DD attacked at school.

[Blef1974]

My DD is 12 and in year 8 at school. Yesterday she called me up just after school finished and asked me to pick her up saying another girl had punched her.

I went up to school and when I spoke to DD she told me that the girl had come up to her, grabbed her by the throat, lifted her off the floor (no mean feat and my DD is quite tall for her age and not slightly built) and was choking her. She then punched my DD in the nose, knocking her glasses off.

DD said that a few texts had been sent to her phone, from a number that she didn't recognise. Her and her friends did some detective work and the number was tracked back to the girl that later hit her. My DD asked her why she sent the texts, the girl denied them and then when they showed her that the number on my DD's phone was hers she snapped and attacked my DD. This has been backed up by the children who witnessed the attack.

I spoke to the school's pastoral carer last night who said that this would be dealt with as a matter of urgency, but I am trying to decide whether to involve the police as my DD has been left with a mark on her neck where the girl grabbed her and has bruising on her nose. She has gone into school today, despite me being worried about her going in, but my DD doesn't seem worried at all.

Advice please.

[LadyBunny]

I really do feel for you Blef.

Take a photo of the mark and get your daughter to write a factual account of what happened. Make copies of the texts. Wait and see what the school does.

If nothing has happened in 48 hours, get in touch with them, provide copies of the evidence, insist that this goes into your daughter's school file. Make clear that you are considering the option to 'make it a police matter'.

The school should take action and tell you what action they have done. If you aren't happy with this, you still have the option of going to the police.

You could also contact your telephone provider. I don't know what they can do or will do, but it's worth asking their advice.

Is there a member of staff responsible for dealing with bullying? You could also ask for the school's policy on bullying - they have to have one and this should spell out how they deal with things like this.

Good Luck

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

I would, with absolutely no hesitation, involve the police. In my experience, if a school doesn't take immediate steps to deal with an incident of this magnitude - and it certainly sounds like your school has not - then only police involvement will persuade them to do so.
You don't mention whether any member of staff other than the pastoral carer was aware of the incident. Her head of house or year, depending on the system of the school, should have been informed by now. You need to phone them as a matter of urgency and find out what is happening. Request a copy of their bullying policy and make sure they follow it to the letter. Tell them that you will be contacting the police.
I totally endorse LadyBunny's advice about photographing and documenting your DD's injuries. Obviously save all the texts.
Personally, I would have expected a phone call from the school first thing this morning to discuss making your DD feel safe in school today.
Good luck.

[scurryfunge]

The school should be dealing with this. It has happened on school premises and unless the school refuse to deal with it (unlikely unless it is a serious injury)the police would pass it back to the school, as per policy.

You can go to the police if you are not happy with the school's response though.

[Hullygully]

I would involve the police too. Stop it at source, at once. It is assault.

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

Scurry, that is absolutely not true. It is assualt and ABH and the police are obliged to deal with it regardless of the premises on which it occured.

[scurryfunge]

LadyGlen, most schools have a local arrangement with the police where the policy is if it happened on school premises and can be dealt with by the school, it should be. Often schools deal with the incidents much better and more appropriately (suspensions, etc) where the police investigations often falter because of poor evidence (and even if the evidence is there, these kids often end up being reprimanded only).

Obviously if the injuries are severe, then the police will normally be involved.

The policy is not as bad as it sounds

[Dropdeadfred]

phone the police - they will treat this as assault and the girl should at least ge a caution. the school won't like it but tough

[Blef1974]

I have been up to the school at lunchtime and spoken to the deputy head. She has assured me that this is going to be dealt with, and is being considered as a very serious matter. She has also stressed to me that I am well within my rights to contact the police.

I am still thinking about what to do. I want to know what sanctions they are going to take. I feel very strongly that this needs to be punished properly.

I do know that the Pastoral carer has spoken to both DD and the other girl and while my DD has stuck rigidly to the story the other girl at first denied choking my DD but when she was asked how my DD was marked round her neck and what they would see if they checked CCTV (I'm not sure if there is anything on CCTV or whether this was used as a way to try and get the truth from the girl) she admitted grabbing DD by the throat and choking her and then punching her.

I am now waiting for a phone call to hear what they are going to do.

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

Scurryfunge - our school certainly has no such policy and I don't believe in any case that it would be legally enforcable, although the school might like parents to believe otherwise.
Blef - good to hear that they are doing somehthing. In your shoes I would definitely be contacting the police.

[weblette]

Blef - hope your dd feels safer today. I would certainly contact the police. Assault is assault, even if it happens in school.

[scurryfunge]

LadyGlen, you may be surprised.

It is not legally enforceable, that is why it is called a policy.

Parents have the right to have it dealt with by the police but the school will work with the police and/or parents to have the incident dealt with in the best interests of the victim (and that doesn't always mean having the police deal).

[marsbar22]

I agree with Ladybunnys comment on how to deal with it.

What an awful thing to happen you all must feel terrible.

[onceamai]

You have referred to conversations - please put your concerns in writing to the school with timeframes for them to confirm that action has been taken. Find out if the girl has been excluded to allow an investigation to take place. I would hope the school will deal with it but IMO you need a written audit trail as evidence that this has occurred to confirm the action taken, etc., in case there is a recurrence. If there is a recurrence you then have something concrete to show to the police. I wouldn't on a first occasion ring the police but I would if it happens again.

[RachyS]

I agree - if the assault was severe enough to leave lasting marks on DDs neck then the police should be involved. As much as anything it is crucial for the other girl to understand the severity of her actions at this stage before anything is allowed to develop further and this is the most likely bet to scare off any further ill treatment of your DD. Sounds like the school are on the ball, but do follow up and make sure measures are properly carried through.