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Lipstick on your collar - do people really smell perfume on their cheating H?

(68 Posts)
PittTheYounger Thu 07-Aug-14 22:29:26

Watching Ray Donovan and the wife susses him through scent.
Does this really happen in real life, or is it just dramatic license?

What other little tells have led you to conclude all might not be well? ( rather than the norm of new pants and taking your phone into the loo!)

HumblePieMonster Thu 07-Aug-14 22:33:12

Oh yes. My then-husband used to come home reeking of perfume. Sometimes the 'scent' of another woman lingers on his intimate parts. Extra mileage on the clock. Disappearing at functions eg weddings (ie going off to shag the o w, who is also attending).

summerlovingliz Thu 07-Aug-14 22:34:04

My mate found her dh wedding ring in his jeans pocket after a night outshock

PittTheYounger Thu 07-Aug-14 22:35:18

on his COCK?

HumblePieMonster Thu 07-Aug-14 22:37:07

where else?

Fairylea Thu 07-Aug-14 22:40:08

Not quite so obvious but he started to drink random herbal teas which he'd never done in his life before, in particular jasmine tea when he returned from spending a weekend in London with his mother - during which time I later found out he'd met up with his ex girlfriend he'd been talking to on Facebook (and then left me for after 7 years of marriage). I'm convinced she drank jasmine tea and it reminded him of her.

TheCowThatLaughs Thu 07-Aug-14 22:40:37

Just get into the habit of smelling his cock when he comes in after a night out then you can be sure what he's up to (or not)

PittTheYounger Thu 07-Aug-14 22:40:40

i must have my idea of oral sex all wrong

or she rubs it against her neck a lot..?

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Thu 07-Aug-14 22:40:54

Ooooooh yes...sad Clinique aromatics still makes me heave.

PittTheYounger Thu 07-Aug-14 22:41:48

yes mate of mates H said ' oh we must eat more fish' to wife - the OW was a pescatarian

flightywoman Thu 07-Aug-14 22:45:08

The first time it was just that things were not 'normal', they were off-balance somehow. And he smelt wrong - not of a scent/perfume, but of another person. Then someone dropped me a clue about what was going on which confirmed what I already 'knew' - that he was seeing one of my friends on the side.

Second time (different boyfriend with my best friend) it was the body language - it was ALL wrong, was way too intimate.

Third time (yet another boyfriend/best friend scenario) it was so obvious it was laughable that they even thought they were being subtle - he behaved to her exactly as he had behaved to me at the beginning, even when I was in the same room! Once I had the proof I posted copies through her door, kicked him out and never spoke to either of them again.

SinglePringle Thu 07-Aug-14 22:46:38

I'm not sure the PP was referring to the perfume one might buy in a shop when she referred to a 'scent' lingering on a mans more intimate parts...

PittTheYounger Thu 07-Aug-14 22:48:49


TheCowThatLaughs Thu 07-Aug-14 22:50:44

In a nutshell, if his cock smells of fanny, it's a bad sign unless it's your fanny

PittTheYounger Thu 07-Aug-14 22:52:58

i had got there,. vomerama

TheCowThatLaughs Thu 07-Aug-14 22:57:43

Yes, sorry, x post grin

dolicapax Thu 07-Aug-14 23:01:00

I'm didn't need to go sniffing anywhere south of the border there were plenty of other clues: perfume and lipstick on collar, coming home from business travel with his work shirts unworn but plenty of casual ones for the wash, picking holes in everything I did, criticising, picking fights, making me feel like I was in the wrong all the time, reluctant to have sex even though we were supposedly ttc...

He did at least tell me he was having an affair himself, and pretty quickly. A guess that was a tiny shred of decency in that horrible period, when the man I thought I knew turned into someone I couldn't recognise.

You can forgive and move on, but it changes you forever.

PittTheYounger Thu 07-Aug-14 23:05:07

there really was lipstick on the collar? Wow. I am sorry.
Did you ever wonder if the OW put it there deliberately?

twostraightlines Thu 07-Aug-14 23:16:15

I clearly remember noticing XH coming home (very late) from work one day smelling of sex. A very specific cocktail of whiffs he emits post coitally.

This was ages before I knew, but the memory returned as soon as I found out. Even the memory of the niff makes me want to hurl!

HumblePieMonster Thu 07-Aug-14 23:17:57

I'm not sure the PP was referring to the perfume one might buy in a shop when she referred to a 'scent' lingering on a mans more intimate parts
too right. perfume is one thing. 'scent' is another!

In a nutshell, if his cock smells of fanny, it's a bad sign unless it's your fanny
couldn't have put it better myself. and you don't have to get down there and sniff to smell it.

dolicapax Thu 07-Aug-14 23:20:13

Indeed there was. It probably was no accident, but who can say. She did a few things calculated to hurt me personally. Never could work out why. I wasn't the enemy. I was one of those weird wives who kind of figured that if a husband wanted out it was probably better to send him on his way amicably, and get a good lawyer, rather than rant and wail and hang onto his shirt tails.

We're still married btw, but with a completely different dynamic. I've re-found me, and he's nicer, more humble, devoted family man. Funny old world really.

BookABooSue Thu 07-Aug-14 23:23:34

With a previous DP, I came back from working away to discover a love-bite on his neck. He said it came from carrying something awkwardly hmm

passmethewineplease Thu 07-Aug-14 23:26:16

My mum knew something was wrong when my dad started dressing differently and was taking more of an interest in his dress sense.

Trying to impress the OW or she was styling him...

HumblePieMonster Thu 07-Aug-14 23:27:34

The then-husband started trying to improve his technique in bed. That was a dead-giveaway.

kentishgirl Fri 08-Aug-14 08:15:34

Loads of really obvious signs that he made up excuses for and at the time even though I knew he was lying I couldn't bring myself to believe he was cheating either.

One of the more subtle 'tells' that I also picked up on (that he insisted I was imagining): car passenger seat in different position to usual.

Deftones Fri 08-Aug-14 08:27:20

Cheating men think their wives are daft. I'm a keen observer of actions and behaviours, women usually are. We're not even aware of it 99% of the time, not until something is 'off' do we suddenly recognise behaviours that differ from the norm.

I've never been cheated on, but I can tell when something is not right, or if DP has something on his mind. When will these cheating twits learn that women are Fucking awesome at 'knowing'? Never, that's when cause it's so inbuilt in us.

Women are great for it grin

EarthWindFire Fri 08-Aug-14 08:32:33

My DP 'smelt' aftershave that wasn't his on his ex Wife's clothes sad

Bakersbum Fri 08-Aug-14 08:45:05

My exh started taking a shower every time he came home, picking fault at everything I did, his phone often had no reception, large mobile bills, hiding phone, I suspected and confronted but always denied, until ow contacted me and told me everything. Moved on now but will never forget that raw pain.

RuncibleSpoonandaRing Fri 08-Aug-14 09:51:26

I think you probably can smell someone else on your partner - my dp has commented before that I don't smell as I usually do when I've been hugging a male friend (totally innocently I'd like to point out).

PittTheYounger Fri 08-Aug-14 10:08:28

my mate knew her cat had been playing away when HE smelled of someone else, so I suppose you all have a point! wink

WildBillfemale Fri 08-Aug-14 10:53:06

yep we smell others handcream on our cat sometime. He goes next door for fuss

PittTheYounger Fri 08-Aug-14 11:02:19

they are so disloyal

holdyourown Fri 08-Aug-14 16:02:39

my ex started to use new words, which presumably were words his OW used (think youthful 'buzzwords' type hmm)

PittTheYounger Fri 08-Aug-14 16:03:15

did he do a LOSER sign while he was there? grin

holdyourown Fri 08-Aug-14 16:13:30


TheWorldAccordingToJC Fri 08-Aug-14 16:25:12

My best friends partner was cheating on her. She knew this because there was lots of long blonde hair in his boxer shorts on several occasions shock

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 08-Aug-14 17:18:51

I once smelled another woman on an ex of mines pubes but immediately doubted myself and put it to one side. But yep, he was cheating. The bastard.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 08-Aug-14 17:21:38

I think smell is the strongest of all the senses though. I remember when ds was little, getting upset when friends wearing perfume had held him because he came back smelling all wrong.

And apparently when I was little I'd tell people their houses smelled bad blush - I wasn't a brat! They just smelled different and therefore 'wrong'.

oldgrandmama Fri 08-Aug-14 17:34:42

OH YES YES YES! I first suspected (now ex)H was shagging around when his shirt, put out to be washed, was smeared with makeup all down the front. He told me I was mad, imagining things, then said perhaps some woman had 'accidentally brushed up' against him in the squash club and inadvertently left the makeup ...! Hmmmm .... I knew he was up to something, especially when he then came home stinking of perfume.

Turned out he was screwing an Ow - my 'best friend'! What's more, she deliberately used to squirt perfume on him as he dropped her off after their assignations, so that I'd 'know'. Bloody effing bitch!

U2TheEdge Fri 08-Aug-14 22:49:22

My dad actually did come home smelling of perfume.

He once even had lipstick on his collar. What an awful cliche I know, but he really did.

Eekaman Fri 08-Aug-14 23:03:41

I've known a couple of girls who actually deliberately did things like moving the car seat, foot prints on the inside of the windscreen, make up on the shirt collar, lipstick on the boxers...

Was it just to try to cause trouble, or was it like a canine, peeing on each lamp post he walks past - leaving a mark?

littleSpud Fri 08-Aug-14 23:46:10

I know someone who sprayed their perfume in their mm's car

And put their feet up on the dash to leave shoe prints

And left their sunglasses in the glove box

Me a few years ago, nasty, silly little bitch I was sad

Kleptronic Sat 09-Aug-14 00:21:33

Whoa spud are you after a roasting?!
<sends out calming vibes>

Mine gave it away on so many levels I look back now and I'm amazed at my utter stupidity e.g. He had to stay out all night because a friend was suicidal. He stayed out because he was suicidal. The car was towed away outside the area (never got to the bottom of that one). His colleague tried to drunkenly kiss him in our house, when I was there, and he hid in bed. She followed. So many other things.

In my defence he also had me take him up and down and round the houses to mental health services (because, it turned out, I was so horrible and abusive I had made him ill) and I was suffering from PND myself (I found out later, after near-total disintegration).

The main tell was me hacking into his Facebook page and there it was.

Shit that's brought it all back.

Heathcliff27 Sat 09-Aug-14 00:39:16

My dad was having an affair years ago and came home with a tape of music he didn't normally listen to, it was the OW's fave tunes. He used to sit there listening to it with my mum knowing full well it was the OW's. He actually did a lot more than that, he made an absolute fool of my mum, arsehole that he is hmm

oaksettle Sat 09-Aug-14 00:47:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bikermouse1 Sat 09-Aug-14 06:21:58

A friend's oh rolled home 3.00ish, pretty drunk, couldn't get away- hellish day- non-stop meetings in the morning , business lunch, more meetings, settling new clients in their hotel, etc.etc., all the while dropping his clothes on the bedroom floor. Last thing off were his Y-fronts.

Which were on back to front

whatisforteamum Sat 09-Aug-14 09:06:18

My DH had a black eye after a night out and a huge hangover.Cross with his self pitying on the sofa i quizzed him about his eye.Hours later he admitted a bloke hit him..why because he shagged this blokes girlfriend in the pub car park !!! Knocked me for 6 as he was the quite type or so i thought.He said we werent married but we were engaged and had bought a house the yr before.

Eekaman Mon 11-Aug-14 09:53:50

Spud - I'd swear I know you, except I wasn't married when I was getting
presents accidentally left in my car smile

wohm Thu 14-Aug-14 18:10:30

Hi. New to mumsnet - and what a start! I found this thread googling "lipstick on collar" because of the photo I'm attaching to this message. What do you think it is? Something to worry about? I could go on and on about our relationship, and about when he wore that shirt, but I'll stop there for now. thanks.

How does lipstick get om the collar anyway? Neck kissing?

Oops sorry wohm. Difficult to see, not sure sorry

BeCool Thu 14-Aug-14 18:25:08

When I was 20 I used my bosses car for a work errand and my handbag fell on the floor. I unknowingly left a bottle of Rive Gauche (it was the 80's) behind.

He gave it back to me day asking if I was trying to get him divorced shock.

(In retrospect there were lots of constant rumours about him and his assistant who were "close" so maybe I did give him something to sweat about).

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 14-Aug-14 18:34:55

That does look like lipstick to me, wohm, lipstick that's not been freshly applied... or has been worn off for a bit. Sorry.

Scarletohello Thu 14-Aug-14 18:52:19

Found a blonde hair on the pillow on the bed. ( I was brunette). Him taking a sudden interest in learning Spanish ( a different woman). Asked him outright. He denied it. When we split up he wrote me a letter saying he had been unfaithful pretty much the whole 3 years we had been together. But blamed it in me as apparently he couldn't trust me. ( he was extremely jealous ). Twat.

sweetnessandlite Thu 14-Aug-14 19:00:13

My ex H was caught out by an umbrella of all things!

I found it under the passenger seat. It was bright pink and It wasn't mine. (I even asked all my female relations if it was theirs i^n case^he had given them lifts). It wasn't.

When he admitted the affair, it turned out it started as an EA, when he was giving OW lifts -- obviously in the rain-- to and from work and the silly mare left her umbrella on the floor in front of passenger seat and he failed to see it.

I've often wondered if it was intentional. Like a dog marking it's territory with crap and wee.

sweetnessandlite Thu 14-Aug-14 19:01:30

And the passenger seat was always too far forward. She must have had short legs.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 14-Aug-14 19:02:41

I don't think an umbrella is territory-marking. I'm always leaving mine in every supplier's car I'm in. They're kept for me for next time I see them. It just doesn't strike me as an OW-thing particularly (perhaps because I'm not).

sweetnessandlite Thu 14-Aug-14 19:05:37

But when I asked him where the umbrella had come from - he denied knowing anything about it and said it must be mine.
If it was all above board why not just say ''oh, I gave so and so a lift the other morning - maybe SHE left it there''
But there was nothing. No explanation. So he obviously had something to hide.
And I was right. Two months later he admitted he was having an affair.

sweetnessandlite Thu 14-Aug-14 19:06:14

with Pink Umbrella Lady. shock

ObfusKate Thu 14-Aug-14 19:08:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerylStreep Thu 14-Aug-14 19:15:03

My cat smells of perfume. It's been going on for weeks now.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 14-Aug-14 19:40:26

Married male colleague at work who normally wore specs came in eyes red and watering, "Just trying out contact lenses".

He wasn't someone we thought was very interested in his appearance and for a laugh someone quipped,
"Aye aye, old X has got himself a bird".

And six weeks later turned out he had. She thought his frames weren't very flattering.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 14-Aug-14 19:58:29

Kate... that is a truly terrible song! grin

Wouldn't he be wearing a condom though? Also, somebody who is cheating long term would possibly have meetings at hotels with showers, etc.

I also can't think why an OW would be so silly as to mark her territory... it would mean discovery and the end of the affair, surely?

... that song is going around in my head now. I near ear-bleach! confused

ObfusKate Thu 14-Aug-14 20:05:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetnessandlite Thu 14-Aug-14 20:08:30

I think some want to be discovered. They think it will push the husband into leaving his wife?

ProfessorPickles Thu 14-Aug-14 21:59:17

I recently left my umbrella in a male friends car! I hope his wife didn't think anything along the lines of this, it was innocent shock

wohm Fri 15-Aug-14 11:05:18

It wasn't lipstick. It was my 6yo's pastels, and the day the shirt was last worn he was with me and my parents (and the pastels) all day. Nonetheless, my conclusion is either I'm naturally oversuspicious (not good) or I'm subconsciously aware that something might be up (not good), or both (really not good). thanks for your help.

PennyPepper Fri 15-Aug-14 11:10:30

Re condoms, my XH didn't use them with OW, because he 'trusted her'.

People having affairs are all kinds of deluded...

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