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New man: just sex?

(43 Posts)
Ships99 Tue 17-Jun-14 18:39:19

I've met a new man via OLD. He's attractive to me and we seem to get on well... Texted lots and lots over the last month. Met once in a pub and once at his house where we DTD.
I've been hurt before and I do want the contact and affection from a normal relationship. He texted today with "I don't have time to 'date'. I have little free time so in that time i would rather have 'sexy fun' than sit in a pub or have a meal. Im not closed to a relationship... Just dont feel i can commit anwhere enough time but if i ended up in a relationship i'd be happy"....
I do like him and the sex was good... But should I bin and move on???

AuntieStella Tue 17-Jun-14 18:42:00

If you want ongoing NSA sex and like him, then why not.

If you want a relationship, this is not a starter.

foadmn Tue 17-Jun-14 18:42:11

That depends on whether you want a 'shag only' relationship, doesn't it? If you like him and will be hoping for more, run for the hills as he doesn't intend to provide anything but the penis.

Personally, at the moment, I'd take what was going. But I'm a bit low today. On my better days I'd just say 'Get lost'.

mammadiggingdeep Tue 17-Jun-14 19:00:14

I dont like that text. I think he's obviously within his rights to ask for NSA sex but if I was in the receiving end of that text I'd take it as I was worth a shag but not actually worth investing a bit of time in.

Unless all you're looking for is a totally sex based casual fuck buddy type thing, then I'd get rid.

Jamie1981 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:04:49

The decent thing to do would have been to discuss it with you before the event, not afterward.

MwahMum Tue 17-Jun-14 19:06:06

i would rather have 'sexy fun' than sit in a pub or have a meal.

If a guy said that to me I couldn't see myself speaking to him again, I think that's pretty disrespectful.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 17-Jun-14 19:06:51

Sorry but I would dump anyone idiotic enough to use the phrase 'sexy fun'... hmm He sounds like an arse.

iwantgin Tue 17-Jun-14 19:07:24

Dump him.

You want a relationship. You said so in your first post. This guy doesn't want the same.

It would be easier to cut your losses now and find a man who does want to spend time with you doing things other than shagging.


KellyHopter Tue 17-Jun-14 19:10:34

He's basically telling you he'd carry on having sex with you but any non-sexual time spent in your company is a waste.

He's foul for wanting to have sex with someone he won't even go for a drink with and is hoping you're just as soulless/needy to fit in with that.

He is a charmless div.

FrontForward Tue 17-Jun-14 19:15:04

I'd bin and move on. Having a quick one with someone who has no time for me unless they are shagging isn't my idea of being cherished.

Pinklaydee1302 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:19:50

Not worth the head space and it won't get better. Decent men want to take you out....cock heads don't hmm

He's a dick. If he only wanted NSA he should have let you know before you shagged

greedygal Tue 17-Jun-14 19:43:18

He shagged you, wasn't THAT impressed and has now decided that you might do. . . as a FB. Sorry OP but that is the harsh truth.

Bin him.

arsenaltilidie Tue 17-Jun-14 20:00:43

Yeah next time don't sleep with them early IF you want a relationship.
It gives you a bit more time to see their true colours.

As for this man, he does not want a relationship and chances are it has nothing to do with you.

arsenaltilidie Tue 17-Jun-14 20:07:30

Don't listen to Greedy, men don't have shit sex.
He just does not want a relationship, especially if he is telling you this early on.
If he was a dick as some people are making him out to be, then he could have easily strung you along ie. just invite you to his.
However do not be attempted to think you can change him.

brokenhearted55a Tue 17-Jun-14 20:08:40

One of mine from last year is back on the scene. Both single. Dont think he wants more than sex. But we've both changed in a year anything could happen I guess. He said the sex was amazing though. I dont know what to do.

If he's ending it after sex I'd guess he wasnt impressed with it

MardyPants Tue 17-Jun-14 20:14:20

Men like this give me the absolute steaming steam-coming-out-of-ears rage.


Cunt on a fucking stick is what I think.

Lovingfreedom Tue 17-Jun-14 20:17:42

'Sexy fun?' Ew....?!?

KellyHopter Tue 17-Jun-14 20:19:07

Arsenaltilidie - wanting nsa sex is fine, it's the 'I'll fuck you but I'm not interested in spending any time with you' that's reflecting badly on him.

What kind of person wants to fuck someone they don't even like?

Beautifulmonster Tue 17-Jun-14 20:21:48

He had sex with you then told you he doesn't actually want to go out. He could have told you that before! Just the type to meet someone else quickly then get all loved up and post happy pictures of him and new gf on Facebook.

Branleuse Tue 17-Jun-14 20:21:55

id bin him. Youre not in a place to be mucked around. Nothing wrong with nsa sex if that's what you both want, but i think what hes offering would do your head in, and hes a shit for saying that after the deed

mrsbrownsgirls Tue 17-Jun-14 20:27:16

tell him you want an open relationship.
"the door's open. Now fuck off"

Chaseface Tue 17-Jun-14 20:51:19

Dump him.

Wanting a NSA relationship is fine. But you have to be up-front about that from the beginning and not be so blatant about the fact that spending any clothed time with the other person makes you want to pull your eyelashes out.

Also "sexy fun" is a dumpable offence in itself.

greedygal Tue 17-Jun-14 21:18:04

Don't listen to arsenaltilidie - men DO have shit sex (not that I said thats what he had in my original reply). If they are in the mood, men can have sex with a woman they do not like. It is just friction and full balls that need emptying to them. Revolting I know but true.

He does not like you but wants to have uncomplicated free sex with you because you were OK.

Ive said it before . . .bin him.

Pinklaydee1302 Tue 17-Jun-14 21:20:53

Sound advice arsenal tide. Believe what a man tells you when it comes to what they want !

Rafflesway Tue 17-Jun-14 21:33:00

Definitely dump! Why not take the upper hand and say you are so relieved to have received his text today as you didn't want to hurt his feelings but you have just met up with old BF and the two of you have decided to give things another go. (Or something similar which would suit your personality.) Mega thanks for two lovely evenings and wish him all the best!

God he really thinks he is a prize catch doesn't he? You definitely need to make him feel that he most certainly isn't but stay cool at the same time.

Pennastucky Tue 17-Jun-14 22:15:47

He is telling you he just wants sex. Believe him.

I would bin him off just for using the term 'sexy fun', personally.

Viviennemary Tue 17-Jun-14 22:25:31

What an ego he must have. Let him become somebody else's problem not yours. He sounds a vile selfish conceited pita.

Greenwayslide Tue 17-Jun-14 22:30:44

Don't think there is anything wrong with just wanting sex. Where this guy has gone wrong is the if it turns into a relationship I would be happy line. That is simply to get you to go along with just sex with the 'hope' of more.

MyLatest Wed 18-Jun-14 00:02:25

Sexy fun? Are you dating Borat? grin

I cannot take a man seriously who uses that phrase.

AnyFucker Wed 18-Jun-14 00:07:20

This guy isn't for you

Tell him to take his "sexy fun" and stick it up his arse

pearlongreen Wed 18-Jun-14 00:40:24

That text is weird and manipulative. Nothing wrong with a NSA lover, but he's trying to keep you dangling a bit by implying a relationship "might" be available if you jump through enough hoops, but in the meantime he wants "can I come over and empty my load at my convenience?"

I wouldn't make a drama of it, just a standard "sorry, very busy myself/ thinking of getting back with an ex, take care" and leave it at that, always tempting to send something withering, but then you're sort of "in an argument" and who wants to waste time on that?

Of course, nothing wrong with second date sex - I hope it was good smile - but might be an idea to review your "picker" if you keep finding yourself in this situation?

Hogwash Wed 18-Jun-14 00:45:04

'sexy fun'? Surely you have to dump him for that alone.

Tell him the sex wasn't that great for you, but you appreciate his efforts.

Dirtybadger Wed 18-Jun-14 00:48:16


Did he just realise he's really busy? No. Convenient. "Sexy fun"

I am all for a large dose of commitment lacking sex but he seems confused. You can't "keep an open mind" about it, IMO. If you want sex, don't put a relationship on the table (on the far side, mind)- it just puts pressure on everything.

"4/10. Could try harder" will do in response.

Ships99 Sun 27-Jul-14 09:06:08

We kept in touch via whatsapp but rather than those messages making me feel happy, they had a negative tone and ended up making me feel bad about myself! He seemed to deliberately enjoy belittling me. So I said I wish you well but it's not for me and blocked him on whatsapp as I had no interest in receiving any more messages. He texted me with "you've ran off and blocked me... You are pathetic".... So I blocked his texts. I didn't realise how draining the chatting had become and I only met him twice!
I feel great to be out of that situation and don't miss the contact. Feel much more positive!
Onwards and upwards! smile Thanks again for the advice. The advice I get on here always ends up as the right advice! I love it x lol

pinkfrocks Sun 27-Jul-14 09:21:40

Is this the same man you wrote about in your other thread that's running here?

Ships99 Sun 27-Jul-14 11:01:45

Different man, pinkfrocks.... Both not suitable eh?! Lol

RedRoom Sun 27-Jul-14 13:06:50

'Sexy fun' is so cringey. However, at least he's honest because it saves you spending any further time on him.

What he is essentially saying, with his claim that he has 'little free time to sit in a pub' is that if he has two free hours in a day, he'd rather spend them casually shagging you, as opposed to making any sort of effort to converse or take you out for dinner.

He's made his priorities crystal clear: sex, not love. He wants a shag without any of the commitment. Why is he on a dating site if he hasn't got any inclination to date?

It's up to you if you are fine with this, but I'd personally find a man who would spare some time in his hectic schedule to treat me like a person with feelings.

Ships99 Sun 27-Jul-14 13:16:29

I told him I appreciated his honesty.... But to come out and say in quite happy to shag you but don't really want to talk to you... Is pretty crappy!
Funny thing is.... If we had gone on dates.... Drinks... Meals... Cinema... I would have had sex with him anyways! Lol
He got a bit nasty as the texts went on.... Trying to dent my confidence so I blocked and deleted!
It's a funny old world out there, but I'm getting a bit wiser about it all! Lol

mrsspagbol Sun 27-Jul-14 13:26:41

He called YOU pathetic?! He is UNHINGED!!!

I was going to say that maybe this is a polite way of getting rid of you because he isn't interested in seeing you again (and he prefers to leave you thinking that he didn't deserve you anyway). It's possible that you gave him the impression of definitely wanting a relationship and/or sounded a bit too needy, so he's calling a halt quickly.
But if he's subsequently been sending you unpleasant texts, then he's just a nasty little fucknugget and the best thing to do is block and ignore.

Ships99 Sun 27-Jul-14 13:41:14

I remembered a snippet of advice from mumsnet..... "The block button is your friend"... Lol

SassySpice Sun 27-Jul-14 18:15:57

Oh Hogwash grin

Tell him the sex wasn't that great for you, but you appreciate his efforts.

I love this line, love it. So polite but hugely patronising.

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