How much of a life do you have alongside being a SAHP?

(9 Posts)
wildlingtribe Sun 18-Sep-16 19:57:18

I'm a mama to four under 5.5, and I get no time to do anything. I've made the wrong move by 100% dedicated to my kids and putting my interests on hold for 6 years. My do still has a life, so then I get resentful. I want to do more for me but I don't know how, I'm trying to build a business/work from home but it's never got time, I want to exercise, no motivation as I'm so tired, I have no one to meet, talk to, my ten year relationship is going down the pan, I have no confidence, I even find it hard making conversation at the supermarket checkout. I love my kids, I love to be a fun mum, crafting, playing but trying to be that plus household things, trying to start a biz, plus trying to do more for me and keep a relationship going it's impossible. We also never get time away from the kids, dates etc, I feel uneasy being without my kids and anxious then it gets me stressed out and can't enjoy anything.
God what a mess.

NapQueen Sun 18-Sep-16 19:58:41

Does your oh have time to himself? How hands on is he?

wildlingtribe Sun 18-Sep-16 20:02:59

He works full time, started football on Saturday pm, goes to the pub a few times a week. He helps but by the time he does or it's bedtime I'm tired. And if I try to squeeze some time, the kids want me

NapQueen Sun 18-Sep-16 20:10:46

He seems to have a disproportionate amount of time for himself - how regularly does he have the kids by himself or let you have the lie ins at weekends?

NickyEds Mon 19-Sep-16 16:39:47

There's your answer! One of the nights your dp normally goes to the pub, he stays at home and you go instead, or to wherever it is you want to go. He goes to football Saturday afternoon? Fine, you get Saturday morning for lie in/whatever you want to do. If you both get on with a few jobs whilst you are at home with the kids for your bit of Saturday then you could still have Sunday to do something together. How old are your dc?

ayeokthen Mon 19-Sep-16 16:41:42

I don't get any time to myself at all, 3 DC, SAHM. That said, DP rarely does either, the odd night out with an old army buddy (twice a year at most) because he works so much we barely see each other and when he has time off we want to spend the time together as a family/couple when the kids are sleeping.

MaybeDoctor Mon 19-Sep-16 16:48:05

flowers to you.

I think it will get better, as some of them move off to school. There will come a day when they are all a bit older, taking care of themselves and you can just enjoy being a mum to a fab busy family.

Looking at it another way, I work pt so have lots of time to do other things - but haven't been able to have a second child. But I am very lucky in all sorts of other ways.

Just try to carve out a bit more time for yourself if you can.

NickyEds Mon 19-Sep-16 16:48:18

Sorry op, I waffled and didn't answer your question blush. I go to Slimming world once a week so on that night dp comes home at 6.30 and I set off out leaving him to do bedtime. I go out once a week to meet my dad and sister in the local pub for the evening, I usually leave after the dc are in bed though. Every now and then there's something else I want to do, friends birthday, gig or whatever so I do that too. We only have two dc though which makes a big difference. I used to run my own business pre dc and it's not something I'd even attempt without other childcare.

OlennasWimple Mon 19-Sep-16 16:51:10

Your DP shouldn't be "helping", he should be "parenting'.

You need to find something at a time that should work most weeks (ie not at the same time as the Saturday football, or another existing commitment) and make it clear that you will be going to it. Or if once a week seems too much, how about a monthly book club?

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