DS 15 refusing school / gaming addiction. Advice needed please.

[lou4791]

My 15 year old son has always been quite an introvert and disliked attention, but within the last few months he has become quite withdrawn. After being predicted top grades at the start of year 10, some of his grades have dropped significantly, and a few of his teachers are worried about him. He is also spending less and less time with the family and more time on his X Box in his room. This has been what he has been doing for most of the summer, even though he has been encouraged to join the rest of the family, with days out planned around him. The last time things reached a head, and his X Box was removed, he refused school , fitted a lock on his room, and took items of ours away in retaliation.
He is quite uncommunicative, but I have managed to draw some things out of him about how he feels. He says he is so self consious that he feels he can't even walk or talk in front of people without strong anxiety. He feels he has nothing to look forward to and feels like no one cares about him. He won't let me hug him and tells me to get out of his room ( I knock and wait for him to answer before going in).
I know the X Box needs to go or have strict sanctions put on it, but I am worried that as this is his 'drug' and only form of socialising, to remove it when he is at such a low point would push him over the edge. I feel I need advice on this from someone who specialises in addiction, but don't know where to turn for this.
He is refusing to go back to school tomorrow. From talking to him, I gather that there are no bullying issues as such, just dreadful low self esteem that is having a big impact on all areas of life.
I have promised i will help him, but i'm not sure where to turn.

[workshy]

if you can get him there then I would suggest the GPs

he really could do with some help & sometimes family are too close to be able to do that IYSWIM

[Harleyband]

Try to get him to the GPs. If not and if you are worried he might hurt himself, you may have to try to get him involuntarily committed. I wouldn't wait this out and see if he gets better and I wouldn't take away the Xbox. His problems sound much deeper.

[lambriniplease]

I think the xbox might need to have an accident, sometimes in order to build up confidence and self esteem, you have to jump in the deep end. tell him that if he wants another one then he needs to get a job and earn the money himself. it sounds harsh but sometimes this is the route which you have to take. if he is having anxiety about socialising then you need to give him the opportunity to do this in a safe way - how you can manage this, is down to you as a family. take him to the college open days which will be happening soon and get him to look round. it can be seen as a fresh start if he gets the grades.

[Aboutlastnight]

Get him to the GP. A friend of mine has acute social anxiety which was then diagnosed as part of Aspergers syndrome ( not suggesting for a minute your son has this) but the point is he is receiving group counselling for social anxiety and is also on medication and is a happier, more outgoing person.

[Snowfire]

Definitely take him to the GP Lou, It sounds like he's got depression & anxiety which needs professional assessment and treatment.
I would keep the xbox in a safe place & explain to him how you feel about it. It is an addiction and is obviously controlling his life but at the moment if you got rid of it, that might just make things worse.
It's worth talking to his school as I'm sure they would have had this type of issue before & they may be able to offer advice and support.
I hope things get better for you all soon, keep telling him you love him, even if you think he isn't listening [hugs]

[lou4791]

Thanks again for your replies.

As an update- yesterday we went to the GP who has referred DS to Cahms.


I have discussed with DS ways he can help himself- trying to eat well, sleep well, personal hygiene, reducing his gaming time if possible. He seems to have taken this on board. We discussed how excessive use of the X Box will not be helpful to his state of mind, but that is obviously a break for him and a coping mechanism for now.
He has told me how his friendships seem to have dropped away over the last few months, but he is not sure why. He says he has people to be with at school, so may not appear to others to be as lonely as he feels. These discussions were very one sided as he doesn't converse much, but it's something.

We hope to have a weekend of fun and family and on Monday i'll need a proper discussion with the school.

[Hedgehoginhotpants]

He may not say out loud but I bet he's really relieved at your intervention and glad of a supportive and loving mum.

[TalkinPeace2]

could you move the xbox to a communal room in the house so he can still be on it but also not alone?