New intake classes - a grumble about DH who appears to have lost the plot

[iheartdusty]

DD is going into year 7 into a big school, 7 class intake.

They were all asked to put down 2 friends, the school would try to match them, it couldn't be guaranteed, etc etc. There was also a choice of languages to study from yr 7.

DD agonised over it, put down 2, leaving out others, and picked her languages. Each of her 2 friend picks also picked DD. As it happens, both friends go to a different primary, so her current school couldn't have any input on class composition from that point of view.

Class lists come, DD has neither friend, nobody we know has their friends either, and the language choices are not as hoped for. DD is v upset. The icing on the cake is that she does have a girl from her current primary (call her 'Jane') who she hoped to get away from. 'Jane' is perfectly ok but dd thinks Jane copies her all the time, and finds her annoying. There's no question of bullying or anything like that.

So we say to DD, it will work out fine, you will see everyone at class breaks and walk to school with them, and we'll talk about how you handle Jane.

DH also emailed head of year 7. I thought we'd agreed that he would say - 'you've raised expectations, it would be nice for DD to be with friends, is there anything that can be done, if not we'll make the best of it?'

Instead he includes much whinging about poor Jane, which IMO makes it sound as though DD wrote the email, and I woud not have done it that way.

DH went to parents' evening because I was working, and he did not get the chance to speak to head of year.

Today, a week later, HOY emails back to say she has managed to switch DD into a different class with Friend 1, plus the languages will be the ones DD chose. Hooray, I think. How exceptionally nice of her to go to this trouble.

Then I see DH's reply. He has told this to DD, and for some reason which I don't yet know, DD has said that she's changed her mind and would rather stay in the first class. DH says can HOY please undo everything she has done, sorry for her time and trouble.

I think DH has handled it really badly. The time between HOY's email and DH's reply is about 2 minutes. He obviously hasn't talked it through with DD, just reported her knee-jerk reaction. What a slap in the face to HOY, who has enough on her plate at the moment. Why didn't he get DD to realise that you can't mess people about? I don't yet know why DD has changed her mind, they are out at the moment. Surely this was a good opportunity to point out that there would be pros and cons with any arrangement. Grrrr.

Apart from messing HOY about, I am now concerned that we will never be taken seriously if there is a real problem.

What do you think we should do now? I think the choice is:
stick with the last email - ie thanks but no thanks;
or
send another email saying - DD now realises she can't mess you about, thanks for your efforts, DD would be delighted to move into the other class.

[lljkk]

HOY will probably find it very funny.
I would grovel in apology & ask HOY how they would like to have things.
Lesson in not relying on friendship whims of 11yo girls, eh?!

[iheartdusty]

I do hope you're right lljkk!

yes, good idea, we will say it's up to HOY now.

and I shall put myself in charge of all emails.