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(37 Posts)
helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 20:06:28

Does anyone know much about this website? I went away for the night last weekend and just seen an email in my hubby's deleted email box titled 'activate your account on Naughtydate!'

Now usually I would have thought this was just spam however looked at the email and in it it has his email address and his password listed and it's the password he generally uses for websites / Facebook etc. there's no way the website could have known this unless he'd put it in himself?

I tried to log on but it looks like he didn't go through and activate the account, maybe he had second thoughts who knows, but looks like he did sign up in the first place!

What should I do ?????


ImperialBlether Mon 07-Jul-14 20:12:13

It states his password in the email? There's no way they could know that.

What's he like normally? How is your relationship?

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 20:14:52

I've never heard of this website before, but it doesn't take a genius to work out what it is...

I'm so sorry, you've found this.

I never know what to suggest when I read a post like yours. Largely because I found something similar on my exH's laptop history (I'd asked him if I could use it and when I went to clear my own history, saw this site listed in the history).

I emailed him a link to the website and phoned him at work. He refused to answer the phone and a colleague answered it for him and said he was in the toilet.

I texted him and said if he didn't answer the next time I called, I'd tell his colleague exactly why I was calling.

He answered.

He lied. He said it was a pop up. When I told him about the login pages, he said it was a pop up he'd been curious about but hadn't done anything more than log in. When I told him I could see he'd been looking at profiles and messaging women, he told me it was a mistake...

I told him to pack a bag that night. Then I told everyone why I'd kicked him out.

Then I discovered he'd been having an affair with a woman at work...

So I have no idea what you should do. But that's what I did. And 20 months later, I couldn't be happier.

You will have all the support you need here, so keep posting. And you will be ok, whatever you decide to do, so long as you are true and kind to yourself.


helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 20:15:37

Yes it states his password in the email !

He almost had an affair two years ago, I found emails and texts before it developed and we went to relationship counselling. Therefore I'm very suspicious and would never be surprised if he did have an affair or something going on behind my back .

Would you confront him?

helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 20:19:07

Folk girl I'm really sorry to hear that but glad you've never been happier.

I think I'm going to have to confront him. Even if he didn't activate the account he went as far as giving them an email address and password he was definitely curious at the very least- is this normal?

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 20:22:49

I don't know. Is it normal? There seems to be an awful lot of it about...

But it's not acceptable. Or tolerable. Not to me at least. Some people seem to be able to put it in the 'No Harm Done' box. But I couldn't.

And especially not with someone who has 'almost had an affair' previously.

But that's me...

hamptoncourt Mon 07-Jul-14 20:46:21

No I wouldn't confront him. You don't sound stupid. You know what this is.

I would just tell him I had gone off him and it was over.

rosepetalsoup Mon 07-Jul-14 20:49:21

No it's not normal -- my DH can be an arse in lots of ways but would never do that. I'm shocked for you, FolkGirl and OP. I like hamptoncourt's idea.

What a tosser!

helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 20:49:30

We have two young children and have been together nearly 20 years, it's a lot to throw away !

rosepetalsoup Mon 07-Jul-14 20:50:37

Also more broadly, even if you condoned infidelity, isn't he a bit sad to spend the night you go away browsing desperate pick-up sites rather than going out with mates / watching a film / having a nice bath etc?

rosepetalsoup Mon 07-Jul-14 20:51:19

Oh dear - assumed you were a fairly new couple. What the hell is he doing? Perhaps he's having a mid life crisis and needs to sort himself out and reform to make it up to you.

hamptoncourt Mon 07-Jul-14 20:52:13

bloody hell!! 20 years???

You still know what this is but I hold your hand.

helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 20:53:22

Yes well mid life / post baby crisis was what I assumed when this almost affair happened two years ago !

helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 20:55:49

Yes hamptoncourt nearly 20 years !!!

He's out mowing the grass so will speak to him when he comes in.

Problem is although he's a pretty crap husband he's an amazing Dad, really couldn't ask for a better father to my children !

TalisaMaegyr Mon 07-Jul-14 20:56:09

I don't know how you can live like this. What are you going to do?

TalisaMaegyr Mon 07-Jul-14 20:57:14

Ah sorry, cross posted.

Good luck. Go with your gut and don't be taken for a fool thanks

cariad34 Mon 07-Jul-14 21:02:00

If you google you get lots of hits stating that it isn't a genuine dating site but a scam. Is it possible that what you've found is a phishing email?

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 21:07:10

rose Just be careful. Before I found out, I used to read the threads on this board and thank my lucky stars that I was married to him. I mean, he wasn't perfect, and could definitely be an arse, but this? No way. I'd have staked anything you asked me to on it.

I did not see it coming. Not in a million years. And even now, I have trouble reconcilling what he did with him. He didn't ever flirt, was a 'family man, abhorred my mother's partner for 'looking at' porn, never so much as did a double take at a woman on the street... if there was one thing he'd never do, it was cheat. Until he did it.

I'm not saying your husband will, and I certainly hope he doesn't/wouldn't! But I've learned my lesson on that one, and never again will I think I've met someone who wouldn't do that...

helen you haven't thrown anything away... 20 years was also a long time for him to risk by doing this. I was with my exH for 13 years and we were best friends for 9 years before that, since we were at school.

Didn't stop him though...

And the children are ok, too.

rosepetalsoup Mon 07-Jul-14 21:09:35

I do see that Folk I'm highly suspicious by nature and do keep a fairly watchful eye on my husband... I know nobody's immune. Have you met someone nicer since? I hope you have or that you do.

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 21:12:49

rose I have met someone. He seems to be much, much nicer... I'm still highly suspicious though.

He got a new phone today. A smart phone. I'm convinced he's currently at home signing up to Tinder or something.

But that's the nature of the beast when someone destroys your trust and confidence sad

helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 21:12:57

There does seem to be a lot on the web about it possibly not being a legit website and conning people out of money, also seems to be a USA website !

I just don't see how they could have got hold of his normal password ?

Maybe he hadn't realised it wasn't a UK website till the email came through which us why he didn't activate the account.

rosepetalsoup Mon 07-Jul-14 21:14:02

Hurray FolkGirl! Try not to be too suspicious - I'm glad for you.

OP looks like there's some home it could have been spam! I hope so!

rosepetalsoup Mon 07-Jul-14 21:14:55

Spam can get hold of your passwords - it just means his other accounts will have been hacked!

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 21:16:17

Thanks, Rose and, sadly, an email no longer means he's at home...

rosepetalsoup Mon 07-Jul-14 21:17:36

Yes, I bloody hate smartphones!

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 21:17:58

I hope it turns out that it was just spam, helen.

It's so much harder to know what to do when there is a element of doubt sad

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 21:18:47

Me too!!

helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 21:21:52

He's definitely been on the website - when I put his email
Address and password in the website it says your accounts not been activated, I tried putting my email address and random password it comes up with an error message saying 'the login details you've entered are incorrect'

rosepetalsoup Mon 07-Jul-14 21:23:57

If it was me I'd just ask him. You know him well enough to judge his reaction.

OP why were you looking in his deleted email box? Did you already mistrust him?

helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 21:24:59

Yes sadly I do distrust him, he came close to having an affair two years ago so am highly suspicious of him.

MillyDots Mon 07-Jul-14 21:28:20

I understand you not wanting to throw away 20 years but he is doing just that now isn't he and he did it when he was going to have an affair years ago. How do you know what he has done in between when you havnt accidentally seen anything.

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 22:18:19

Well in that case, it depends. Is this Game Over for you?

It would be for me. I'm not really one of the LTB lot. I wouldn't tell someone else what to do, but I can tell you what I would do (and I have done), because I did it.

helenlouisey Mon 07-Jul-14 22:29:41

Confronted him he completely denies going onto the website, said it was spam, I explained that usually spam doesn't contain your email address and password and what a coincidence it happened the night I was away at 10 pm. He was very calm and we left it that I told him I wasn't stupid and didn't believe him and I've gone to bed. No idea what's going to happen now or how I feel. My guy reaction is he went nosing round these websites while I wasn't there to see what was about. I don't believe he's never been on the website. What I've got to decide is whether this is it, whether I've had enough or whether I just suck it up and get on with it. Don't even know who to speak to about it in real life, someone who actually knows us both and can put a personal perspective on things. Thanks for everyone's advise and support tonight x

FolkGirl Mon 07-Jul-14 22:43:49

I wouldn't suck it up, but then you're not me.

I hope you find a peaceful (for you) resolution to this flowers

magoria Mon 07-Jul-14 22:45:47

My guess (and it is just a guess) is that he was looking for something and planning on joining this website but when it got to the you need to pay up £ he decided to find somewhere that didn't charge.

Hence the lack of activation.

Cabrinha Mon 07-Jul-14 22:58:41

You know all these spam things and clever computers signing men up to sex sites?

I see this almost daily on here.

Not once have I seen a woman post "hey folks - weird shit, anyone know how I've been signed up for naughty date / adultwork / fuckbuddy etc etc etc

Seriously - always the husband, never the wife.

Tells you something, no?

I will declare a conflict of interest: my STBXH was a fan of such sites and such "don't know how it happened" bollocks - mostly prostitute sites.

He's the type no-one would believe it of too. I left, eventually.
I have evidence that he's already using prostitutes behind his new gf's back.

Personally, I found the constant need to check the deleted items box, and being treated like a fool, was destroying me in a worse way than the actual cheating.

I'm sorry sad

kaykayblue Tue 08-Jul-14 10:10:19

I'm sorry OP. Your partner's reaction is pretty pathetic to be honest. Considering how he already pushed the limits of your trust a couple of years back, you'd think he would be dead keen to prove to you that he hasn't done that again.

Websites don't register you on their sites - they can send spam, but they can't actively register you and then send a confirmation e-mail with your username and password!!

Maybe he thinks he has a clear conscience because he didn't go through with it (deleted items), so he feels that lying is acceptable in this instance.

I don't know what to suggest OP, but I'm sorry.

I won't say LTB based on this, but if you have no trust left in him, and he is not being honest with this relationship going anywhere?

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