to baptise or not?? please advise

(45 Posts)
birchykel Thu 05-Sep-13 18:31:44

right ok ill try to keep it short.
im c of e but not a practising c of e in fact I don't really believe in any of it. I've always said my girl can decide when shes old enough what religion to follow and id never make her follow one just to get her into a good school. hmmm well looks like I have to eat my words!
im having to choose a secondary school and my step son who is Catholic goes to a Catholic school and I want my daughter to go there as its good. They do take non Catholics but very rarely anyone who has no religion. so im now actually considering getting her baptist.
stressed about it all.
any advice would be great.

stemstitch Thu 05-Sep-13 18:33:59

Would just getting her baptised be enough? I think you need a reference from your priest in order to prove you're a practising Roman Catholic. Or if they are willing to take C of E you may need the same from C of E priest. How long before you need to apply?

caramelwaffle Thu 05-Sep-13 18:35:13

If your child is older, and the school is regularly oversubscribed, you have probably left it too late.

What does your child feel about joining, or converting to, a religion that they would be expected to make a pledge to adhere to for the rest of their life...?

caramelwaffle Thu 05-Sep-13 18:36:05

Does your child want to be Christian?

tiggytape Thu 05-Sep-13 18:38:32

Putting aside the moral dilemma and looking at it practically, you'd have to read the admissions criteria for the Catholic school very carefully to see if it would even make any difference.

A late baptism with no Holy Communion and no history of mass attendance may not be enough to get you any priority for the school.

Some schools simply ask for baptism so you may be O.K but a lot are so oversubscribed that they have stricter requirements regarding a history of church attendance or preference for children baptised in the first year of life.

birchykel Thu 05-Sep-13 18:39:38

this is the thing she believes in a god and says she wants to be Catholic but I don't think she fully understands what they practice. and yes I don't even know if she would want to go church afterwards so would I be doing it for all the wrong reasons?
all schools should be good no matter what religion.
I have till end of October so no not long and I have no idea if its too late for a baptism and evidence she goes to church.

meditrina Thu 05-Sep-13 18:41:04

a) check the entrance criteria: if she lives as same address as DSS then she might qualify as a sibling anyhow.

b) check the entrance criteria again: is baptism specified? For secondary, is attendance by the prospective pupil required, and if so how long/frequently for it to be enough to count? Are any particular parishes preferred? (And are there RC feeder primaries which come higher on the criteria, thus making it really unlikely that anyone else gets a look in?)

c) check with your PP: if DD has already been baptised she cannot be done again, and would have to convert (FC/confirmation type route). She will have to answer for herself in face of the religious obligations and take the necessary preparation classes. Is she likely to want to do this?

caramelwaffle Thu 05-Sep-13 18:41:21

tiggy makes a good point: the admissions criteria around these areas are changing tri-yearly if not bi-yearly at least.

birchykel Thu 05-Sep-13 18:58:20

Yes I will have to look again at the criteria but it does take other religions but my girl has no religion. ill read it again tho.
yes my daughter wants to do it.

FantasticDay Thu 05-Sep-13 19:04:51

I'd look at entrance criteria too - you can usually find them online. Stepsiblings are often counted as siblings and get priority that way.

MirandaWest Thu 05-Sep-13 19:07:13

I think sometimes there are different criteria of baptism ie some need your DC to have been baptised before they are a year old etc. Or you may need to have attended church for up to a year before application date.

LynetteScavo Thu 05-Sep-13 19:07:30

I think you are fast running out of time.

I'm not sure if she/you would need to attend some classes beforehand. You need to find out asap.

I would imagine if you wen't for a Catholic baptism, they would baptise/confirm at the same time, but she would at least need to do the confirmation course with other DC her age.

And what the Catholic church preaches, and Catholics practice are two different things. wink

LIZS Thu 05-Sep-13 19:13:18

Our local faith school requires Baptism and/or proof of Active Participation of one parent for 3+ years. Out of 270 places, 220 are allocated to RC/C of E , 40 for other Christian faiths and 10 looked after/siblings/distance etc. Very few would get a place in your circumstances, sorry.

birchykel Thu 05-Sep-13 19:16:53

no need to be sorry need honesty.
just a shame that all schools aren't good schools it shouldn't boil down to religion or whatever.

im looking into now so shall see.
will update

caramelwaffle Thu 05-Sep-13 19:21:35

Very true for many Lynette grin

It really depends on a lot of different factors. How populated your area is, for example.

First have a look at the specific admission criteria for that particular school.

Good luck with everything.

birchykel Thu 05-Sep-13 19:23:11

ive just double checked and it says if admissions go over places available then the order for admissions are baptised children who have been going church every Sunday and mass monthly then looked after children who go church and I think baptised children who this school is the nearest Catholic school to us gets in if that makes sense?
im going to call them tomoz.

If I cld get her in if baptised do u think morally im wrong?

LIZS Thu 05-Sep-13 19:29:49

Bear in mind that by that stage most children will have undertaken First Communion and attended church regularly. The school presumably uphold Catholic traditions too. I'd be very surprised if they accepted a very recent Baptism on a par with one as a baby or regular church goers. How far was the furthest admitted this year under the 3rd criteria?

tiggytape Thu 05-Sep-13 19:32:41

Well if you've met the other criteria by going to church every Sunday and mass at least once a month, why would it be wrong to have DD baptised and formalise what you do anyway?

If you don't go to church then getting her baptised get her a place so it isn't much of a moral dilemma because the baptism in itself won't get a place at the school.

tiggytape Thu 05-Sep-13 19:34:46

Oh sorry misread your last post.

You'll have to ask how far down the list they offer places.
Some Catholic schools have several admissions categories but, in practice, if you aren't in the top category, you won't get an offer.

meditrina Thu 05-Sep-13 19:37:28

As she's over 7, she'd need a fuller Reception into the Church. It's not a standalone baptism as it is for an infant.

caramelwaffle Thu 05-Sep-13 19:39:46

In reality you'd be looking at Easter time for Baptism and Confirmation with all the weekly classes leading up to that.

LittleBearPad Thu 05-Sep-13 19:54:21

Is there a minimum period for attending church ie 12 months prior to admission. This could be a problem unless you start attending now?

jamtoast12 Thu 05-Sep-13 19:55:39

Near us baptism is baptism and age of baptism in terms of admissions is irrelevant. However, if not baptised before primary age, our church requires the whole family to attend a course so not as simple - no course for under 5s but presume its much more suspicious for school age children.

jamtoast12 Thu 05-Sep-13 19:57:41

Actually just read your post again.. You say you are c of e? If her dad c of e? Our church will not baptise a child catholic if the parents aren't. At least one had to be or at least be willing to be baptised in which case a long process again.

birchykel Thu 05-Sep-13 20:42:50

yes im c of e and her step dad is Catholic.her real dad doesn't have much to do with her so not sure if the church would need his consent.

I actually like church and would like to go more often but there's somethings I can't stand and that's some of the preaching. in Catholic eyes my girl is the devils child as she hasn't been baptised

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