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Help! DD's school is tipping me over the edge!

(18 Posts)
itsallinmyhead Thu 17-Jan-13 14:55:09

This is long, I'll try to get it all down so I don't drip feed.

My DD is 14 and quite popular but not in the 'popular group'. She's happy enough but was bullied in primary school so can be a bit of a loner.

She has a friend who she met at the end of year 7 and it became apparent at the end of year 8 (last year) that this friend and my daughter had an on off friendship.

This year, every time they have had a fall out, this girl has gone to the school PC and accused my daughter of bullying her. My dd is no angel but she is not a bully. The girl apologises every time but goes on again to make these accusations when she's unhappy. They've had no kind of friendship this year as my dd is tired of trying but the girl still tries to build bridges.

I told my dd to speak with the
PC (when there were no
accusations) tell her
everything. My dd felt things
were fine so didn't take my
advice.

Today I got a message from dd telling me it all happened again and that she was on her way to speak with the PC. That was followed up with a message telling me she was crying because PC was screaming at her.

I immediately called the PC who spoke to me with utter contempt, insulted me, spoke over me and eventually hung up on me! I was trying to ask her to listen to my dd!

This PC Has upset me to the point I'm feeling sick!

I work with the school in any way I can. I expect the same in return.

I'm looking for advice on what to do now, really. WWYD?

Thanks

Muminwestlondon Thu 17-Jan-13 14:59:47

I have been in a similar situation. DD and her other friends were being harassed by a certain girl - girl complained of bullying was believed (initially before I told the school exactly what was going on)etc etc.

Find out who the PC's manager is and make a complaint about her screaming at your DD and hanging up on you. Then speak to the manager, Deputy Head or Head about your concerns.

itsallinmyhead Thu 17-Jan-13 15:03:57

Thank you. I'm absolutely fuming!

I called the school straight away and asked to speak with a senior member of staff to be told nobody was available. I'm waiting for my call to be returned now.

I called my DP who thinks I should make a complaint to the police, as well but I'm not sure if that would be an overreaction.

Muminwestlondon Thu 17-Jan-13 15:06:38

I don't think screaming at DD and putting the phone down is a crime!

Try and stay calm. Write down the points you need to make when they ring back - I expect they will invite you into school.

itsallinmyhead Thu 17-Jan-13 15:11:21

Ha, sorry, I mean to report it to the station she's based at as she's the school police constable.

I have composed a letter, I'll use that as a basis for the points I want to make.

Muminwestlondon Thu 17-Jan-13 15:14:26

I found that by giving the facts and explaining that I thought the girl involved in our case needed help (she has an insane Mum who was stalking my DD and impersonating kids on Facebook), I got a reasonable reaction and I think they believed me. The other girl had no friends, was constantly bitchy and mean to DD and her friends and they didn't want anything more to do with her, although she was desperate to be their friend.

In the end her (insane) Mum rang me up, basically to threaten me that she had "evidence" from FB that my daughter and her friends were bullies etc etc. I went straight to the school and told them everything. They told me to go to the police about the FB thing.

In the end they spoke to all the girls, realised that I was telling the truth and met with the girl and her Mum. They also offered her counselling.

I was in a different situation at the school where a member of admin staff was exceptionally rude to me and put the phone down on me. She was reprimanded and I received a formal apology from the school.

Muminwestlondon Thu 17-Jan-13 15:16:03

Bloody hell about the PC. I thought you meant she was some sort of personal counsellor. Yes, I would definitely complain to the police and the school! I don't think the police have sufficient training to intervene in bullying disputes in school. I would complain to the Governors as well.

Muminwestlondon Thu 17-Jan-13 15:17:24

Also find out if the telephone call was recorded. Apparently inward calls at DD's school are.

itsallinmyhead Thu 17-Jan-13 15:20:17

Both myself and my daughter have tried to reason with the PC. She is always rude to me and never seems to listen.

I was thinking of writing to the governors too.

Thank you

itsallinmyhead Thu 17-Jan-13 15:21:14

I contacted her on her mobile! hmm

admission Thu 17-Jan-13 18:39:06

I think the first question I would be asking is exactly why this PC is in the school and dealing with issues that are clearly the schools to deal with rather than the police.
As such you should be asking the school head teacher to explain what the role of the PC is and why your daughter is being shouted at by them. I would then having get the official explanation make a formal written complaint that this PC is exceeding their role in the school and that their behaviour would not be tolerated by any member of staff if it was a pupil doing it, so why do they allow it.

itsallinmyhead Thu 17-Jan-13 19:48:33

Thanks admission. I will do just that.

I received a call from the deputy head, who was just lovely. She asked me to leave it with her today and said she'd pick it up tomorrow.

I'm much calmer now but have decided I will definitely make a formal complaint to the police constable's superiors.

marriedinwhite Thu 17-Jan-13 21:18:57

Why on earth are what sound like minor bullying issues being dealt with by a police constable?

If my daughter was pulled up by a member of the police force and screamed at I would be making a formal complaint to both the commanding officer and the head teacher. I would not be impressed that my daughter was spoken to by a police office without an advocate present to be perfectly frank.

It took me a long time to work out what pc meant. Why is it being dealt with by a police officer and not by a form tutor, house tutor, head of year, head of pastoral support, etc.. A lot of questions to be asked imo op.

Not least, if a police officer involved with a school talked over me there would be very stern words to be had.

What is the world coming to.

itsallinmyhead Thu 17-Jan-13 23:42:47

I have no idea why but she is a resident police officer within the school and she deals with most of the conflict between pupils, as far as my understanding goes.

My daughter is not bullying this girl but she isn't being listened to and as a consequence, my daughter disclosed that she's feeling depressed. I've made an appointment with the GP.

I'm confident that the deputy head will call me tomorrow to try to help find resolution.

Muminwestlondon Fri 18-Jan-13 19:30:29

I hope things are on their way to being resolved itsallinmyhead.

I agree that a PC dealing with bullying incidents in school is totally unacceptable. There are PCs attached to DD's school (as there are in most inner city schools) but as far as I am aware they are more to do with community relations and behaviour outside the school itself. They certainly do not form part of the school's behaviour policy.

piggywigwig Sat 19-Jan-13 14:59:53

itsallinmyhead
My thoughts are with you

Muminwestlondon
DD1 was once at a school that had a Community Police Officer who was pretty much based full-time on-site. This was a school in special measures with a huge bullying and criminal activity problem throughout all years and even in what amounted to a "high achiever" stream class. He was an amazing guy and dealt with bullying issues, amongst other things. He certainly helped DD1 and indeed, us when she was persistently bullied and physically attacked on school premises by one particular individual. Lovely chap. I hope you don't mind me mentioning that PC's can and do deal with behaviour within a school?

snowybrrr Mon 21-Jan-13 09:50:25

I am guessing if this PC has the responsibility of dealing with bullying in school, she will have been trained in it.
I think everyone on this thread is ignoring the elephant in the room-that your DD might actually be bullying this girl.Yout mind seems tobe totally closed to this posssinility and I suspect that might be why the PC is so shirty with you.

Muminwestlondon Mon 21-Jan-13 10:11:22

Some people are adept at lying and trying to blame others. I believe OP. in any event a police officer shouting at a child and slamming a phone down is hardly professional behaviour. My child attends an inner city comp which used to be very rough and has a police presence. The school takes responsibility for behaviour and discipline and doesn't rely on the police to do the job for them. The school also uses conciliatory models of resolving disputes and offers counselling to those affected. Screaming and rudeness will not solve anything.

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