wonderful comp versus outstanding all boys, old school, grammar style school

[mrsjavierbardem]

Would love some advice from those who are a few years down the secondary school line with this dilemma

ds got our first choice (all boys', grammar style school with outstanding ofsteds and great results)

ds's first choice was a really wonderful new mixed comprehensive with a lovely , ambitious head and a mission for everyone's potential to be reached etc etc.

ds hated the former and loves the latter. His mates are going to the former. dh loves the former for all the usual reasons. I loved the latter but suspect his academic achievements at the grammar style school would be better.

But he's a middle of the class kind of child and I think the old style academic rigour will raise his game and potentially lead to great results. The other school is more 'him' but he won't get the same grades but I suspect will be happier potentially, he's not a massively competitive child any way nor does he want to be....
If I try I might be able to put his name down for the comp and hope for a place.
How important is his view in the long run? He lives in the present and I think once he has mates and settles in the boys school he may well love it. I just don't know whether to pursue a place at the other school in case we could get one.

[babybouncer]

I know this feels like a pivotal moment that is the be all and end all, but I really think either school sounds great and a couple of years down the line, your son will have forgotten all about the other one.

For what it's worth, all the research shows that the biggest impact on a child's educational achievement is parental interest and he definitely has that where ever he goes.

[themightyfandango]

I'm guessing the all boys grammar was harder to get a place at. I would send him there as you have got the place and his friends are going. If he hates it by year 8, move him but chances are he will love it and do well.

HTH

[mrsjavierbardem]

sorry, his favourite mates are going to the comp. But he does have some mates going to the boys' school.

Actually we just put the boys' school first and must have got a place based on their extremely obtuse admissions criteria of distance. They say they don't select on ability, but I think a certain type of family apply to the school so there is a kind of selection.

They do live in the present don't they?

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I would agree with the mighty fandango I would go with the place you have got. If it becomes clear by the middle of the year that your DS really isn't settling then you could explore the possibility of moving to the comp for Yr8 when they start GCSE preparation.

[mrsjavierbardem]

trouble is we only just moved him in yr 6 so he's fairly bruised from change, I understand why he wants to go to the school his new closest friends are going to and the one he liked the best, but I know he's not a massive self starter. The old style school expects them and trains them to work hard and be self disciplined from the beginning. I think the self starter can do well in any style of school potentially.
The more perplexing child is the not massively hard working all rounder..
Should school be about them being happy first or being trained to the point where they might one day be remotely employable, i.e be able to work hard and achieve high results?
(I went to both private and state schools and I know the private ones I went to had much higher expectations.) This boys school has very high expectations and one boy who's there said to me that they make sure that everyone achieves their best.
At the moment I find it hard to see past his immediate happiness to his academic potential. dh wants him to go the boys school.

[fluffyhamster]

Go with the school you have been offered.

I have two boys, and my rationale is:

• boys often take the path of least resistance (esp. in teenage years) and will raise their game to the standards and expectations of their peers and teachers around them
  
• boys do, by & large, perform better in single sex schools - the social/Facebook factor is a huge distraction in co-ed I'm afraid
  
• he will probably be allowed to get away with languishing in the comp....
  

• as others have said, if he really doesn't fit in/hates it, there is always movement later on...

[mrsjavierbardem]

thanks, it's so good to hear what other people think, I'm so emotional because of everything we've been through this academic year that it feels impossible to do anything but try to please him and be nice!

[mich54321]

fluffyhamster is right. When boys (and girls for that matter ) hit the teenage years, they tend to try to blend in as much as possible. If your DS is at a school where everyone else is working hard, and it isn't seen as "uncool" to want to learn and do well, they will get good results. You need to take a look at the year 10/11 pupils at both schools to get a good idea whether or not the school has a good standard of behaviour/work ethic etc and can keep older teenagers on track.

[fluffyhamster]

mich - you know, your comment "it isn't seen as "uncool" to want to learn and do well" probably summarises EXACTLY the essence of what I think is the difference (for us at least) between our very good state option, and the independent grammar near us!
I hear so many complaints from some of my friends that their kids 'won't go to orchestra because it's uncool' or 'boys don't sing in the choir because they'll get called 'gay' ' etc etc. It makes me so very