the ongoing search for a social life!

(11 Posts)
Gowgirl Fri 13-May-16 07:54:34

In a nutshell I recently moved to a new area and have decided at the grand old age of 36 I need a social life.
So far the internet has been my friend, I've met a couple of nice women with toddlers the same age over fb. Trips to the park are much better with adult company! I attended my first mn meet up and have attended a church toddler group regulary - they have great coffee not lukewarm Nescafe!
Any suggestions what to try next
Fwiw I have old friends but they are both childless I'm looking for a daytime social circle as evenings I spend with dh, and home alone with toddlers can get boring.
Ps paw patrol is the work of the devil!

Gowgirl Fri 13-May-16 21:19:50

Now this is why I post in Aibu, still I have my very own diary now!
Great morning at toddler group but slightly horrified that one of the regulars was called away to dogsit! I would have thought your nanny would be better off playing with your child! But there's nowt as strange as folk.
Both rugrats suitably knackered from there morning fighting playing with the usual crowd so we had a restorative nap after lunch.
I'd love to say it was homemade (fill the gap), but we went with the ever popular Nutella on toast, bananas and milk! Not me obviously I had coffee!

I wonder how long I can keep this thread going?????

BabyTheCaveLion Fri 13-May-16 21:47:47

Hi Gowgirl,

We move around a lot with DH's work so I'm used to finding and making new friends....it doesn't come easily to me though and it takes me a looooong time.

I tend to hit as many different playgroups as possible and make sure I speak to at least one new person each time I go. When I meet someone I get on well with then I'll ask if she wants to get the kids together mid-week or something. But I've learnt to take my time with this stage...people are queer folk and the front that we put on at playgroups etc fall away quite quickly when in a different setting!!

I know you've said you don't want evening company but never underestimate the power of a good evening out with girl friends when the kids have been driving you nuts! I also find having friends other than 'mum friends' an absolute godsend - I also make friends through playing netball, going to a craft club and the gym. Its good to have friends that have a common interest rather than just the children if that makes sense

Gowgirl Fri 13-May-16 22:06:05

I have what I would call my real friends, friends of longstanding with a shared history of pubs, clubs and bad behaviour whom I see in the evenings. We are far better behaved nowadays but still have great fun!
It's more the days, I've met a couple of women with kids who I generally meet if we are going to the park/ duck pond etc. I think the next step will probally be a new toddler group in addition to the one I go to already!
I've always been pretty solitary so it's almost a personal challenge in a way, I think it will make life a bit more interesting and be good for both me and the kids....

steviewonderful Sat 14-May-16 23:31:44

gowgirl just to say I know how you feel, i'm trying to build up my social life to be even half of what it used to be.
My problem is that I might get forced back into work before me and my baby are ready, cos i'm single so there's no one else to pay the mortgage. I don't want to do that I need this time to build more of a life for us

Gowgirl Mon 16-May-16 20:34:53

I went to an nct coffee morning this morning, lovley people but most had babies not two toddlers, ds was beautifully behaved but dd was having none of it so we didn't stay long. I think activity based groups are the way forward!
Still you never know till you go and I will definatley go back to the restaurant with dp as the cocktail menu was to die for!

Choccybadger Mon 16-May-16 20:43:08

I really empathise. I have lived in 5 cities, and moved to 4 different villages in my time in my present county. Most of my childhood and Uni friends live between 100 and 200 miles away. Altho I have friends thought DCs school, they are acquaintances rather than friends. My lo is 6 and it's a pretty lonely life sometimes.
All tips for making friends at that stage of DCs life gratefully received.

Gowgirl Mon 16-May-16 21:07:24

I'm intending to try everything as i think it is worrth a try. Before i moved i had close family up the road so to be honest i didn't bother, I've also never been very confident about meeting new people so its very much a challenge...

steviewonderful Mon 16-May-16 23:13:53

i think i'm getting more back to my normal self (after years of major external stress affecting my social skills, which were brill initially, i'm lucky in that respect I think) but i'm still a long way off. I find i'm chatting with shop assistants and random strangers better, making more eye contact etc. It's mad how far from my sociable self life took me.
I'm glad you tried the NCT group gowgirl and that you have a plan for another type of group that both your DC might like
Choccy there's a thing called social circle, try googling it.
One thing i'm finding a challenge is organising mtg up with old school friends and the like (moved back to my home town), and I'm blaming the internet and texting for that, it's a bit socially unacceptable nowadays to phone someone but it does make organising meeting easier if you both have loads of stuff to organise around.
Children are so entertaining and there are so many lonely people in the world, it's mad we're sat at home with the kids slowly driving us crazy and us (well, me) getting naff-all done.....that's another idea, contact Age UK about befriending older people.
I've met at least one person thru baby groups that I really like and i'm hoping I can cultivate a friendship with her.
THIS IS WHY I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK, I've got literally years of damage to my social life, support system and head to rectify, and I need to do that for the little one. Sorry gowgirl, hijacked your thread a bit!

Gowgirl Tue 17-May-16 07:40:37

Hijack awaygrin I like the idea of age uk once DS is at nursery in September I think two of them might be a bit much.
Is there anyway you could work part time to start with?
I've just posted on a local site to see if I can find a toddler group for this morning, it's normally quite a busy page so hopefully something will come up.

steviewonderful Tue 17-May-16 12:05:21

you could be right about 2 kids being too much for some older people, although i'm sure some of them would love it!
I probably could go part time but i'm not sure I want to as the cost of childcare would weigh it out and i'm not sure I want her staying with relatives for various reasons.....althugt a mum was telling me nursery is great for them and it made her son progress loads so he obvisouly enjoyed it.
I go to baby groups everyday of the working week and visit a relative every weekend, so it only leaves one day where I have to think of something else. I'd be stuffed if I lived somewhere like a village, i'm in a town so there are quite a few groups.
hope you find a toddler group today :-) and they bth like it!

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