Is it worth emailing the head of year?

(12 Posts)
colettemum3 Thu 15-Aug-13 02:47:40

Before the start of the school year?
DD will be in year 10 so starting GCSE'S and apparently the school mixes up all the children and do away with the 2 sets. She was in set B and never had any classes with the other half of the year in set A. This is bad news for me as she hadn't had any classes with her so called friends and i would like to keep it that way.

So tempted to email the head of year and ask if my daughter was not placed in classes with certain people.

The reason being is the 'ring leader' is, i have always suspected is a spiteful nasty piece of work and a few days ago DD was acting weird and i came a bit of nastiness from her so called friend when i checked her fb account.
All my daughter did was reply to her post by saying "i live a few houses away from him as well".
So called friend reply was "Post your own status on the matter ".

So i decided to check my daughter's phone and honestly i was horrified. They had a massive fallout over some lad that they both met. But although my daughter did curse alot and told the other girl to F-off and die. This girl went for every one of my daughter's sensitive spots and "If I was truly christian like in the old days you would have been stoned to death".

Then the next day another text where she supposedly comes back creeping and apologizes for everything. And then bit later on in the text's does another subtle hit below the belt.
It starts with her asking twice if my DD has heard from the boy. Then later on says "
Oh and my slightly distanced ness works as he doesn't think of me like a sister yet he might think of you like one"

Then couple of days later again on fb my DD makes a simple mistake with a word (leaves a letter out) and this girl is criticizing it.. Saying i think you were supposed to say this....... as what you wrote is...... which means......

I was honestly tempted to reply as DD and do the same to her as in the same post she also made a few spellings mistakes and always does.

If either my DD or their mutual friends are really happy over something that they achieved this friend has to automatically bring the friend down by saying that it's nothing as she got more.

This is not the first time my daughter has had a fallen out with said friend. They had a very nasty break up in yr 7? Where a third girl believed what the other girl said, started to verbally and physically attack my daughter.

My daughter PE bag went missing and was missing for nearly a whole term when suddenly one day (said friend) said that she spotted it on a table in a science room. It was her bag and was missing one trainer and it had an extra top in it.

It's also the things we overhear her say or the odd things that she says either to myself or my husband. For example my children have parental controls on theirs laptops and have also a time limit. She goes and says in front of me "my parents trust me!"

Is it wrong of me to feel happy that my DD is grounded for the next 2 weeks and is also not allowed any technology (computers, phones,wii and ds) after installing and playing minecraft when it's banned in the house.

So that she doesn't have any contact with the so called friends.

I would like my daughter to find some new friends this year and if she had to share any classes with those "so called friends" they would only make things worse for her.

TheQuietCricket Thu 15-Aug-13 07:05:09

It's surely worth a try although perhaps carefully phrased referring to her best interests (as far as pastoral care is concerned) to start her first GCSE study year able to focus on studying and not rivalry with other girls. In your position I might well try the same thing.

Can I ask 2 things....

Why is Minecraft banned in your house, (dc are asking to have it and I'm undecided) ?

Why is your dd currently grounded. Is it because of her "F-off and die" comment ?

RegainingUnconsciousness Thu 15-Aug-13 07:18:21

You can email, but the staff are on holiday so might not read it till September (if at all, sometimes the servers are switched off, or it might get buried under a heap of junk mail).

They may not be able to do anything about groupings and the girls will have to learn to get on with school work in school, and drop the bickering. If they're working hard, they won't have time for it.

It sounds like the "friend" needs their fb & phone number blocked.

cricketballs Thu 15-Aug-13 07:20:48

how many are in the year? the year groups tend to get mixed up for option subjects in most schools, however the core subjects tend to remain as they were in terms of setting/year halves. So whilst you can ask that they remain separate, if the have both chosen a particular subject and only one group is running for that then there isn't much you can do. I do have a couple of questions/points

1. why have you banned minecraft? It is a building game that is even soft enough to go through school filters!

2. "All my daughter did was reply to her post by saying "i live a few houses away from him as well". So called friend reply was "Post your own status on the matter" - this is normal teenage talk, can't see what the issue is on this

3. "They had a massive fallout over some lad that they both met. But although my daughter did curse alot and told the other girl to F-off and die. This girl went for every one of my daughter's sensitive spots and "If I was truly christian like in the old days you would have been stoned to death"" 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. Your DD was acting just as bad

I could continue, but every example you have given is the same; both as bad as each other - your DD is not the innocent party in this.

stillenacht Thu 15-Aug-13 07:23:15

The timetable has prob been sorted out months ago, it may be a logistical nightmare to move your daughter now. If you had raised this in March-May it may have been easier to sort out.

lljkk Netherlands Thu 15-Aug-13 08:32:46

Why IS mine craft banned, Collette?

I know the MN mantra is "at 14 she is a child " but... she's gotta stand up to these people herself, figure out for herself that they are bad for her.

colettemum3 Thu 15-Aug-13 10:04:25

Minecraft was banned as all 3 of my children were becoming silly and got addicted to it. They got hysterical and they were getting in to more arguments with each other. When time was up my 9 year old kept going in to melt downs. It was everything he talked about. They weren't doing their homework etc. It was causing problems in the family.

DD is grounded as she was caught playing minecraft. My younger DS is also grounded as when we checked all the lappys, it turns out he was the one that installed it on all of them (Only 9). Oh that reminds me have found his USB stick and has to remove said game from USB stick.

If the latest development happened back in Match-May. I would most definitely of gotten on to the school but the phone spat happened just over a week ago.

My daughter was physically assaulted and verbally assaulted by another girl who just decided to take the other girls views. She was not in their circle of friends. The girl in question also tried to blackmail my daughter in keeping away from their mutual friends. She has already tried it again this time by telling the friends what happened and trying to have them take sides.

Had taken screen shots of the conversation and although saying the F you word 7 times my daughter was not on the same level at all with the other girl. The insults were pouring out of the girls and a few times my daughter texted back saying leave me alone.

My daughter had posted her own status on the matter (her friend knew this) and was simple responding to her so called friend.

Cannot understand how every example that i gave is the same and they are as bad as each other.

Where as when said friend brings a mutual friend down saying that they got more. My daughter was the one liking the post and saying well done. The getting attacked, her PE bag going. Trying to have a harmless conversation and it was the said friend who kept trying to move the conversation back round to the boy. Which was how the spat got started the other day and then saying to my daughter that he only see's her as a sister.

All i want to do is make sure that my daughter is able to move on and make friends and if that girl ends up in the same class as DD. She is going to make sure that does not happen.

cricketballs Thu 15-Aug-13 10:51:56

colette - the examples you gave in your original post were not as bad as you have further explained. Those in your original post did read like both as bad as each other.

How many are in the year group? Whilst timetables have been sorted, class lists can be changed, but if they chosen the same options this would be doubtful.

Annebronte Thu 15-Aug-13 17:30:33

The sets/classes for next year will certainly be already arranged. It will all have been done last term. Worth raiding your concerns though - useful for teachers (especially those directly responsible for her pastoral care) to know the full situation.

TeenAndTween Thu 15-Aug-13 19:07:41

This sounds like quite a small school?

I think it might be difficult to ask for them to be in different classes. For some options there may only be one class.
But you should be able to ask that they sit apart, and that they definitely are not asked to do collaborative work together.

tbh though, your DD must be 14. If this stuff is upsetting enough her you should be advising her in no uncertain terms to stay clear of the 'friend', which as said above includes blocking facebook, texts etc. If she chooses to keep interacting then she is choosing to accept that she may become upset.

orangeandemons Thu 15-Aug-13 19:32:16

It isn't always possible to move children around. I'm a teacher and we get some horrid combinations, but it depends on the timetable.

As for the Pe bag on the table, well I often have bits lying around my classroom that I keep intending to take to lost property, but keep forgetting

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 15-Aug-13 19:44:25

Whole situation sounds totally confused to me. If there was a problem in y7 and over a PE bag why wasnk( it sorted when it happened. Only possible approach is about ensuring your dd maximises her potential. The facebook/phone stuff is goig on in the holidays and has nothing at all to do with the school - indeed facebook, etc, is nothing to do with the school unless it is an extension of bullying that has staryted at school and has not been dealt with.

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