depressed

(17 Posts)
RebeccaRHY1 Tue 26-Apr-16 13:21:24

So i love being at home with my children. My eldest is 4 i went bk to work part time after having her. But when our second came along it made alot more sense for me to leave my job and become a stay at home parent.
Dont get me wrong i feel blessed to be in a position to do this but i just feel so alone and like ive completly lost myself
My oh works away from home and we have few options for babysitters.
My days are just like ground hog day. Same things, same issues with the kids, same little tantrums, same battles at dinner time, bedrime
Comes and im exhausted more emotionally and mentally i think.
I see my friends with the children in tow and try ro get out when oh is home but i have nothing to talk about anymore but kids
I feel like i need to escape. But feel bad for thinking that way when my children are a pleasure to be with.
I want to spend more time with my friends but when i do im just reminded how little ive got to talk about these days. How ive done nothing for 4 years but watch pepper pig, colour in and clean up. Then i feel
More depressed. Can anyone relate!?

mouldycheesefan Tue 26-Apr-16 13:25:26

Yes that is why I couldn't be a sahm! I did 17 months on may leave and that was long enough. I used to call it Groundhog Day as well. Work is also Groundhog Day but at least you get paid for it!

RebeccaRHY1 Tue 26-Apr-16 13:29:35

I mean i have a comfortable
Life with oh's wage. We can afford nice things but i just dont feel like me anymore

mouldycheesefan Tue 26-Apr-16 13:36:08

You are bored. Because looking after little kids is boring. What things would make you happy or interested? What things did you used to enjoy doing?

ijustwannadance Tue 26-Apr-16 13:44:25

I did 18 months and then went back to work before I lost what was left of my sanity. Like Mouldy says, work is like groundhog day too, but my brain and body are solely mine for those few lovely hours.

I felt like I was becoming more and more invisible as a person in my own right.

Laura280315 Tue 26-Apr-16 13:44:58

I feel down staying at home all day, I have 12mo twins and as much as I hate to admit it and for the scolding I'll get on here, I hate my life, same thing day in day out with no one saying your doing great and thanks etc, been a mummy sucks sometimes

Marmalade85 Tue 26-Apr-16 13:45:16

I've been on maternity leave since November and I'm going out of my mind. Returning to work in July.

Marmalade85 Tue 26-Apr-16 13:45:20

I've been on maternity leave since November and I'm going out of my mind. Returning to work in July.

mouldycheesefan Tue 26-Apr-16 13:48:18

Laura I have twins too and doing everything twice makes it even more Groundhog Day! Wipe the haighchairs twice, change the nappies twice etc etc
Of course there are lovely moments. But there is a lot of drudgery too.

DiggersRest Tue 26-Apr-16 13:49:40

I just told my dm this morning that while l didn't know how l was going to juggle working with 2 dc there was no chance l wouldn't be going back as it's like groundhog day.

I only have one friend who is a sahm and she is a lot of fun, but she's a big drinker once wine o'clock hits, and l can't say I blame her.

RebeccaRHY1 Tue 26-Apr-16 16:34:06

I used to enjoy working out, i spent alot
Of time at the gym. I now live on kids leftovers and am that tired by 7pm the thought of a workout is just no! I dont think this is helping either!
I cannot justify paying to go to work. Yes i take your point on getting that money bk ling term in a career. Biug when the kids are used to me being around 24/7 for me to pay to leave them with someone else feels wrong. Would be different if my going to work would bring us money for them and us.

MiddleClassProblem Tue 26-Apr-16 16:35:56

OP that's exactly how I feel x

DooblieDooo Wed 11-May-16 22:56:12

It has been a while since mine were that small but is your eldest not entitled to X number of hours at a preschool?

I returned to work after Ds1 was born but then became a sahm when he was about 16 months due to a relocation for Dh's job. As it was my intention to get another job Ds1 went to nursery 1 day a week. But due to change of area, increased pay etc I never went back to work. We kept Ds1 in the nursery which we paid for.

When Ds2 came along Ds1 had just turned 3 and shortly after that he went to preschool every morning for 3 hours.

When Ds2 was 2 we paid for him to go to a playgroup for 2 hours. It was to benefit us both.

Why does it feel wrong to pay someone to give you a break? Where does that guilt come from? Just do it. Who do you think is judging you?

I kept my brain going with reading, radio 4 on in the house whilst doing housework/cooking etc. That was a long time ago, Ds1 is 13!

Now I listen to Podcasts on my phone, watch YouTube and entertain myself with stuff I want. Make yourself happy. Life is too short to be miserable.

I do miss Peppa Pig! grin

BabyTheCaveLion Fri 13-May-16 22:16:48

Hi OP, I'm in a very similar circumstance as you seem to be in. I have a 4yo and a 3yo and have been a SAHM for the last 4 years. We have also moved to totally different parts of the country twice in that time and have had to make new friends each time. I totally lost my sense of self.

Things that have helped me:

1. Came off the contraceptive pill - the hormones were totally playing havoc with my well being. Seems to have helped quite a lot.

2. Started taking more time off. My DH works away a lot so when he's home I always feel pressure to get good family time before he disappears again, when in reality I actually need some time away from the kids. Now when he's home I make sure I get one whole day to myself as often as I can.

3. Got a tattoo!! Not to everyone's liking but if you're anything like me you probably can't remember the last time you bought/got something that was 100% just for you! I chose something to symbolise what a kick ass woman I am (as a whole, not just as a mother) and it makes me feel better to see it day in day out.

4. Make friends outside of 'mummy friends'. It's good to have a few people to talk to about things other than poo, tractors or Blaze and the Monster Machines!

5. Learn a new skill totally unrelated to motherhood - when the kids are in bed I crack open the pencils and scalpel and make pictures from paper....some of them are even pretty good! The outcome doesn't even matter though, it's just good to do something different.

Sorry I've rattled on quite a bit. I hope you feel better soon

Toomanymarsbars Tue 14-Jun-16 17:58:04

Oh, yes, can definitely relate. I've suffered from severe PND the last few years since oldest was born (very high needs child bless him), I have no friends due to my hectic family life (husband is abroad a lot so it's just me and my children), plus I have mild autism so find it difficult to navigate social settings, meaning it's quite difficult to leave the house due to the stress. So, no friends, no social life, just me and the kids. Sometimes I want to go to sleep and never wake up, the days just run and run into each other but I'm just looking forward to when they're in school and I can at least have my day times back to myself. As it is, the only moment I can snatch for myself are brief minutes here and there in between their naps, and as oldest wakes so very early I get about 40 mins in the evening to myself after doing the chores to just sit and do my adult stuff - read a book, drink a small glass of wine (or two), watch half a movie, that kind of thing.

Amaia10 Wed 15-Jun-16 06:58:42

Hi Rebecca
If your eldest is 4 will he/she not be starting school in Sept? And the younger one going to nursery for a few hours in the mornings? I've been a SAHM to 3 kids since our eldest was born 13 years ago ( DH hectic job, travels a lot, etc). Yes, the early Peppa Pig years can feel very overwhelming, but it really does get better. Soon you will get some headspace when they're at school - and it's fantastic. Don't feel at all guilty about making the most of it. And you meet so many people through the school too. The groundhog years are coming to an end - hang on in there!

wildlingtribe Sun 18-Sep-16 19:52:26

Feel the same here despite living being with them. I've completely lost who I am and almost losing my ten year relationship over it. And myself. Four kids in five years and I'm starting to realise I have no idea who I am.

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