Something happened on dd's school trip and unsure how to handle this

(94 Posts)
Schooltrip Tue 08-Jul-14 20:04:57

Dd is 13yo and went on a residential foreign trip last week.

While away dh got a call from school telling him that a video had been made by a kid on the trip and in the video dd was being called names. School wanted us to know they were dealing with it, fair enough.

Dd is back and being a bit quiet about the whole thing. I've just got it out of her what happened.

She's in a bedroom, 6 girls sharing the room. Dd is getting changed and some of the girls are the other side of the room making videos on their phone. A boy comes into the room, against the rules as they were told no boys in the girls rooms, etc.

Dd is totally naked as this boy is in the room. According to dd the boy was staring at her and loudly calling her "bushy". Dd says she froze. This was caught on video.

Now dd hasn't seen the video and says she doesn't think she was on the video. But that the video shows the boy staring at her and calling her bushy.

The video was seen by kids back in the uk while the trip was still abroad. So I'm guessing was shared on Facebook.

My concern is that maybe dd was actually in the video!

Dd says she's getting teased a lot at school about it. Kids calling her bushy in the corridors, etc, talking about how this boy saw her naked.

School appparantly is deciding how much trouble the girls who made the video are going to be in and whether they're to be excluded or not. Dd is worried that these girls are in trouble and that they'll blame dd for it.

On top of this we had an incident yesterday where a boy shoved and kicked dd. its his second episode of violence towards her. The first time he reckoned it was an accident. hmm. He tried saying it was an accident again but HOY according to dd was screaming at the boy that she didnt believe him. His parents have been contacted and he's been told if he does it again he'll be excluded. School haven't contacted us about this at all.

Earlier on in the year dd was hit round the head with a chair in a lesson and I went nuts at the school. Wrote a two page letter copied to the head and governors asking how they felt they were safeguarding my dd and that if there was further violence to dd that I'd contact the police if I felt the school didnt take it seriously.

In year 7 dd was also attacked by a girl who was temporarily excluded after that.

So I think school may already feel that I'm one of "those parents" as I can't imagine my letter went down well. Obviously my priority is to dd. who wants it forgotten about.

I need to contact the school don't I to try and get any more details on what was in the video? And then what? Nothing?

lunar1 Tue 08-Jul-14 20:08:42

Regarding the video incident i would ring the police, the phone needs seizing and they need to look into exactly what was recorded. Have the school shown you the video? there is no way i would trust them to deal with this internally.

Schooltrip Tue 08-Jul-14 20:11:10

The school haven't shown me the video. I would imagine its been deleted off the phone and off Facebook by now.

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 08-Jul-14 20:30:29

I don't think you are "one of those parents" by what you describe, naturally you are concerned about your daughter's wellbeing. I think your daughter has experienced several serious incidents that rightly required the school to act upon.

Regarding the latest episode, firstly my thoughts go out to your girl, I bet she is mortified by this experience and the thought of the film going viral, (even though nudity is nothing to be ashamed off) thankfully there is no evidence of this. Young girls can be so sensitive about their bodies and rightly so, when her privacy was invaded by this boy.How irresponsible of the girls to film this, surely at 13 they know this is unacceptable. I'd wipe the floor with my girl if she participated in something similar. Yes I'd get onto the school and request a meeting, I'd want to know what punishments have been given, who has the footage and where has it been posted. Overall I'd be expecting a post mortrum and I'd also like the school to advise how your daughter could move on from this. If I did not like what came out of their mouths, I'd move schools, because I get the impression you have been very co-operative with them so far and unacceptable behaviour from other kids keeps plaguing your daughter.

Fortunately incidents like this may be horrifying for us parents but not such a big deal for kids, it soon becomes old news and a new drama takes over. Please update, I hate hearing about things like this.

Schooltrip Tue 08-Jul-14 20:49:14

Thanks. Have told Dd this will be forgotten.

will update.

CharmQuark Tue 08-Jul-14 21:34:59

OMG!

Your poor DD.

I think the school were being highly disingenuous in calling and telling you about a video in which your dd was 'called names'. A naled boy bursting in, catching her naked and the possibility that that ended up on FB is all completely unacceptable le on all 3 counts.

There is no such thing as 'deleted' off FB - if it was there someone will have copied it.

I would demand a full inquiry and explanation from the school.

What does the Bullying Pollcy say?

they have completely failed to protect your dd.

Ask for a meeting. A full and detailed explanation about what happened and why - ask HOW a naked boy was able to burst into their room?

Ask what they will do to ensure damage ,imitation - that this incident is minimised in whatever way they can.

And what they will do to ensure that your dd is protected from the after effects of this and from any future bullying treatment of this kind?

CharmQuark Tue 08-Jul-14 21:36:03

I am the mother of a 12 yo boy. I would KILL him if he did something like that.

meringue33 Tue 08-Jul-14 21:39:50

Tbh I would take your daughter out of this school and find somewhere else. It sounds awful. I say this as someone who went to an institutionally bullying school - it took me til my 30s to get over it!

Fresh start.

Thefishewife Tue 08-Jul-14 21:48:07

Well this is the schools fault my son just came back from PGL and they were told no I pods! phones! I pads nothing anything was found it would be confercsted and normal school rules would apply

Eg the item would be given yo the head of year which would only be allowed to be collected at the end of term by a parent after a meeting with the head of year and him going over the rules on such items

Thefishewife Tue 08-Jul-14 21:50:04

Also my son and the other child were told any body caught in other rooms would be dealt with severely and any opposite sex incidents in rooms would be dealt with the offender being sent home THAT day

The school seems to be very lax

claraschu Tue 08-Jul-14 21:56:00

II would change schools. The LEA should go out of their way for you, as your daughter has been bullied (not just the video, but everything).

noblegiraffe Tue 08-Jul-14 22:16:03

Your dd has been assaulted what, 3 or 4 times and now this video?

Christ, get her out of that school if you can, it sounds appalling. They have completely failed to keep her safe.

ihatethecold Tue 08-Jul-14 22:21:30

You need to deal with this. Who gives a toss if the school think you're one if those parents!

You child has been repeatedly assaulted.
I would be contacted the police over the violence and the video.
It sounds
horrendous for your dd.

YouAreMyRain Tue 08-Jul-14 23:03:04

As a teacher it is "those parents" that get listened to. You are doing the right thing by your daughter. Kick up a fuss, contact head of governors/police/local authority/ofsted and start looking for alternative schools.

Schooltrip Wed 09-Jul-14 08:11:06

I've rung the school and an waiting for the deputy head to call back.

Sounds like it was a Snapchat live video rather than Facebook which the HOY assures me means that videos aren't saved.

ladygracie Wed 09-Jul-14 08:14:57

I've just asked my daughter and she says that they do disappear but it is possible to take screen shots. I'm so sorry that all this has happened to your daughter. Hope the DH calls back soon.

minniemagoo Wed 09-Jul-14 08:18:02

Exactly snapchat can be saved as screenshots, also some people are getting around the no saving option by filming the video with another phone, especially with a group of kids involved.
Also the original video could be out there.
In this situation I would definitely involve the police, huge safeguarding fail.

goshhhhhh Wed 09-Jul-14 08:19:20

I've just read your post & I would be livid. My Dd yr7, comes back from her trip today & they were told no electronics - now I see why.
I'm sorry snap chat can be saved as a screenshot on someone else's device. The kids know this so I would want more reassurance.
Hope you get it sorted & hope your Dd is ok.

nilbyname Wed 09-Jul-14 08:20:58

Holy fuck.

I would take the school to task about this, involve the police, the goveners and the LA.

Then I would move DD. In one year she has had all this happen to her? No jeffing way would that be my kid. Move her.

I would call for a meeting with HOY, Head of Pastoral Care, I would want to see the anti- bullying policy, I would want the boy excluded and the girls too. I would honestly hit the bloody roof.

All I can tell you is...be one of those parents, this is some serious stuff!

Needaninsight Wed 09-Jul-14 08:24:55

I would be livid. Your poor DD.

Personally, I would be finding a new school. I cant imagine your daughter is happy there. I know I wouldnt be!

I think now IS the time to become one of those parents. Lax school and to a little extent your reactions to other incidents so far.What are you waiting for?

Ratbagcatbag Wed 09-Jul-14 08:25:58

I would absolutely ring the police, get them to investigate that the video doesn't show your dd naked. sad how awful. I'd want to lynch all of them involved.
I hate bullying, I hope my logic as dd gets older is if I wouldn't put up with it at work ie being pushed, punched or filmed. Then why should my dd at school.
Big hugs.

Oh my God, your poor, poor DD. Depending on how the school deal with this I would think seriously about moving her to a new school. One of these incidents would be bad but all of them combined are horrific. And I would be asking the school whether they've called the police re the video (filming a child nude and putting it on Facebook is a crime, surely, even if committed by another child) and saying you will be if they haven't.

notapizzaeater Wed 09-Jul-14 08:30:27

I agree and you need to be "one of those parents" to make sure they actually deal with this. The girls should have been excluded whilst they investigate, they know they did the crime.

Your poor dd.

rainbowfeet Wed 09-Jul-14 08:32:52

Oh how awful for your dd & you,

This is how I would see it regardless of the fact that the video has been deleted it should have never been shared.. The girls involved would have known that was wrong & be punished for that.. I'd like to see them suspended if I were you.
The boy broke the rules by going into the girls dorm & he would have well known why that rule was in place, but instead of attempting to save dd's dignity & leave he proceeded to do what he did (I'd be so ashamed if he were my ds) so again should be punished accordingly. All involved except dd should be banned from further school trips too.

I think I'd be satisfied with that punishment but knowing how cruel some kids can be I'd be worried that this will hang around your dd.. Keep her communicating she should not be worried that they are going to get in trouble because they should have thought of that.. She sounds frightened of them poor thing.

Schooltrip Wed 09-Jul-14 08:33:00

The only other school is a school where only 30% of kids get 5 gcses inc maths and English and the school doesn't have the best reputation.

I know that academic success isn't the only important thing but dd does like this school, enjoys lessons and has a good group of friends. So I'm not in a huge hurry to move her due to this.

Part of me thinks that the previous stuff that's happened could happen anywhere and probably does. It certainly did when I was at school. At least the school have excluded other kids in the past. I have always been on the phone to the school complaining loudly about the other incidents.

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