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50 shades of idiot: silly tales of the abusive ex (meant lightheartedly but also could be triggering)

(257 Posts)
Cakehanded Thu 20-Mar-14 19:34:01

Namechanged in case any of this outs me but something I had to do today brought back loads of memories of my abusive exH, some that are very deep 'kind-of healed' wounds but some that seem like silly little things but things that I never got to have a go at him for and never told anyone in RL as I didn't want the pitying looks. I'd still like to be able to talk about them somewhere though and get it out into the virtual open, maybe even have a laugh about it if I can so going to do that here.

Anyone else is more than welcome to chip in with tales of the idiot they've left (or even if you haven't if you want to!), I hope nobody finds me starting the thread too triggering/offensive.

1 - When I left, leaving virtually all of mine and baby ds's worldly goods behind but taking what I thought was a restrained 50% of the cash in our current account (which was not a lot at all) to support us he emailed that he thought I was unreasonable as he didn't understand why I'd 'drained' the account as he couldn't see what I'd need it for. 'Dear' ExH, shall I write you a list? Nappies, food, shelter, bills, any of that ringing any bells? Considering you haven't paid any maintenance for 6 years I assume you're still confused and think ds and I live in a field sustained by the smell of flowers.

2 - He said I had 'strange eyes'. No more explanation mind, that was just listed as one of the things I'd done wrong in our relationship, had 'strange eyes'.

3 - Another thing I'd done wrong was that I was 'obsessed with psychology'. Could almost seem a vaguely rational point until I say we met at uni, when I'd just started a degree - anyone like to guess the subject of the degree? grin

Feeling better already!

WaitingForMe Thu 20-Mar-14 19:46:50

The one that stands out years later is his anger that after working all week I spent most of his money (I have a habit of rent, council tax and other bills which I still haven't managed to give up) and made demands on his free time (asking him to contribute to housework). He really resented me.

I'm now happily married and spend all of DH's money on bills and ask him to do housework. Funnily enough DH sees nothing wrong with me.

Betrayedbutsurvived Thu 20-Mar-14 20:00:21

Ooooo, where do I start, after I left he opened my credit card bills, addressed to me, in my sole name, paid for out of my wages cos he wanted to see what I was spending " his" money on. Refused to speak to me for a month cos I was " taking the piss" when I asked him to wash up, I had both arms in plaster casts from fingertips to elbow at the time. We had a minor row in the car one day, and I said something to the effect of some people like to enjoy themselves when they go out, unlike you. He proceeded to refer to me as halfwit to everyone we spoke to ( my work colleagues) all evening, as in "halfwit here said you are going to Spain on holiday" etc. He insisted I was spoiled because he drove me to and from work, he worked in the same building. I could go on but it's not good for my blood pressure.

Kernowgal Thu 20-Mar-14 20:05:18

If I start I won't stop. Suffice to say I am well rid and some other poor woman now has to suffer his malicious "honesty".

But I'll give you his number one best bit of honesty: "You'd be quite pretty if you didn't have a double chin."

rainbowqueen Thu 20-Mar-14 20:14:31

Oh I have so many.

He'd finger me then smell his fingers and say 'ew'

We went to a wedding together and when he noticed I was wearing nude tights and not black ones he refused to speak to me till we got home - 2 days later

We were walking through Newark airport once. He was eating a sandwich, walking along. He vomited on the floor and without inturrupting his stride carried on eating his sandwich.

I'll stop now this isn't healthy. Also I can't type for laughing.

CurtWild Thu 20-Mar-14 20:45:09

waitingforme that rings so true..I have a bad habit for paying bills too, stbxh hated me spending 'his' money on them, and yes, actually expecting him to spend a bit of time with me too.
He's told mutual friends I was 'shockingly unreasonable and financially abusive'..for paying bills and thinking he might like to come to bed with his wife once in a while confused. Needless to say they've started realising he's a complete douche and it was him who was very abusive. Hoist by his own petard because his true colours are showing with friends now I've moved out he has so much free time.

MargotThreadbetter Thu 20-Mar-14 20:53:18

Oh I got 'you've got feet like a bloke, and tree trunk legs'. If I said his nasty cements upset me, he was 'only joking' and I didn't have a sense of humour apparently hmm
There was much, much more but he's OW's problem now.
How I resisted taking the piss out of his tiny cock is beyond me!

CurtWild Thu 20-Mar-14 20:58:56

margot grin

Hissy Thu 20-Mar-14 21:06:52

My hairline was 'too high'. My voice too loud, he'd mime turning it down, anytime I spoke.

One of the best bollockings I got was for putting the milk carton back in the fridge door wrong.

Best ever was him asking me to come down to the kitchen to talk to him at 2.30am. Eventually, after much insistance that it was important, I agreed.

Him: "I asked you down here to ask you to *stop calling me a twat"

Me: you woke me up, asked me to come downstairs because you wanted to ask me to STOP calling you a twat.

<pause>

Me again: right-o

Got back upstairs and went back to bed. Wondering what on earth one would call him then.

It was funny even then smile

Laska42 Thu 20-Mar-14 21:08:40

oh its so awful ... my ex abusive not DH left me for someone else over 20 years ago and good riddence , but its still changed me a

we once went for a weekend to some friends of his i had never met and at dinner we were served olive oil , a dry seedy herby mix and foccia bread to dip in it as a sort of starter.( this was the 90s when things lik ethat were unheard of) when i said how lovely that was (having never had it before ) he said in front of everyone that it was ok fo reveryone else but i shouldnt eat it because I was far to fat to eat that kind of thing (i was just over 9st!)

He once told me that i was no good at sex and he only did it because he was sorry for me or for anything else except perhaps pmaking lemon meringue pie ( ive never made it or eaten it from then) that was over 20 years ago..

He used to abuse me verbally in public places (usually when we were out for meals in pubs and restuarants and i couldnt get away ) make me cry then tell me i was embarrasing him and making him look stupid ..

and lots more... far too much to mention..

I dont think ive ever got my self confidence back despite the fact im now married to someone who says he loves me ..

something2say Thu 20-Mar-14 21:21:12

Hissy that's hilarious!!

Laska42 Thu 20-Mar-14 21:21:31

oh yes I did a degree a couple of years after he left and he went round telling people that i had only got my 2.1 because 'he had tutored me' and I would have never even got in without him (he dropped out of uni long before I met him halfway through is first year.).....

Amethyst24 Thu 20-Mar-14 21:34:41

One of the things I remember best about my evil, gaslighting, horrible ex was the time I asked him to buy some loo paper when he went to Sainsbury's (it was a small Sainsbury's Local in the station near where we lived). He came back with loads of other stuff but no loo paper.

Conversation went like this:

Me: Oh, you forgot the loo paper.
Him: No, they don't sell it there.
Me: Oh, come on, I buy it there all the time.
Him: Yes, but they've stopped selling it now. I asked, they say it takes up too much shelf space.

WTAF? WHY, WHY lie about something so fucking stupid?

Cakehanded Thu 20-Mar-14 21:49:34

There must be some sort of school out there to teach ridiculous twattery - where do they all get it from???

I got sent home from work with a proper genuine 'will have to get OOH out' fever which turned out to be flu and exH said I was faking it to cover up the affair I was having with someone at work (have never had an affair yet, work or not) and continued to interrogate me about said affair until OOH doc arrived 2 hours later.

Another time he swore blind for months he hadn't broken into someone's house, it was all a big mistake apparently, even opted for Crown court jury trial as he was so innocent. I couldn't watch trial as I had to give evidence about timings (didn't actually see incident tho) but was somewhat surprised to hear after, when he was sentenced, that there'd been CCTV of the whole thing. And he'd known this. What a cock!

CurtWild Thu 20-Mar-14 21:58:48

There are just too many. Some were vile but others were just laughable twattery. Like the time he told me if you look at a photo on FB on your phone, it automatically saves it. This was early in our relationship when he was still nice and likeable and open with said phone, but I had a hmm moment as to why he had a pic of a female friend in her underwear in his phone. He hung out with quite a bit too so she wasn't just a random. And his excuse was the statement above. We both had the same phone. I clicked on a random photo. Shockingly it didn't automatically save to my phone! Idiot.

BitchPeas Thu 20-Mar-14 21:59:06

Apparently, Alllllllllllll his ex girlfriends walked and talked incredibly slowly, to make sure they didn't do or say anything silly to embarrass him. Ya know, like real women do.

I on the other hand, walked to fast and talked to fast, so this, this made me an embarrassing twat.

Ho hum. grin

Frith1975 Thu 20-Mar-14 22:05:29

Ooo, I've a list as long as my arm. I've had 4 boyfriends and 1 husband. Husband dreadful and most recent ex (number 4) pretty close to that....

I overheard number 4 talking to my son. Son said "Please will you read us a bedtime story?" 4 said "No, sorry, not tonight". He then came upstairs and said, "I asked M if I could read him a story but he said no, he wants you to do it".

Ex husband lied about being involved in fraud. Said I had made it up. Then his new girlfriend had been the fraudster. Lied probably 10 times in solicitor's letters to me and actually in the court room. Found guilty of 20 counts.

I was wrong for not being blonde. Went on for 6 years about how I should bleach my hair. (How lovely would that look, with my black eyebrows, dark brown eyes and olive skin?!)

There are so many more over so many years I don't know where to start.

KouignAmann Thu 20-Mar-14 22:10:18

I am so old that I used to go running with a Sony Walkman cassette player that made tiny tinny noises through the headphones. XH was revising for a big exam and asked me not to play music. So I thought I could use the Walkman. Despite the fact he had a friend round for a revision session and was chatting and laughing I was not allowed to switch it on because of the tiny tinny noises. And I went along with it in case it stopped him passing the exam...

<<bangs head on table>> how did I not see the red flags?

GreenMouse Thu 20-Mar-14 22:35:44

My ex used to have a go at me for always walking slightly ahead of him when we walked side by side. Obviously I didn't... This was one of the earliest red flags that I ignored.

Said he was surprised that I was a good mother.

Said my newborn dd was manipulating me and would stop me from going to her when she was crying.

I could go on...

Hissy Thu 20-Mar-14 22:43:36

Crying laughing at the 'walking too fast' and the 'shop not stocking loo roll'

I posted my twat story on FB and twitter at the time. My phone lit up like a fecking christmas tree!

Oh, there was the time I fell asleep while tweeting. I was accused of having an affair with a spoof Spooks account.

twat

Grumpasaurus Thu 20-Mar-14 22:44:58

Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god. There are so many.

Twat comment #1: "maybe if you had been more understanding about the Thai prostitute (actually I think he said prozzie), I would have told you about the genital warts"

Twat comment #2: "you just don't get it do you? It's not sexy for me if you make it obvious that you want it"

Twat comment #3 (while I was texting for help whilst stuck in a hospital in Tunisia bleeding heavily from my fanjo): "I am not your husband, sort it out yourself"

There have been some lighter ones too... Like that I was blond not brunette, that I should wear more boring underwear, that he preferred women with a smaller bust, that I should learn he had no obligation to speak or communicate with me if he didn't want to, and the list goes on.

Twat!

He is still a miserable old cunt. I am healed and happy. Ho hum!

CurtWild Thu 20-Mar-14 22:51:36

Isn't it also great that we're so awesome without them?
Him: You'll never leave, you don't have the balls.
Evidently I have great, huge, hairy pendulus balls because I did just that. Douche.

Snugglesrock Thu 20-Mar-14 22:56:24

That he'd spent hundreds on Viagra to make himself feel better

Couldn't get it up with the ow love? Oh dear me but please don't take your daughters money to do it!!!!

Twat!!!

Sk002 Thu 20-Mar-14 23:06:57

My sister was 3 months pregnant and away from home for work. She thought she had started to miscarry and rang me for help/advice. After a long conversation with her, I hung up the phone only to get a long rant from him about ignoring him and being stuck on the phone all night. He sulked for days after. My sister lost her baby. He said I was overreacting to his rant when I challenged him.....

Feckthis Thu 20-Mar-14 23:13:57

Love this thread. It's grim Oop here so hearing you laughing about twattery is just what I need. thanksthanksthanks

CurtWild Thu 20-Mar-14 23:17:34

Agree with feckthis, we've all experienced some major douchebaggery, it's good to see that some of it was downright hilarious. Having a good and much needed chuckle tonight grin

Ploppy16 Thu 20-Mar-14 23:25:12

It took me many years to realise that my first serious boyfriend was in fact an emotionally abusive arse.
Some of the things he came out with were just odd tbh but the one that stands out for me was his insistence that if I loved him I would drink cider rather than bitter. Apparently his ex girlfriend loved cider and drank it because he did hmm. He once actually refused to sit with me in the pub because he had bought me a half pint of cider rather than the pint of bitter I'd asked for, he sat over the other side of the room with his back to me after berating me for half an hour about how I obviously didn't love him! I can't believe I just sat there and took it in hindsight. I blame being very young.
He's still a bloody weirdo now at the age of 40.

BlackeyedSusan Thu 20-Mar-14 23:32:58

I moved the computer on the computer desk by about 3 inches. he smacked me on the back to "reprimand me"...

he thought that we needed another car, but that it would be a small one and he could have the big one because the man has the bigger car...

I think his ears are still ringing as I told him in no uncertain terms that he is not having the big car to carry about a briefcase while I have a small boot to fit in a double buggy and shopping and all the paraphenalia associated with two children. I might have called him a sexist something or other not polite too.

CuttedUpPear Thu 20-Mar-14 23:33:10

"You'd be better looking if you were Spanish". Mmm yes, and then I would be Spanish too. But I am English. confused

After been caught sleeping with an 18yo when I was first pregnant (and regularly having sex with him), "It's because we have so much good sex. You have got me used to it".

Ploppy16 Thu 20-Mar-14 23:49:05

Remembered another one, same idiot.
When I finally ditched him because he gave me a black eye for 'looking at his friend' he asked me if I would mind him asking my sister out.
I laughed in his face and told him to try it, she hated him with a passion,

ballsballsballs Thu 20-Mar-14 23:51:45

Nasty XBF told me that my lipstick matched my spots.

And used to lecture me about skincare.

And was jealous I'd been alive 6 years longer than him.

He had the ugliest cock I'd ever seen. <shudder>

SaucyJack Fri 21-Mar-14 00:20:59

Out of all the many, many ridiculous excuses he used for attacking me the most bizarre one was me wanting to watch the Top Of The Pops christmas special one year. Apparently it was an insult to the memory of Joe Strummer (lead singer of The Clash) who'd died the week before so he pinned me against the wall with the knife from the cheeseboard (!) and threatened to slit my throat.

mustbetimefortea Fri 21-Mar-14 00:34:01

I used to have to request some help around the house. (main breadwinner, working FT, small child). XH would suddenly announce that he would take DS out for the afternoon so that I could get a clear run at it. If I suggested that it would be nice to all go out and split the housework on our return he would refuse point blank and criticise me for not appreciating his gesture in taking ds out.

It later emerged that he and ds were actually out with the OW which was the real reason for the offer. DS was nursery age at the time.

MargotThreadbetter Fri 21-Mar-14 00:45:03

Why can't these twats be branded marked in some way? You know, just to make life a bit easier.
I read these threads and dread meeting one of these blokes in RL and not having my fuckwit detector fully functioning.

mustbetimefortea Fri 21-Mar-14 00:50:35

I used to have to request some help around the house. (main breadwinner, working FT, small child). XH would suddenly announce that he would take DS out for the afternoon so that I could get a clear run at it. If I suggested that it would be nice to all go out and split the housework on our return he would refuse point blank and criticise me for not appreciating his gesture in taking ds out.

It later emerged that he and ds were actually out with the OW which was the real reason for the offer. DS was nursery age at the time.

Amethyst - you might be me. Xh would lie in exactly the same way. Blatant lies, easily checked but he got to the point that he even convinced himself that it was true. He would get really angry when called on it. We were driving to his parents once and I wasn't paying much attention until I realised that we were going a different way. I commented that I hadn't been that way for years and on how it had changed. He then told me that it was the route we always took. When I said we'd never been that way together before he refused to accept it and just kept repeating that it was the way we always went. I stopped arguing about it as it was pointless and that just aggrievated him even more.

Still not sure whether he had got lost but couldn't admit it or that he driven that way with other women and was covering up. Both possible.

He was and is a stranger to the truth

noslimbody Fri 21-Mar-14 00:55:44

Oh yes I also apparently have a habit of spending money. It defines my entire personality you see.
I am also thick because I watch comedies and boring because I don't watch whatever crappy violent packed with crap special effects films he likes.
I also have no sense of humour because I can't take "criticism" like laughing at my hair.
I have a voice like a man, because real 'feminine' women don't complain, and whimper rather than actually talk with a real non-whimpering voice
Apparently I am weird because I have a further degree, and also strange because I competed at County level as a teenage athlete, obviously too manly and physical

noslimbody Fri 21-Mar-14 00:59:15

And "I can't remember" is his answer to every question when fully caught out. By this I mean I have gone through the headache of proving everything with certainty. He can't be lying if he can't remember, twat!

noslimbody Fri 21-Mar-14 01:00:26

Everything I think is just my opinion, and what he says is correct...

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Fri 21-Mar-14 01:06:15

There are so many but can't do them now or I won't sleep for angry

But the last time exp mimicked my voice I said 'I'd mimic your voice but I can't impersonate a cock faced wankbadger'

He was FUMING and walking away afterwards left him no room for a comeback grin

FayeKorgasm Fri 21-Mar-14 01:14:09

A couple of incidents ...

My delightful XH spent one evening with his management team and me and proceeded to discuss the lovely things his OW arranged for him during their affair. I'm not sure if the others realised he was discussing a mistress rather than a previous partner, but I, like a fool, didn't say anything until we got back home. The bastard told me to shut up and went to sleep.

Before we were married, we were engaged, he disappeared on Christmas eve with the OW to his brother's home for the holidays. He was due to be with me and my family. When I finally got hold of him, he yelled at me to leave him alone as we were not together. Umm, so why are we planning our wedding ?

I still married him, I was so badly abused by him I wasn't thinking straight for a long time. Weirdly it took a tiny thing to snap me out of it and I left and haven't looked back.

To my great delight he has been sacked rather spectacularly from his last two jobs - the last one is very searchable on Google. I don't think he will work again. Wanker! I however, who was nothing apparently, rebuilt my career and married a wonderful man and have peace.

CyberMuddle Fri 21-Mar-14 01:52:56

ExP was utterly convinced that the fact that he didn't shout at or hit me meant that he was a good boyfriend. If course, calling me The Bitch to everyone from close friends (his; apparently I didn't have any) to people we'd just met, making jokes at my expense ( I'm blonde and busty, so you can guess the general theme), and expecting me to spend all my free time with him and his friends while he never even bothered to ask about, let alone meet, my best friend, counts for nothing...

A few times, when in the car doing 70-ish on winding country roads, he'd want to take his jumper off/get something from the back seat, etc, and expect me to 'take the wheel for a bit'. I don't drive. When I pointed the potentiality of accidents out to him he would get extremely irate, say how useless I was and then sulk for an hour or so. Gave me some peace, at least...

His Dad was similarly vile, and treated his mum like a servant. She was highly intelligent and had once had a very high flying career, but had been worn down to a shell. Suffice to say I realised that I did not want history to repeat itself.

My teacher (and boyfriend) who wanted a blowjob while driving along the motorway. I was young and stupid, yes, but not that stupid.

Feckthis Fri 21-Mar-14 07:10:00

If I cut my hair that means I don't care about him. It's the worst thing I can do.

Polyethyl Fri 21-Mar-14 07:26:10

After I ironed his shirts he said "You say you love me, but clearly you don't. If you really loved me you wouldn't have left this crease in the sleeve. So you say you love me but obviously you don't. If you really loved me you would have ironed my shirt better."

Germgirl Fri 21-Mar-14 07:34:35

My ex used to say things like "well you look alright I suppose, the best you can look anyway" when I'd got dressed up to go out on a very rare night out.
He was also obsessed with football & if West Ham lost I would be in the firing line for slaps, shouting & general nastiness.
When we first got together we went for a weekend away & he went out to phone his mum from a phone box (pre mobile days). He came back to the b&b room smiling from ear to ear. I thought he was pleased to see me but no, west ham had won! Should've been a red flag that one smile
He would also constantly undermine me. Tell me that I'm fat, ugly, useless, pointless, lucky to be with him because no one else wanted me. I am fat but his constant harping didn't exactly help!
He used to tell be he was ashamed to be seen in public with me & walk 5 paces in front. That one particularly hurt.
Well rid of the tosser now. He cried & begged me to stay when I left. I did ask him why, when I was obviously such an embarrassment.

SpanielFace Fri 21-Mar-14 07:48:02

It's only since being on here that I realise that my ex was abusive. I was so unhappy when I left him, with zero self esteem. 7 years on and in happily married to lovely DH. But things that I remember:

Telling me I should take up running as I was getting too fat (I was a size 12, which at 5 foot 7 is very definitely not fat).

Refusing to have sex if I showed any signs of wanting it or enjoying it, as it "ruined it" for him.

Not having sex with me for several months, pushing me away if I tried to instigate for the reasons given above, then when I found him wanking over soft porn in the other room, not understanding what I was upset over. (I have nothing major against porn but I've never felt so rejected).

Making it really difficult for me to see friends and family, so I was increasingly isolated.

Pushing me to try for a baby. I was 27. Thank god we didn't, and I left. He's with someone else now, with a baby, and I hope he treats her better than he did me.

FuckYouChris Fri 21-Mar-14 07:48:59

Great thread smile

1. I was "ruining his social life", by being 8 months pregnant with dc3 and getting a nasty bout of sickness and diarrhoea, meaning he couldn't go out one evening.

2. His friends were starting to hate him for being unreliable, because I wasn't free to swap his access weekend so that he could go to the football (and he'd already told them he would go). He opted for not seeing the dcs instead (for some reason he couldn't see that being unreliable to the dcs might actually be worse)

3. After dealing with so much crap, heavily pregnant and with terrible SPD, and in a rare moment where he offered to support me emotionally, I said the terrible, "I just see other pregnant people being wrapped in cotton wool, and I can't help but feel jealous that they are so cared for". He stormed out with, "I bet there's loads of stuff I do that those other fuckers don't! Bitch!"

4. Oh and my absolute favourite, "if you go now, I'm not playing these stupid games anymore, it really will be over forever", I just smile and said, "I know, and I am never coming back."

Funnily enough it didn't stop him trying to get back with me after (as his friends told me) a tragic display of trying to pull anyone he could and utterly failing. His friends also begged me to get back with him because, "he's such a twat when he's not with you", I laughed in their faces. But it did please me that on one night, not long after the split, when the dcs were away, we both happened to be planning to be off out on the town on the same night, I had invited all mutual friends, as had he. They actually all told him that given the choice it was no contest. He stayed in.

grin

It's funny now I'm happy.

thingsthatgobumpinthenight grin at wankbadger

Monetbyhimself Fri 21-Mar-14 08:04:13

On our wedding day, he hadn't prepared a speech. He fancies himself as a great orator. It was a shite speech and included the immirtal words ' well she's been going in and on about this dress for months. I suppose it looks alright. Now have you heard the one about....'

I'll never forget the looks of horror on my familys face. It still took me another 15 years of regular public humiliation to see him for what he was.

CurtWild Fri 21-Mar-14 08:37:00

Stbxh on me finding a condom in his overnight bag for work:
Him - I must have thought it would come in useful.
Me - There really is only one use for a condom.
Him - Actually there's loads.
Me - Such as?
Him - ......
Me - hmm
Him - Someone must have put it there.
Me - But it was a single room, you said.
Him - .....
Me - So?
Him - Stop interrogating me it's only a condom.
Me - shock

kentishgirl Fri 21-Mar-14 09:42:36

exboyfriend - 7 months together turns up at mine in kinky outfit and tells me it's what he's going to wear to an orgy he's going to next week. WTF? Oh yes, he was into all that, he was telling me about it now. Why didn't he tell me before we were 7 months in? Oh...well...he'd been hinting and I hadn't twigged. Hint being one lighthearted conversation about which celebrities we fancied. He was so dumped.

another ex boyfriend
him 'you should go to the STD clinic and get checked out'
Me 'why?'
him 'Ah well, I went and I seem to have chlamydia'
Me 'how'
Him ' I don't know. It doesn't have symptoms so could have had it for ages'
Me 'so what made you go and get checked?'
Him 'I just felt like it'.
Me 'No one just feels like going to the STD clinic for no reason. You got told to go by someone else'

(I did get checked, all clear, we had always used condoms.

bibliomania Fri 21-Mar-14 09:48:11

Ooh, I could play this game for hours.

Bounced out of bed one Saturday morning in a good mood, took small dd downstairs, did washing up and cleaned kitchen, while he was having a lie-in. Made him a cup of coffee and brought it to him in bed, beaming cheerfully, only for him to tell me that I was absolutely digusting for making him coffee without having a shower first.

According to him: my hair was untidy, my teeth were yellow, my breath smelled, my genitals smelled, and the soles of my feet were off-puttingly rough. And I dressed like someone who was mentally incompetent, so he was embarrassed to be seen with me, as I ruined his cool image.

Like others, how dare I be so spendthrift as to pay council tax without specifically consulting him? And the way I suggested sex wasn't sexy, apparently. From his demonstration, I was meant to subtly wiggle in front of him so I implanted the idea in his head and he would suggest it, I wasn't meant to suggest it outright.

kentishgirl Fri 21-Mar-14 09:53:17

recent ex I suspected of OW (I was right), but hadn't been able to prove it and he kept denying it.

got a letter through from Inteflora apologising for the delay of delivery of Valentine's Day flowers. Mine were delivered just fine.
Me 'so whose delivery was messed up?'
Him .......hmm........ 'I had flowers delivered to my brothers ex-wife. (ex as in nearly 10 years ex). I think they should get back together. He won't do anything himself so I sent the flowers and had a card put on with his name on it, to help them'.
Me 'that sounds rather unlikely'
Him angry 'are you calling me a liar!'

I had a Jewish nose. And snake eyes.

Apparently it was okay to hit me about the head, it was a tiny slap because I'd was hysterical. (Crying after an hour of nonstop ranting about what a dreadful person I was and how crap I was at stuff)

Staying in a family room on a weekend away with the dcs, ds (now dx as and adhd) woke xh from his drunken stupor. I deserved to be stabbed because I hadn't kept the kids quiet. He deserved his sleep. Had to drive back next day, leg throbbing. Still took another year to leave.

Xh to dd2 recently about a beaver event she wanted to go to "it's not important. You're not going to get a badge out of it". Poor kid was gutted when the badges were handed out.

Xh under oath in court "I only drink moderately". Hair strand results (4th one done!) Not only has he failed to provide a sufficient sample, but the sample provided was nearly 15 times the threshold for chronic alcohol consumption.

I could so go on...

buttonortwo Fri 21-Mar-14 10:18:35

The man who swept me off my feet following my divorce with exh...
Told me I was beautiful, there was an fantastic spark between us, I thought we had so much in common... Became a man who said to me 'I was like f@@king a bucket' something along the lines of 'when I can find them' referring to my breasts... He became violent.
He did have a v small penis commented on by his ex wife which I would never say anything about out of respect, shame he wasn't the same.

slug Fri 21-Mar-14 10:39:20

While driving us back from a party one night (I was the sober one) I was subjected to a 30 minute narration on the way I had embarrassed and humiliated him by using my hands when I talked. All accompanied, of course, with numerous gesticulations on his part hmm

Ringsender2 Fri 21-Mar-14 10:43:17

Like others, how dare I be so spendthrift as to pay council tax without specifically consulting him? And the way I suggested sex wasn't sexy, apparently. From his demonstration, I was meant to subtly wiggle in front of him so I implanted the idea in his head and he would suggest it, I wasn't meant to suggest it outright.

^^ this conjours an horrendous image of Alan Partridge wiggling his puny bum in is fawn terylene slacks. (Sorry for all of you who've gone through this - glad there can be some amusement from it!)

MorrisZapp Fri 21-Mar-14 10:57:52

My ex pretended to be ill so that I woukdnt go to my best friends 21st birthday party. To this day I have absolutely no idea why I thought (and he agreed) that a grown man with a poorly tum coukdnt be left alone for two hours.

When he immediately chirped up and started playing his computer games after I cancelled I thought 'oh that's nice, now he's feeling better'.

My friends pointed out what he was doing but no, they just didn't get it, I was in love.

What a fucking idiot I was. Shameful.

Weathergames Fri 21-Mar-14 11:10:24

This is cheering me up.

My OH walked out on me 2 weeks ago the day before my birthday. Leaving all his stuff here.

Painful doesn't describe it.

ephemeralfairy Fri 21-Mar-14 11:26:45

I managed to extricate myself before it got too bad but 10 months was enough to throw up a few gems...

Telling me I walked round the flat too loudly (in bare feet, on carpet).

When drunk, he told me to put his KFC in the fridge then yelled at me the next morning for not letting him eat it in bed.

Calling me a 'dirty slut' and trying to make me go to an STI clinic when I had a mild bout of thrush.

Calling me a 'fucking imbecile' when I couldn't work out how to wire up his ridiculously complicated h-fi system. (This was just after he'd had his umpteenth meltdown over his OU and I'd written an essay plan for him that had got him a First).

bibliomania Fri 21-Mar-14 11:51:54

I agree, Ring, it's quite liberating to laugh at the image!

eph, I swear my ex deliberately made the TV and hi-fi system impossible to understand. Funny how I've never had any problem with electronic equipment since I left (well, the odd struggle, but I've worked it out myself).

CurtWild Fri 21-Mar-14 12:49:25

Me - The wifi's gone off
Him - Really? Mine's fine
Me - Weird..
Looks at the router and it has no lights on at all.
Me - You sure you have wifi?
Him - Yup
Went over to the router, pointed out all the lights are off..and everything is unplugged from it.
Me - So you have wifi even though it's all unplugged.
Him - Oh I don't have it now you've unplugged it.
Me - WTAF?????
Geez I could go on and on..

wickedwitchofwaterloo Fri 21-Mar-14 14:14:25

There are loads but the straw that broke the camels back, was during a conversation about chicken caesar salad, I mentioned that in the hour and a half I had to kill between jobs, I had, had a really nice one in a pub near to work.
He accused me of 'going out without him' and called me an untrustworthy bitch and a whore.
Right then.

honey86 Fri 21-Mar-14 14:42:42

When ex wanted me to wait an extra 2 years to go on holiday so he can go on 2 others with 'friends' before that... while staying conveniently single n uncommitted to me.
Basically wanting me to wait so to come on my holiday with me without any input of effort sacrifice or commitment. Entitled.

vikkik888 Fri 21-Mar-14 14:44:29

Accidentally got one of his lottery numbers wrong once (genuine mistake) which meant he won a tenner instead of 60 quid.

He gave me 7 days to get the difference into his bank account. I had to borrow it from my mum as I had no money.

I've said this before on here but it still sits on my stomach like it was yesterday! Wanker.

CurtWild Fri 21-Mar-14 15:05:57

I got so sick of being rejected and feeling crap about myself over him not being interested when I initiated sex, that after telling him how I felt, I told him I would stop initiating all together. His response was that I had never initiated sex in the entire relationship confused. When I pointed out that I had done, many, many times and been rejected, his reply was well you were obviously doing it wrong.
Never had any complaints before him. Knob.

Evie2014 Fri 21-Mar-14 15:12:30

We moved to another country and city because he was transferred. I gave up my job and it took me a couple of months to find work in the new city, during which time I lived off my savings and paid half of everything. He told me I should be paying more of the electricity bill than him because I was at home all day using the heating whereas he was in a warm office anyway.

He also banned Heat magazine from the house because he said I would be "ogling" the men with naked torsos.

The contrast between my miserable life then and my delightful life now is mind boggling. That's why I get frustrated on here with women who won't leave. If they only knew how radically different and better life could be without One Of Those.

GinUtero Fri 21-Mar-14 15:24:42

Ex never had any food in when I went to stay at his house. He wouldn't eat all day and was too lazy / didn't know how to cook, so just used to order curry every night. I asked if he could get some breakfast stuff in, which I'd be happy to contribute towards. He grumbled and eventually agreed.

Next time I can round he presented me with breakfast in bed - two penguin bars and some ready salted crisps on a plate arranged around a fancily folded serviette. At first I thought it was winding me up. When I explained that wasn't really what I had in mind for breakfast he went ballistic and stormed off, saying he'd gone to so much effort for me and I was being an ungrateful bitch!

adrieneswall Fri 21-Mar-14 15:25:19

At our wedding ex h refused to smile at me as "getting married is a serious occasion" twat

He was out all weekend every weekend playing sports and objected to me spending money to take our children out.

When he met my now (non-twatish) husband the ex said "we'll I have had 17 good years out her, it's your turn now" like I was an old car.

CaptainHindsight Fri 21-Mar-14 15:27:37

Imagine the scene...

Its January, its very cold with snow on the ground and your GF is 8 months pregnant. You are due to go into town to purchase some last minute things for the baby.

P - What are you doing?
Me - I'm putting my coat on?
P- Dont you dare! You don't look pregnant with your coat on. You look fat and everyone knows I do not date fat girls.
Me - Riiight. Well its cold so Im putting my coat on.
P- Don't you fucking dare embarrass me you fat fuck.
Me - I thought it was the coat that made me fat?
P- Fuck you you fat fuck.
Me- No dear, fuck you. I will contact you once the baby is born for contact and maintenance arrangements. You are a complete idiot.

From that moment on he was XP.

I continually thank the deity of conception for giving DS my brains. grin

GinUtero Fri 21-Mar-14 15:34:58

Same ex got mad at me because I didn't appreciate my Christmas present of bath salts - he knew full well I didn't have a bath.

Then there was my birthday, when I ended up paying for an organising a break in Cornwall for us, because he was apparently too skint and definitely too lazy to organise anything himself. We ended up missing our pre-booked train because he took so long straightening his hair, which meant I had to fork out a fortune for more tickets and then he wouldn't even let me sit next to the window to look at the view of the sea, even though it was my birthday. I got no present, he didn't want to leave the cottage once because he hated the outdoors, and then one night when I finally coaxed him out to the pub he got so drunk that he dropped his wallet. A receipt fell out for £900 he'd spent on a mountain bike - the same bike he'd told me cost £200 - so much for being skint! When I quizzed him about it he went crazy at me, telling me I sounded like his mother, and that so wasn't sexy. He then went and promptly did a face plant in the middle of the street!!!

SO glad to be shot of him. Incidentally, I had a good gossip with the woman he dated after me, and her stories were just as horrendous - puts paid to his claim that his behaviour was down to me being unreasonable!

FanFuckingTastic Fri 21-Mar-14 15:51:42

Mine wrapped up a webcam I'd bought myself for Skyping with the children, and hadn't gotten around to opening yet and gave it to me as a Christmas present from him. Totally didn't know what to say, having something I'd bought regifted to me weeks later. Left a few days later, as I'd been planning to for a while anyway, but that gift really made me think about his behaviour and made it feel more like the right thing to do.

emmelinelucas Fri 21-Mar-14 16:01:54

I once tried to appeal to my EXH, because even though someone is an absoulute shit, they surely must have some atom of compassion in there somewhere, right?
In nutshell
Me " I don't want to go to that engagement party because the BIL who molested me from age 6 (after my dad died) and has constantly tried to assault/rape me since will be there"

Him- "well, you must have deserved it"

I was shocked whe he died, because I found him. Not Sorry.

Even his parents said at his funeral "at least he can't hurt anyone again"

buttonortwo Fri 21-Mar-14 16:12:31

Some of these are beyond belief. I laughed out loud at the penguins/ crisp breakfast and the comment about the old car nearly spat my coffee out...

GinUtero Fri 21-Mar-14 16:18:55

Loads are memories are coming back to me now...

Another ex this time…I hadn't had any kind of holiday for 2 years as I was constantly working. Organised a supposedly romantic break to Loch Lomond, which I was really looking forward to. I wanted to stay in a nice hotel, but he insisted we go camping, to save money. One the first day, thanks to being camped literally on the edge of the Loch, he got bitten by a load of midges, whereas I didn't get bitten once. He got so mad at me about this, he took it out on me all week.

One day he decided we should go for a drive around the Loch, which surprised me as he'd whined all the way up to Scotland that he was bloody sick of driving. We stopped for a food at an inn just at the north of the Loch and by the time we left it was pitch black.

As he started driving, I was sure that we were travelling away from the Loch, but he insisted the satnav was telling him otherwise. I tried to explain to him that the satnav wasn't actually working, it was merely following him, but he screamed “SHUT THE FUCK UP” louder and with more aggression than anyone has ever screamed at me before in my life. He then forbade me to speak and so went on, tense, into the dark for a further half an hour. It was only when he’d travelled 20 miles on winding country roads in the wrong direction and almost reached Fort William that he finally realised he was wrong. Even then, he didn’t apologise for shouting at me, instead he had another go at me, saying that I was being smug because I was right. I said I had only been trying to help him and save him the extra miles when he was exhausted. The prospect of a long drive home had him even crankier, which of course he took out on me all the way back.

When we finally returned to the campsite, the tent was waterlogged from torrential rain and my side was soaking. I tried to sleep but he insisted keeping the light on whilst he drank a whole bottle of wine and chomped on anchovies inches away from my face, despite moaning constantly on the journey back that he was falling asleep!

I kept a diary back then, and counted that he'd broken up and got back together with me 17 times that month - the month in which he also proposed to me!! Later he snooped through my diary and blew his top that I could write such horrendous things about him! It was, in fact no more than a factual account of all the things he did - I don't think he quite grasped the irony…

The relationship eventually ended when I found out he had a dating profile on Gaydar.

I look back now and wonder what the hell I was thinking!!!

CurtWild Fri 21-Mar-14 16:22:20

Text from stbxh when we initially separated:
Him - We could've stayed friends if you weren't such a fucking cunty bitch
Me - Not if that's how you refer to your friends we couldn't!

This was also how he'd begun referring to me in front of our DC, so not only one of the reasons we can't be friends but also one of the reasons we can't be man and wife anymore!

Tonightstheteriyakichicken Fri 21-Mar-14 16:38:06

Have n/c just in case.

Not sure this counts because although met him through friends and thought I got to know him, we had only one date, because I decided very quickly there was something really not right.

Him: I'm a good driver but a fast one. <cue erratic driving out in the countryside in poorly maintained car and in those days no seatbelts required>.

Him: I wanted to ask you out for ages but now I have and we're here, stop F*ing looking at other blokes <the barman, an elderly man who cleared our glasses, a man selling pork scratchings>.

Him: You're skinny, but I bet you eat like a horse, so I'm not buying you dinner if that's what you're expecting. <after asking me out in front of our mutual friends, loudly inviting me out for dinner>.

What a prince! He then stalked me for two years.

Him: Your eyes are really green when you cry, I like them that colour.

PigletJohn Fri 21-Mar-14 16:57:59

when I was gazing lovingly at her, said I had piggy little eyes.

I think it may have made an impact....

oldgrandmama Fri 21-Mar-14 17:05:37

Ha, t he twat I was married for for twenty years (the one that was shagging my 'best friend') had a horrible habit of groping my breasts, and lifting up my skirt to grab me between the legs, often in public. When I loudly protested, he'd say stuff like 'I want everyone to see your great legs'! Even his friends were embarrassed.

He did it once too often, when I was taking out a pan of roasting meat and potatoes from the oven. He lifted my skirt and groped me, and I turned quickly and dropped pan of food and sizzling fat on his feet.

Unfortunately, he was wearing thick shoes, but it still burnt him. Ha ha!

CaptainHindsight Fri 21-Mar-14 17:42:36

Is that where your name came from PigletJohn?

<Sniggers - sorry!>

PigletJohn Fri 21-Mar-14 17:43:49

not consciously, but who knows?

PedantMarina Fri 21-Mar-14 17:46:10

If I'd lived to 90 and never so much as looked at another man, in his tiny shit-brain I would have still been that white whore at least in potential (or just not caught out yet).

One fine evening he was going down on Mr (well, at least he did that - not all bad times), then he lifted his head back up and looked at me studiously:

"You smell a little funny down there. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Talk about mood killer.

PedantMarina Fri 21-Mar-14 17:46:54

me! not Mr.

that'd be a whole 'nother story...

IslaValargeone Fri 21-Mar-14 17:51:31

"Your femurs are too long, we need to see about surgery"

"What kind of wife doesn't have anchovies in the house"
There are loads, I shall try and remember.

IslaValargeone Fri 21-Mar-14 17:53:08

OOh remembered another. He didn't speak to me for 2 days as one Saturday I went to work without making the bed.
He was still in it when I left hmm

Divinity Fri 21-Mar-14 18:22:16

I was pregnant with pfb. Ex insisted taking me out in a rowing boat at the lakes. Then once we were in the middle of the lake agreesively insisted that I had to row back so must change seats with him. Then laughed hysterically as the boat wobbled as I stood up.

I got sciatica later in that pregnancy. Walking upstairs was very painful but no problem as we had a downstairs loo. Except he decided the heating was too expensive that bitterly cold winter and turned the loo radiator off so tightly I would struggle to get it back on. This went on all winter as he denied doing it. Twat.

Oh I don't sit down right and I walk upstairs like a herd of elephants. I was a size 10 at the time. He used to make fun of my accent too.

Having a strop whenever I was invited somewhere until I cancelled or making me really late.

I am so pleased to be away from him. What an idiot.

LlamateurDramatics Fri 21-Mar-14 21:56:24

I've really picked some corkers of boyfriends in the past:
- first boyfriend decided that I didn't need to learn to drive but moaned like anything when he had to pick me up to go anywhere. When I started having lessons I didn't tell him, he found out just before I took my test and stalked my lessons for a bit so he could tell me how rubbish I was and how I should just give up. I passed first time; it had taken him four goes. He didn't speak to me for several days after, but then realised that he could make me drive him everywhere. I'd always been made to pay for his petrol, he paid nothing towards mine. Twat.
- same boyfriend didn't think I should go to university as it wasn't what women were 'supposed' to do. We did one subject together for a while which he dropped after I beat him in a few tests (and ignored me for days after again), saying that particular qualification wasn't worth having. I stayed with him for a couple of years for some reason.
- university boyfriend found me terribly embarrassing, from where I came from (too common), to my accent, my dress sense and my habit of not ignoring any male I came into contact with. He hated me going home to my parents as it 'took him ages to make my voice acceptable again'. I eventually gave up drinking and going out as it just wasn't worth the interrogation or the accusations of showing myself up.
- when this boyfriend eventually dumped me after cheating on me he invited me out to meet apparently to give me a few things back. He held everything to ransom while he talked for an hour about my short-comings and how much better OW was in every way especially in bed (he refused sex for the last 18 months of our relationship). He had a few things important to me so I had to sit there and listen.
- oh, and one of my failings was not giving up my degree when he'd asked as what I was studying for wasn't something he wanted a partner of his doing. I was studying to do something I'd always wanted to do which is quite a highly regarded profession but not good enough for him.
- last boyfriend before DH was a cunt too with a superiority complex who treated me like an annoying child most of the time but was too dull to have any stand-out moments!

I'm now married to someone who values me and treats me like an equal, thank goodness!

RollerCola Sat 22-Mar-14 14:07:41

My dd who was 10 had been having problems with her hearing so we took her to the hospital for a hearing test. The test didn't show any hearing loss so in the middle of the hospital waiting room he said to dd 'you must just be ignorant then' hmm

On a night out with some friends I tripped and fell over (I wasn't drunk, I was driving) As I landed flat on my face on the road he just walked off. His friend ran over to check I was ok, he later said it was because he was busy eating his burger.

These were the two defining moments when I knew our marriage was over.

wherethewildthingis Sat 22-Mar-14 14:50:42

Here are mine:
1. Never wanted to work (claimed to be ill). I worked although I was studying too. If I ever expressed a view on what we might spend money on, had a hissy fit, telling me I was being controlling and making him feel less of a man.
2. Used to deliberately damage stuff we bought then make me take it back, partly so he could have a brand New one, partly as a kind of test. I used to feel sick with fear going into the shops.
3. When I got my first real job after uni, "suggested" I should set up a direct debit to his ex, for maintenance to his child that he had never paid maintenance for. That one was the last one, I left a week later!

MissFenella Sat 22-Mar-14 15:38:14

Low level compared to some on here but here goes:
Said his car was a 1 off german import that had been converted and was worth loads of money (it was a Capri from bristol and I didn't care anyway so the lie was doubly confusing)
Said his hairdresser was trained by Vidal Sassoon - he wasn't
Played dumb about my coffee tasting odd and then I caught him putting sugar in it. When questioned he said he 'wanted to wean me onto sugar'
When I ended it he handed back loads of my possessions that must have been taken from my home that previously he had denied seeing. The clothes he returned were erm, soiled.
Told me his brother raped his sister.
Said his dad owned a speedboat but lost it.
Cheated on me numerous times but stalked me for months when I ended it and told everyone he 'never should have let me go'.

Agreed we would use my credit card for holiday spending money and then refused to pay me back because 'that is too much money'.
Always made us pay 50 50 (when I earned less) then when I earned more money than him he worked out proportionally.
Refused to go on holiday abroad because he was a depressive, managed to go to a pub every day and try new ones out too.
Didn't wear underpants in the morning and smeared skiddies all over the furniture.
Pee'd in bottles and left it around the house.
Hit me in drunken rages and claimed that I had started it (natch).
Pushed me into on coming traffic.
When I asked him to leave he would phone work and say he was burning all my things.
Would sit in the kitchen cutting himself when I came home from work saying 'look what you are making me do'
Never paid for anything but, when I threw him out he had no claim to my lovely home.

ballsballsballs Sat 22-Mar-14 15:47:30

Another ex - this one my XH. An incident that happened after we split.

XH was stalking me, and turned up at my doorstep one Monday in January. He pushed his way in and wouldn't leave. I called the police, and drunkenly yelled at them. They said they'd take him home (to his parents in a village 10 miles away) and drove off.

The next day he called me in a fury. The police had dropped him off in the countryside, about 10 miles from his parents' house. It had taken him hours to get back. grin

PedantMarina Sat 22-Mar-14 22:09:53

balls, those coppers deserve a nice payrise.

Gretagumbo Sat 22-Mar-14 22:17:51

When I was pregnant - 'my brother is off shagging s.j. and I'm stuck here with you.

'I don't want to touch it (bump), I've seen one before.'

Disappears when I go into labour, have to drag him to hospital

'You love him more than me' about our ds

'Eurrgh your tit is leaking everywhere'

'You wanted him you deal with it' when I'd got to the 10wk wall and just needed some help.

Him and brother grinding weed in house, found some on floor when ds crawling. This happened a couple of times despite stern words.

He was 32 at this point we'd lived together for 12 yrs

O god seriously for the women fretting whether to stay or go, read this thread, feel our relief and just walk!

It's true the money can be a struggle at times but the wonderful sweet freedom from resentment!

ballsballsballs Sat 22-Mar-14 22:25:54

Pedant I am forever grateful for what they did. He was going to sue them and wanted me to back him up.

PedantMarina Sat 22-Mar-14 22:34:01

WTAF?!? Ohman, that just tops it.

CurtWild Sat 22-Mar-14 22:46:13

Turned the boiler off when I ran a bath so no hot water. Denied it. When I pointed out it was turned to heating only he said I must have done it myself to frame him. Knob.

Took the virgin card from the box when he went out once, so I couldn't use the tv. Denied it and even blamed DC. It turned up in the pocket of the jeans he'd gone out in. He said I must have planted it there. Knob.

Swore blind he hadn't taken our wedding certificate even though I'd seen him take it out of my bag and stuff it on his backpack. Told me to check his bag and there it was..and yes, he accused me of putting it there to frame him. Knob.

And yes, me and DC are well rid. Like a previous poster said, anyone dithering over leaving, read this thread and it's document of how much happier we are without these arsewipes.

FanFuckingTastic Sat 22-Mar-14 22:52:47

That's some proper gaslighting there CurtWild, blatant lying and turning it around on you.

CurtWild Sat 22-Mar-14 23:25:00

Those are just a few of stbxh's outstanding gaslighting moments..there were many and varied.

ballsballsballs Sat 22-Mar-14 23:29:22

Like a previous poster said, anyone dithering over leaving, read this thread and it's document of how much happier we are without these arsewipes.

Oh yes indeed.

InspirationFailed Sun 23-Mar-14 00:24:14

According to him I

Walk funny - I 'bumble'

I don't wear heels all the time - there is nothing he finds more unattractive than women in flat shoes

I get on and off the bed the wrong way, I am to loud going up and down the stairs, I sit down to heavily on the sofa.

I don't speak clearly or properly - meaning he has to continuously shout 'what' at me before telling me to 'shut the fuck up' and storming off. I talk over him, I sometimes have a differing opinion to him - this is being on my high horse, talking bollocks and talking shit.

I don't listen - meaning it's always my fault when he's forgotten something or changed plans, or if he has to repeat himself because I didn't hear i get. 'Fucking forget it' and he stomps off.

I can't cook, my food is awful and he can't stomach it, he banned me from cooking, insisted on cooking himself then made sure everyone knew that he had to cook his own dinner because I was lazy.

I am lazy and do nothing all day. Being at home with a 1 year old and a newborn, doing every night feed, every nappy and basically everything for all 4 of my children isn't enough as the living room might be a mess. Which gives him the right to call me a lazy c*nt, ask exactly what I've done all day and rant about how child benefit is my wage and I'm not doing my job properly.

I have funny shaped squinty eyes
I have awful hair
I don't dress the way he would like
I have a smelly vagina, it's to hairy and disgusting.
I don't have sex with him often enough
I was still breastfeeding my baby at 11 months so I must have been doing it for sexual kicks.
I feed my kids shit all day

I'm to fat. I eat to much.

This coming from an overweight balding alcoholic who used to wet the bed/sofa/floor every night.

Tip of the iceberg from him. I could go on and on.

GreenMouse Sun 23-Mar-14 08:13:25

Greta, I hope you're not still with him!

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Sun 23-Mar-14 08:39:04

Ah my first boyfriend, or as my family called him, lucky escape. Round at his dp's house, staying whilst he recovered from an op. I was reading, put book down to get a tissue. He followed me waving book saying "you may think being untidy like this is acceptable in your home but it isn't in mine"
Went to my ds (constant building site) put his hand on top of doorframe and did the white glove/dust thing. Told me his df had hit his dm on occasion, but that was acceptable as she deserved it. And I was a bit of a slut as although I was a virgin when we met, I knew how to orgasm.
A prize.

Thattimeofyearagain Sun 23-Mar-14 09:18:34

Ex P from my young & stupid days.
We lived together, I earned less but paid for 70% of rent, bills ect, because he had lived alone for a year & it was only fair that he got lots of spends to himself.
We also worked together & were both invited to a leaving do for a mutual friend. He finished hours before me & went off on the piss & when I joined them he screamed at me to piss off, coz I was an ugly far cow ( size 8 at the time).
Colleagues were great, gave me cab fare home - to next city where my family was smile.
The next day I got loads of calls from friends, colleagues etc telling me what a knob he was, bragging that he had me under his thumb & well trained . Tosser.
Got job transferred & met my lovely dh.

Bleuuuuurgh Sun 23-Mar-14 09:26:18

Inspiration - are you still with him? Is this thread inspiring you to leave? I had a horrible horrible ex many years ago who I left, he told me I was fat, which I wasn't, and when I looked at him like he was mad, he got really stroppy. Total waste of space!

RalphGnu Sun 23-Mar-14 09:51:41

I caught one ex with a half naked teenage girl on my sofa when I'd come home from work early. His excuse was it was because he loved me so much he had to do something with the excess love as it was making him ill. hmm

I agreed to let him stay that night but he had to leave the next morning - he stayed up all night sobbing loudly and then I woke up to a ten page letter detailing all my faults and why I should stay with him. I also later discovered he'd taken the sofa cushions off and pissed all over the base, in my speakers, my plants, over all my clean washing in the dryer and in my shampoo bottle. The guy had a lot of piss! I lined my cat's litter tray with his new suit for a couple of days and hung it back up in the liner, ready for him to collect.

Thattimeofyearagain Sun 23-Mar-14 10:32:52

Lots of wankbadgers out there......

Mine kept sending letters through the internal post system , I sent them back to his manager grin

FastWindow Sun 23-Mar-14 13:00:44

An ex of mine claimed to be five years younger than he really was. When I found his passport whilst on holiday, bearing his true birthday, he claimed that he had had a brother who died and his parents had named him the exact same, so it wasn't really his passport, it was his dead older brothers. He absolutely refused to change this story when I expressed my doubt.

He also claimed to have been in the SBS - but wasn't allowed to talk about it. Of course, how convenient.

This thread is reminding me of soooooo many things my ex husband used to do. Just a few highlights:

I sat my driving test eight weeks after starting lessons. When I told him the date, his comment was "what a waste of money, you'll fail". I passed first time round.

As a 9stone bulimic, he told me he would make sure I knew when I was too fat as he wouldn't want to have sex any more.

31 weeks pregnant with second child, rushed into hospital in the middle of the night on Xmas eve with contractions every five minutes. A week later, still in hospital, still contracting "you don't mind if me and daughter (17 months old) don't come to see you for a few days do you? We're going to my parents to have a good new year".

About four months before I left him, I wrote a really long and heartfelt letter about how upset I was with the way our marriage was going. I left it on the bed and asked him to read it. After a while he came out, said he was sorry and gave me a hug. The night I told him it was over, he told me he had no idea our marriage was in trouble. When I mentioned the letter, he informed me it was too long so he hadn't bothered reading it.

I have sooo many more!

CurtWild Sun 23-Mar-14 13:30:46

Third date with a guy I met at college..took me out to one of his regular haunts to introduce me to everyone. Five minutes in he told me to wait at the bar and order drinks as he just had to nip to the loo. I waited twenty minutes before heading towards the mens..and he was sat drinking at a table with four girls practically hanging off him. His excuse? They shanghaied him before he could make it to the loo and he thought it would be rude to ignore them. But it wasn't rude to abandon his date?!
Needless to say there was no fourth date.
I actually bumped into him a few years later and we had a giggle about that night. He admitted he'd completely forgotten he'd left me at the bar. No hard feelings but still..

buttonortwo Sun 23-Mar-14 18:56:55

I'm not pretty when I don't smile. I am a wannabe. I live in the past. I wanted him to drop me at home on way back from pub, he continued in the car onto the motorway and told me he was 'taking me on a journey'. He threatened suicide, I would find him in my garage

vrtra Sun 23-Mar-14 21:05:04

just the highlights: had a mouse running loose in his house & would not condone pest control then blamed me when it foraged in the bin

his housemate blocked the loo with a massive shit while I was staying, he refused to call a plumber or let me do so as he wanted the landlord to sort it, when I HAD to go on the 3rd night after it blocked as I was on my period, he then let his housemates blame me for the blockage saying I must have flushed a sanitary towel. I grew up in a house with a macerator toilet I know what you do and don't flush!!

lied about missing his train home the first time I met him so he had to stay at mine... I was so naive I fell for it

well rid

minkBernardLundy Sun 23-Mar-14 21:52:48

Mine told me he could not pay bills at my house where he slept and our kids lived because he had bills to pay in his own house (which he didn't live in).

When I binned him he then complained about how much the bills in his house were costing him and how it wasn't fair.confused

his other favorite was asking me for a favour (e.g. picking him from somewhere) then adding lots and lots of conditions and screaming at me until I said I wasn't that keen to do the favour anymore. Then saying well then I won't ask you again!!

And the sight of him trying to flounce out with 50" telly under his arm (it took two trips) is a memory I will treasure. He has no idea how ludicrous he looked.grin the dc don't recall it so fondly though as they were watching it.sad

Springheeled Sun 23-Mar-14 22:45:16

Some rants were quite bonkers, but too specific to mention here, wish I could though! Wish I had at the time, Mumsnet would have put me straight ASAP.
One I can say is the time he was angry and sulking and started dawdling pathetically (we were late for an event I had booked) so I slowed down a bit but kept going. Apparently I had stormed off ahead of him in a huff to make him feel unhappy. That was an early and very very minor version of the immense head bending and has lighting that was to come.

ballsballsballs Sun 23-Mar-14 23:23:55

Another XH one. He once shouted at me for half an hour for carrying something he thought I shouldn't in my own handbag.

I was carrying 2 non-applicator tampons, and it wasn't my period. Which is a Bad Thing, apparently.

And I was once called a slut for painting my nails in a neutral colour.

Thanks for this thread. I had both XH and XBF on my Facebook and this thread has made me wonder why I have 2 abusive men on the fringes of my life. Now they are gone smile

honey86 Mon 24-Mar-14 22:47:55

This is the only thing keeping me at NC atm... Been gaslighted intensely this week my minds a mess sad ow in the mix too so my self esteem is in tatters. This thread reminds me of his bad side spurs me on abit longer x

bigredstapler Mon 24-Mar-14 23:45:12

1. Not being able to get back from a town 40
miles away when I had to have a therapeutic termination for a molar Pregnancy on my birthday and needed him to look after ds1 who was 16 months old... He was away with work but it would have inconvenienced his colleagues. My 60 year old mother dropped everything and drove 150 miles instead to be with me and take care of DS1.

2. Telling me to take ds3 to hospital for surgery by bus at 8am as it would have been too hard for him to drive me there (all of about 1.5 miles) in rush hour with ds1 & 2 in tow. He was on leave at the time.

3. Telling me it was a turn off that I complained of discomfort from my coil one time we dtd, walking off there and then, and not comimg near me again for 7 months.... But telling me almost proudly that he had a 'raging' Internet porn habit.

4 .Regularly coming home from work 5 hours after his finish time then sitting outside the house listening to music in his car for 20 mins or so when we had 3 under 3 and I had been home with them all day /week. He needed time to chill out.

5. When I was doing a college course to retain after redundancy he was late home every week (despite having agreed to be back on to me) so that I was late for college.... I would get back at 9pm and find all of Ds1's tea stuff, toys etc out and get asked 'what is for supper' soon as I walked in (I was pregnant with DT's at the time).

6. Getting up at 10 or so on a Sunday, making himself a cooked breakfast then telling me and the 3 ds it was waay too early for lunch when we were hungry at 12.30 even tho we had been up and breakfasted at 7am.

7. Telling me I didn't really need to bother the hospital when I miscarried alone at home and getting cross and awkward when I asked him to go out and buy some heavy duty sanitary towels. Made out like I had asked him to buy some hen's teeth.

8. Vanishing to read the paper in peace for an hour or so when friends over for Sunday lunch, likewise disappearing on a what should have been a short (20 min) errand when lunching with friends on holiday.... He had supposedly gone to get some beers.... When questioned and late for lunch friends had cooked 'oh I went for a wander round the castle and to have a coffee'.

9.We agreed to split at Xmas- he met the love of his life 5 weeks later. We are still sharing a house until his new place completes. I told him it was not OK to come home from her house in the wee small hours and get into bed with me so time to move into the spare room and got 'but it' s cold in there '.

.... I could go on....

lovemenot Mon 24-Mar-14 23:52:28

My stbxh, then dp, came home from the pub one evening to mind dd so's I could go to my uncle's surprise 80th with my sister and her boyfriend.

An hour later I get a call from him telling me not to bother coming home as he has locked me out of the house. Because.....my sister's boyfriend looked at him and made him feel like a babysitter!!!!!!

Front door locked, phones off, doorbell disconnected and my little 18 month old dd locked away from me. I packed up and left the next morning. Unfortunately I went back five years later and am now in the process of leaving again.

lovemenot Tue 25-Mar-14 00:11:02

Hahahaha.....right now he has put up a poster thingy on his FB page that says "Apologizing doesn't always mean you are wrong and the other person is right. It means you value your relationship more than your ego".

This from the man who calls me a fucking bitch and never, ever apologises. I guess it's a little message to me to remind me that I can save this marriage if I just apologise for making him call me a fucking bitch!

YellowTulips Tue 25-Mar-14 03:12:29

From an ex partner of 8 years:

Ex: if we have children what characteristics would you like them to have from you and which from me?

Me: actually IF (note: as I had big doubts at this point) we decided that is just want them to be healthy and happy why?

Ex: I have thought about it a lot. I want them to look like you, but be like me, you know in personality and intellect etc

Me: err you want to explain that? (Miffed as am as well educated as him - degree etc)

Ex: well I fancy you but not sure I like you that much and I want to like my kids so I think that's the best of both worlds

me: do you realise how insulting you are being?

Ex: not trying to do that at all.I was about to ask you to marry me so we could have kids. You are so fucking annoying. So what about it?

Me: what the fuck are you on? Where are you going with this?

Ex: You aren't expecting a ring are you? Or anything romantic?

Suffice to say I left soon after......idiot.

Zazzles007 Tue 25-Mar-14 04:03:18

Being berated continuously by the ex-Twat for "not loving him enough", and "I don't feel loved by you". Asked him to rate our relationship out of 10 - got the answer "I'm really happy in the other areas of my life, but our relationship is a 4/10" shock. When I eventually got rid of this emotionally abusive arse 4 months later, he couldn't understand why I didn't want to give the relationship (yet) another shot hmm.

And another - several months after we had been together, I discovered his online profile back up. Texted him and called him an arsehole. His response? "I was getting a photo off the site for my mother." By that time I had twigged on the lies and double standards.

What an Utter Twat!

bigredstapler Tue 25-Mar-14 07:44:12

I posted my list in anger. I realise mine not abusive a such just monumentally selfish. Some of the stories on here are grim.

Thought of another story.

When I left him, I walked out and left everything apart from the kids, my cat and my gerbil. We met up to discuss dividing up the household possessions. Every single thing I said I would need, or want, he immediately demanded to have. By this point I was disengaged from the control, so I said "you know what, why don't you keep everything and I'll take nothing".

Apparently I did this deliberately to shame him as I knew he couldn't possibly take things as he had nowhere to store anything...

PedantMarina Tue 25-Mar-14 09:13:54

no need to apologise, bigred - it's all cathartic. smile

ToriaPumpkin Tue 25-Mar-14 11:13:15

Your hair looks nice like that. Don't do it again, other men will notice you (this became a theme for clothes/makeup as well)

I wish you would believe me when I tell you you're beautiful. (Then when I said OK, I believe you, after months of him gettin angry with me for being modest was told that I was big headed and thought too much of myself)

All my friends were bad influences and I shouldn't spend time with them. Wasn't he enough?

There's more, like me being made to pay for everything even though he earned more than I did, the panic attacks if I disagreed with him, slamming doors and punching furniture, physically taking hold of my face and turning it to look at him in public if I dared speak to someone else but I think the cherry on top was him blaming me for his cousin dying. Apparently me leaving him was the reason his very seriously ill cousin died a few months after the split.

graceholl Tue 25-Mar-14 11:32:52

Not necessarily abusive, but very funny.

Woken in the middle of the night by DP.

Him: 'How would you feel if I became a street artist?'
Me: 'You mean...graffiti?'
Him: 'Yes'
Me: 'You mean, leave your actual job to become a graffiti artist?'
Him: 'Yes. I think it's my only real talent in life. It's my only chance at success'

I begin to think this guy is totally asleep and having an extremely bizarre dream.

Me: 'OK' (attempt to ignore and get back to sleep)
Him: 'Do you support that?'
Me: 'Well, no'
Him: 'Then I have to end the relationship. I'm sorry.'

I didn't know whether to laugh or smack him in the face. he wasn't half asleep. The next morning he just said, 'I don't know why I said that, it was stupid.' I didn't dig any further..

WEIRDO

ninilegsintheair Tue 25-Mar-14 12:19:17

Using this thread as inspiration to help push me to get out.

I had a gem at the weekend - queuing at the supermarket, 'D'H with a face like a slapped arse as I'm trying to have a conversation with him. Stopped and asked him what was wrong. "I'll tell you later", says he, and refuses to engage in any more talk, all the way home.

So when we get home I asked him what had been wrong, at first he refuses to tell, acting all dramatic and sighing and saying "You'll only get upset with me if I tell you."

Turns out he thought my breath smelt. An hour after I'd brushed my teeth before we left for home and I hadn't eaten anything in the interim. My breath didn't smell but its now made me paranoid. sad

When you won't engage in a conversation with your wife because apparently her breath smells, you know there's something wrong. sad

graceholl your story just reminded me of middle of the night conversations I used to have with my ex husband.

He used to tell me he had been kept late at work, had been helping a colleague with something etc etc. then I discovered that not only did he talk in his sleep, but he would also answer questions truthfully! So when I asked him gently what he had done after work, I would get told about trips to the pub!

I never actually told him about that, and I had totally forgotten about it until just now!

ballsballsballs Tue 25-Mar-14 13:26:12

Ringing me at work to tell me he'd finally signed the papers for the decree absolute, as though he'd done me a massive favour.

I was furious.. and replied incredulously at high volume (much to the amusement of my lovely workmate':

'What do you want - a biscuit?'

Workmate and I fell about laughing and XH hung up. I still use it now.

sulkygirl Tue 25-Mar-14 14:01:57

Giving me an expensive piece of jewellery as a present, completely out of character for the tightarse he was. Him then doing a bunk the next week, whereupon it transpired he'd bought it for his fave prostitute, who wouldn't accept it, so I got it instead. When asked about it claimed he'd bought two the same so we got one each. Oh well that's ok then! He hadn't, I saw the bank statement.
He had so much bad luck poor soul, every direct debit he ever set up never worked, no utility company ever got the payment first time round, or even second, he was constantly persecuted with nasty red letters for no reason whatsoever.
He couldn't even walk past a cash machine without it retaining his card , mostly when we needed to do a shop. Oddly too his card kept getting cloned and used locally to us when he was waiting for a replacement. Bank could never really get to the bottom of it, they were headscratchingly baffled by it all.
He was that unfortunate individual who was unable to procure a copy of his credit report no matter how many times he tried.
The outrage when it was asked how much a week he spent on prostitutes, he was affronted that anyone could suggest it was every week.
Even the police didn't really want to charge him with an offence, they thought it was most unfair but you know these pesky laws forced them to, more persecution heaped on his head!
Fave prostitute, now girlfriend, moans that he's antisocial and they never go out, he told her he has a syndrome that makes him like that, probably has a syndrome that makes him look
like a tramp as well.
I am older and wiser and I have a much more straightforward life now smile

CakeyCakeyCakey Tue 25-Mar-14 18:32:23

It's got a text from Dh where he copy and pasted my Facebook status where I was joking that what I was making for tea wasn't as difficult as he thought so I got to have an extra coffee.
It was a joke, he supposedly not on Facebook but I suspect he logs into my account to check what I'm up to.
It just said "we'll talk about it when I get home"
Well that'll be fun then.
I'm not sure if the supposed slight is me mentioning him on fb or that sausage rolls are easy to cook.
(Don't worry, no dv he's just a bit of an arsehole sometimes)

LoisPuddingLane Tue 25-Mar-14 18:41:19

I am amazed at what people put up with in relationships. I suppose it starts slowly and before you know it, you have a weapons-grade twat on your hands. After reading this thread, I don't think I'll ever get into a relationship again. It's terrifying.

RockinD Tue 25-Mar-14 19:19:56

Not so D XP was a nightmare, champion gaslighter, verbally and physically abusive.

He used to go to bed when the booze ran out. I would follow later when the snoring came down to a reasonable volume. When he went to bed he would turn the gas off at the mains so I couldn't have the heating on.

He would only sit at the table until he had finished eating. Then he was gone. He expected everyone to finish eating at the same time as him.

He did no housework and no child care, but one evening a month I needed him to be home and give DDs their tea while I went to a work-related meeting. Everything was prepared, so it wasn't a particularly onerous task. That was the only evening in the month (every month) when he was late home from work. I was always late for that meeting.

Any sexual advances from me would be refused. I was fat and ugly (size 8 FFS).

On more than one occasion he followed me when I went out at night with the girls from work, leaving the DDs alone in the house.

He would never tell me where he was going or when he would be back. This always made me look like a complete numpty when anyone called for him as I had no idea where he was. I still don't know where he used to go for hours at a time.

I left him in 1997 and he has never had another relationship. He tells our DDs I left him because I was having an affair, but he's never looked at another woman because he's still in love with me! Really?

arthriticfingers Tue 25-Mar-14 20:54:17

Abusive ex - still a twat - used to randomly change the flavour of his 'favourite' yoghurt without saying anything; I was supposed to guess what to and when.
I would get the 'you don't care about me' if I gave him 'last week's' flavour. confused

bongobaby Tue 25-Mar-14 20:57:30

My waters broke whilst in bed at half two in the morning. It was my first pregnancy and I was feeling a bit scared so I woke him up to tell him my waters had broke. He looked at me, tutted and said "why are you doing this now, how am i suppose to sleep with you making a mess,then he disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me in bed. He came back told me to get up and promptly put three black bags onto the mattress and told me not to move off of them on my side, then he went back to sleep leaving me speechless and with a baby on the way

justiceofthePeas Tue 25-Mar-14 20:59:46

arth I had to grin at guess my favourite flavour this week. How very preschool.

minkbernardlundy Tue 25-Mar-14 21:02:05

bongo good lord!
Mine told me my waters hadn't broke I must have just wet the bed and they would tell me what an idiot I was when we got to the hospital.

bongobaby Tue 25-Mar-14 21:07:23

His best one was when I asked him to get me something to wear home from the hospital after having ds. Asked him to get me a size 12 he said loudly in the ward a size 12 that's massive!!! Followed by when we got home I suppose you think you're something special just because you've given birth. He truly deserves his title of Fuckwit ex!!

Wh0dathunkit Wed 26-Mar-14 00:35:49

I really should have laughed my arse off when the firemen turned up at his when he was in the altogether, cooking (he preferred to be nakey due to his body temp). However, it was apparently all my fault because I'd not realised that his fire alarm was hard wired to some alarm centre (paranoid, much?), and his vigorous cooking without opening the kitchen door (cos it would have let some nasty biting bugs in), coupled with his inability to get to the phone when it rung to check whether it was a false alarm meant that the big fire truck turned up.
Oh how we should have laughed at his quick sprint into the garden when the big burly firemen turned up to check that the kitchen wasn't in flames. And when I say check, I mean sprinted into the kitchen.
Unfortunately, it was apparently all my fault, because I believed people in positions of authority.
Unfortunately, I was rather vulnerable at the time, and this was not the first of the red flags that came up. It was, however, the first time I felt dead inside. I remember that feeling to this day, and will never be made to feel that way again.

ballsballsballs Wed 26-Mar-14 00:48:44

flowers Wh0

LoisPuddingLane Wed 26-Mar-14 08:20:26

If you haven't all LTB, can we have a LTB Day? You all deserve so much more than this shit.

CakeyCakeyCakey Wed 26-Mar-14 08:25:40

Hen I went into labour I got into bed at 11:30 and my waters broke, I phoned Dh, he was downstairs and I was forbidden to shout as I'd disturb the people we shared te house with, he brought up the number for the hospital who said to come for a check, off we went to the hospital and once we got there they decided my contractions hadn't started so I needed to go home.
Dh made me walk through the whole hospital to get to the entrance so sil didn't have to mess around findin the maternity entrance (she'd only just dropped us off!) contractions started with a vengeance about 100yards from maternity but Dh insisted we couldn't go back and had to go home.
Got home and Dh took me upstairs and put me to bed (agonising contractions by this point and as it was my first I was scared) and left me as the midwife had said I should rest in peace and quiet.
I was alone in the dark in agony and petrified I called Dh who said I had to stay and try to sleep for at least an hour, I tell you I counted every second down on the clock!
Phoned Dh, no answer, 15 texts no answer, I broke the cardinal rule and shouted for him and nothing.
I had to climb down the stairs with severe spd and contractions every 2 min which were so painful try seemed constant (back to back labour)
I got downstairs to see him asleep on the sofa he said "you should have called me"
Got back to the hospital and finally got ds delivered after 18hours but with some pretty scary complications where I nearly lost him and if I'd had a quick labour at home alone I would have lost him.
The joy and relief of him being ok outweighed t
My upset at Dh and it's only recently (ds is nearly three) that I've really gone back to it in my mind and realised Dh was an utter twat.

He's relaxed a bit now and isn't as bad and yes I'm still here.

CurtWild Wed 26-Mar-14 08:43:52

Another one here who would never be told where stbxh was going or when he would be back. I too looked like a complete idiot if someone asked for him. Once when I was very heavily pregnant with our twins he didn't come in after work and his phone was off. By midnight I was frantic. Also uncomfortable and knackered. He didn't have a key so I had to wait up. Just after 3am (!) he called and said what's up. What's up?!?!
He claimed to have sent me a text saying a colleague was having a house party. I never got that text. I was in tears on the phone saying why had he switched his phone off when I was due any time. His answer was that he didn't want me spoiling his fun!!!!
Of course this upset me further to which his response was 'Well I was about to come home but if that's your attitude I'll be back tomorrow some time.'
He hung up, switched off his phone and I didn't see him until after work the next day. His first words when he came through the door were 'if you're still in a mood I'm turning round and walking straight back out.'
I should've told him to go for it.
Thank god I grew my spine back and LTB. Six weeks of living alone with 3 babies and I can't even begin to express how bloody awesome it is grin
I nearly spit my coffee out at 'weapons-grade twat' grin

Betrayedbutsurvived Wed 26-Mar-14 16:31:22

A few more. Never lifted a finger round the house, if asked for help he would order my daughter to do it (never his son) and was genuinely baffled that I didn't consider this as him pulling his weight.

When we went to the supermarket, i was berated the entire way there every single time, because he was doing me a massive favour driving me there, I should catch the bus (I might add that I worked longer hours than him) as we walked through the shop door he would announce that we didn't need much, just tea, bread and jam, he was happy to just eat that. Except when his son came of course, then I had to cook the full works including desert.

He used to honk the horn and cat call out of the car window at any passing woman regardless of me and the kids in the car.

LoisPuddingLane Wed 26-Mar-14 18:42:50

I don't think my eyebrows will go up any further. Is there a training school where these cunts get a manual?

Home birth with an inflatable pool. Was ok on the test inflation, but come the day it had a pinprick leak which I stuck some duct tape over and got on with giving birth. Dd2 arrives (had made a small delivery during labour so water was a bit grim), and pool still sloooooowly deflating.

Xh goes to bed because he's tired. Leaving me, still queasy from the injection, with a 3h newborn to set up the pump and get rid of the water. Red flag if I ever did.

Also had the xh that would sit listening to music on the drive to chill out. Would disappear for hours but kick off if his dinner wasn't ready when he arrived. I'll just polish my crystal ball then hmm

LoisPuddingLane Wed 26-Mar-14 18:47:42

I know this thread was supposed to be lighthearted, but I'm absolutely horrified at these stories. That one person can treat a person the supposedly love this way...and that that person accepts it.

oldgrandmama Wed 26-Mar-14 19:22:12

Ooh, another thing ... given birth to our first child, kept in hospital for seven days (that was normal back in the 1960s). Was to be discharged, so told 'D'H. His reaction: 'you'd better stay another day - I'm playing golf tomorrow so I can't pick you up.'

Yup. Same 'D'H I later found out was having an affair with my 'best friend'.

Another deal breaker: my little son had a stammer. We were in a shop (in Rye, not that it matters) and son, about three years old, stammered while asking for sweets. Shop assistant jeered and mimicked him. And 'D'H sniggered and joined in! I went bloody ballistic. I still feel furious now, although son now in his forties and a successful lawyer.

Kernowgal Wed 26-Mar-14 20:06:26

It was, however, the first time I felt dead inside. I remember that feeling to this day, and will never be made to feel that way again

Amen to that. It becomes an existence rather than a life. I did at least feel like life was just on hold until he finally fucked off, but I wasn't married to him, nor did we have kids together, so it felt like there could be an end to it one day. I do remember, towards the end, realising that I felt absolutely nothing for him and simply not giving a shit about his tantrums any more. I think he realised he no longer had any power over me and so off he fucked. He's some other woman's problem now.

justiceofthePeas Wed 26-Mar-14 20:19:48

Lois I think most of the posters on this thread have LTB. Thankfully smile. And not many did 'accept it'. There is a difference with feeling unable to leave and acceptance.

I abhorred my ex's behaviour. It just took me a long time to realise that that behaviour was not what he did occasionally it was who he is. Eventually reality conquered hope and I saw it for what it was and then without him hope was reborn anew.

Thankfully MN has had many many leaving days. Sad though it is that this happens the good thing is that so many survivors do leave when they are ready and sometimes MN helps that day come sooner and for the aftermath to be more bearable. thanks

<offers a hand to hold to anyone who is still waiting for their day to come>

momb Wed 26-Mar-14 20:22:22

When I went in to labour with DD2 in the middle of the night he wasn't home from the pub so I called his mobile. No reply. So I called the woman from down the pub whom he was 'supporting through the breakup of her marriage'. She rolled over and woke him, then laughed at me down the phone.
I still let him attend the birth.

Apparently he still loves me 9.5 years on, and would throw his lover and her children into the street if I'd have him back. I won't.

We left it 2 years before getting divorced even though I and the Dcs had moved out so it would be easier and he didn't have no name all the co-respondents. Apparently he was unaware of this because he turned up drunk on the evening of 2 years-1 day and said I had to divorce him urgently as he was going bankrupt. I showed him the signed forms, already dated the next day, all ready to pop in at the courthouse. He appeared shocked.

He still lets his kids down at least once a fortnight and I still tell them that he loves them 'but he's a bit disorganised'.

sus14 Wed 26-Mar-14 21:27:41

I have so so many but the worst is him constantly emailing and calling my dad to tell him how awful I am. And now that my dad and I are reconciled , the fact that he read my emails today in which I am discussing how to proceed with the divorce I have told him about, makes me vengeful and going behind his back.

Oh and when dd had chronic chronic colic as a baby, at its worst she would sleep with me and I would stroke her tummy most of the night - I was a crap wife as we weren't having sex, a crap mother as dd cried so much.

Oh and I couldn't even give birth properly as I had an emergency c section.

Yes I am finally LTB

arthriticfingers Wed 26-Mar-14 22:09:49

Or the time tosser made me wait for hours on my own for the tow truck because he had burnt out the clutch - he had to go to work, of course hmm.
Then told me to tell the mechanic that it was my fault because: everyone knew it was women who burnt clutches
(I drove a car that was 12-yrs-old and had never had to replace the clutch!)
twattish weirdo!

TaliZorahVasNormandy Wed 26-Mar-14 22:09:56

Not abusive, but still very shitty:

Leaving me with an 1 hours notice while in hospital after an overdose, his emotional affair and shittiness making my PND worse.

After leaving me, sending me a text message, "Night sexy, cant wait to say that in person in 2 days", 2 days later he was 300 miles away with OW, leaving me with a toddler.

Telling me to keep the engagement ring because we'll be needing again, yeah fucking right we will.

Telling his new gf (not ow) that he would be DD's mum.

Telling gf that he only proposed to me because I was pregnant (DD was already here when we got engaged.

Telling me to my face, he only agreed to get engaged to "Shut me up".

Trying to force me to meet his new GF, Xmas day, only 4 months after him leaving, his parents complicit.

Being a crap dad who cant be arsed to see DD, new gf more important.

Used to cry as a way of making me feel sorry for him, cunt!!!

I well and truly dodged a bullet.

FanFuckingTastic Thu 27-Mar-14 00:33:09

Mine used to cry after we'd argued, being all reasonable and putting my lack of understanding of how he felt down to my Aspergers. I used to fall for it ever time thinking he must be right and somehow I must be wrong, that was one of the ways he kept me there so long, doubting myself and getting more and more depressed as I did. Which made me much easier to manipulate, and also berate for being miserable or antisocial.

Mine also used to cry when it suited him and to prove just how mean I was.

The best one was when I finally called him out on some of his behaviour to me in front of a neighbour. He cried and claimed I just made him so sad. He then phoned the Samaritans (from another room) called me through and said that they had told him it was me that was the problem...

Holly300 Thu 27-Mar-14 17:59:04

12 years worth of ea from oh and am finally completely ready to LTB... Can't wait in fact. Just need to get some legal advice first so that I know all my rights. Women's aid and cab have been amazing. Here are just a few gems from over the years:

-moaning about the fact I was always depressed (yeah because of his behavior), refused to support me emotionally, but instead told me that I need to just get on with it and snap out of it.

-he'd make fun of my weight and even grabbed my belly and would then get in in a mood when I got upset, saying that I "can't takes joke"

-in the early days he'd make subtle hints that I needed to lose weight or that I'd gained wait - even when I was underweight.

-he'd have angry abusive rants at me, telling me I'm fat, lazy, useless etc. he would try to tell me that my own family and friends don't like me

-when I was preg with dc1,he told me that he had an infection that is passed on by toilets/not washing hands and that I should go to get tested as I may have caught it. He dropped me there but said he was too busy to stay with me. It was an STD clinic! He had given me chlamydia!! The humiliation of being heavily pregnant at an STD clinic, I'll never forget. The sexual health advisor assured me that it is ONLY transmitted sexually, but when I told oh, he swore blind that he hadn't done anything... It was a mystery! Until 6 years later when he'd been found out with some other disgusting things he'd done (quite frankly too ashamed to say what) and so I questioned him and he finally admitted he slept with someone else when I was preg.

I will post more, as there are so many!!

honey86 Thu 27-Mar-14 18:08:52

Jesus holly shock TB definately deserves to be L x

Holly300 Thu 27-Mar-14 18:21:44

Thanks honey smile getting there!

LoisPuddingLane Thu 27-Mar-14 18:24:51

I don't know about LTB. KTB and leave him out for the crows.

Holly300 Thu 27-Mar-14 18:27:05

Lois, the thought has crossed my mind wink

TaliZorahVasNormandy Thu 27-Mar-14 18:28:01

Seriously, its a shame we cant brand the cunty people mentioned on this thread..

Bit like Inglorious bastards, when they branded nazi's on the head with the swastika.

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 18:34:16

My ex was a horrible horrible man boy.

He told me he was going to the shop and only came back 3 days later. Apparently he 'got lost'. The shop is 100 metres down the road.

Apparently he cheated on me with my friend because he saved her from drowning and then she needed some comfort.

He used to ring in sick all the time. I only found out later that he was using excuses like 'Nursey has had a miscarriage'... 'Nursey has cancer'. These weren't true.

Holly300 Thu 27-Mar-14 18:38:02

That's awful nursey! You're well rid. What a scumbag!

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 18:38:04

I rang him and he said he was in Blackpool, would be late home. I was stood about 5 foot away from him at the time at the front of the shops

He once went out with my friends but text me to say I wasn't allowed to come and had to stay in

I gave him my bank card to draw £10 out. He came back and handed me the £10. I said where's the rest. He said what do you mean? I showed him digital banking on my phone that showed that he'd withdrew £100.

He got me a digital camera for my birthday. One day I couldn't find it so thought eek must have lost it. Later that day his friend asked me if 'X is still selling that pink camera'.

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 18:38:26

holly Ohh I'm well rid, 4 years of that! he was horrible. I have a wonderful DP now

Holly300 Thu 27-Mar-14 18:41:34

Aww good for you nursey grin hopefully one day that can be me x

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 19:12:44

I'm sure it will, you be strong xx

redrubyindigo Thu 27-Mar-14 19:43:00

There are so many stories here that match mine to a tee.

There must be a common thread to link the behaviour of these men.

For me the link/warning sign is:

1) Mummy did/does everything for them

2) Dad had affairs/was abusive

3) Jealously/possessiveness very early in the relationship

4) Disliking your friends/colleagues or anyone he cannot control. Stopping you from socialising with them.

I am now with the kindest and most gentle man you could ever meet but bloody hell my ex-dh and an ex-bh could have come from the same family.

I understand that family traits can be broken or he has had a wake up call or was determined he never would be a product of his upbringing.

Or was just bright and sensitive enough to know that sort of behaviour makes everyone unhappy and is ultimately counter productive.

I wish I had seen this thread at 25 before I married ex-dh.

Holly300 Thu 27-Mar-14 20:05:25

redrubyindigo - you're right, I often wonder if I had found mn, womens aid, etc would I have come to my senses sooner? I'll never know the answer to that, but what I do know is that I tried and tried and tried until I realised that I don't have to try anymore whilst constantly walking on eggshells. I also know that mn has empowered me even more to LTB smile

Thought of a few more:

-Always defending and condoning his mums VILE behaviour towards me

-changing his moods at the click of a finger, I was constantly walking on eggshells

-expecting me to do ALL cooking and cleaning even when i was ill - this relaxed over the last few years as i just simply refused!!

-Withheld all affection from me except for when he wanted sex

-became quite angry with me if I refused sex - sometimes it was just easier to DTD (and get it over with) than to deal with his awful temper... sad I know.

-The silent treatment drove me mad... and the more I asked him what was wrong/apologised/gave him any attention for it, the more control it gave him over me

the list goes on... I must post some more lighthearted ones next time!

redrubyindigo Thu 27-Mar-14 20:49:22

I have a friend who found it funny when her three year old ds told her that 'women are stupid' or 'go and wash up'.

He learnt it from his Dad. Now he is 25 and abusive to his girlfriends.

Not so funny now.

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 20:52:09

Have you seen the video going around facebook with the little lad asking him mum for cookies or cupcakes or whatever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TP8RB7UZHKI

this one.

I thought it was cute at first but I carried on watching it and I just thought he must have learned this, and he's not learning respect for his mum sad

redrubyindigo Thu 27-Mar-14 20:59:36

Nursey

Just watched that Youtube clip.

The old Mumsnet mantra.

"No is a complete sentence" end of.

TrueToYou Thu 27-Mar-14 21:30:06

Mesadpregnant with our first baby) I'm craving mint chocolate chip ice cream.... PLEASE go to the shop and get me a cornetto.
Tit: go yourself. You're pregnant not disabled
Me: much pleading and bargaining
Tit: OK I'll go IF you buy me some beers.
Me: OK! Here's all the money I have - £4.50
Tit - off to shop.
Returns... With 3 1pint cans of beer and a Topic chocolate bar for himself
Tit:I didn't have enough for your ice cream
Me: haha, very funny, now WHWERES MY MINT CHOC CHIP?!?
Tit: I didn't get you one
Me: (murderously) YOU DIDNT GET ME ONE?!
Tit: well, I GOT you one, but then I didn't have enough money so I had to put it back

I can smile about it now... Through gritted teeth.

FanFuckingTastic Thu 27-Mar-14 21:30:35

Separating you from your family and non-suitable friends is classic.

My ex did this a lot.

Told me, you don't like your mum, she was abusive when you were a child because she didn't leave your dad. You don't like your ex because he is a bad dad. You shouldn't be upset your step-dad died from cancer because he said horrible things to you - with six brain tumours, following a brain hemorrhage eighteen months before, his personality did change a bit, but none of that ever stopped me loving him, or respecting what my mum went through to raise me, or recognizing that both my exes were loving fathers who did their best.

That was actually my tipping point moment. Where I realised what he was doing, and watched it over the weeks, recognising what it was and making plans to leave. How I could look him in the face after that and pretend all was well, I don't know, but I had a great inner dialogue with all his crap. Kept me going.

NurseyWursey Thu 27-Mar-14 21:31:22

YES redruby grin For the mum's sake I hope he grows out of that!

True the prick! You can't deny a pregnant woman her craving... and then get yourself bloody beer!

FanFuckingTastic Thu 27-Mar-14 21:50:13

I craved white chocolate magnums. Fortunately I was with the only decent man I ever had a relationship with, my DSs dad. And I left him because I felt he had a bit of a drinking problem. Fortunately he turned his life around, just done with university and going into teaching.

merlincat Fri 28-Mar-14 09:26:28

H has paid me three compliments in 20 years of marriage:

1." You're quite good at decorating Christmas trees".

2. " You're quite good at finding the cats when one of them goes missing".

3. " You're quite good-natured".

Wondering which one would look most impressive on my gravestone.

PedantMarina Fri 28-Mar-14 11:50:51

Oh, all three! Definitely.

merlincat Fri 28-Mar-14 11:58:08

' Here lies Merlincat'

'She was good (quite).'

That should cover it.

Hissy Sat 29-Mar-14 06:31:37

No, that won't do.

"Here lies Merlincat,

She married beneath her"

grin

PedantMarina Sat 29-Mar-14 07:56:02

Here lies Merlincat

Good-natured finder of cat and decorator of Christmas trees

Mourned and missed by her Mumsnet friends, who clearly love her more than twunt ex.

Thattimeofyearagain Sat 29-Mar-14 08:23:25

The thing is, looking back ( and I have been since reading this thread ) it creeps in , doesn't it.
Ex p didn't say to me " Lets move in together so I can be verbally abusive & you can bankroll me" , it was a drip effect, " I'm in a little bit of debt, Thatime, so can you cover the rent/ foodshop/ Xmas etc" , but he always had going out money ( they paid for him, apparently hmm)
Just glad that on the night it hit the fan I was surrounded by people who knew what he was like & told me everything.
20 years on and the best revenge is having a normal dh ( crap at birthdays, but lovely with everything else )and a nice life.

when dc1 was newborn, told me i was a 'shit mum' because i had to refer to that birth to five book they give you quite a lot. it got worse.

oh and called me fat constantly - i was a size 10!

Backinthering Sat 29-Mar-14 08:46:47

Cakey I think your H is abusive.

MissFenella Sat 29-Mar-14 15:46:33

I forgot that sugar boy told everyone that I had finished with him because I was dying of cancer. Obviously that could be the only reason.

WitchWay Sat 29-Mar-14 18:00:26

My first BF went on & on about how he wished I was taller, thinner & had bigger boobs & short blonde hair. I was 5'4", size 10 with long dark hair - why the hell did he ask me out in the first place?

He used to get really angry & shake his fist at me & at other people - once I was driving & he leant out of the passenger window to brandish his fist at a car+caravan I'd just overtaken, his brand new sunglasses blew off his face & were run over by the car+caravan behind grin He was then furious that I was amused. He also used to drive to the pub half a mile away & then try to persuade me to have a lift home after five pints. hmm What a twat.

Second BF had a seriously kinky line in using polythene bags over his head during sex shock Many years later he was found dead in a hotel room because of just such a prank

DH is just an arse, but I'm working on that.

PedantMarina Sat 29-Mar-14 22:46:13

OK, I've got another one.

Because of twunt dragging me off to a crapping hell country I hate, and going on ahead, I had to get him to front me the money to start a bank account (so I could receive my wages - another story there!). I filled in all the forms with his bank manager, who then rang him to authorise the transfer (of a really nominal amount - less than a day's wages). She talks for a minute-ish, then passes me the phone:

Twunt: Hi, I don't really know what's going to happen between, so I'll authorise this transfer, but I'm going to need a receipt from you.

Me: Errm.

NB this was after two years of me blipping over all but <£100 of my monthly take-home to put him through business school, never asking for a fucking receipt.

NB2: later, in classic gaslight mode, twunt tried to get away with "but the immigration lawyer said..." Yeahright, I'm sure that any government on the planet wants to hear how you're treating your wife like an electrical goods purchase.

weesazz Sat 29-Mar-14 22:47:35

Ex-P, so many faults, so little time to list them all! Haha.

Let me see. 6 foot 3 and a big strapping hero of a man, to the outside world, except he bullied me mercilessly for the last 3 years of our relationship. Such a tough guy, oh and he was scared of horror movies! True story. Had a meltdown outside the cinema when I wanted to watch Hannibal. He got his own way (always did).

Behaviour ranged from accusing me of having sex with men at work, whilst at work, where I asked, "you must be at it in their cars", to threatening me with violence for wearing my crucifix to phoning me up to 30 times in 2 hours to check up on me.

When he finally dumped me for the last time (it was only ever over when he said it was over) his reason was that life was far too short to be with the likes of me and I was holding him back. I should have been hurt and offended but I was more relieved than anything. Previous splits just used to result in him stalking and harassing me until I caved in so when he paraded his new girlfriend past my house up to 5 times a day I was nearly turning cartwheels, until I had a closer look and she was eerily similar to me in appearance. Turns though he met his match with her though - they split soon after she tried to run him over (I wonder why!).

balenciaga Sat 29-Mar-14 23:34:22

The first night I came out of hospital after having his firstborn son by c section, shellshocked, bleeding, doped up on all sorts, in pain and exhausted, I had to get up and do all the night feeds as exh was "too tired" and snored happily while I did it all

Wouldn't lift a finger in the house while I was recovering either. (Or ever, actually) I remember days after the birth being stood at the sink in agony washing pots and bottles with tears rolling down my face while exh sat on his fucking Xbox. My mum came and did a deep clean bless her. as she knew how much it was getting me down living in a shit tip I could do nothing about and knew he wouldn't.

mydogboobear Sun 30-Mar-14 00:53:31

Oh dear, how do we move through such absolute bleurgh! Ex broke his hand whilst he broke my jaw and his mum asked what I'd done to provoke himsad Loads more but, saving grace is courts initially allowed access twice a year and due to his behaviour that was supervised . Hubbie adopted my dc and thankfully she's had a good life free of the constant violence that was our relationship. He used to blame the fact that I was in uni etc for the downfall of our relationship ! Still upsets me now that I was so trustingsad and then I look at her studying medicine and I'm like fu!

PedantMarina Sun 30-Mar-14 06:30:06

weesazz, only "tried to"? I was hoping for a happier ending than that grin .

DippyDoohDahDay Sun 30-Mar-14 08:28:27

'Get over your hormones' (4 months after ds was born and I had pnd) ' or I will take baby ds to Iran where my mum will happily look after him'.

When we were 150 miles from home, in car with 2 pre school age ds, and he was having a major road rage rant with another (equally moronic) motorist, them both effing and blinding in front of the dc, ... I managed to eventually get him to drive off and not follow through with his death threats!..he then berated me all the way home as a 'proper wife would have let him stay and sort the other guy, and would have got on with it and driven the dc home'.

It's the way I pick em! (Embarrassed emoticon)

43percentburnt Sun 30-Mar-14 08:34:32

You know the cards you get can buy for Mother's Day or birthdays. The ones that have large words on the front listing things you love about your mum. Ep would buy one for my dd to give to me, he would choose one listing all the traits he said I didn't have. Like kindness, being caring etc.

He would get her to give it to me and I would cry.

He met someone after we split up, she is a nice person I logged his violence with the police in the town they live just in case, he told me tales of how he threatened her abusive ex because of how he treated her in the past. I asked him if he had told her about the time he kicked me in the stomach a few months after I had had a c-section. I guess he didn't!

I too was regularly called fat. Err I was in my early 20's and no more than a size 8. I look at him now and chuckle, glad to see the booze has taken its toll!

MorrisZapp Sun 30-Mar-14 09:59:28

Ha ha ha! That story about the twat's sunglasses flying off is the best thing I've heard for ages smile

Why oh why oh why did any of us swallow this crap...

oldgrandmama Sun 30-Mar-14 12:35:13

Oh god, the memories are flooding back ... I've listed some on this thread earlier. But now remembering the most awful Christmas. Our two kids about 10 and 12. As always, I'd really gone to town, Christmas Tree, thoughtfully chosen pressies, lovely Christmas stockings for kids, 'D'H, who was shagging my best friend - yes, I knew about it, but stuck with him, due to threats of 'ruining kids' lives (and his sodding reputation, BIG noise in Golf Club, Rotary etc.) and anyway, if I left, he'd make sure kids and me never saw a penny from him (was the 1970s)

So - his parents with us Christmas Day (nice people - how did they produce such a shitbag son?) Everyone opened lovely presents I'd chosen. Just ONE present from him ... one of those 'fold-up' travelling alarm clocks. As I looked at him, he sniggered, and told me, kids, his parents that it hadn't cost him a penny, he got it as a gift from one of his suppliers (he was a building developer).

He then, after a few more gins, announced that 'oldgrandmama hasn't any friends ...' at which I went bloody BALLISTIC and said no wonder, when he was shagging my 'best' friend.

It wasn't a happy Christmas dinner. And yes, I divorced the shit eventually.

NurseyWursey Sun 30-Mar-14 12:40:18

'I think we should have a baby because I could really do with a council house, i'll be able have me mates round and you can watch baby'

CurtWild Sun 30-Mar-14 14:03:37

After flying into a rage over me 'lying' about how long I'd be at the supermarket (it was busier than I'd expected so it took me a bit longer), stbxh reduced me to tears and told me I didn't deserve to be a wife. He dragged my wedding ring from my finger and threw it across the road. I think we'd been married about six weeks.
Once DC were in bed I went out to search for it in the dark. Took me an hour to find it by which time it was sodding it down. So many cars had run over it, it was still circular but the shiny white gold was scuffed and dull.
I put it back on. To me, everytime I looked at it, it was a physical representation not of the lovely wedding we had, and the vows we took, but of what he had done to me and our relationship over time. Just like that ring, what was once bright and hopeful and perfect, was scuffed and dull and wrecked.

WitchWay Sun 30-Mar-14 15:28:46

Curt sad

honey86 Sun 30-Mar-14 20:35:11

Aww curt sad

Karenblixen Sun 30-Mar-14 21:19:37

Curt, not that it's any consolation, but my exP (Toad) told me less than a year ago that he gave me my engagement ring only "for a bit of respectability" and he expected the DCs to laugh at me when he said that. They didn't and they still refuse to see him, not because of this, but because of everything else he did to us.

Today, DD was in tears, because he stole my bicycle in December and still refuses to give it back. She was crying because the Google Picture today was of a mum taking the kids out on their bike, which we obviously could not do. They think he gave my bike to the OW who he got pubic lice from.
I so feel like posting his photo on here.

CurtWild Sun 30-Mar-14 21:31:28

Probably one of the worst moments of my life so far. Not really in the spirit of the thread (already posted a lot of funnier douchebaggery) but I felt a bit low these last couple of days and that dreadful memory has kept replaying amongst some truly wonderful ones. I'm not sure how I managed to recover from that and carry on for another ten months..our DC..his charm and promises..the fact that even after everything I still bloody loved him and held on to how good it could be, how good it should be.
karen sad that he could be so cruel to you..and aw, your poor DD. I hope you've had a lovely mothers day.

Karenblixen Sun 30-Mar-14 21:33:47

And yes, Curt, what is it with the supermarket? Toad went ballistic every time I went to the supermarket unsupervised and suspected I was having an affair, but at the same time he insisted that I went out to the supermarket to buy the things he wanted.

Plus, the typical Mother's Day /birthday dialogue went like this:

Toad: So what's would you like for Mother's Day?
Me: Picture frames would be nice for the drawings of the DCs that we had done a few years ago (I was not allowed to hang up pictures)
Toad:Picture frames? Do you know how much they cost? Do you think I am made of money! Do you think I am a bank? Most people would be happy with a meal out and a card! You are too spoilt, that's what you are! <leaves>

A few days later:
Toad: Have you now decided what you want for Mother's Day?
Me: oh, I'm ok, the DCs are making me cards.
Toad: That's typical, you are such a martyr, then on Mother's Day you will be complaining that you have no presents. You are being so difficult, unbelievable. <leaves>

Just had to get that off my chest.

Karenblixen Sun 30-Mar-14 21:37:54

Yes, we did, thank you, Curt!

In spite of being up all night, as our elderly pet was having a funny turn and I thought it was best to stay up and see to her and told the DCs to get some sleep. She got better and we had a nice and quiet day today and it was our first Mother's Day without the bastard which was great! We ate loads of cake and played games as I was rather tired from being up all night.

CurtWild Sun 30-Mar-14 22:00:16

He never got me anything for mother's day from our DC but then they are very tiny. That sounds like a lovely day, karen, this was our first mothers day without my stbxh too so we spent it with my parents, my brother and his GF.
My mum had got me a card from DC and got the three of them to do a handprint inside smile there was also cake and much noise. Lovely.

JakeAndTheNeverlandFuckwits Sun 30-Mar-14 22:49:28

Well this has turned quite dark, so happy to share one of mine.

Dp used to work for a small publishing company and was involved in producing a one off internet porn mag.

Pornography issues aside, he put my home town and my job description next to a girl with her legs wide open.
I am a mother to his five children.

jammygem Sun 30-Mar-14 23:34:11

XP crashed his car at 4am while drunk, broke both his arms. I don't drive, so had to call his friend to drive me and XP's DS to the hospital to pick him up.

Nurse was in the middle of fiddling with his casts/slings when we arrived at the hospital. The first thing he did was berate me for letting him get so drunk and for daring to look after his DS without him (I didn't force you to down god knows how much vodka and I certainly didn't make you fuck off without warning leaving me to look after your 3yo on the one day of the week you actually get to see him, fucking prick) Then he started shouting about how dare I wake his friend up to pick him up from the hospital?!

The lovely nurse (who knew my situation, having looked after me a couple of times after "tripping over" etc) actually bandaged his two arms together so he spent the next couple of months looking like a Native American chief... It made him even more difficult to deal with than usual, but somehow him looking like a prat made it easier at the same time...

weesazz Sun 30-Mar-14 23:36:34

PedantMarina no sadly it was a failed endeavour.

karenblixen

I remember conversations like those! You made me chuckle - can't believe how much I have forgotten over the years, but this thread has reminded me of just how much of an arse my ex is and was.

For anybody still living in one of these relationships, I hope you find yourself contributing to a thread like this in the future and realising you can actually get through it, out of it and forget parts of it!

weesazz Mon 31-Mar-14 00:31:21

Spot on karenblixen. We are all fortunate to not be in those wretched relationships now, and can only hope that those who are can recognise that it is abuse and take steps to safely get out. Quite a triggering thread though, however it can be very cathartic to talk about our experiences, especially if you haven't really talked about it to others.

kurama Mon 31-Mar-14 00:49:45

vrtra sounds like one of my xbf! missed his bus home first time I met him and had to stay at mine.... safw to say I try very hard to not remember my first timeangry

JupiterGentlefly Mon 31-Mar-14 07:22:38

My nasty ex kept telling me his ex 'looked like Carla from corrie' he was always pointing out attractive women and saying he had been out with them. .. I found out he used to pick random women and just make it up. It wasn't as if I was going to approach them.
oh and 'Carla' well when I eventually saw a photo of her... well let's just say she had dark hair but thats where it stopped

JupiterGentlefly Mon 31-Mar-14 07:23:39

My nasty ex kept telling me his ex 'looked like Carla from corrie' he was always pointing out attractive women and saying he had been out with them. .. I found out he used to pick random women and just make it up. It wasn't as if I was going to approach them.
oh and 'Carla' well when I eventually saw a photo of her... well let's just say she had dark hair but thats where it stopped

Karenblixen Mon 31-Mar-14 09:36:47

I have to be careful not to get too carried away with Toad anecdotes: I refused to have sex with him, due to his affairs, mysterious warts that he kept having removed (yuk) etc. He has recently stated that his wart disease may be due to two tiny birthmarks (mm size) that run in my family and that DF and I have on our foreheads. Toad said they are contagious. grin

But he thought that pubic lice / or body lice or whatever it was he got were not contagious and made a fuss when I insisted that he separated his laundry / did his own laundry after he told me that he got them. And he expected me to deal with that as though it was chickenpox or something like that. In the same way that he always told me to get Canesten cream for him for whatever purposes I still do not dare to think about. He went through huge quantities of the stuff.

I am still gutted about the OW riding my bike, warts and lice and all.

Well done OP for starting this thread! flowers

WisneaMe Tue 01-Apr-14 16:26:04

This I think really stands out how much control he wanted/had over me.

I went to the shops straight after work to get him a Father's Day card and had a wander too, 45mins in I get a phone call from him screaming down the phone for me to get home now.!

I did,he then searched my phone my email and insinuating I was up to no good etc all because I didn't run straight home after work like I usually did.

He still got that Father's Day card but I left him not long after TF!

Santaclaws Wed 02-Apr-14 11:59:10

My friends were all "stuck up and up their own arses" he'd never met any of them btw
In fact everybody in the town I lived was " stuck up" and thought they were better than everyone else

Was vile to me when he had to take me to a walk in centre one evening when we were on holiday because I had a rip roaring urine infection and was peeing blood. It was probably caused by his insistence on sex every day. But I was selfish , it was all about me apparantly

Karenblixen Wed 16-Apr-14 21:35:30

I just saw an advert for Millicano which I will never, ever buy, as every time I made him coffee he whined that it was not Millicano (about ten times per day). XP, the coffee I bought was from Aldi grin.

redundantandbitter Wed 16-Apr-14 22:08:07

Imagine lying down all warm and happy after sex, and your EXP tells you your pelvic bones/hips stick out and remind him of a fresian cow... Ahh that's nice, thanks love , make a girl feel special why don't you confused.

Still I haven't had thrush or a urine infection since he F'd off... So not all bad then

peacoat Wed 16-Apr-14 23:07:54

Ah. Just said final goodbye to the twat tonight. The last straw was this:

He wanted to borrow some (more) money for a deposit for his new place, so we agreed I'd go around to his for dinner - we'd cook Thai together and chat about the loan.

I went to the shop and bought the ingredients and went to his place and waited for him to get home.

He went to the fucking pub with work mates.

redundantandbitter Thu 17-Apr-14 07:48:19

Oh peacoat what a knobby thing to do. Guess you have had plenty of times like that? Hope you went home and cooked gorgeous food for yourself, his loss. And you get to keep your cash.

Well, I have a skip on my drive. This weekend I clear my ex's shite from my cellar. It's been 2 yrs since he moved out. Countless times I've asked him to clear his stuff, though he heard my request as "take what you value and leave the rubbish for me to sort". It's tempting to get it all delivered to his new home in the country (don't forget the chickens) and see how his wife likes it. But I won't.

Pollycracker Thu 17-Apr-14 07:52:41

He tried to "kill himself" by apparently swallowing half a bottle of bleach in my bathroom.

When I went into the bathroom, yes and I could smell bleach, and yes half the bottle was gone, but miraculously he was absolutely fine - never suffered any effects at all!

I have a feeling the bleach went down a plug hole...

PedantMarina Thu 17-Apr-14 07:53:40

peacoat, don't want to sound harsh, but i hope that taught you a lesson in how to behave around how, I.e. don't make "dates", don't loan/give money, don't give him any opp to disappoint you ever again.

but I also agree, at least you got to keep your money. please dear gods, tell me you kept your money!

peacoat Thu 17-Apr-14 09:27:50

redundant and Pedant thank you for validating how poor this behaviour is. I think I've been eased into it with progressive crappiness so I'm a bit desensitised to how bad it is. Yep, I have had plenty of times like this!

He's not getting another penny out of me. He has to cancel his move and look for somewhere else. Unfortunately he still owes me £1100 for bills (and I've forgiven the hundreds I've given him in cash, plus the Macbook Pro he pissed on his sleep and wrote off).

I'm never dating an alcoholic again.

peacoat Thu 17-Apr-14 09:28:11

Oh - I'm not keeping in contact with him. He's gone.

skimpy1983 Wed 07-May-14 16:39:49

Wow, where to start. It is a rather acrimonious split, I left three years ago and still it continues. He wants contact with children, he initiated solicitor, we offered him a contact agreement, and he left the country. Now he is never off the damn emails threatening all sorts, telling me stuff about our past that is made up.

Apparently I drove him to drink. I drove him to leave the house for whole weekends. I drove him to cheat, it was my fault because I wasn't good enough for him.

He told me three years after the separAtion that he cheated, in detail, and it's true, but at the time, no admission of it. He was charged with domestic breach of the peace, but according to him that was me, I drove him to it, and he isn't sorry. Let's not even discuss the countless,other criminal charges, all alcohol related, some even before he met me, but I guess it's easier to blame me.

He doesn't pay maintenance, that is also my fault for asking csa to deal with it, if I hadn't then he says he would have got round to paying eventually.

And I'm also being charged with parental alienation, I'm alienating him from the kids. Yet I offered contact, which was considered and reasonable, and he left the country. Now I'm being obstructive because I'm not willing to talk about Skype.

I guess I can't take any more of the history rewriting or emotional abuse. His new wife which he has known a whole six months and is expecting his child, knows more about my medical history than I do, and thanks me for being so pathetic that I "couldn't keep a good man" so she could have him. Ok luv, I think we will just leave it there, and proceed with this officially, if you ever get the pennies together to issue me with that "supina" you talk about. Pmsl. Feel better now

PedantMarina Wed 07-May-14 16:54:04

Aaahhh, skimpy, that warms me cockles, so it does. "supina", indeed! I'm mainly sad for the oncoming child, and chortling at how stupid twunt is, giving all that written evidence!

DrainPhobic Wed 07-May-14 17:09:48

He accused me of "working just to line my own pockets" when he didn't have a job and had never had one throughout our relationship. We lived together and I paid all rent and bills while he pissed about playing playstation and guitar.

DrainPhobic Wed 07-May-14 17:13:25

He also said, in the manner of someone revealing a royal flush, that some random dickhead he worked with at the time one of his workmates had said a new album I had bought and was really enjoying was shit. So...?

mammadiggingdeep Wed 07-May-14 17:15:45

I gave birth in 53 minutes from waters breaking to baby in arms. No pain relief obviously as no time. I think I did bloody well.

After 20 mins I got the shakes and went cold...."I'm gonna be sick" I said as I started to retch. He sat and looked at ms (I was holding the baby) and said "you're such a drama queen"...as I vomitted down myself, turning my head to avoid the baby. I had to ask him to take the baby and then started to wipe myself clean sad

What a cock.

arowhena Fri 13-Jun-14 13:24:48

I've joined just to post this. So many familiar stories on this thread (and similar ones).

Here's my sample list of evil-ex foibles. Please be assured I LTB years ago and now have a lovely DH.

On the night we first kissed, I was a virgin and asked him to stop. He cried and self harmed so I agreed to go out with him. Fell in love, determined to "fix" him, was repeatedly dumped/lured back over the years but he never let me go IYSWIM.

Frequently made people uncomfortable by encouraging them to laugh at me for: the time he gave me a nasty staph infection and I thought it was a cold sore; waiting for him in the cinema lobby instead of outside so we missed each other; looking like Liza Minelli.

Went cottaging George Michael style and frequently gave me scabies or crabs. Like Karenblixen's ex he acted as though it was chickenpox, just a fact of life for both of us.

Furiously shouted at me for:
Chopping a green pepper in the "wrong" way
Not following the exact instructions on the mouthwash bottle
Not walking at a "reasonable pace"
Laughing when he died on the first screen of Super Mario
Missing the first 20 seconds of a TV programme I recorded for him
Wearing my hood up when it wasn't raining
Being "disrespectful" for asking him to repeat himself instead of "listening properly" (he often mumbled to facilitate this)
Not bringing enough money out with me to pay for everything he wanted to do/eat
Not popping the spots he couldn't reach on his bum

Regularly berated me for not being on a career path (was temping in my mid 20s). If I mentioned a house I liked I would get a VERY long, angry lecture on "YOU WILL NEVER LIVE ANYWHERE AS NICE AS THAT AS YOU REFUSE TO GET A PROPER JOB LIKE AN ADULT"

Shagged people in my bed while I was out

When I finally got a new bf he pressured me into being unfaithful with him, and eventually bullied me into leaving bf because I clearly saw him as "like a loyal dog and not a person". Projection..?

He would regularly make a false start to cross the road when there was a car coming, then laugh at me for almost crossing over. I would always fall for this because if he was genuinely crossing the road and I didn't keep up with him I would get shouted at.

Pressured me into buying a store card so I could buy approved (designer) clothes instead of using charity shops
Violently yanked non-approved headgear off me and hurled it across the room saying "I don't recognise you"
Told me I should do sit-ups to make my tummy flat - I was 1 stone underweight

Tried to isolate me from my friends by having sex with them, bullying them or propagandizing me into abandoning them

Would let me know if he thought I wasn't acting naturally in public by repeatedly saying "It's OK, you're with me, you can be yourself" until I was in a frenzy of self consciousness and had no idea how to act.

Would never come to my family's house or my flat because "there's nothing to do there" - I'm now sure it's because he couldn't treat me badly in front of my friends and family and get away with it.

Called me and let the phone ring for a very very long time because he knew I was being "disrespectful" by ignoring.

Flirtatiously asked me to suck his finger and then shuddered and said it felt "weird" because my teeth are crooked.

Any other new romantic prospect in my life would "coincide" with badly faked suicide attempts, or sometimes an apparent "breakthrough" which I would see as a sign that he had finally changed and was ready to commit to me. It was worth all the above because he was so funny, thoughtful, loving, talented, gorgeous, and was my best friend; and only I had the faith, patience and understanding to change him! Y'see?

He never understood why I cut off contact and I once agreed to meet him to make peace. He had no idea what he had ever done to upset me so I picked the most obvious example which was the time he'd date raped me while I was crying. He burst into floods of tears... of self pity. He was a bad person, he was so messed up, it was all about how damaged he was. I clearly still wasn't a person to him. And he wasn't upset for long anyway.

squizita Fri 13-Jun-14 14:14:29

I:
-socialised with people who smoked
-would not leave work/lectures to call him every 2 hours
-was ungrateful when he'd turn up unannounced at my flat
-my friends would hate me if i left him (and he killed himself... never happened)
-I dressed in a way that made me look 'loose'.
-*Oh and he told me he was 3 years older than me when he was 13. Even more significant when we started dating when I was 16* !!!
...I could go on. hmm

Also all physical contact was weird. He would kiss by pressing his open mouth against mine as hard as he could so his teeth would literally be pushing my head back. He couldn't do anything 'sexy' without crying and getting weird about me being young and pure (in between trying to knock at the back door IYSWIM), wanted me to be more devout religiously than I was (so I'd marry him) but also be some kind of teenage sex slave.

What a fecking weirdo. Thank goodness I didn't marry him.

oldgrandmama Fri 13-Jun-14 14:21:02

Oh yes - the shit I was married to for 20 horrible years (he was banging my 'best friend' and other women throughout).

I was a journalist, did pretty well. But he used to laugh when telling friends that I was 'no more than a glorified typist' and anyone could be a journalist, it was just a case of 'putting words in the right order'!

Prick.

squizita Fri 13-Jun-14 14:26:57

Oh and once in the middle of a guilt-inducing meltdown he deliberately slammed him own head in a window, to show how much he empathised with me having caught my thumb in it the day before.
This was to 'prove' in front of people how he was the BEST DP EVER. They looked at him like he was nuts. It was also to distract me from lies/weirdness and make me feel guilty/evil because I had tried (and argued back) to wear a vest top with a union flag in sequins on it to a sporting event where people would be wearing such things not to work or anything because it was common and low cut.

squizita Fri 13-Jun-14 14:40:24

Being "disrespectful" for asking him to repeat himself instead of "listening properly" (he often mumbled to facilitate this)

Oh goodness me that one! Yes.
Would whisper "I wuv you" (yes, with the wuv not love honestly!!) very very quietly. Then become sulky or showily "hurt" himself leaving me puzzled then asking "what did you say... what did you say..." while he would go all "no, no nothing..." and eventually say what he'd whispered and I'd say "I love you too". It got such a routine that this would happen. This makes me sick a bit. I couldn't say "I love you" for a while to anyone (family, new DP, friends) after that. Sooooo creepy.

arowhena Fri 13-Jun-14 14:45:53

That's awful that he tainted that specific phrase for you. All these behaviours sound so bizarre and yet the same ones keep coming up from all different people. I just remembered mine graduating from mumbling to glancing at things - if he glanced at something to draw my attention to it, and I didn't notice (sometimes because I was facing a different way), there was an enormo-sulk. And he thrust his finger in my mouth when I yawned to "teach" me to cover it properly.

squizita Fri 13-Jun-14 15:00:53

grin People think my DH is really odd because he says things like "I'm inordinately fond of you" etc' because I was so thorny about the L word when we first met!

I remember when I tried on something pleasantly normal DH disliked in a shop (just a 'preferred the other one' face no comments) and went to put it back, the little drama of "how come you're putting it back? I thought you liked it and it's half price?" "Yeah but you didn't, you liked the other one." "OMG sorry I didn't mean to put it back, buy the one you like best!"

There should be some kind of flashcards showing "normal bloke" for people with weird exes! grin Yes! You can wear the leopard print dress even if he prefers black and white one! Diagram of man looking not that bothered.

arowhena Fri 13-Jun-14 15:08:47

Ohh totally. It's hard to shake the anticipation of nutterdom. I unexpectedly cycled past lovely current DH on the way home just a couple of years ago, and instinctively didn't stop because I thought he must have been waiting for OW and didn't want to anger him. This thought process was over in a split second but it happened. And of course he had been standing there to look for me because he was locked out and there is no OW ffs.

My ex had been planning to fly over for a couple of weeks (we were staying in different countries temporarily). A few days before he was due to turn up, my little sibling died suddenly/unexpectedly.

The first thing he said when I rang him to tell him was, "Does that mean you won't be in the mood for having sex?" And when I was silent in disbelief/shock, he said I should think about it and let him know when I thought I would be ready so he could change his flights.

Many more issues, but that right there was the beginning of the end for us.

ouryve Fri 13-Jun-14 20:47:41

My ex was quite stable compared with a lot of these. few things stick in my mind, though.

I pronounced various words incorrectly (yeah, we're from different parts of the country, you dingbat)

My parents never did Christmas the right way because they were atheists (his mum went to church twice a year).

My kid sister was visiting and he took the piss out of her the entire time.

While she was there, we all played Uno. He wasn't winning, so threw all his cards on the floor and stormed off upstairs.

He had an old school friend visiting, before we got married. In front of his friend, he ripped my clothes off me. I somehow laughed that one off, despite being furious. It was so humiliating.

A couple of years before I'd had enough and LTB, he spent £500 on a massive 19" trinitron computer monitor. When he'd had it all of a month, he whacked it, in a rage, whilst playing a game. It ended up blurred all down one side. He insisted that it must be my eyesight because he couldn't see it. Eeejit.

He misplaced his debit card, amongst his piles of shit, so rather than cancel it or even look for it, he borrowed mine - so he could buy me a birthday present.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Fri 13-Jun-14 20:47:53

First boyfriend - used to expect me to call daily at 7pm if we were apart, when I got free minutes. We would then have to talk for minimum 30 minutes. I had to end the call with 'I love you, I need you, I miss you' or he would get the hump.
He once told me he was abused as a child, then admitted he made it up, couldn't work out why I was pissed off with this.
Accused me of shagging several of his mates.
Developed some MH issues at university, connected to smoking weed plus pre existing I suspect. Took medication for 2 weeks then stopped it because it meant he couldn't drink or smoke weed.

squizita Fri 13-Jun-14 21:57:56

Yup the old prescribed phone call... Ugh.

And still you get posters on other threads saying there's no such thing as "spying" as true lovers share/tell everything... With no idea of how controlling and soul destroying having ZERO privacy (or you don't live him) actually is.

arowhena Fri 13-Jun-14 23:28:19

I would love to think that a thread like this would have helped my younger self, or some current posters on here, but denial is so powerful. Ghastly ex once told me he'd had words with his brother about the way brother was treating his gf, and brother had replied "what about you and arowhena?" which shocked him. And of course I pretended to be shocked too because I was in minimisation/denial mode. It's a revelation seeing this thread and realising that all these brilliant women who I warm to so much, fell for the same thing I did (and worse of course, I got off lightly).

mrsbrownsgirls Sat 14-Jun-14 16:48:43

I really hope this thread encourages some people of whatever gender to ditch a crap relationship

Wishyouwould Sat 14-Jun-14 18:58:44

I was taken to hospital by my Mum after spending 2 days in bed in agony. I had an abscess on my fallopian tube and spent 5 days on an antibiotic drip and then had to be sterilised, I was gutted. On my first night back home I dragged myself to the toilet at 2am, ExH was downstairs watching TV. He ran upstairs, I thought he was checking I was ok, he actually came to tell me that Tevez wanted to leave Manchester City hmm

While I was recovering I put a thread on Facebook to thank everyone for all the cards, flowers and messages. His friends had absolutely no idea that I'd been in hospital - he had actually been in the pub with them while I was in hospital and never mentioned it!!

I took painkillers and antibiotics for the next month, I felt very low after my operation and the shock of having to be sterilised so I booked a house in Wales for us and our DC for a week and my ExH spent the first few days telling me to 'shut up' (nothing new there) and generally finding fault with everything, we ended up sleeping in different rooms and I told him when we got home I wanted to separate. When we got home I started the separation conversation and he looked at me like I was mad, what on earth was I talking about? I told him that he already knew I wanted to separate and he said 'well we're not, I've decided to give you another chance' shock

Bobbybaby Sat 14-Jun-14 21:32:43

One of the first things my first boyfriend asked me whilst "chatting me up" was if I was a virgin. I was 16 and the answer was yes. Later told me he would have walked away if I'd have said no. He then spent 3 months pushing my head towards his crotch every time we were alone and finally got me to give it up by threatening he would go elsewhere.

Told me all about his rich, beautiful, blonde (I have the blackest hair on earth) ex girlfriend pretty much all day long. Had a picture of her in a bikini on the wall next to his bed.

Gave me an STD within a month of my losing my virginity to him.

Shouted at me for 20 minutes in front of all of his friends because I couldn't get into a nightclub. I was 16, he was 22. Later after I took my hoodie off and he saw I had quite a low cut top on he proudly told all his mates to check out my "sweet rack" then later that night called me a slag for wearing it

Used to breathe in sometimes when I spoke to indicate that my breath smelt

When driving past an attractive girl he would honk his horn and then do this weird motion with his hand that replicated him groping boobs and then tickling a vagina. One fluid motion.

Used to insist he picked me up from college every day in his car (regardless of what I wanted to do) and then charged me petrol money weekly

Every time I went to the bathroom he would stand and listen at the door to make sure I was only doing a wee

Once I initiated sex with him and he told me not to do that again as only dirty whores actually wanted sex, sex was for men to enjoy only apparently.

He's married to a girl now from a culture where the females are traditionally subordinate to males...poor lass.

I only meant to write one thing here but I just kept remembering more classic examples...it took me years to realise that that wasn't a normal relationship. I met one of his close friends about 10 years later who told me that their whole group of friends used to spend nights out with us trying to deflect his attention away from me as they felt so embarrassed by his behaviour.

newnamesamegame Sat 14-Jun-14 23:08:50

STBX, on being challenged by me over a long distance online EA which had gone on for several months and loads of messaging of random women on FB, said it was "payback" for an event that took place literally on our second date when at a club he went to the loo, came back and was disgusted that I was dancing about a metre away from a bloke. Didn't shag the guy, didn't kiss him, speak to him or even make eye contact. But apparently that made it alright.

KERALA1 Sat 14-Jun-14 23:59:59

My awful nutter ex called me a "gold digger" which was interesting seeing as I was working as a solicitor and living independently whilst he, though six years older, was unemployed and living with his parents. I had to send him £50 notes so he could pay the train fare to visit me. If I were a gold digger I was a pretty rubbish one!

newnamesamegame Sun 15-Jun-14 13:32:34

And another choice one: for years I would ask him what he wanted to do at the weekend and he would say we couldn't do anything because the house was filthy and needed a clean -- he refused every single invitation and suggestion on this basis for years. Saturday morning would roll around and I would set about cleaning while he slept in then by about 3/4 in the afternoon he would go out on some spurious "errand" and invariably come back six or several hours later pissed. This routine repeated itself almost every single weekend for three years.

When I challenged him about why all our weekends ended with him going to the pub he would say he was depressed because I took no pride in the state of the house.

If I hadn't wasted so much of my life on this it would be funny.

arowhena Mon 16-Jun-14 07:47:40

"If I hadn't wasted so much of my life on this it would be funny." Yes that! Although having read this thread I no longer berate myself for staying with him - I was deluded, not stupid. Just remembered another one - he would suddenly reach to grab e.g. an eyelash off my cheek and if I flinched I would get a long lecture on how it hurt him that I would flinch from someone I loved. So I used to try really hard to sit still on the offchance that he might suddenly put his hand in my face. Purely as a headgame, I realise many years later!

utterlyconflicted Mon 16-Jun-14 08:13:43

This is the most depressing thing I have ever read. Why are there do many abusive arse holes? They must be everywhere.

bubblebabeuk Mon 16-Jun-14 18:26:27

I wish there was a website that listed all the twats so other women could avoid them ;-)

pearlongreen Mon 16-Jun-14 19:22:47

arowhens yy good post, that rings a bell with the self-consciousness, and the "act natural" thing...

The whole staring at my face and (perfectly natural, content) expressions/movements and going "You're acting like this! Why is your face like that? What is your expression saying? Why are you walking like that?"

As if they're trying to crawl inside your skin and live there hmm

Now that I'm older, I realise staring at other people and loudly making comments on them is generally the thing done by ugly weirdos with no boundaries.

PurplePunkPrincess Mon 16-Jun-14 19:33:01

My ex told me (on our anniversary) that being with Pippa Middleton in his dreams is still better than being with me. shock

We was at the airport, in one of those little shuttle buses filled with people while I tried not to cry. Looking back, I no longer care, he was probably gay

Littletigers Mon 16-Jun-14 19:38:30

pearlongreen odd, I used to get 'you're such an actress, you're such a player' I am neither!!! Talk about projection!
It's as if they have to learn what's normal!

pearlongreen Mon 16-Jun-14 19:43:49

littletigers Yup, it's horrid! Sort of being stared at, whilst they "analyse" you like some creepy armchair psychologist.

Like he was trying to imply I was "showing off" or "flaunting myself" or "trying to be someone I wasn't". And this linked to me just being well-presented, or polite, or normally friendly, or wearing a nice dress.

It was like walking out with a Daily Fail article! Projection, as you say - THEY have no sense of self so they imply everyone around them is the same.

OnlyMakingMeStronger Mon 16-Jun-14 21:07:59

Apparently it was my fault we had silver fish. He would have to spend all evening killing them and I was encouraging them to breed - by not cleaning under the Neath the floor boards. I swept the floors EVERY evening and mopped 3/4 time a week but still my fault we had bugs that every other house has...

He would sleep in the morning til 8 and then get up and kick off that I was 'making him late for work'.... His work was a 45 minute tube journey away and he was supposed to start at 8.30 but somehow it was always my fault.

He didn't have many friends and didn't use social media and would continually tell me that anyone who does is 'stupid' and if I stopped using it then I would be 'cleverer' - incidentally he did not see the irony that cleverer is not a real word.

If I started doing any housework after dinner and dc in bed he would say 'relax, you are doing too much' or 'sit down and be with me'. Then about 10 mins later get up and do the thing I had started and say he had to cos someone had to....

Forced me into a position of giving up my job then refused any responsability for the situation and refused to support me financially. I was given food money and half the bills and had my child benefit. Got into considerable debt with utilities and rent. But he said I would have to get a new job - not easy when your pregnant!! No one wants to hire you!

Continually promised to get me a wedding ring but it never materialised.

Would always complain about my holiday ideas and insist we do his (always much more expensive) but then when it came to booking his he would moan about how expensive it was and we wouldn't book it!

Any idea I had he always found fault with.

I don't cook enough. (I cooked every evening but would sometimes cook extra to reheat or freeze - this was lazy)

I called the police after he pushed me while pregnant and broke stuff in our flat. He called my mum to 'tell her what I had done' ie I had called the police therefore I was in the wrong.....

Hundreds more. Was with him 3 years. Had one dd, and am due in September with DS.
Life is easier. Painful as the nice side of him I am still very much in love with and we are still working out the children arrangements etc. But it is better. Was the instant I left him. Money is hard and I'm terrified of having a 2yr old and a newborn but that will be a doddle compared to being with him.

DesertDweller Tue 17-Jun-14 20:08:17

Oh god! I let my mental ex cheat on me repeatedly for years but kept taking him back. I was very young and silly. The last time was after he told me, in tears, after we had had sex, that he was getting married! I think by this point I was properly over him. He got married a while later, and in a misplaced spirit of 'staying friends' I went to visit him in his new flat with a small housewarming gift. (Yes I realise now said gift should have been a turd through the letterbox). His new wife wasn't home. He practically dry humped my leg. In fact, he did at one point, begging me to sleep with him. I think I actually laughed out loud. What a dick!! It's true that when you meet the right person, you just can't believe you ever had such low standards before. My husband now is absolutely lovely. If the person you are with makes you feel shit or insecure, they're not right for you AT ALL. EVER!

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