tonbridge even more than I do already!

[violetsareblue11]

Also, thanks for the information about Radley. I've got various views on the school now, as I didn't know it all too well beforehand. I've heard Radley is hierarchical, however I don't know if it's true, it's what I read on forums about the school after summerends reminded me of Radley's existence. So like I've said, we're all slightly unsure of what to do and whether to apply for a few more schools or not. If we do, does anyone else have some good suggestions for schools for DS2 that would suit him? We're not bothered about it being a single sex or coed one. I've loved nearly everything I've heard so far about Tonbridge and Charterhouse!

[happygardening]

Why don you wait for the outcome of the pre tests? If he die shut get offered a place or you decide neither are for you plenty don't pre test so you'll still have lots of choice.

[happygardening]

Sorry bloody auto correct if he doesn't get offered a place ...
What area are you?

[violetsareblue11]

happygardening we're in Kent.

[Frikadellen]

We have friends with a son at Tonbridge they rate it highly and he is doing well academically.

Have you considered Sevenoaks?

[summerends]

violets I have sent you a pm but I don't personally think Radley is worth the trek from Kent if you have the option of Tonbridge or Charterhouse.

[violetsareblue11]

Frikadellen no, we haven't considered Sevenoaks although we have friends with DC there and they say they like it. We've never considered it up to now and it's close to where we live so we might take a look. However, I know that that it does the IB instead of GCSE's which me and DH are sceptical of, and I'm not sure of what it's sports facilities are like. Do you know? summerends thanks for the pm, DH, DS2 and I have looked at Radley's website and like the look of it but we think DS2 may suit another school- as it's football and tennis he's into, not rugby, and he also likes dance, so the man-up macho atmosphere wasn't really what we are after. Thanks for the suggestion though, Radley does sound like a good school for the right boy!

[summerends]

Is n't Brighton College very strong for dance, boys as well as girls, and of course academic. Again would be weekly boarding.

[happygardening]

Kings would be your obvious second choice then if you didn't like or didn't get a place at Charterhouse, Tonbridge. I'm sure your prep sends lots there, lots went from DS2's prep to Kings over the years and friends have sent their DC's there all sorts; clever very clever musical sporty odd fairly clever all have been happy as far as Im aware. I definitely wouldn't look at Radley if he doesn't like Rugby.

[violetsareblue11]

summerends ooh is it? Brighton College sounds like it it's worth a look around! Although I've heard things about a lot of academic hothousing in the MN forums? Is this true? And happygardening Kings is on our list and we went round this year and DS2 loved the look of it, as did we! If we don't get into Tonbridge or Charterhouse then Kings would be an option for sure. We were just hesitant about the fact that a few boys and girls at DS2's prep who gave DS2 a hard time about his love for dancing have applied for Kings but I'm sure DS2 would be able to stand up for himself and if not, I hear the anti-bullying policies and the pastoral care is amazing at Kings.

[summerends]

violets I don't know enough about Brighton to comment. I did meet a delightful boy from there who was sporty and on dance scholarship who seemed very happy. He told me they have a dance school which is excellent.

[Toapointlordcopper]

I think kings more suitable for a dancing boy than Tonbridge. Neither put footie at top of their priorities, though (most favoured sport is rugby at Tonbridge, hockey at kings). Shame he doesn't like Eton.

Do you want weekly or full boarding? Weekly is the key advantage/disadvantage of Tonbridge, depending on your politics.

If you went for kings I'd recommend Galpin's as a house, amazing housemaster and wife.

[violetsareblue11]

Toapointlordcopper we're going to look into Kings further as DS2 has always liked Kings since we were shown around although he has since seen Tonbridge and Charterhouse which he seems to have liked more so. If DS2's dancing would be better provided for at Kings, then it may be the school for him after all, although I don't think he likes hockey and DS2 said he could put dance on the back burner if he really, really loves the school. The thing is, although he had really liked the look if Tonbridge and Charterhouse he didn't love them, and I wouldn't want him to then go to such a good school such as those and then spend five years regretting it as he couldn't dance IYSWIM. Also, full boarding was our preference, although it looks like none of the schools above are really full boarding, so we could accommodate weekly boarding. You sound like you have experience with Kings. If you do, would you be able to give me some more info on the school?

[hoorayforsummer]

If he's into dancing I wouldn't look at a single sex school. Others have said Radley is "macho" and "man up" - I think all single sex boys schools are like this - I have friends with DSs at all the single sex boys schools and they all agree that none of them are particularly nurturing and there is a lot of banter...hierarchy persists at all these schools and I think whether a boy feels that depends very much on the attitude of the HM. I think a co-ed environment does take the edge of this. Those with DS at weekly boarding schools (C and T) say the boys are glad to come home on Saturday and "breathe" before going back on a Sunday.

OP, I think you need to write a list of your priorities - full/weekly, co-ed/single sex, location, how academic etc etc and then go and look round these schools and talk to as many boys as you can. If dance is really important ask how many boys do dancing.

[violetsareblue11]

hoorayforsummer having talked to DS2 he has said dance is as important as sport, so of anything it's made searching for a school even harder! Also, I do disagree with you saying that all, all boys schools have a macho, man up atmosphere. Some do, such as Radley, apparently, and Charterhouse so I hear (although DS2 liked the look of Charterhouse and wasn't after a a macho atmosphere so it cannot have been too macho). However, a lot of all boys schools are better for boys who like the arts, as at coed schools they get some girls saying they're "gay" and feel like they need to be manly- and of course I found two male friends of mine, who both went to a coed school- and one loved drama and dance- said that they felt forced to be "more macho" to attract girls as they grew older. Of course different children are good in different schools and DS2 would suit a single sex or coed environment, I think, and whilst we're open to coed schools none of those that have been mentioned or been shown around are ones DS2 has liked. As for the whole "hierarchy" there's no such thing at Eton, where DS1 has finished his first year and has loved it. However he has a great housemaster, although Eton as a whole is a very un-hierarchical school. I'm not sure about other all boys schools, but DH went to Westminster and said there was no such thing in his time, and his brother was at Harrow, who also says he never saw any hierarchy. Thanks for the idea of writing a list though, we shall do that! It seems as though we're going to have seriously reconsider our options!