Follow on from best joke - best science/maths jokes?

(68 Posts)
TwosaCrowd Sun 20-Apr-14 23:23:03

I love science jokes, I'll get the ball rolling…

What is a physicist's favourite food? Fission chips.

DoItTooJulia Sun 20-Apr-14 23:23:54

You can't trust atoms.

They make up everything.

Dragonlette Sun 20-Apr-14 23:24:42

What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt

Why did the schoolboy eat his maths homework? Because he thought it was a piece of cake

woodchuck Sun 20-Apr-14 23:25:45

Have you heard any good jokes about sodium lately?

Na!

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't grin

snoggle Sun 20-Apr-14 23:27:04

Two lithium atoms walking down the street. One says "oh I think I just lost an electron". The other "are you sure?"
"Oh yes, I'm positive!".

Ba-dum-ccchhhh

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 20-Apr-14 23:27:27

Brilliant!

TwosaCrowd Sun 20-Apr-14 23:29:07

Brilliant snuggle grin

TwosaCrowd Sun 20-Apr-14 23:29:22

sorry, snoggle

noblegiraffe Sun 20-Apr-14 23:30:00

Why didn't Newton discover group theory?
Because he wasn't Abel

What's purple and commutes?
An abelian grape

MrsRTea Sun 20-Apr-14 23:33:02

Please keep these coming. I have no idea what you're on about grin but I am skyping them to dc...

TeamEdward Sun 20-Apr-14 23:35:31

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but all the best ones argon.

Did you hear about the constipated maths teacher? He worked it out with a pencil.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 20-Apr-14 23:35:54

Why is Xmas the same as Halloween? Dec 25=Oct 31

TeamEdward Sun 20-Apr-14 23:37:47

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!

PoppadomPreach Sun 20-Apr-14 23:39:12

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

Inertia Sun 20-Apr-14 23:40:41

This one is a bit dated now ...

The barman says ' Sorry we don't serve faster than light neutrinos in here'. A neutrino walks into a bar.

TeamEdward Sun 20-Apr-14 23:40:48

I told a joke about noble gases once but got no reaction.
To be honest, I think we need to take all these bad chemistry jokes and barium.

TillyTellTale Sun 20-Apr-14 23:42:15

What do you call a hungry parrot?

Polly- No-Meals!

No parrots were harmed in the telling of this joke, and the narrator does not condone or support the malnutrition of our feathered friends.

(polynomials)

UtterFool Sun 20-Apr-14 23:44:44

What does a mathematician do when she has constipation?

She works it out with a pencil.

MyICDiscalledsparky Sun 20-Apr-14 23:46:13

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?"
The barman replied, "For you, no charge".

MyICDiscalledsparky Sun 20-Apr-14 23:50:32

There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.

grin MyICD

Just remembered this:

There was an old lady called Wright
who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day
in a relative way
and returned on the previous night.

TillyTellTale Sun 20-Apr-14 23:53:13

Why did the cat fall off the roof?

There wasn't enough μ!

If it doesn't display, it's supposed to be a mu symbol.

MyICDiscalledsparky Sun 20-Apr-14 23:55:36

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen.

Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk
in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a
side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re …terrible, I’ve found you!”

Newton says “No no, Einy. You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!”

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