DD Distraught at having to go to,a Upper School (BUCKS)

(129 Posts)
edna1234 Mon 01-Apr-13 15:47:49

DD and i just drove past her new School, that she will be going to in September and she just Broke down,in tears. she started saying whats the point of going to School, i will just end up on the Dole like most of the kids from the Upper school,She just cried for 2 hrs two nights ago, i tried to reassure her,that she could still get to University,from a Upper School but she said i was lying, i cannot afford Private Education, how can i get DD to be more positive and optimistic about her future.

chickensaladagain Mon 01-Apr-13 15:50:53

what's an upper school?

colditz Mon 01-Apr-13 15:51:23

Unfortunately, youARE lying if you are trying to convince that she will get just as good an education, or just as good a chance of going to university. She's not stupid, she knows that the statistics do not bear up to that.

If I were you, I would say tough, I can't afford it, work very hard, qualify in something useful, and move to America or Australia, which is more of a meritocracy.

pompompom Mon 01-Apr-13 15:53:58

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

colditz Mon 01-Apr-13 15:56:05

Gosh, pompompom, what an incredibly rude and unhelpful thing to say! You Win The Internet, well done, anything else to add? Help, advice? No?

pompompom Mon 01-Apr-13 15:58:11

Haha, thanks smile

I was just commenting that the OPs DD seems to be under the impression that unless she has a private education she won't be able to go to university and will end up on the dole.

edna1234 Mon 01-Apr-13 15:58:29

Chicken its a "SECONDARY MODERN SCHOOL"

edna1234 Mon 01-Apr-13 16:02:18

The Schools try to call themselves Comprehensives,but there not.

tiggytape Mon 01-Apr-13 16:04:52

I presume an Upper School is a Secondary Modern in an area where a lot of children go to Grammar?
I don't know a lot about that situation but it seems a shame your DD is so upset about it. There must still be options for her?

We live somewhere that is accessible to grammars but only a tiny % of children actually go to a grammar school. There is no catchment or sibling policy for the grammars so even those who pass the 11+ cannot always get a place.
It isn't a problem though because the comps they get sent to instead will still be able to cater for their needs (separate sciences, language options, high grades expected, several going off to Oxbridge every year). That must be the case to some extent even if you live somewhere that takes the top 20% or so - it isn't just the top 20% of the population that goes to university?

Has she been to look around her new school. Has she checked out the prospectus and last years attainment figures? I guess her worry is that with the top set gone, the rest of them will be written off but so many people go to university now that there must still be loads from non grammars who get in?

JeanPaget Mon 01-Apr-13 16:05:16

I would tell her that her own attitude and hard work is just as important as the type of school she goes to.

Try and point out the positive aspects of the school - for example, perhaps it doesn't get the best results in the area but gets good results from a less able cohort.

I also think going a school where she will mix with kids with a range of backgrounds and ability levels will serve her well in life, and to be blunt, that seems to be a lesson she could do with learning.

chickensaladagain Mon 01-Apr-13 16:05:35

oh a SECONDARY MODERN

why the capitals?

my brother and my niece both went to secondary moderns and both went to university (Manchester & Leeds so REAL unis)

if you live in an area where there are still sec moderns then it was always going to be a posibility and you should have prepared her for that

it is going to be hard work for her but it's not the end of the world

Millais Mon 01-Apr-13 16:12:21

Are their results that bad? I presume she did the 11+ and didn't get through. If her not getting to grammar was a surprise I can't understand why she wouldn't be still likely to get As. Surely they have some pupils who do well? What is their university offer rate? If she is determined and you are backing her she does stand a chance, she might have to work harder/ be more single minded but having such a negative viewpoint to start off with is not going to help her.
Make appointments to see head of year 7, talk to them about your dd's anxieties, get her looking forward to something about the school and make sure she stops seeing this as the worst chance ever.

Millais Mon 01-Apr-13 16:12:23

Are their results that bad? I presume she did the 11+ and didn't get through. If her not getting to grammar was a surprise I can't understand why she wouldn't be still likely to get As. Surely they have some pupils who do well? What is their university offer rate? If she is determined and you are backing her she does stand a chance, she might have to work harder/ be more single minded but having such a negative viewpoint to start off with is not going to help her.
Make appointments to see head of year 7, talk to them about your dd's anxieties, get her looking forward to something about the school and make sure she stops seeing this as the worst chance ever.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 01-Apr-13 16:14:13

Can you sit down together and research some famous people who have done well from a similar school? Thousands of people get into universities each year from less academic schools but I can see why a 12 year old would be worried.

LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 16:17:47

Surely the majority of children in that area are not at grammars but many still get into FE/University. Does she know any others going there ? You need to be more positive if she is to.

BalloonSlayer Mon 01-Apr-13 16:26:48

she started saying whats the point of going to School, i will just end up on the Dole like most of the kids from the Upper school,

I think I'd be starting with - who the hell has told her that? Sounds to me like she is being teased/bullied by some people who have got into the grammar.

Then start doing some research on the School's results and see if you can find some statistics to prove that she can get good academic success at that school if she works hard.

If you are desperate, consider moving to a county where they don't have grammar schools and everyone goes to their local comp. There are quite a lot of counties like these.

Want an anecdote to cheer you up? I used to work with a bloke who was the cleverest guy I had ever met. He had a degree in Maths from Oxford and a PhD in Relativity from Cambridge. Stephen Hawking had been one of his lecturers. He [my colleague] was great fun, totally normal and extremely likeable. His secondary school was a bog standard comp in Essex. (His brother was a bouncer!) Your DD can do anything within her potential if she works hard.

AnnoyingOrange Mon 01-Apr-13 16:29:43

This table shows the results for Buckinghamshire schools. Look hers up and see how they do

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/special/education/school_tables/secondary/12/html/825.stm

AnnoyingOrange Mon 01-Apr-13 16:30:20
LIZS Mon 01-Apr-13 16:31:56

Does it have a 6th form , not all do and the various colleges / grammars may become an option at that stage.

7% of kids go to private school, 93% of adults are not on the dole. If she is conscientious she will do well regardless.

JenaiMorris Mon 01-Apr-13 16:33:24

Considering that what, 7% of children go to private schools and nowhere near 93% of adults of working age are on the dole, I suspect that someone has been talking utter bollocks to her.

The grammar system sucks imo but really, who on earth has been feeding her this tosh?

TidyDancer Mon 01-Apr-13 16:33:49

Yes, how and why would an 11 year old know that?

The smartest people I know went to schools that no one wanted their kids to go to. It's about attitude, discipline and ambition. I would personally say those things are as if not more important than the specific academic environment.

HeySoulSister Mon 01-Apr-13 16:37:14

My dd is from upper school and is off to uni in sept!!

For those who don't know, it's the 3 tier system still here, we have

Lower school year 1 -4
Middle school year 4-8
Upper school year 9-12

TidyDancer Mon 01-Apr-13 16:38:06

Just ftr, that includes DP who is now a published academic and lecturer and a friend who attended Cambridge and a friend who is a lawyer in a very senior position for the police.

But if naysayers had looked at them at 11, they may have written them off because they didn't go to grammars (neither wanted to). How silly an attitude to have.

greenandcabbagelooking Mon 01-Apr-13 16:47:12

In Bucks the top 20% of kids go to grammar, the rest go to Upper at age 11.

I went to upper school til A levels, when I went to Grammar because it had better subjects for me. I'm at a good uni doing a sensible degree.

My friend from Upper stayed there the whole 7 years, did a degree at Royal Holloway and is now doing a PhD at Warick.

It's not the end of the world, honestly. If she wants to succeed, she will. Wherever she goes to school.

Best of luck, mini-Edna, I'm sure it will be fine.

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