Do they ever grow out of being chatty and easily distractable

[bruffin]

DD's ( 13 yr8) report is being written at the moment, which I can see on eschool.
She is doing well ie level 6's and a 7 with 4s for MFLs. Teachers say they really enjoy teaching her as she is confident and enthusiastic and her contribution to the class is usually thoughtful and mature and she listens and is respectful of others opinions in class discussions. However there is an underlying theme through every report in that she could improve if she was less distracted and stopped chatting. She is not reaching her full potential.

Only subject so far that doesn't mention this is RE but I suspects she gets to talk a lot in that class anyway, but probably manages to remain on subject.

She has always lived life in a rush (even born 3 weeks early ) She was the same in primary school, her teachers loved having her in their class, but they also got very exasperated with her.
She loves school and has lots of friends and involves herself in everything ie school council, interhouse competitions even though she is not the sporty competative type.
I have spoken to her about it time and time again, teachers tell her the same at PE but it all seems to fall on deaf ears.

[bruffin]

ps I do know most children are not chatty and distractable but the question is really about those that are ISWIM.

[Vicky2011]

Not what you want to hear but if it's a basic personality trait I don't think you'll ever really change it. I was that child......and look at me 25 yrs later - on Mumsnet when I really shld be working

I used to manage my homework in 20 mins chunks with 10 minute breaks, it needs "policing" but it did get me through to a decent set of exam results, though nothing like I could have done with a bit more focus. Hopefully someone will be along with something a bit more positive to say soon!

[bruffin]

To be honest Vicky2011 it doesn't surprise me , I just want to live in hope . I am bit like that as well, but she is far worse than I ever was.

[schoolchauffeur]

If it is any consolation my DH's school reports from 11- 16 ( he is now 43) were full of "would do better if he concentrated on his own work rather than looking at everyone else's work", " needs to learn when humour is appropriate", "never stops talking" etc etc. Somehow during the A level years it all came together, he got 3 grade A A levels, and a first class degree in Chemistry. And now he is a senior manager for a large multi-national where his personal qualities, ability to get on with all sorts are highly valued. Our DS aged 13 is exactly the same so we are fairly chilled about it with him whereas my DH was constantly compared to his quiet, studious, focussed sister and always felt there was something wrong with him- so consequently he is now rather quiet!

[Punkatheart]

Yes me too. Always told off and once a nun threatened to pull my hair. I lived life fast too - these children sound bright. I wouldn't worry.

[fizzylaces]

My dd1 is the same. Every year of school so far has seen her sitting at a table on her own at some point - she's 13 too. The teachers think she's delightful, but exasperating. One has given her a mini whiteboard to hold up when she has a question and banned her from talking!

I have tried all sorts - timed homework, reading riot act and stopping pocket money, appealing to her kind nature and explaining just because she can manage she may be holding others back, sanctions, rewards. She just can't shut up and is also like this at home. This is the way she is. At parents' night, I have given permission to her teachers to give her a seat on her own (which she prefers) and she requests that she doesn't sit with certain people as it makes her worse

I don't know if this has any bearing, but my dd is really active (always has been) and is a keen dancer and is a ball of energy.

[bruffin]

We had exactly the same conversation on parents night Fizzy with DD's science teacher Science teacher said she feels like strangling her sometimes.
Everyweek she gets moved in class, but some teachers are probably better at channelling her in the right direction than others.
DD is fairly active, takes part in lots of clubs at school, volunteers at a SEN playgroup etc
I do appreciated all her good points and I do realise that is the scatty, chatty distractable, along with the quick witted intelliegence that makes her fun to be around.
It's just when I get her reports and after parents evening we also get the "not fulfilling her potential" brought up time and time again and I start worrying.

[lazymumofteenagesons]

DS2 now 16 and doing GCSEs is exactly like this. When going round at parents evenings with him I told him if another teacher said the same about distractions, chatting and not reaching potential I would walk out!
However, I believe these are very effective life skills and he will probably be as or more successful than his totally focussed older brother.
He had a Ed Psych report when he was 11 (he is also dyslexic and dyspraxic) and we were told that once he was out of the school system he would be very successful but this sort of personality combined with high intelligence (which leads to the constant witty remarks) does not fit into the system.

None of this has helped you except to say that you can't change the personality of the child. He has however reined it in a bit as GCSEs approached and he realised he needed the grades.

[bruffin]

If only it was that cat64 . From her report it seems , she just hasn't listened properly in the first place

[skyninja]

This was me at school, if I only had 'put as much effort in to my work as I did talking' etc. DD exactly the same already, not sure how we can address it, as she doesn't suffer from the lack in confidence that did rein me in slightly, at least until I hit 15yrs. The problem is also when you get your work done before everyone else, the next thing to do is start a conversation out of boredom. I didn't do nearly as well as I should've done at school, no focus, but I did get a 2:1 degree and a job in journalism. I think I'm easily bored, once I think I can do something I want to move on and this meant I changed jobs 4 times in four years.
On balance, it's not a bad thing to have a quick mind, but I wish I had worked harder at GCSEs and A levels as it's frustrating to think I wasted opportunities.
It sounds like your DD knows exactly how much she needs to do to get by, I think all you can do is encourage her to concentrate more and unfortunately to some extent she has to learn this for herself. You have a few more years before exams. Get her to read these posts from 'opportunities missed' like me!
Surely the school should have some experience with children like your daughter, it's a shame they don't have more advice to offer. When i think back to our lessons, we were all easily distracted and chatty...

[skyninja]

PS I flourished at uni in small seminar classes where talking is seen as a positive trait. It was hard to get me to shut up once I got my confidence on a subject, same could be said about me now, as you can tell.

[Da1ryQueen]

Ha! I didn't, but it didn't harm me academically or professionally in the long run...don't crush her spirit, just positively insentivise achievement - ie "unless you get the grades you're capable of, we're not stumping up for uni"...worked a treat!

[Da1ryQueen]

Try to make her "vivaciousness" into a positive -suggest career options which suit her natural skills (barrister springs to mind) which could give her the motivation to do enough work if she has a goal.

[bruffin]

I don't want to crush her spirit
I think she would make a brilliant teacher. She volunteers on a saturday morning and during the holidays at a playgroup for children with SEN. She loves it!. Her old drama teacher says she energizes the other children around her.

[Da1ryQueen]

She sounds fabulous frankly! I wouldn't worry too much if i were you :)

[Deaddei]

As long as she isn't disrupting other girls, I wouldn't worry too much.
She does sound lovely......maybe she will calm down a bit in yr 9 which is a more focussed year.