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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

Ds was in tears as he's very unhappy at his new school.

68 replies

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 22:45

A couple of the boys have sworn at him, he was hit in the nose today making it bleed (the other boy did appologise and get him a tissue), he said he's finding it really hard to make friends and he's knackered as he's needing to wake up early to get to school on time.
It will get better won't it? Am I allowed to take him in a little later so he can sleep in or am I a wuss?

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saintlydamemrsturnip · 13/09/2010 22:46

You can't let him sleep in! That won't help.

Send him to bed earlier.

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 22:47

I did. He cried himself to sleep. I feel terrible.

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saintlydamemrsturnip · 13/09/2010 22:48

sorry to hear he's sad though- I'm sure it will get better. Does he know anyone there already?

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saintlydamemrsturnip · 13/09/2010 22:48

I do think it will get better - but it is a big adjustment. I think taking him in late could just make it worse for him though.

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GetOrfMoiLand · 13/09/2010 22:49

Poor boy. It is very hard watching them having to adjust, but no you can't take him in later. Make sure he gets to bed at a decent hour and lies in at the weekend.

Was he punched in the nose or something, or was it an accident? If he has been hit by someone you need to call the school.

Keep a close eye on him (as if you are going to do anything else) and reassure him. It is early days and it does take time.

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GetOrfMoiLand · 13/09/2010 22:50

Oh no cried himself to sleep.

God I would cry as well.

Is it worth speaking to the school - if he is that unhappy it is a real worry. Perhaps they will be able to help.

Feel for you - it is awful seeing them like this.

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 22:50

He knows a couple of boys. He's been bullied in a previous school, he was moved and made a few really good friends in his last school. I think he's thinking he'll never make good friends again. I'm not sure how I can help him.

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purpleturtle · 13/09/2010 22:52

My friend's DD hated the start of secondary school. Cried a lot about going. Was very hard for both my friend and her DD - for about half a term. Sorry.

But that was last year.

Last week she was desperate to go back to school and see all her friends again.

It will get better - but you all have to hang in there.

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 22:52

He said the other boy got really close and said some animal names to him, he then said "duck" and hit him in the nose
I could email his tutor.

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ConnorTraceptive · 13/09/2010 22:52

Poor love. How old? I would definately have a word with the school

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 22:54

He's 11. I don't know if he'll last half a term, he's a lovely boy and he just wants to make friends

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GetOrfMoiLand · 13/09/2010 22:55

It is quite hard when they have been bullied isn't it. I live in dread of it happening again with dd (she was bullied in Year 9, ended up moving schools as she was constantly crying, having panic attacks, in despair).

She is very happy now however so it was a good decision to move her. However I am anxious and amd worried about it ever happening again.

Is he at a school with his good friends that he made, or are they all at other schools? Can imagine it must be very daunting fpr him feeling he has to start again from scratch. Poor kid.

It is obviously too early to tell if he will settle in, this may be teething problems and in a couple of weeks he will be better. But to be honest I would not hesitate about moving a child from a school if they are desperately unhappy.

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/09/2010 22:56

Oh poor boy - and poor you :(

I would definitely speak to the school about the punch, if they are secondary age then that's old enough to get the police involved if necessary I think?

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GetOrfMoiLand · 13/09/2010 22:57

Belle - I think if your lad was hit hard enough to make his nose bleed, well that's bloody not on. I would call the school in the morning, not to rant and rave, but just to let them know that (a) your son is vulnerable and anxious as he has been bullied before amd (b) someone walloped him on the nose and made him bleed.

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Pannacotta · 13/09/2010 22:57

I think its better if you talk to the school about him being hurt, emailing is a bit distant/detached for this kind of thing.

Agree that he needs to get to school on time, perhaps you can bribe him to get through the week or do something nice with him at the weekend as a disctraction?

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 23:00

He doesn't think it was mallicious as the other boy appologised and helped him. He said he thought it was one of those games that all the other boys know about but the new year 7s don't. He doesn't know anyone at the school, he's from a very small school so the other children have been spread about all over the place. He's the only boy to go to his school but he knows a couple of other boys in other years. I know it's early days, he rarely cries though and he just said he wanted some help

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 23:02

I'll get him to school. I think I will email to make them aware of how he's feeling then ask to arrange a time to go in and talk to them.

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blinder · 13/09/2010 23:06

If my son were deliberately hit in the face and bleeding at the beginning of year 7 I would be going in to see the head of year. It's no wonder he's upset, regardless of his history. That's a physical assault.

I would want to know the following:

Did any of the teachers notice?
Where was the supervision?
What do they intend to do about this particular assault?
What do they intend to do to protect him in the future and restore his confidence?

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Pannacotta · 13/09/2010 23:07

Sounds like a good plan.
I would be very upset in your shoes, it must be hard for your DS to know so few other kids.
If you fill the school in on the previous bullying then hopefully they can look out for him and encourage him and his confidence.

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GetOrfMoiLand · 13/09/2010 23:08

Definitely go in and speak to them Belle.

I went to a massive school, I remember the kids from the large feeder schools settled in a lot better than those kids from teh small juniors who only sent one or two kids a year. The school needs to know to keep an eye on him. Do they not have a mentoring scheme, or pastoral workers, with whom he can 'clock in' every day so he feels reassured and more secure?

Can you go in with him tomorrow morning and try and make an appointment with the year head or something? If not call rather than email, is more immediate.

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Orangerie · 13/09/2010 23:10

belle, I think this has not been suggested. It is a small thing but can make a big difference if done in the early days of the school year.

Take him to school earlier. If he is the first to arrive, he will have a better chance to talk to other children before they get talking to their usual friends, and hopefully, just hopefully, he may get to befriend some of them.

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 23:11

He has a tutor group meeting first thing in the morning with his tutor but knowing ds he won't say anything. He really likes the teachers but he's finding it all so difficult.

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 13/09/2010 23:12

I'll try that Orangerie, it takes ages to get him to school though so it's a miracle that I manage to get him there on time.

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Valpollicella · 13/09/2010 23:13

Belle I'm so sorry to hear this...the last thing you need

Blinder's post is very good - I would be asking to speak to the head of year too, or at least his tutor.

Thinking of you and your lovely boy

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colditz · 13/09/2010 23:13

I know this game. It sounds like the boy 'playing' it was a Klutz, as you're supposed to pull the punch and not make contact, making the recipent jump. If the boy apologised and got him a tissue, I would imagine that actually hitting youir son was not intended. I would explain that to your son, as it may make him feel better to know it was caused by idiocy rather than malice.