DD Distraught at having to go to,a Upper School (BUCKS)

(129 Posts)
edna1234 Mon 01-Apr-13 15:47:49

DD and i just drove past her new School, that she will be going to in September and she just Broke down,in tears. she started saying whats the point of going to School, i will just end up on the Dole like most of the kids from the Upper school,She just cried for 2 hrs two nights ago, i tried to reassure her,that she could still get to University,from a Upper School but she said i was lying, i cannot afford Private Education, how can i get DD to be more positive and optimistic about her future.

HalleLouja Mon 01-Apr-13 16:52:13

I went to a comprehensive and still went to a RG Uni. I wanted to succeed. There is a grammar nearby I didn't apply to and I could have gone to one of the best state school in the country as my mum worked there but was happy to stay where I was. I did go to a good Sixth Form college though.

HalleLouja Mon 01-Apr-13 16:56:42

In fact as the youngest in my year I think I did better being the top of thereabouts of a not so good school than middle tier of a really good school.

VenusRising Mon 01-Apr-13 16:56:45

Sounds like she's being told porkies! Or bullied.
Time for her to make a Plan for herself, or maybe have some cognitive behavioural therapy, to reframe her thinking.

Going to a school with a sink catchment doesn't mean the end of the world. You just have to be focused on your objectives, and have a strategy to deal with the ongoing peer sabotage, enlist help from the teachers, and work hard.

TeddyBare Mon 01-Apr-13 17:02:40

How accurate is her perception of the school she will be going to? If it's really that bad, and I'm prepared to believe it could be, is there anything you / she could do?
Can she go to a more comprehensive Comprehensive in Berkshire or somewhere else? Is there any possibility of getting a private tutor if she is struggling or has patchy teaching in a subject? If that's not a possibility, perhaps you could get her looking at going to a 6th Form college for year 12 and 13. That could give her a target and remind her that it's not forever. There is a big college in Henley which has a huge catchment area, including some parts of Bucks, which might get her inspired.

Twentytotwo Mon 01-Apr-13 17:05:05

You're in an area where the top 20% go to the Grammar schools and another 5% go private? Have you considered moving so she can go to a true comprehensive?

edna1234 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:05:22

Thanks Everyone, I am Feeling a bit Better and reassured,about the kind comments,DD scored 116,115,on her tests so i suppose she will be at the upper end of the School"s Abilty range.I also know that the School does Stream in Maths and English,its just you think back to 25 years ago when i went to School and you were just failures,if you were at the Upper School.

somethingscary Mon 01-Apr-13 17:05:22

Just to set the record straight. Bucks doesn't have lower, middle and upper schools any more. Upper schools are used to be what were called secondary moderns (as already mentioned), 30-35% go to grammar school, so quite a high percentage. Some of the USs are rubbish, some are good, particularly as the "top" (hmmm) 30% have been removed. Can you say which school it is OP? People might be able to reassure you.

nailak Mon 01-Apr-13 17:07:01

tell her not to go to school and then what are her chances of going uni!!

PoodleChops Mon 01-Apr-13 17:07:56

I went to a GS and then to an RG university - I have the misfortune of being on "the dole" after having been made redundant...again. Tell your DD it isn't a safety net. What is a safety net, is a positive "can-do" attitude coupled with hard-work, planning and determination. Parental guidance counts for a lot, too. TBH, it does seem a little unusual that one so young should feel that way and use the term "dole"....

LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 17:09:22

you think back to 25 years ago when i went to School and you were just failures,if you were at the Upper School.

Are you sure you aren't projecting on to her ? dn got similar 11+ scores , didn't make Grammar but is towards the top of the school she is at , doing well (classified as G and T there in some subjects but wouldn't necessarily have been elsewhere). Could work out better for her self confidence.

Viviennemary Mon 01-Apr-13 17:14:21

This is why I am so totally totally against grammar schools. But on the other hand people can go to sixth form college or whatever the equivalent is in your area. It isn't the end of the world by any means. Are there no comprehensives with sixth forms in your area.

MrsSchadenfreude Mon 01-Apr-13 17:14:22

My cousin's DD failed her 11+. She is now studying medicine at one of the London universities.

Where in Bucks are you? Could you get her into one of the MK comprehensives instead? (I am thinking you might be in Buckingham?)

teacherwith2kids Mon 01-Apr-13 17:15:07

Edna, sounds like you yourself have quite a negative perception of Upper Schools - and it is your attitude that may really make the difference to hers. You need to be positive and 'can do', and convey that to your DD.

FWIW, a school that I know of that was until recently the very worst school in its county (by GCSE league tables), and in a very deprived community, had several children get 10A /A*s last year. Statistically, there will be fewer children getting excellent grades from an Upper school than from a grammar, but that doesn't mean that your daughter can't be one of those children who do - with the right attitude and the right support from home.

Could you ask the school to put your DD or you in touch with some of their most successful recent pupils, e.g. those who have gone on to A-levels and have got places in good universities?

edna1234 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:15:17

The School is Cressex Community in High Wycombe.

PoodleChops Mon 01-Apr-13 17:15:48

BTW - Our youngest DC, who is the same age as OP's doesn't know the meaning of the phrase "the dole" even tho' both DP's are sadly out of work due to redundancy. We've worked hard to ensure that she knows that being out of work due to redundancy, is a reality of today's economy and doesn't put us in the "grot box" category unless we choose to make it that way.

Chin-up, both of you - everything happens for a reason and she will succeed with support.

teacherwith2kids Mon 01-Apr-13 17:19:55

Edna, does it have a 6th form? If not, which 6th form does it generally feed into, and what are the leaving destinations for that school? As school leaving age rises, your DD will almost certainly still be in education at 18, so you need to help her to see that the qualifications that will matter most are likely to be the ones at the end of 6th form .....

teacherwith2kids Mon 01-Apr-13 17:23:36

A schoo which is describedd as having "attainment close to the national average" - which for a school which has had its top 25% or so of the ability range removed is no mean feat....

edna1234 Mon 01-Apr-13 17:27:21

It does have a Sixth Form but i think it is Bad very bad. because last year only 27% got 5A* to C in English and Maths one of the worst in the Country also the Free School Meals take up is very high.

somethingscary Mon 01-Apr-13 17:35:16

It's not a good school, but there will still be a top stream and with support your daughter could succeed I'm sure. Have you considered the 12+? You can always move her to a grammar school or college for 6th form.

weblette Mon 01-Apr-13 17:39:02

Is it your catchment school and did you list it as a preference?
Otherwise think about getting her through Yr7 with a view to sitting late entry tests and get her name on the waiting lists for other schools.
Wycombe is difficult sad

AnnoyingOrange Mon 01-Apr-13 17:39:21

If your dd is bright and hard-working, she can be in that top 27% who get good GCSES

That's how I looked at it when my ds when to a comprehensive. What percentage get good marks and would my ds be in that percentage

If you look at the Ofsted it says behaviour is good, so the children will have the chance to learn

LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 17:41:15

I was going to ask if this was a preference - there are others around I believe which may be worth a look and waiting list if they might suit better.

AnnoyingOrange Mon 01-Apr-13 17:41:56

The school has the following strengths
 Attainment has risen since the last inspection and is now close to the national average; consequently, achievement in mathematics has remained outstanding.
 Students from a wide range of backgrounds get on well together and have positive attitudes to learning within an inclusive and caring school community.
 The behaviour and safety of students are good. Behaviour in lessons and around the school has improved significantly. Students feel safe and show good respect for each other, school staff and their excellent school accommodation and facilities.
 There are inconsistencies in the quality of feedback to students and in the way teachers follow up on the advice they have given.
Although students’ literacy skills have improved, teachers have yet to ensure they are consistently pro-active in promoting students’ skills in reading, writing and communication across the curriculum. This is required to ensure that learning is fully supported in all subjects so that progress for all students, including those learning to speak English, is accelerated.
 Attendance has improved significantly and is currently above the national average.
 Leaders and managers at all levels closely monitor teaching and each student’s progress towards their targets. Nevertheless, they do not always systematically assess the impact of planned actions. The quality of teaching and progress being made by students, particularly at Key Stage 3, has improved.
 The sixth form is good. The very few students on roll make good progress and almost all continue with their education because the programme of study which they all follow has been tailored well to meet their needs.

www.ofsted.gov.uk/filedownloading/?id=2067983&type=1&refer=0

Picturesinthefirelight Mon 01-Apr-13 17:47:56

Those statistics are what our catchment secondary schools in a non Grammar area get it is pretty poor. I myself went to a school like that and got good enough results to get to uni but nowhere near what I was capable of. I got through science on the basis of self study.

As others have said are there any schools I. Adjoining areas with places. Also do check out the possibility her grammar headed primary friends are not bullying her.

TheImpossibleAstronaut Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:20

I went to this school, with much the same attitude as your daughter to be honest. I was absolutely devastated. I finished my GCSEs in 2006. I got 9 GCSES in A-C and did better than the girl from my primary school who went to a grammar school.

Most of the people I went to school with went on to some kind of college. It was a wide range from Academic A Levels to people doing apprenticeships. And they didn't all go to the local colleges to do their A Levels, quite a number got into the Grammar School's Sixth Form. A lot of the people who did A Levels went to universities. Some of those people went to some of the top universities in the country.

It isn't the end of everything. If she applies herself, she can do well.

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