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What to do with a very bright but very lazy child?
(53 Posts)
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Always takes the easiest possible way out of everything in school work. Never puts any effort or energy into doing things properly. Very sloppy.
how old is your dc?
he is 12, turning 13 November.
everything has been so easy for him. he's never had to "work". Now he doesn't know how to and doesn't particularly want to either.
get school to start demanding higher standards
presentation
promptness
self extension
and get them to mark mehim HARD a few times
you have to scare usthem into working hard 
I got mine put on report and monitored for a couple of weeks at that age as he is bright but lazy.
He may find school boring until he hits A levels.
i wouldn't mind if his work was good but it frequently isn't. I've always let him get on with his homework because he's never had any problems but mid last year decided to start checking (first year of secondary) and was rather unimpressed with the one-line answers, scanning books for answers without going for comprehension, etc.
When forced to sit down and do it properly he does but the bloody complaining!
Now this year dh or I check everything and I'm
at the laziness of it. Perhaps this is my fault all along. He's always been top of the class so never really checked. But teachers all along have been telling me he doesn't put any effort in or pay attention or really try.
it's not good.
what is "put on report"?
My DS1 is very similar if allowed to get away with it. Check all homework and if it isn't done properly make him do it again till it is. It doesn't have to be right e.g. I could see some of my son's maths was wrong I asked him to recheck it himself and then left it but all answers should be there and at the correct level of detail. Ignore the moaning.
He was monitored by his teachers and had to have a report card signed each lesson for concentration in class, getting all the classwork done to the requisite standard and above, homework being done to the required standard or above and handed in on time. His grades went through the roof.
Omg! That is so like my ds- and he's only in primary school. He's also very bright, and gets good scores without putting in any effort. With comprehension as well, just scans for the answer, can't be bothered to read the passage! Doesn't like writing cos it takes too much effort! Basically does the barest minimum and it doesn't help that he knows he gets away with it.
Now it's a bit difficult to ask teacher ti challenge him as he's only on year 3, but at this rate, I see myself posting this in the next 4 years.
Just wondering how I can get him a bit more organised from now and help him see the value of putting in extra effort.
Sometimes when I go on about his way of doing certain things not being acceptable, he tells me his teacher thinks his work is great and he got a sticker too! I just wish they could just be a little bit stricter with the praise they shower on him and place more emphases on his effort.
oooh. i want that scary. i want that!!!!!
do most schools do that if requested? I'm in Ireland so that might make a difference. I did last year speak to guidance counsellor and she got me a one page sheet that had exactly one line from teachers (they couldn't fit any more) and they all said same thing (paraphrase) bright, but distracted, doen't pay attention. But that was a one off and nothing was done (except me giving out to him).
nip it in the bud now JG and talk to teacher
I would say your son is not being challenged enough. I would (in England) try to talk to individual teachers and see what they can do to challenge him more. What is he interested in? What kind of career does he want? What does he do outside of school?
Does his school set him targets? Is he meeting those? Can he set himself some simple, specific targets with a time limit, and you chase him up on whether he is achieving those.
My ds1 (8) too. For example, last year they got 15 spellings a week and homework one night was to put all the words into sentences. Ds spent so long trying to cram all the words into as few sentences as possible it was actually funny.
I've found the easiest way to deal with it at this stage is to persuade him to capitalise on his laziness. So for example a few minutes learning his tables means he doesn't have to spend time and effort working it out each time in class. Does that make sense? I guess I'm basically appealing to his lazy nature.
In some ways I actually quite admire how resourceful he is in finding shortcuts!
My son left private school, after major issues re; verbal abuse and bullying over 2years. Started a good school in june 2011, year 9. previous to this I met with governor and expressed what options chosen for g.c.s.e's and was told 'no problem that they could and would accommodate'. Sent a letter from school on 18th july, (I was away, did not read letter, before school broke up) to be told they have decided he is to do double science, not triple, as he did not do well in his exams. obviously the syllabus was different from what he had been following and he was trying to fit in, so he did not concentrate on his work as he should and his exams suffered. BUT we had already discussed and teachers were made aware. HE is very bright as he gained a full bursary for private school, so i feel that he should be able to do single sciences as he wanted. He is thinking 'great less work' but i feel he should be challenged, as now he is aware of the need to knuckle down. His school is saying also, that stress levels will be lower when doing single science. His day is now 8.00-3.30 inc travel, as opposed to 7.20-5.00, so he has more time to unwind etc and then do homework. So stress levels along with the bullying has already decreased. Also whilst in private school he was doing well in biology, 'flashes of pure brilliance' chemistry 'excellent' and improving in physics,. Therefore can the school refuse to let him take the individual sciences and force our hand? have a meeting on monday. any thoughts?
How about good old fashioned bribary pay him for doing homework.
I recommend a book called 'Drive' which is all about getting lazy kids to find their motivation. Type Drive motivation into Amazon, to avoid getting loads of books on how to drive.
Sounds to me like he's never been stretched. It is really bad for bright children to be top of the class without effort. (I was one and I under achieved appallingly most of my life because I thought if I couldn't do it without effort, I couldn't do it full stop. I never learned to equate effort with attainment.)
I think you're right to intervene. Maybe even look for a school where he'll need to work to stay on a level with the others. Or find a hobby he'd like to do which is difficult and make him stick to it. When he masters it, he'll 'get' that effort is worth making.
It's a really tricky challenge. Good luck to you.
he is like 90% of other boys his age
that's exactly it racing heart. he gets extremely frustrated with things that don't happen easily and naturally, will even throw a strop and just not bother at all!
jules i'm in ireland so that of which you speak is a bit beyond me with levels and such. don't understand
will check out book racing heart thanks
well if he's like 90% of all boys then schools should have "work ethic" as part of the curriculum
yes paws!
it's amazing the ingenuity he has when he comes to getting OUT of doing any work!
I have the same thing with my 12yo daughter. She is very bright but makes so little effort it frustrates me and her teachers. She missed a scholarship due to her horrendous report - "makes no effort, sloppy, inconsistent". Since she started high school she is even more thrilled by how little work she has to do to be top of her class. Since being turned down for a scholarship she has placed in the top 0.5% in a couple of countywide maths olympiads, won essay prizes and general knowledge competitions and even won a world championship. She makes effort for competitions just not school work. I've approached the private school to reconsider her application and they are keen to have her if I can do something about her attitude to school work. She is resistant because she knows she will be pushed harder and I'm terrified that I won't be able to keep up my end of the deal. Should I still do it?
Read this article: nymag.com/news/features/27840/
I don't like calling kids 'bright' as they start to see it as part of who they are and think they can coast by, avoiding work and relying on their 'innate intelligence'. He won't stay bright for long if he carries on like that.
I started a thread on this exact same subject the other day. My ds in year 9 has always done extremely well without trying at all. He even used to win chess tournaments without any practice. He got the top SATS marks in the county.
And now trouble has struck in that he just can't do any work. If he can't wing it, he won't bother and somehow equates this with being "bad" at something. I'm trying to explain that other people try . No one can waltz into an exam and do well without one iota of work - but for him doing revision/preparation is akin to admitting that you're not very good, or even cheating.
It's all a bit bizarre and I'm not entirely sure how to move forward - so interested in people's advice to the OP!
Just read that article, freerangeeggs - it's spot on! Especially the bit about being seen publicly trying is viewed as an admission of failure.
Er, also thinking that this is me. I am the Queen Bee of Underachievers. I could certainly win any underachievement contest - and I wouldn't have to expend any effort to do so!
As others have said, this really is just the male way - do the bare minimum to get what you need. I was one of the rare girls who has thè same psyche (to my mothers despair). Unlike what others above have said I have not been an under achiever but actually made it into a prestigious profession (by the skin of my teeth, by always doing just enough). The key to motivating me to work was having a goal and then in sixth form being told by my mum that if I didn't get As at Alevel try weren't stumping up for uni...
In other words I think giving kids ambition is the key, and then a gentle prod in the right direction. Ultimately you have to leave them to it, because they grow up, leave home and get on with their own lives.
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