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would you email an ex

(31 Posts)
sailorsgal Tue 22-Apr-14 22:21:00

if you found out they were ill.
Told dh. I have been quite upset today. sad

Superworm Tue 22-Apr-14 22:22:26

Possibly...it would depend how ill I guess.

SwedishEdith Tue 22-Apr-14 22:24:11

Are you talking terminally ill? Need more info.

cozietoesie Tue 22-Apr-14 22:25:43

Possibly. It would depend on all the circumstances and the person in question.

antiabz Tue 22-Apr-14 22:27:41

Definitely not.

But then my ex's are that way for a VERY good reason, and there were no children involved.

PrincessOfChina Tue 22-Apr-14 22:30:53

Yes. Absolutely, but I would tell DH and he would be supportive.

I am assuming we are not talking a bit of a cold.

Eekaman Tue 22-Apr-14 22:38:08

Of course you can mail an ex in these circumstances, if you liked them enough to have a relationship with, then they must have been a nice person, and whilst you don't need to (and probably shouldn't) stay in close intimate touch with all of ones exes, in the case of something serious or tragic, then absolutely, feel free to express sympathy.

As for antibaz's 'definitely not' I find that a little odd. What would happen if you bumped into them on the street, give them the full on ignore / pretend they don't exist treatment? Of course not, you'd give a polite nod, and an insincere, 'hi, how are you....' so why not be civil online?

antiabz Tue 22-Apr-14 22:41:05

Eekaman as I said they were ex's for a very good reason.

I'm sorry you find it odd, but not all relationships are that simple. In my case physical and mental abuse was involved so no, I 'definitely' would not contact them.

SwedishEdith Tue 22-Apr-14 22:41:56

if you liked them enough to have a relationship with, then they must have been a nice person - but that's not always true though. Presumably not the case for the OP though.

antiabz Tue 22-Apr-14 22:41:59

And if I bumped into them on the street I would probably run/ hide ( more likely pretend not to have recognised them at all)

BitOutOfPractice Tue 22-Apr-14 22:42:36

What princess said. Yes I would, and I'd tell my BF. If I had loved them once, and they weren't an abusive arsehole, I definitely would

AnyFucker Tue 22-Apr-14 22:45:07

It depends

AnyFucker Tue 22-Apr-14 22:45:16

It depends

sailorsgal Tue 22-Apr-14 22:47:07

He lives overseas and bizarrely dh and I were an hour from where he lives so I talked about him just last Thursday. On Saturday I found out he had lung cancer and is having chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
We were together for a couple of years and had some good times. I don't hold a torch for him so am feeling a bit weird at how upset I am. We were together nearly 20 years ago.

AnyFucker Tue 22-Apr-14 22:49:06

20 years and no contact imbetween ?

No, you would look like a rubbernecker, sorry

if you have been in regular contact over the years, yes I would

sailorsgal Tue 22-Apr-14 22:51:58

we have been in touch over the years mostly through Facebook and email.

AnyFucker Tue 22-Apr-14 22:54:15

Then I would send a message to say you are sorry to hear news he is ill and that you wish him well

Ilovexmastime Tue 22-Apr-14 22:55:23

I would if that's what you want to do, if you've been in touch anyway wouldn't it be weird not to?

sailorsgal Tue 22-Apr-14 22:57:27

He gave up a 40 a day smoking habit to go out with me as I said I wouldn't go out with a smoker.

SwedishEdith Tue 22-Apr-14 22:58:04

Oh, I would in those circumstances.

PrincessOfChina Tue 22-Apr-14 22:59:13

I was in a similar situation. Occasional contact via social media and on holidays/weddings etc. we were not true exes, although we did have "relations" back in the day.

He died a couple of years ago, after a long illness (rare cancer). A lot of fundraising was done to pay for his treatments (alternative therapies that I don't really agree with, but it wasn't my choice and they thought it helped). I sent money, donated to raffles, attended events etc and sent cards and messages when appropriate.

His illness, and death, knocked me (and many of our friends) for six. It honestly shook me to the core. Don't underestimate the impact something like this can have on you.

MeMyselfAnd1 Tue 22-Apr-14 23:02:26

Forget about how nice he was to you while you were with him. The important thing is, was he noce to you AFTER the relationship ended?

If so, yes by all means contact him no matter when was the last time you talked. It is not as if you had an ONS, you were together for two years.

If things didn't end nicely, I would say is better not to. He will take it the wrong way.

Nancery Tue 22-Apr-14 23:03:42

God yes! I have been in similar except the 'ex' was also my best friend. (Yes, DH did find it odd but I wouldn't cut him off for DHs benefit, and there would never be ANYTHING fruity going on anyway). I second what PrincessofChina says about this kind of thing can knock you for six, and think messages of support for someone undergoing chemo etc can only be a good thing

GeordieMama Tue 22-Apr-14 23:03:50

DH's friend has terminal cancer and his ex (their mutual friend) has been to visit him. His current partner was also there.
I think that sending a supportive email would be a nice thing to do. I know if it were me I'd appreciate people, including exes, getting in touch.

sailorsgal Tue 22-Apr-14 23:07:16

He took a job overseas and though we tried to keep it going for a while it didn't work out. I wasn't that keen on leaving my life here at that time.

Nancery Tue 22-Apr-14 23:09:15

Personally I don't get why people often have a thing about someone who happens to be an 'ex'! Granted it can be different when things end badly but surely this is more the exception than the rule, especially under these circumstances...?

Nancery Tue 22-Apr-14 23:09:34

Ooops, have I hijacked?

Nancery Tue 22-Apr-14 23:16:20

Sorry blush

LuluJakey1 Tue 22-Apr-14 23:21:04

Yes, my best-ex emails me every couple of weeks and I email him. We meet up for coffee occasionally. Nothing romantic or flirty - just gossip and chit chat and care. OH knows- can look at my emails or comes for coffee with me- if he likes and I can look at his emails - he has an ex he keeps in occasional contact with - once or twice a year. I would be devastated if my best-ex was ill or had something awful happen. We were together years- known each other since we were 7.

Caucasus Tue 22-Apr-14 23:30:56

I would, but then I periodically email some (not all) of my exes anyway. We exchange about once every 6 months/year with pleasantries "hope you are well" etc. I don't bother telling my partner, as it's not significant. I assume he has the same contact with his exes and it doesn't bother me.

In your situation, I definitely would.

mummyOF4darlings Tue 22-Apr-14 23:47:38

Given the circumstances i see no harm in an email especially if you have been in contact over the years, sure he will be pleased for your support

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