My DD hates her school!

[MangoJuiceAddict]

This may turn into a rant so please forgive me! My DD has attended a state primary school and an independent prep school. In September she started the local (Sikh) faith school. There were many reasons for this, the key reason being my DH was tired of DD being the only (half) Asian child in her school and wanted her to have a more varied environment and to appreciate her faith. Also community pressure as my in-laws are very well respected within our local Sikh community so they too felt DD should attend the school. But DD hates it! DD cannot get used to the larger class sizes nor the lack of personal support from teachers. She desperately wants to go back to the Secondary school which follows on from her prep school (where her friends are). DD does not fit in at the school- she is left out by the non-Sikh children and is made to feel like she isn't welcome by the children who share her faith! DH doesn't want to pull her out of the school just yet but doesn't like seeing DD so upset. The in-laws are convinced this couldn't really be happening and DD just isn't trying to make friends. Also, none of her 'friends' from prep school have kept in contact so I don't know how well it would go if she went back to her old school. The local non-faith state schools are very bad (terrible results and social issues) so they aren't an option, but other than DD's former independent school (co-ed) the only other option is a girls school- how successful is single sex in secondary school? Are results, generally, better? Also, are schools willing to take students back? DD is the first child and eldest grandchild so we don't know anybody else with children her age who has experienced this. Many thanks for any advice/sympathy in advance cries

[Labro]

If shes only been at the school half a term then I'd involve the school as a first step. Being stuck between two groups can be tough because you fit nowhere.

The transition to secondary from a prep school can be difficult. Ds friend did this to a non faith school and has struggled massively and that was a simple switch between private small school and large state comprehensive.

Make an appointment to see the form teacher and head of year and ask what you can do to help, maybe they have pastoral support or could link her up with a buddy to help the friendship process a bit.

You would also need to find out if the old school still has spaces, independent schools often fill vacancies fairly quickly.

[Unexpected]

I feel sorry for your daughter. I remember your previous thread/threads and if I recall correctly you made a late decision to send her to this school so she had very little time to get used to the idea that she would not continue to secondary school with all her friends from prep.

Having said that, the transition from primary to secondary is huge and only half a term in is not really enough time to decide whether things are really not working. Speak to the school (form tutor/Head of Year) and enlist their support in helping your dd to make friends. If this does not work, however, I would have no hesitation in your shoes in moving her back to her previous school, if possible. Your daughter's happiness is more important than your PIL's standing in the community! It sounds like there weren't actually any issues with your daughter's ethnicity in the previous school apart from your husband not liking the fact that she was a minority of one.

[NoComet]

Is it her Faith? Or simply her DH and his parents faith.

Sounds like she's been told where she belongs and what she should grow up to believe, not asked.

Not a recipe for happiness.

[NynaevesSister]

On the single sex secondary question, if you do a little research you will find that girls do a lot better academically in single sex schools particularly on maths and sciences.

[Theas18]

If I were you I'd tell her she needs to give it to at least Xmas and go in and talk to school ( with or without her) about how she's feeling. See what they can suggest/offer and she/you/they should all work hard together to make it work.

HOWEVER I'm very aware that this is hugely important to her so I'd be on the phone to old school and see if there was a place for January, because I'd also like to make sure I could fulfil my side of the " if you still feel like this at Xmas then you can change".

If swapping back isn't an option there must be another path but what? THat needs investigating fast. She can't go on as she is.

[Theas18]

Single sex education. Brilliant for us, and evidence based academically. socially more questionably but depends on the "rest of the package" eg my DDs school is on the same site as the boys school. They mix before/after school/on the bus etc and for some extra curricular stuff.

[Au79]

My dd found the switch to large comp from ordinary state primary very difficult, all sorts of issues.

Now in year 9 she is settled and wouldn't hear of moving.

I on the other hand regret not sending her somewhere else-academically she is not being stretched which for me is very important. I couldn't see the wood for the trees at the time between all the friendship issues, the heavy load of (easy but copious) homework, a health problem that flared up, huge stress with all the threatened demerits and detentions for the slightest deviation from the many rules which she went mad to comply with, and her feeling of anonymity with all the teachers.

But at the time I found that all the good schools in the area are full, and they don't really want to mop up unhappy students from other schools either. Who could blame them?

I did go to the school and they did a lot to make her settle, all aimed at making her fit with the school-no concession that the school might not be right for her. They made the lack of challenge into a minor side issue, but after all that I feel she would thrive with more academic challenge, and to me that is the actual point of going to school. I see her as an individual, they saw her a just another unhappy year 7, many of whom are worried by the academic demands-one size fits all!

It's very tough, the transition.