dd hates school

[singingsoprano]

Youngest dd (14) attends a very academic girl's school, which she loved in Year 7 & 8. Dd has been unhappy since year 9 and has said she hates the school and wants to change.
Had very tearful 'phonecall from dd at 2.30pm, crying, saying she was going to run away from school and never return. Managed to talk her into staying.
Spoke to school, who said they would try to get back to me. Dd rang at 3.30pm after having a meeting with Head of Year and pastoral support who will be arranging a meeting for us next week.
Dd says HT (new from September) told her off in assembly when she let out a little giggle (fair enough)but after assembly threatened dd with detention and told dd and other 3 girls that they were useless, should return to Year 7 and were never going to pass GCSEs.
I know I only have dd words, but it is not the first time dd has been told that she is thick. Maths and science are not her strong points, as she is a very talented performer. I also know dd starts to believe that she is stupid, and then doesn't try.
Any help or suggestions as to how I should approach the meeting next week?

[roisin]

How academic is very academic? There are schools out there where 'the norm' is 10 As/A*s and yr8/9 is prime time for weeding out/making life miserable for students who are not going to make that kind of grade.

Is it an independent school? Is she meeting her targets in subjects?

How long as she been very unhappy? Has she cried before? Is she very miserable or just a bit fed up of the moment?

I would be astonished if teachers really called her "useless" or "thick" and it may be that's dd's interpretation, rather than the words used. But stranger things have happened.

I would go in positively to the meeting and try not to be defensive. But if the school ethos is wrong for her, are you open to the possibility of a move. And at this stage the sooner the better as many schools start the GCSE courses at Easter of yr9.

[singingsoprano]

Rosin , sorry,she is now in Year 10. It is a state school, that was previously a grammar school, and has never lost that ethos. She has been unhappy for most of the last 2 years, and although I agree that teachers are unlikely to have used those words, that is how she interprets what they say. She is very miserable at school, but is very different outside school. She is a talented performer, works very well with both her peer group and adults outside of school and is emotionaly intelligent and mature. She has a strong sense of justice and has often got into trouble at school for defending other students and taking responsibility for her actions.
I will certainly go to the meeting with an open mind, and will start contacting local schools to see if they have vacancies.
Thank you for your advice.

[singingsoprano]

She is on target to achive a-c, except Maths, where she is predicted D. She has a tutor starting with her for Maths and Science after Easter.

[ajandjjmum]

Don't let her lose her confidence and be squashed. After a decent set of GCSE (nothing lower than a B - which was excellent for her) DD has found A levels very tough. The worst thing though is seeing her self esteem at such a low ebb, because she is left to feel that she is thick - even though no-one says it!

Hope you get it sorted, and that you can find a suitable school if that is the right solution for your DD.

[singingsoprano]

ajandjjmum Dd already feels that she is stupid and that academically she is less able than her peers.
She then gets into a viscious circle, doesn#t try, them confirms to her that she is stupid. It is so frustrating, but she feels teachers only concerntrate on the clever ones. Will see how meeting goes next week. Thank you.

[ajandjjmum]

I know exactly how you feel. But you are lucky because you've got time to act now - I've got DD just got home from school saying she hates her life, school's shit, she's thick - and she's got A2's in a couple of months!

I do hope that you can find a good solution for your DD - for your own sake as well as hers.

[singingsoprano]

ajandjjmumI do feel for you and your dd-it is so hard for dcs when all value seems to be placed on exams. I hope you are able to reassure your dd and let them know how much we love them.

[roisin]

Moving schools now is probably an option to avoid if at all possible. With complex options systems, different curriculum followed by different schools, and modular exams in lots of subjects now (Maths, Science, English, History, Geography, MFL ...) moving half way through yr10 is an absolute nightmare now.

The maths/science tutor sounds like a great idea to build up her confidence.

What option subjects does she do? I hope she's doing some options that she enjoys and where she can excel.

For core subjects (maths/english/science) she is probably in ability sets, so if she is saying the teachers only concentrate on the brighter ones, it may be that she is in the wrong set...?

[activate]

I'm not sure a teacher is unlikely to have used those words tbh - threatening a year 10 that they should be in year 7 and weren't going to pass GCSEs because of their childish behaviour sounds fairly run of the mill

[singingsoprano]

activate you may be right, but dd seems to have been supported well by HoY and Pastoral support in regard to what was said, so I am awaiting meeting next week. However, I would not be happy if teacher's routinely talked to their students in that manner, as it can easily knock ther confidence.
rosin, she does enjoy Drama, PE and Drama, she does dance GCSE after school at another school, and she enjoys English and Geography.
I will let you know how the meeting goes next week. Thank you for your suppor