Can school force my DS to do detention?

[purpleroses]

DS (12) has been given a detention for not handing in homework. I'm fine with that in principle, but it is after school on a day when he should have a piano lesson (which I've paid for)

Am planning to ring the school to ask if he can do it a different day, but am unsure whether they actually have the right to say no - As a parent can I insist that he leaves at the usual time, or does the school have a right to keep him back if they choose?

[Hebiegebies]

Is it a first offence? If so its rather harsh.

Have a look on the school web site, it will explain it all.

Think that if it is not first time homework has not been handed in then you need to back the school and miss out on piano, kids have to learn. You can dock the money from pocket money

[PurplePidjin]

Surely the best option would be to ask the piano teacher to move the lesson, so that your son gets the consequences of his actions? My music teachers would have given my an additional talking to about getting dt in the first place so it might work in your favour!

[PushedToTheEdge]

Unless you know different, schools tend to be reasonable about things in general if it is for educational stuff like music lesson. Or you can simply get the piano lesson recheduled.

If neither is an option, well the school isn't going to lock the class room door on your DS or send the Child Catcher to your house :) Its just a question of whether you want to thumb your nose at the school.

[tabulahrasa]

They can't forcibly keep him for detention anyway, though if he just didn't turn up he'd get further sanctions.

If you get in touch saying, I'm fine with him having detention, he should have done his homework but can I have a different day as he has a piano lesson? I can't see any reason why they wouldn't agree.

[purpleroses]

Thanks - no I don't want to come down to fighting the school over it. Do think it's a bit steep for a first offence (I think) but think that it's not so OTT that I'm not prepared to back the school in principle. It's just that I wondered what the bottom line was - can I refuse to let him do it on the piano day if I want?

Yes, might see if the piano teacher can shift - worth a try.

[worldgonecrazy]

I think it's important that you show a united front with the school - it sets a good example to your son. If the piano teacher won't/can't move, and the school say no to moving the detention, then I would deduct the cost of the piano lesson from pocket money.

Homework isn't optional - what would happen in the real world if projects weren't handed in or completed on time? In most cases there would be a penalty to pay, either in terms of damaged reputation, or liability clauses. It's a harsh lesson but a good one to learn early.

[PushedToTheEdge]

Its not too severe for a first offence.

Silly analogy I know but if a career criminal had a short sharp shock as a punishment for his first offence then perhaps he wouldn't have pushed the boundaries even further later on.

[tabulahrasa]

Is it a first offence? Most schools I've been in work on a three strike rule for homework, they get detention after three pieces of homework haven't been completed.

Or occasionally if it was something that they were given lots of time to do - an essay that they were told about a month in advance for instance. Which is not the same as not handing in spelling that was given out a couple of days previously.

[pinkbraces]

My DD school does allow detention dates to be moved, I think if you give them a call they will be helpful

[Kez100]

It's not too severe. Chances are he got a warning and then still didn't hand it in in time. Even if that is not the case, he knows the rules, and should do detention.

I would try and rescedule piano lesson first. If I couldn't, I would ring school and ask to change detention. If they won't, then so be it. In that case, I would make my son pay for the missed lesson but that is only because his pocket money is linked directly to homeworks and reported effort grades.

[crapteacher]

You're turning this into a confrontation before it's become one! You can ask nicely, but the teachers at school will hold you in deep contemot for years to come over such trivial issues. Your daughter is in the wrong here. Make HER cough up for the piano lesson that SHE is inconveniencing the piano teacher by missing because SHE didn't do her homework.

As the meerkat says...'simples'

crapteacher :)

[crapteacher]

Sorry - your son... I'm a teacher - i never read stuff properly the first time around ... flick and tick

crapteacher

[enjolraslove]

I would write a note in my kids diary/planner asking for it to change because of piano lesson. Tell your son to go and find the teacher, before the day of the detention and ask them to move it because of the lesson. Tell him to ask nicely!
The note is just in case the teacher doesn't believe your son- but if I was his teacher I would almost certainly just take his word for it, be pleased he had been proactive about sorting it out and rearrange it. I really think most if not all teachers will do the same.

In terms of rights, I would try to avoid thinking like that because the only way schools work is if pupils and parents cooperate with them. If parents choose not to then the only possible response from the school will be - either cooperate with our policies or find a different school.

[Ilovegeorgeclooney]

I have to say firstly it is unlikely it is a first offence and almost certainly your DS had a second chance to hand the homework in. I always get concerned when parents do the ' in principle I support the school', it is very often except for my offspring. Put up with missing the piano lesson to send a very important lesson to your son; you expect him to complete his work or take the consequences.

[Mrbojangles1]

YABU the whole point of a detention is to be punsihed you should be yelling at him for missing his piano lesson



My sons school give detentions for not giving in homework and rightly so no wonder kids these days are so I'll displined



And my god detentions on demand why should a detention be moved their not supposed to be convienant their so supposed to annoy disrupt social activity after school




If you don't want darling Tarquin to miss his lesson get him to do his bloody homework


Personally I would be making your child reemburse you for the cost of the lesson

[Mrbojangles1]

And also I am actally shocked the amount to teachers saying the detention should be moved :(


You heave wolly parents and teachers with no displine no wonder so many schools are going under




My sons school send a text telling the parents their child will be kept behind that day, for what and with witch teacher


Their is no option for having it at more time suited to the child who has misbehaved



Just shocking

[enjolraslove]

Because reasonable teachers lead to reasonable pupils who cooperate and generally try to do the right thing, mrbojangles.
OP: I do think it is important your son arranges it though, you shouldnt be trying to fix it for him.

With almost all of my pupils for things like homework/lateness etc if I need them to do a detention I arrange it with them, let them tell their parents if needed and they then show up for it with good grace allowing us to use the time productively to catch up work or talk through whatever the issue was. Texting parents is odd to me- kids get the detention, it is their responsibility to deal with it, not their parents.

[Mrbojangles1]

Not really just so you don't think they have been kid napped on their way home mobiles are not allowed at my sons school


They have blockers so they don't work any way


enjolraslove wishy washy teachers who negotiate with pupils lead to undisaplined back chat.

Personally I am glad my son attends a school were we know we're the boundires are and is not taught by some hippy notion were children dictate when their consequence will be at a time that is covinet to them

[scurryfunge]

Eh?

[MadameChinLegs]

"DS, as you have a piano lesson on the day you have been given detention, you have two choices. Either ask the teacher, nicely, if they can re-schedule and explain about the piano lesson, OR you will have to miss the lesson and the cost of the lesson will be deducted from your pocket money. In future, you will have a third option, which is to complete the homework in the time set."

[MargaretOfFanjo]

I would consider negotiating the detention if it was the first time the child had received a detention and it was for an educational activity. If the child asked me politely with a note from home.

I am regarded as anything but wishy washy. Rather I am a reasonable human being playing the longer game.

I would not give an after school for a first offence for a missing homework, it would be the third time. For that reason I rarely give homework related after school detentions.

[MargaretOfFanjo]

Although in my case my students know what might I hold an after school detention on. When they had failed to hand in a homework for the second time, which is very rare , they woud be warned that a further offence will resut in an after school on a Thursday night , if the child knew they had a music lesson on that night it is their responsibility not to get a detention. So on reflection, I might not rearrange.

I always say to students that detentions are not a compulsory activity, you choose them and therefore it is your responsibility if it causes further problems.

[TheFallenMadonna]

I might rearrange it. I probably would if it were the first time. But it does annoy me. I bet for an after school he's missed at least one extension deadline. Has he done the homework now? That might sweeten me for a change in date.

[5madthings]

you can ask them to rearrange the detention, politely obviously explaining why but i think your son should do this, he could perhaps take a note from you with him? but ultimately its his fault and so he shoudl cough up for the piano lesson if that cannot be moved.

i know that in primary school they ahve to legally give you 24hrs written notice of an after school detention, but i am not sure about high school :)

[noblegiraffe]

At my school the department detention is on the same day each week, so if he has a piano lesson every Tuesday (for example) then even rearranging the detention would simply put it on a different Tuesday in which case you'd just have to suck it up.