How much of a life do you have alongside being a SAHP?

(15 Posts)
wildlingtribe Sun 18-Sep-16 19:57:18

I'm a mama to four under 5.5, and I get no time to do anything. I've made the wrong move by 100% dedicated to my kids and putting my interests on hold for 6 years. My do still has a life, so then I get resentful. I want to do more for me but I don't know how, I'm trying to build a business/work from home but it's never got time, I want to exercise, no motivation as I'm so tired, I have no one to meet, talk to, my ten year relationship is going down the pan, I have no confidence, I even find it hard making conversation at the supermarket checkout. I love my kids, I love to be a fun mum, crafting, playing but trying to be that plus household things, trying to start a biz, plus trying to do more for me and keep a relationship going it's impossible. We also never get time away from the kids, dates etc, I feel uneasy being without my kids and anxious then it gets me stressed out and can't enjoy anything.
God what a mess.

NapQueen Sun 18-Sep-16 19:58:41

Does your oh have time to himself? How hands on is he?

wildlingtribe Sun 18-Sep-16 20:02:59

He works full time, started football on Saturday pm, goes to the pub a few times a week. He helps but by the time he does or it's bedtime I'm tired. And if I try to squeeze some time, the kids want me

NapQueen Sun 18-Sep-16 20:10:46

He seems to have a disproportionate amount of time for himself - how regularly does he have the kids by himself or let you have the lie ins at weekends?

NickyEds Mon 19-Sep-16 16:39:47

There's your answer! One of the nights your dp normally goes to the pub, he stays at home and you go instead, or to wherever it is you want to go. He goes to football Saturday afternoon? Fine, you get Saturday morning for lie in/whatever you want to do. If you both get on with a few jobs whilst you are at home with the kids for your bit of Saturday then you could still have Sunday to do something together. How old are your dc?

ayeokthen Mon 19-Sep-16 16:41:42

I don't get any time to myself at all, 3 DC, SAHM. That said, DP rarely does either, the odd night out with an old army buddy (twice a year at most) because he works so much we barely see each other and when he has time off we want to spend the time together as a family/couple when the kids are sleeping.

MaybeDoctor Mon 19-Sep-16 16:48:05

flowers to you.

I think it will get better, as some of them move off to school. There will come a day when they are all a bit older, taking care of themselves and you can just enjoy being a mum to a fab busy family.

Looking at it another way, I work pt so have lots of time to do other things - but haven't been able to have a second child. But I am very lucky in all sorts of other ways.

Just try to carve out a bit more time for yourself if you can.

NickyEds Mon 19-Sep-16 16:48:18

Sorry op, I waffled and didn't answer your question blush. I go to Slimming world once a week so on that night dp comes home at 6.30 and I set off out leaving him to do bedtime. I go out once a week to meet my dad and sister in the local pub for the evening, I usually leave after the dc are in bed though. Every now and then there's something else I want to do, friends birthday, gig or whatever so I do that too. We only have two dc though which makes a big difference. I used to run my own business pre dc and it's not something I'd even attempt without other childcare.

OlennasWimple Mon 19-Sep-16 16:51:10

Your DP shouldn't be "helping", he should be "parenting'.

You need to find something at a time that should work most weeks (ie not at the same time as the Saturday football, or another existing commitment) and make it clear that you will be going to it. Or if once a week seems too much, how about a monthly book club?

asquires Thu 29-Sep-16 07:12:56

I'm a SAHM at the moment but I keep my sanity with my own business. I'm a Business Design Mentor and I love it because it fits around my 3 month old. Huge bonus I meet new people all the time so it's kind of like having a social life at the same time. I was doing it around my full time banking job but now I'm on maternity leave it should have built up enough by then for me so I don't have to return. I listen to mums I work with and hear how they are missing out on sports days, plays etc. I'm not going to be that mum! smile

s098 Sat 01-Oct-16 18:37:39

I only have one dd ( 8.5 months) but similar to you op being a parent is pretty much all i do now. My oh plays football and goes out now and then or away for a weekend sometimes. Feels a bit like we have almost separate lives. Makes me 99% sure i won't have another child!

Blackbird82 Sun 02-Oct-16 12:25:26

Wow, four kids under five....that's got to be tough going for you. I'm a SAHM but only have the one, he is 18 months and I'm finding it hard. Husband work is very erratic, for the past six months he has been working away from home (staying away) with maybe one day at home. It has made me very resentful. I have no family close by and I have made friends with other mums but everything revolves around the kids. Play dates, playgroups, parks, farms, library, feeding ducks etc etc....it's all for my DS obviously but it bores me to death. I've been out socially maybe three times in the last 18 months. Have no time to pursue hobbies, gave up my career to be a SAHM.....it's very difficult when you're doing it mostly alone so I really feel for you.

BummyMummy77 Sun 02-Oct-16 12:28:19

Only have ds who's 3. I have no time alway from home at all.

Haven't been out with just dh in over 3 years now.

Dh is also working 7 day weeks for a few months so it's extra hard atm.

flowers to all the Mamas.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay Sun 16-Oct-16 17:35:17

He has loads of time to himself. Work out in an average week how many hours you are with the children alone and how many hours he is at work+ how many hours he is with the children alone. I bet you are doing the most. 4 kids that age must be absolutely relentless. You need a full day to yourself every week. Either make it up by a half day Saturday and a Tuesday evening or Sunday afternoon and Friday evening. Just make sure you do it. You deserve it.

mumofthreesmallmen3 Sun 20-Nov-16 11:34:12

I've got three under 7, I don't have much time at all either, I don't think I really have any hobbies interests how sad lol, they take up all my time, weekdays are busy with multiple school runs and fitting in naps for the baby, playgroups , shopping, cleaning etc and weekends we do things as a family so not much time to spare, I would really like to do something for myself, have looked at evenings courses but dh works 2 evenings a week and football on another so hard to fit that in at the moment I'm going to insist on having a evening to myself after Xmas to go to a exercise class as want to shift a bit of weight x

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